


You Stole My Heart

by Snowflake0913



Category: Norman Reedus - Fandom
Genre: Behind the Scenes, Complicated Relationships, Dysfunctional Family, F/M, Falling In Love, Multi, Rape Aftermath, Running Away, Shower Sex, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-03
Updated: 2017-02-11
Packaged: 2018-09-06 05:25:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 104,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8736514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snowflake0913/pseuds/Snowflake0913
Summary: What happens when you run into your destiny but can’t allow yourself to really grasp it? I just needed some cash so I wouldn’t starve but stealing his bag turned out to be best thing I ever did. He turned my life up-side down when he wanted to rescue me from the streets of New York. I just wasn’t sure I wanted to be rescued or if I worth rescuing…





	1. Homeless

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave all kinds of comments :) i'm open to all kinds of constructive criticism. note that english isn't my first languge (i'm from Sweden) so there'll be mistakes. hope you can see past this.

The first time I was conscious of thinking that I had to survive no matter what was more then 6 months after he died. I was making my way through Central Park, looking for somewhere to call it a night for a few hours when they came at me. Two stoned middle age men looking for an easy rape victim. And I was. I had been for so long I had forgotten what it was like to say no. That I actually had the right to say no. But that night I did. My brothers face flashed in front of my eyes and I remember that moment crystal clear and it’s what keeps me going when I forget who I am and how far I’ve come.

This was back in late 2013 and I was 26 years old. Too skinny, too tinny to make any resistant or will to fight back. But I did that night and after that day I fought every single day for no one but myself. It all changed when he came into my life though. He turned my whole world upside down with his blue eyes, messy dark hair, massive shoulders and cheekbones you could cut glass with.

I hadn’t always lived in New York. I was born in Boston, into an extremely privileged home. At least that’s what it looked like to the outside world. Inside the walls were a living hell from the time I was about 3 until the day I ran away at the age of 16. That’s when I ended up in New York. After living in the Big Apple for 10 years I’ve come to know the city like my won back pocket. After spending almost three of those 10 years living on the streets I got to learn even more about the city I thought I already knew.

The first time I saw him, I was scouting one of my favorite spots; a café for the rich and famous in town. I had perfected my pickpocketing technique through the years on the street and from time to time I had been able to live relatively well for a homeless person. I saw the bag first, not really him, it was the bag I was aiming for and he was an easy target. He was too busy checking his phone while drinking coffee all alone at the terrace. The black leather bag was just sitting a little way away from him and it was almost too easy to make myself invisible and grab the bag.

I found myself into an office building close to Manhattan Bridge in the evening. It was a place I had use many times before and where I knew it was possible to find both food and shelter for the few hours the workaholics spent time away from work. One good thing about getting too skinny for my own good was that I could squeeze through windows that should’ve been too small. The bag came first then I followed and landed in the changing room. The best thing about this place was that it had both a shower and always a overstocked fridge with leftover lunches from the employees and some pretty nice couches to sleep on. I hit the showers first before raiding the fridge. I settled into one of the couches with an extremely stuffed chicken sandwich and a bottle of coke when I turned my attention to the price of the day. And what a price it turned out to be. Two phones, one iPad mini, a wallet with too much money for me to count, a couple of Ray Ban’s, a stock of paper’s that might have been scripts of some kind and a bunch of random crap that always ends up in people’s bags. I pocketed the money without counting them, I didn’t have to. I knew it was more then I had had in years. Once I could sale the electronics I would end up with even more. When emptying the wallet, a picture caught my attention. A small boy, maybe 5 years old was smiling at the camera, holding a little black kitten. I caught myself smiling something that was rather rare for me but the beautiful boy looked so happy and innocent. One of the phone’s buzzed and the display lit up with a text message.

_I want my stuff back!_

I picked up the phone but when trying to opening it I was forced to type in a four-digit code. To my great surprise the second code I tried (1234) worked and the phone opened up just in time for a second message to arrive with the same text.

_You really should have a more advanced code on your phone_

_Or maybe you should just leave other people’s stuff the hell alone!_

_Sorry. I girls gotta eat_

_Sure, hear iPhones makes great meals_

_You have no idea how much food I can get for sailing them_

_Please don’t. I really just want my stuff back. You can keep the damn money and I won’t even go to the police_

_Why would I believe you?_

_Cause I’ve already tracked you down hon_

_Sure you have_

_I’m at 61 Pike St right now. Sounds familiar?_

I scrambled to my feet and started to throw everything within reach into the bag. A movement made me froze solid to the floor and I reached into my own backpack for the knife I know was there somewhere.

He stopped with his hands raised in defense a few feet away from me. How he had managed to get into the building was a mystery to me but all I could focus on was how the hell to get away from there.

“I honestly don’t care about the fucking money, you can keep’em, you look like you need them a lot more then I do. But I’ll get in a whole lot of trouble for losing the phones and the tablet, so could you please just give me the bag?”

My brain stop working when he opened his mouth to speak and I met his eyes. It was dark, the only light came from the streetlights outside but his eyes caught my attention. He eyed the knife in my hand with worry and took a few steps back.

“I’m not going to hurt you. I just want my stuff back. Promise… Just give me the bag and I’ll leave, not even calling the cops, I swear.”

I blinked at him, trying to understand what the hell was going on. I shouldn’t react like this to a man. I shouldn’t be this defenseless and I should most definitely not lower the knife. But I did. Without taking my eye off of him, I reached behind me and grabbed the bag and slid it on the floor over to him.

“Thank you… Do you want my help? Can I help you?”

What the hell was he talking about? I stared at him, not knowing what to answer him. He looked right back at me and although I could see the pity in his eyes, there was also something that might have been curiosity.

“You don’t have to live like this.”

“You don’t know shit!”

I snarled the words at him and I was quiet impressed I managed to sound so pissed when I was trembling inside.

“Fare enough… This time is on me but if I caught you stealing again, I’ll call the cops. Alright?”

He seemed to expect an answer because he waited a full 10 seconds before asking again and this time I nodded, just to make him leave.

“Good. Take care of yourself.”

He backed away the same way he must have come. I couldn’t breathe easy for the rest of the evening, so I bolted out of there as soon as I possible could. I would have to find somewhere else to sleep tonight. When grabbing my things, I noticed the picture of the smiling boy with the cat. I had dropped it on the floor. I picked it up and turned it over in my hands, flipping it over and read _Mingus 2004_ on the back, before placing it in my jacket pocket. I found myself a place to sleep by the water that night and through it all, Norman Reedus’s face kept slipping in and out of my dreams.   


	2. NYPD

March slipped into April and thanks to Mr. Reedus and my pickpocketing skills I had a roof over my head at one of the many cheap hostels in town. I knew it wouldn’t last but for now I was able to eat regularly and getting more then 3 hours sleep at the time.

“Hey, missy!”

I snapped open my eyes as a big shadow suddenly hoovered over me in the bright sunlight as I was sucking up some sun in Central Park just like hundred other New Yorkers. I had to blink a few times but when the familiar face finally came into focus I groaned and heaved myself into a half-sitting position, resting on my elbows.

“What, officer?”

The policeman squatted down beside me and I read his nametag _Jason McDermont._ He was one of the good guys, too innocent and maybe too young for this job but for the past year he and a few other of his kind had been assigned to keep a closer eye on all the homeless people in Manhattan and I had had a bad habit of running into them more often then I would’ve liked.  

“Someone’s looking for you.”

My brain went into hyperalert at once at his words but I know I would just get myself into trouble if I knocked the officer to the ground and made a run for it.

“Who?”

“Some guy says you stole his bag a few weeks ago.”

I couldn’t stop the laughter of relive that escaped but when the man pinned me down with his angry gaze, I caught off quickly.

“What did you do, Madison?”

“Are you going to arrest me, officer McDermont?”

“Did you steal this guy’s bag?”    

“Who? I don’t know what you’re talking about. Since when do you guys have the time to run errands like this anyway.”

“I volunteered.”

“Well, aren’t you just perfect…!”

“Watch it, Madison… Do you want this guy to find you?”

“Fuck no! Why would I want that?”

“Then you don’t mind to show me your backpack, do you?”

“It’s not here…”

The same second I said it, I know I had fucked up. The officer raised both eyebrows at me and a small smile of understanding spread over his face. It never happened that I didn’t carry my backpack with me, unless I had somewhere to stay. And officer McDermont knew that too. 

“Fuck… Ok, listen… I might have stumbled upon a bag a few weeks ago and…”

“Stumbled? Come on, Madison don’t fucking insult me.”

“Fuck you! If you’re going to arrest me, fucking do it or I’m leaving.”

When I got to my feet the policeman followed quickly and a firm hand closed around my upper arm. Snatching it back was no use, I know he wouldn’t let go.

“Fine! Are you going to cuff me too?!”

“Do I need to…? McDermont here, I got her. Where are you?”

He spoke into his radio as we began walking. He might be one of the good guys but I know that if he had an order to follow, he would follow it. I heard someone answer that they were waiting at the no. 28 bridge and that made me stop in my tracks, making to officer stumble and yank me a few steps forward.

“Where the hell are you taking me?”

“I’m not arresting you, Madison.”

“So let me the fuck go!”

“Nope…You’re going with me, you’ll play nice and do as your told or I am going to arrest your ass and you know it’ll be a lot worse then this. You just have to come with me and talk to the guy.”

“What fucking guy?!”

“Norman Reedus.”

“Who the hell is Norman Reedus?!”

“The guy you stole the bag from.”

“I didn’t steal anything…!”

“Sure you didn’t, hon.”

The rest of the 15-minute walk was spent in silence. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what the hell was going on. What the hell did he want? Did he honestly think I would return his money after 3 weeks? And why the hell coming looking now? I couldn’t figure this guy out and it made me nervous. I wasn’t really afraid since we were in the middle of Central Park in the middle of the day and with cops around but dealing with strangers always made me hyperalert and defensive.

“Don’t even think about jumping.”

When we arrived to the white gothic looking bridge, the officer finally let go of my arm and nudge me to walk forward after speaking. The man that I had only spoke to once before stood in the middle of the bridge and on the other side I spotted a second police officer, redirecting everyone who wanted to cross. Who the hell was this guy? How the hell could he make New York finest shut down a fucking bridge and chase down a homeless chick? I had to admit I started to get curious despite myself. I did think about jumping off of but quickly changed my mind when I saw how far it actually was and know I would only get away from that with a strained ankle at the least. So I walked forward to get the whole thing over with. He wore sunglasses and a NY baseball hat but I hadn’t been able to forget about his face since the first time I saw him. He had made a constant appearance in my dreams for the last couple of weeks. I stopped a few feet away from him and waited for him to say something. He stood leaning with his back to the barrier and although I couldn’t actually see his eyes, I knew he was looking me up and down several times. In another life I know I had been beautiful, getting way too much attention from the opposite sex for my parents liking. The strawberry blond hair was still there but once it had been full of curly, now it simply hung around my face, straight and lifeless. I have always had big, dark blue eyes but for the past years I had spent so much time scowling I think they might have shrunk. My brother had once said that my lips would even make Angelina Jolie jealous but now I knew they just looked dead and sunken like the rest of my oval face. I stood 5´4 above ground and when he leaned up and took a step towards me I saw that he really wasn’t that much taller then me. 5´10 at the most. He had seemed taller in that dark office.

“Hi.”

When he spoke he took yet another step forwards and I admittedly took a step back. He was close enough for my liking and he seemed confused at first but decided to take a step back and it caught me of guard. I couldn’t remember anyone respecting my need for distance before.

“Why am I here?”

“I wanted to see you again.”

He removed the hat from his head and a mane of messy dark brown hair fell around his face while he kept twisting the hat in his hands. It was so weird to see someone nervous because of my presence.

“Why?”

His fidgeting made me restless as well and I began pacing between the barriers of the bridge.

“You have something of mine.”

“I gave you back the damn bag.”

“There was something missing though.”

“If you’re referring to the money you’re a little too late.”

“I don’t give a fuck about the money, I told you, you could have’em.”

“I don’t have anything else.”

“Yeah you do.”

I stopped at the opposite barrier from him and turned my back to him, looking down on the graveled path beneath.

“You’re not gonna jump, are you?”

“Would you stop me if I wanted to?”

“Yes.”

“Why? It wouldn’t kill me. Maybe break my ankle but I would be fine.” 

I took a step up and leaned over the reeling and I could hear movement from my left where Jason was guarding.

“Don’t even think about it, Madison!”

He called out and I turned my head to look at him and flipped him off at the same time. The man behind me chuckled and I quickly had to turn my head back to the ground as a smile spread over my face just hearing him laugh. What the hell was up with that?! I never laughed nowadays but he had a contagious laugh.

“Madison, huh? I would’ve guessed something else.”

“It’s not actually.”

“No?”

“No, my name’s not Madison. Officer no. 1 over there knows me as Madison and I’m pretty sure asshole no. 2 on the other side know me as Allison.”

“So what’s your name? Seems only fair I know yours since you know mine after stealing my shit and all that.”

“Life isn’t fare.”

I said it more to myself and drifted off somewhere else for a few seconds.

“I guess that’s true.”

“London. My name’s London.”

I turned back to him when I spoke and he looked back at me for a while without speaking. It seemed he really tried to take it in and maybe he wondered if I was telling the truth at all.

“That fits a lot better actually. I’m Norman.”

“Yeah, I know… Look, just tell me what hell I’m doing here. You got your shit back and if you’re looking for a damn apology or something just say so. You’re apparently not pressing charges or I would be back at the police station right now so what the fuck is that you want?”   

“Are you apologizing?”

“No. Not unless it’ll make me walk away from here right now without getting arrested.”

“Would it make it easier if they left? The cops?”

“Hell no! They’re the only reason I’m here.”

“Why?”

“Cause I know the only thing they can really do to hurt me is cuff me and bring me down the station and put me a holding cell for 72 hours. You… I’ve no idea who you are.”

“What the hell did the world do to you?”

He seemed genuine concerned and really wanted an answer to that question. The thing’s that there is not just one answer to that question. I shook my head, looking down on the wooden ground and snorted.

“Why the fuck would I ever tell you that?”

“Maybe I can help.”

“What makes you think I’d need help? Maybe this is where I want to be.”

“Homeless? You want to be homeless? How can you want to live like this?”

“You don’t know shit about why and how I ended up here!”

The anger that rushed through me made me careless and when he took a few steps closer I remined where I was.

“So this is what you want? Sleeping outside, in pouring rain and blizzards and having to keep one eye open at all times? Going without food for days? Is that what you want?”

He got closer for each word he spoke and before I know how it happened he was standing right in front of me and I had nowhere to go. Somewhere in all the yelling he had removed his glasses and it was his eyes that made me freeze once more to the ground. He pinned me down with his gaze and I had to remind myself to breath.

“It’s an upgrade from what I ran from.”

I said and knew my worlds would shock him. I wasn’t even sure why I said it. He had no right poking around my business! But it was so easy to talk to him and I didn’t know why the words just came out. He reacted with shock as I had known he would. He even gasped and I saw his eyes getting all glassy. Why the fuck did he care? What the hell was wrong with this guy? He didn’t even know me! I had robbed him and there he was tearing up because I had had a shitty childhood! He was silent for a long while where we just kept looking at each other. I had promised myself never to look at a man again but there he was and I couldn’t stop looking at him. He had beautiful eyes. Kind and carrying eyes. Like he really wanted me to trust him.

“You’ve my son’s picture.”

Mingus. How could’ve not have remember that I had his picture? I had kept it the pocket of my jeans since I stole his bag. I had fallen asleep every night, watching the smiling boy and the kitty. It was somehow comforting knowing all men in the world wasn’t monsters. The little boy was so innocent and so full of joy and it made me almost hopeful. Now he wanted to take it away from me? I blinked at him and he patiently waited.

“You had NYPD track me down and drag me out here for a picture of your son?”

“It’s missing from my wallet so I was hoping you’ve it, yes.”

“What if I don’t?”

“It doesn’t matter. I just wanted to make sure you were ok.”

“Why? Why do you even care?”

“I don’t know.”

He seemed dejected and confused and it made me even more confused. What the hell was going on? Was this guy even for real? He ran his hands through his hair and turned away from me. His sudden movement made me jump and he quickly turned back and apologized.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you… Do you have the photo?”

“Yes. That’s all you want? You get the picture back and I can go?”

“If that’s what you want.”

He said as I picked up the photo from my pocket and held it out to him, pining it between my fingers so he wouldn’t have to touch me. He did anyway. He took the photo first but then wrapped his hand gently around mine.

“You don’t have to live like this.”

He said but my brain only register with his touch and how good it felt to have his fingers touch the top of my hand. I didn’t even know I could still feel something even remotely close to this. I didn’t know I still had memories of what another human’s touch could feel like besides pain and suffering. But his was different. He was different.

I came to my senses when I felt him flip my hand over and I quickly snatched it back and allowed the dominant, nonforgetful part of my to brain take over and I shoved him hard in the chest and he took a few steps back. Before either of the cops had time to react I sprinted to the lower part of the bridge and jumped the barrier. I landed in the soft grass and thankfully remined on my feet and rose quickly to jump a low fence keeping pedestrians off the lawn under and beside the bridge. I didn’t stop running until I reached the south entrance to the park and could hide in the crowd of thousands making its way in and out of the park.


	3. Idiot

Seeing her leap over the barrier made my heart jump into my throat and I wanted to shut out but I couldn’t find my voice. Seeing her jump the next set of fence and actually sprinting as fast as she could away from there, eased some of the panic I felt. She would be ok.

I hadn’t been able to get her out of my head. It was the most fucked up thing I had ever experienced in my life and that’s saying something. I should make sure this crazy bitch got locked up but there was something that stopped me that night I found her. She had looked at me with anger in her eyes but there was something else as well. Like she was looking for something, longing to find something or someone to hold on to. Up until that day I had never considered word’s like soulmate or destiny. It was all bullshit to me but she was something else. I felt an overwhelming need to keep her safe. From what I wasn’t sure but she seemed like she needed to be rescued. Maybe from herself. Maybe from someone else.

“I think I’m going crazy, man.”

Andy was my go-to-guy for everything. Including this. I couldn’t make sense of everything I was feeling or if I was feeling anything at all in the first place. So I called him to try to sort out the chaos inside my brain. I had to get my head on straight as I was due to leave for Georgia in just 3 weeks.

“I’ve known that for years, not news to me, dude.”

“Shut the fuck up…! I’m serious, Andy. I’m going crazy.”

“What’s up, Norm?”

I launched into the story of what had happened 3 weeks earlier and ended the whole thing with what had gone down in Central Park hours before. He listened as the good Englishman he was without interrupting me. I was never good with words, I rather listen, but words just came pouring out when I started talking. When I was done, the line was silent for a whole minute and I was about to protest for the lack of response when Andy finally spoke.

“You’re crazy.”

“Told ya.”

“You’re not going to like my answer, Norman but I have to… Put this out of your mind. Forget all about this chick, it’s just going to bring a whole bunch of problems. You can’t save them all. Especially not the once that don’t want to be rescued.”

Everything he said made all the sense in the world. He was right. Every word Andy spoke summed up to what I knew I should do. So I did the opposite.

“I get that, I really truly do believe that what you’re saying is making all the sense…”

“So you won’t, right?”

I chuckled when he spoke and although he was 10 000 miles away he knew me well enough by now.

“I can’t.”

“So what are you going to do, Norm? Go shelter to shelter around New York and look for her? There’re 10 million people in New York.” 

“I gotta try, right?”

“No, you really don’t, Norman. What are you going to do if you find her and she doesn’t want your help? And if she does, what are you going to do? Buy her a house? Get her a job?”

“I don’t know, man. I will figure it out when I find her. I just really, really need to find her, Andy. I know it’s fucked up and it’s not making any sense at all but I can’t get her out of my fucking head.”

“Norm… Just… Just be careful, ok?”

“Of course. Always am.”

“No you’re not but call me if you need anything, ok? And try to survive for another 3 weeks without me.”

“I’ll do my best.”

The night after our meeting on the bridge I couldn’t sleep. I lay tossing and turning until 3 in the morning until I just gave up, got dressed and headed out on streets of New York. I had no idea what I was going to do but it felt better to walk around and do something. I really didn’t expect to just ran into her but I had to start somewhere so I began at Manhattan Bridge.

I turned to the same officer I had first come in contact with when I had gone 3 days without getting anywhere. Officer McDermont had like Andy questioned my sanity and told me it wasn’t worth it when I asked for his help.

“Do you know how long she’s been out here?”

“I started this job 2 years ago, I’ve known her ever since, so at least 2 years.”

“You know what happened to her?”

“No clue. She doesn’t want our help. I’ll look around for her but I can’t bring her in if she actually hasn’t done anything and she doesn’t want to.”

“Just find out where she’s staying and I’ll do the rest.”

“What makes you think she’s staying somewhere?”

“Cause I had like one grand in that bag.”

It took another 3 days of me climbing the fucking walls before the police man called me back with her location. He had found her at a hostel not that far from my apartment. I put on my most charming personality and it wasn’t hard to convince the receptionist to give me her room number. I knew it was a very bad idea to force myself on her so I simply knocked on the door once and slipped the picture of Mingus she had taken from my wallet under the door. With on minor change. I had written down my address and access code to the apartment on the back. Before I had made it more then a few feet back the same way I had come though, the door opened and she stepped out into the corridor.

“What the hell do you want from me?”

She looked really confused and maybe even a bit exhausted when I spun around too look at her. She held the photo in her hand when I watch her threw her hands up in the air.

“Why don’t you come by my place and we can talk about it?”

It was the hardest thing I had done in years, leaving her hanging like that but I hoped by walking away now, I would give her the change to choose for herself whether she wanted to see me again. I heard her groan in frustration and the door slammed when she disappeared through it.

I spent a solid 48 hours inside my apartment after dropping of the picture with her, just waiting and hoping for her to show up. I ended up cleaning the whole thing from floor to celling, every damn corner and even rearranging the furniture’s, trying to keep myself busy.

And then she was suddenly there, April 9th a month to the date after she stole my bag and my heart. She didn’t come through the front door though. Somehow she managed to find her way up the my balcony. I found her out there early in the morning when I went for my first smoke of the day. She sat in one of the chairs and looked like she belonged right away. It looked like she had been there for a while, she sat curled up with her arms around her legs, resting her chine to them. I returned back inside to grab a blanket for her. She twitched away from me when I wrapped the blanket around her shoulders. Quickly I backed away and allowed her, her space. I think I even heard a quiet ‘thanks’ coming from her as I leaned against the reeling and lit a cigarette.

“So what’s your answer?”

“I haven’t really figured it out yet. How did you get up here?”

“Payed a little visit to one of your neighbors.”

“How long have you been out here?”

“Since last night some time. You had gone to sleep.”

“You could’ve rang the doorbell.”

 “I’m not sure I want to come inside yet.”

“Fair enough. Can I get you some breakfast?”

“Yeah…”

Finishing my smoke quickly, I went back inside and headed for the kitchen right away. My hands were shaking slightly and I had to take a moment to just breath and find my focus again. Seeing her again made my heart race in a way I hadn’t felt for years. And I felt slightly panicky over the fact that I had no idea what to do to make her comfortable and trust me. Without knowing her and after only speaking to her twice, I knew I really was in over my head but I had never wanted something to work out more. What it was that I wanted to work out I wasn’t really sure about yet though. My mind was going into overdrive with so many different thoughts bouncing around as I made scrambled eggs and toast. Sometime while I let my mind wander, she walked through the balcony door. She stopped only one step inside and looked over at me, wrapping the blanket tighter around her tinny body.

“Were you telling the truth on the bridge? About your name?”

“Yes. My name’s London Richardson.”

“Ok, London… Would you like some breakfast?”

“Is there someone else here besides you?”

“No… Well, my cat but no more humans.”

She tensed when I started to move to set the dinner table. My first thought had been to place to two plates of food right next to each other but seeing how tense she became just by me moving, made me change my mind before I got to the table. I placed the plates at either end of the table and once I sat down as far away from her as I possible could, she finally moved and took her seat as well.

“I’m glad you’re here.”

“Why? Why am I here, Norman? What is that you want from me?”

“Nothing. I don’t want anything from you unless you’re willing to give it. If you just want to eat your breakfast and then go, that’s fine. If you want to stick around for a little while, that’s fine too.”

She scrutinized me closely for a few seconds and I could tell she knew I was lying. She saw right through me.

“You’re a terrible lair.”

“So I’ve been told…”

“Tell me why you really gave me your address. Why I’m really here.”

“Well, I can’t tell you why you chose to come but I know why I left the photo with you. I gave you my address because I was hoping you’d find your way here so I could get to know you. I know I shouldn’t care, I should’ve called the cops on you when you stole my bag but… There was something about you that just… Caught me, you know? I wanted to protect you. Which is fucked up, seeing as you stole my stuff but… I have no idea what the hell is going on right now. All I know is that I’m glad you’re here and I hope you’d stay.”

The words rushed out in a hast and I wasn’t even sure she was able to caught it all but after staring at me for a few seconds she nodded and started to eat. She relaxed just a little and it had the same effect on me.

“Why are you here?”

“I’m not sure… Curiosity maybe. I’ve just never met anyone so fucking stupid before.”

Her comment made me chuckle and I was pleased to see that it seemed to make her relax yet a little more. There was even a hint of a smile playing over her lips.

“Yeah, I guess that’s true. I’m a fucking idiot.”

“Say I’d stay… What are you going to do with me?”

I chocked on my eggs when she spoke and it took a while for me to be able to cough out a replay.

“Holly shit, Lo….! Nothing! What kind of person do you think I am? I just want to get to know you. You’re in charge here. Whatever you say, goes.”

For a moment her face showed nothing but shock and confusion but as she seemed to be able to really take in what I just said, her face soften and she replayed with a simple ‘ok’.


	4. Daryl Dixon

Without a doubt he was the weirdest and most confusing person I had ever met. And the even more fucked up thing was that I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to take his offer and just stay for a while but it took every ounce of fight in me not just run over and grab one of the knife that was hanging on the wall kitchen, close to the stove. I didn’t want to kill him but I wanted to be able to defend myself if necessary. I know he could tell I was fidgeting in my chair, not at all comfortable with my new surroundings. Evert sense was on alert and I had already mapped out 3 different escape routes.

He really tried, I had to give him credit for that. For a person only speaking to me twice, he understood a lot more and a lot quicker then most people what I needed. He kept his distance and when he told me I was in charge it made me almost relax. I could at least finish my breakfast without having to keep one eye on him at all times.

“Do you want to go clean up? Take a shower? I could wash your cloths if you’d like. I think I’ve some of Mingus old cloths that might fit.”

For each time he spoke my confusion just grew but at the same time my interest in learning more about this man. Why was he so damn nice? What was it he really wanted from me? His offered sounded really good. Although I had had a place to stay for the past weeks, clean cloths were a luxury I hadn’t had for a while. It was sort of pointless to take a shower when you had to put on the same dirty cloths as before the shower.

“I want to do the tour first. I need to… Just see this whole thing.”

“Of course.”

He was halfway up from his chair when he seemed to change his mind. I didn’t even have to tell him. How the hell could he know I needed him to stay right there? It was like he could read my mind.

“You want to check it out on your own, right…? No problem, I’ll just stay right here. Do whatever you need to do.”

“Do you have any weapons?”

“No guns but… Well, you’ll see.”

The paranoid side me took over when I started to go through the apartment. I checked everything. Every draw, every closet, every corner of the place and made mental notes as to where everything was. Despite the fact that I really had to do this for self-preservation purposes, I couldn’t help but liking his place more for each room I went through. The paintings, photos and sculptures on every wall in the apartment made me feel things I didn’t know I could feel anymore. I like them and I could really appreciate them. He was apparently a pretty awesome artist and it made a lot of sense to me actually. And that was weird in itself. I understood him a little better just by going through the apartment, looking for danger. But I couldn’t find anything that alarmed me or make me want to run out the door. Quiet the opposite actually. It made me relax a little more. This guy didn’t have one evil bone in him. When entering the last room, which I figured was his son’s, I felt my jaw drop to the floor and I was back to full confusion mood. 5 crossbows were hanging on the wall and everywhere I looked there was one consistent theme in the room. _Daryl Dixon._ Drawings, actions figures, what I guess was fan-made gifts, cloths, DVD’s.

“You’re an actor?”

He was cleaning up our breakfast when I finally felt I was done with my inspection and I returned to the kitchen to get some answers. He had after all said I was in charge so I was going to get my answers.

“Guilty.”

He answered and then started to laugh quietly and leaned over the counter on both elbows and looked at me.

“What’s so funny?”

“It’s just so fucking weird that you don’t know who I am… Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you don’t, but for the past… 5 years all I’ve been able to focus on is whether someone I just met and maybe dated, is simply doing it because of who I am. You really don’t know, do you?”

“It’s not like I’ve been able to watch cable for the past… 8 years.”

Had it really been that long? The emotional man in front of me, gasped and the laughter that had been on his face changed to horror and tears started to build in his eyes.

“Is that how long you’ve been out there? 8 years?”

“No. I’ve lived on the street for the past 3 years.”

“Where were you before then…? What did you run from?”

“Who did I run from you mean…? Maybe I will be able to tell you about it someday.”

“But not now, right?”

“No.”

“Ok… I really want to hug you right now.”

“Yeah, that’s not going to happen if you want to stay alive.”

He nodded and it surprised me. I had just threatened to kill him and he just nodded at me like he understood and was actually fine with that.

He stared to fascinate me. As the day progressed and I had gotten to taken an almost hour long shower and change into clean cloth’s that was too big but it didn’t matter, it became more obvious to me what he was looking for. He really tried to keep our conversation casual and he asked all these random questions, like what kind of music and movies I was into. But mostly he just talked. He told me about his life and what he did for a living. I found it fascinating to watch him talk. His body language was telling a whole other story then what was coming out of his mouth sometime. The nontouching policy got harder and harder for him to handle as darkness fell in the apartment and we had spent pretty much the entire day on the couch. Sometimes talking, sometimes just watching and exploratory each other at a distance. He probably did it without conscious thought but he kept moving closer and closer to my end of the couch. And I had nowhere to go but it was ok. I had always been a good judge of character and after 12 hours in his company, I could tell Norman Reedus was one of the genuine good guys and I felt myself let my guard down on tinny inch after the other. Something he took advantage of pretty quickly and began questioning me.

“How old are you?”

He was sitting within arm reach when the first of many questions came that first night in his apartment.

“29. Turning 30 soon enough.”

“When’s your birthday?”

“October 13th.”

“Really? That’s my son’s birthday too. But you’re not born here in New York, right?”

“No. I’m from Boston.”

“Does your family still live there?”

“I don’t have a family.”

“No one?”

“I mean… They’re still alive but they’re not my family. I never really had one, besides my brother and he died a few years ago.”

“I’m sorry. You ran away from home?”

“Yes.”

“When?”

“I was 16.”

“And came here?”

“Yeah. Figured it would be pretty easy to blend in among 10 million other people.”

“Why would you need to blend in? Are they still looking for you?”

“Probably. My dad’s anyway.”

“But you said before that you had only been on the street for 3 years. What did you do when you first got here 10 years ago?”

“Worked at a restaurant not far from here actually.”

“So what happened? You lost your job?”

“No.”

I could feel the panic began to build and I shut my mouth tight, forcing back the words I suddenly wanted to tell him. I wanted him to know everything and the feeling was so unexpected and overwhelming I started having trouble breathing. I needed air. Now! I needed to clear my head. I headed for the balcony but for the first time in my life I was also conscious about, and actually cared, that my action made the man beside me worried.

The fresh, cold night air knocked me right in the face as I burst the door open and rushed towards the reeling to have something to hold on to. My knuckles turned white when I grabbed the reeling so hard it hurt my palms.

“I’m sorry.”

His words reached from the other end of a long tunnel. They were faint but one small part of my brain was able to pick it up and that same part, the part that wasn’t dealing with trying to get through the rush of memories flooding through me, also noticed that he was standing too close for his own safety.

“For your own good, just step back right now.”

I heard myself say and I shut my eyes closed as the face of another man flashed before my eyes and I wanted to scream. I had to force his dead body to the center of my brain to ease the panic. I had to remind myself that he was dead, that he couldn’t hurt me anymore. I always lost track of time when a panicattack hit but I could still feel him right behind me when my mind cleared up and I could breathe easily again.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…I’m sorry, Lo.”

“What’s up with giving me fucking nicknames already?”

I managed to let out a chuckle and he responded with one right back and I felt safe to turn around and face him without wanting to punch him to the ground. Not that I probably could, his muscular upper body was straining against the fabric of his shirt.

“I give really great hugs.”

He offered and actually opened his arms to me, inviting me in and I wanted to, I really wanted him to hug me but I couldn’t bring myself to move. He sighed but didn’t seem too disappointed as he let his arms fall alongside his body again. 

“I’ll keep on offering then.”

“You do that.”

“Maybe we should just call it a night and get some sleep?”

“Yeah…”

“Where do you want to sleep?”

“The couch works just fine for me.”

“What if I want you closer?”

He got balder a lot quicker then I thought he would. He even took a step forward and challenged me with his eyes. They pierced me like no one had ever done before and I stopped breathing for a whole other reason then panic for 2 heartbeats. He smirked when he noticed the impact he had over me and I cursed to myself for letting him notice it.

I shouldn’t do this. I shouldn’t allow him to affect me like this. I had made all kinds of promises to myself about not letting another man get too close ever again. But he was making my walls crumble all around me. He left me hanging once again, just like he had done when he left the photo of his son. He simply turned around and walked back inside the apartment. When I followed him a few minutes later he had already laid out a blanket and a pillow on the armrest of the sofa. A toothbrush was lying on top of the table and as I reached out for it I saw him at the corner of my eye. My brain shut down when I lifted my head and saw him standing in the doorway to the master bedroom, wearing nothing but boxers and brushing his teeth.

I wasn’t sure why but I had expected a six pack under that shirt and when he stood in front of me practically naked, I found that I liked his lean body a lot better. I caught myself wanting to run my hands through the little chest hair he had. And I couldn’t even stop taking my eyes of off his arms once my eyes traveled away his perfect torso. His arms were even more impressive without cloths on. His biceps looked massive and his shoulders even broader.      

“Are you fucking kidding me…?”

“What?”

He looked genuine surprised over my outburst and the confusion on his face made me want to giggle. He seemed completely oblivious to why I would react like this. And I was really surprised the words had escaped me as well.

“Nothing…”

I managed to mutter and grabbed my toothbrush and headed to the second, smaller bathroom close to Mingus’s bedroom. I pretty much ran inside and shout the door behind me. I really just need a minute to collect myself. I hadn’t excepted to have such a strong reaction to his half naked body but he was a handsome man. Beautiful even. And so god damn sexy I had to take a few deep breaths to calm my raising heart.  

He was sitting on the edge of the sofa when I returned, leaning forward and rested his forearms against his thighs. I stopped in my tracks, halfway towards him and my heart was right back at raising mood.

“Are you still going to be here when I wake up in the morning?”

He lifted his head slowly and pierced me once more with those incredible blue eyes. But the teasing look was all gone and all I could see was concern and maybe even fear. It made me start moving again. I wasn’t sure why or how but the worry in his eyes really hit me. It was so new to me to feel sympathy, to care about, someone else then myself. He made me feel things just by simply looking at me.

“If you still want me to be here, I’ll be here.”

“I really truly do.”

“Why? I’m really confused about all this.”

“That makes us two. Maybe sleeping for a few hours will help, huh?”

“Maybe.”

“You can be completely safe here, all the doors and windows are locked and have alarms on them. Hope you can find some peace and quiet and sleep through the night. I imagine it’s been a while.”

When he got to his feet to walk back to the bedroom he walked past me so close I just needed to stretch out my hand and I could touch his naked torso. He stopped right in front of me and if I breathed hard enough, we would touch but he stepped back, away from me. Instead he reached out a hand, carefully and ready to move away if I needed him to, towards my face. He tucked a strain of hair behind my ear. He allowed one finger to linger on my cheek before saying goodnight and walked off to the bedroom.

                                            ------------------------------

Next thing I knew I woke up to a sharp sunlight. I couldn't even remember the last time I sleep throughout the night without waking up. Next thing I noticed was him sitting beside me on the floor, his head resting to the edge of the couch, fast asleep. My heart rate spiked when I found his hand resting over mine. But it wasn't out of fear this time. I couldn't quite say that I felt comfortable about it but the first thought of fleeing, past rather quickly. Instead I turned to watch him closer since his face was turned towards me. He looked very relaxed and his deep breathing made me sleepy again. A string of dark hair was stuck in his closed eyes. Gently I removed it, making his stir a little. I found myself relaxing further as I kept watching every inch of his face. He squeezed my hand, still sleeping now and then as if to make sure I was still there. It was so much easier to been this close to him while he was sleeping. He was almost as vulnerable as me when he was sitting there, all guards where down and he was just sleeping peacefully. I hesitated for a fraction of a second before I put my fingertips to his face. I traced one finger down from the corner of his eye, to his cheekbone and stopped at his lower lip. It trembled slightly and I realized he was probably awake.

“Don’t open your eyes.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s easier being closer to you if you don’t watch me…. I want to be here, but I just don’t know if I… I got trust issues.”

“That’s putting it lightly, babe.”

“Yeah, well I guess that’s true. I’m trying here, I want to trust you, you seem like a good guy, I’m just not use to… good guys.”

My hand was still on his face and I was tracing his lower lip with one finger when he opened his eyes and looked at me.

“How I wish you could read my mind right now, there wouldn’t be a doubt in your mind that you could trust me.”

“How long have you been sitting out here?”

“I’m not sure.”

He leaned into my hand and kissed the palm of it gently before he sat up on the edge of the couch, still holding it.

“Wow, that was easier then I thought it would be.”

“Yeah, me too.”

Without really thinking about it, I started to play with his fingers. Today was easier being around him. I wanted be around him. That was something very new to me and something I hadn’t felt in ages. Last time I ended up feeling something for someone my whole life had gone to hell.


	5. Confessions

I had tried to sleep but given up after 2 hours. She had been sound asleep when I tipped toed back to the living room. She was curled up in a fetal position, holding on to the blanket and I just sat down on the floor and watched her sleep until I fell asleep myself.

When I sat there in the morning, close to her, on that couch it really hit me that she was there and how much I wanted her to stay. She was twisting her fingers together with mine and I wanted nothing else then to just grab her and shove her into a tight embrace but I stopped myself. I know she would be running at the door if I forced myself on her like that. I allowed her to take her time, explore in her own pace. She traced the heart tattoo with light fingers and it made a shiver run down my spine.

“How many tattoos do you have?”

“9 or something by now… Do you have any?”

“Not yet. I want one.”

“You’re still here.”

She turned around to her back and tore her eyes away from my wrist and looked straight at me. I lifted a hand towards her face and she watched me intently, following every little move I made. I hesitated for a second and allowed her to say no but as the word never left her mouth I closed the finally inches between her face and my hand. She probably didn’t weigh more then 100 pounds and although she really was too skinny and her face lacked any kind of bodyfat, I found her beautiful. The dark blue, big eyes was able to see right through me like no one ever had. Those full lips were just incredible and I couldn’t wait to get a taste of them one day. For now I settled for running my thumb over her lower lip. Her hand closed around my wrist all of a sudden and she sat up, moving away from me. It was so sudden and I couldn’t tell what changed but I decided not to question her.

She jumped when the cat came out of nowhere and jumped up into my lap, turned to her and just sat staring at her.

“Yeah, so this Eye in the Dark.”

She reached out a hand towards the cat and patted his head. He was very good at reading people and if he didn’t like the people I brought home, they never ended up being part of my life for very long. This time he didn’t even hesitated for a second before he abounded me and walked straight into her lap and settled there.

“He’s quiet the charmer.”

“Yeah, he seems to like you…. I’m really trying to understand here, Lo but… You gotta give me some clues.”

She crossed her legs at the corner of the couch, as far away from me she could possible come but all I had to do was reach out and I could touch her again. But she needed her space so I moved a little bit away from her.

“I want to be here but… I haven’t had many nice guys in my life and trust doesn’t really come that easy for me.”

“There’s someone else then your father, isn’t it?”

“Yes. And what makes you say it was my father that was the reason I left?”

“Isn’t it always? The abusive father? He beat you, did he?”

“Yeah. He was control freak and I was the uncontrolled rebel from like the age of 10. I got into so much shit just to piss him off. I might even have been looking for a way out, you know, making him finally kill me but he always knew when to stop. I had a big brother, Dallas, he was 5 years old then me so he protected me most of the time but he ran too. First chance he got, he joined the army and was shipped out to Afghanistan rather quickly. When he died, that’s when I knew I had to get out or they would actually succeed in killing me. The only reason he didn’t, was because he knew my brother always checked in on me once in a while and if I didn’t respond, he had some pretty good friends in the army that would come looking. So I ended up here.”

“Did he come looking?”

“Yeah. He knows I’m in New York…”

“How?”

“My dad’s FBI.”

“You’re kidding…?”

“Wish I was. I mean, who the hell was I going to report him to? Who do you think they’d believe? A high-ranking FBI agent or a teenage bitch that fucked every guy in town who wanted her just to piss daddy off?”

“What about your mom? She must have known.”

“She knew. She just looked the other way.”

“So you really don’t have a family…?”

“No.”

I tried to wrap my head around it all. No family… No one at all that she loved or loved her. I just couldn’t get it into my head how someone could live like that. What was the point? My own family rushed in front of my inner eye and just thinking about losing one of them, made me chock and tear up. I knew it would happen sometime but hearing her story put it in perspective for me. I know I’m privileged but being reminded like this, sitting face to face with someone who wasn’t, made me appreciate my life even more.

“What are you doing?”

She looked at me with a puzzled expression when I reached for my phone. Without really thinking, I called Mingus. He picked up after 4 signals with a tired groan.

“What the fuck, dad, it’s like 7 in the morning…”

“I love you.”

The line fell silent for a few seconds.

“I love you, dad… Everything alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Go back to sleep. Sorry I woke you up. Just wanted to tell you.”

“Ok.”

“I love you, Mingus.”

“I love you too, dad.”

Her face was hard to read when I finished my phone call with my son. She seemed confused but there was something I couldn’t quiet read yet. It might have been affection…? She was so hard to read in some ways and in some ways like an open book. I knew for instants that she wasn’t oblivious to my physical appearance. It was of course nothing that really mattered but maybe I could use that to my advantage to make her relax a little more. She was so tense and on alert to everything around her. She flinched at the smallest sound and I could tell she was always on flight mode. She had had an escape plan the second she stepped inside my apartment. I hoped she didn’t feel the need to use it as our second day together slowly began to take shape though. Again, I started with breakfast and made sure she got plenty of protein into her system.

She made a noise somewhere between a protest and an apology when I took out a pack of bacon from the fridge. I hadn’t even noticed that she had moved out of the couch and come to join me by the counter. I jumped and dropped the package to the floor.

“Damn, girl! You really know how to sneak up on people.”

“Sorry…”

She said from the other side of the counter and she pulled out one of the high chairs and took a seat.

“Just didn’t hear ya.”

“The thing’s… I don’t eat bacon.”

“Why?”

“I don’t eat pigs.”

“For what reason? Religious?”

“Personal.”

I replaced the bacon in the fridge and decided to make fried eggs instead. I could tell she had expected me to keep on questioning her but I didn’t want her feel like she had to tell me stuff unless she really didn’t want to. She looked at me for a long while and to my great pleasure I saw a thankful little smile spread over her face and she nodded.

“I had a pet pig growing up.”

“Like a real one? Big one?”

“Not like bacon big but yeah… She was pretty big, kinda like a dog. It just feels wrong to eat pork, you know.”

“Yeah, of course. No bacon. But you really do need to eat. When’s the last time you went to see a doctor?”

“I’ve spent enough time on hospitals not to go there freely. What happened to your eye?”

She didn’t give a chance to ask about her hospital visits and although I was dying to know, now wasn’t the time to ask. She turned the conversation around to me instead and I told her all about my car accident back in Berlin all those years ago.

“It still bothers you?”

“Sometimes. Real, bright sunny days can be a problem or when it gets really cold. I get headaches and shit. Was a pretty bad idea really to take the job down in Georgia where it’s always sunny but it’s small price to pay.”

“What’s in Georgia?”

“It’s where we shoot Walking Dead.”

“Can I watch it?”

“Of course.”

“I feel like a need to read up on you.”

“Please don’t.”

“Why? What am I going to find?”

She reached out for my iPad resting beside her. I walked up to stand in front of her when she gave me the tablet to help her open it.

“You changed your passwords, right?”

“Yes! Do you know how to use one of these?”

“Fuck you! Yes, I do know how to use a iPad.”

It was pretty amusing to see her go into this playful defense mood and it made me chuckle as I gave her back the tablet. Before she had time to react I grab the outstretched hand and kissed it before placing the iPad in it. Time stopped when she looked at me after that and for a terrifying second I thought she was going to hit me but then she actually blushed and dropped her gaze to the screen and I returned to the task at hand.  

“Did you always want to be an actor?”

She interrupted the surprisingly comfortable silence when I finally placed a plate of food in front of her. Without stopping her browsing on the screen she began to eat.

“No. It sort of just happened. I’m still not sure what the hell it is that I’m actually doing.”

“People seems to like what it is you’re doing.”

“I guess…”

“Did you do all these sculptures and paintings?”

“Most of them.”

“I really like’em.”

“Thanks.”

“How old is your son?”

“16.”

“He lives with his mom?”

“Most of the time. I travel a lot, especially the last couple of years. We really don’t have a schedule, he comes and goes as he wants.”

“Why did you separate?”

“We just fell out of love with each other I guess… Wanted different things in life. We’re still friends though. What about you? Has there been someone in your life?”

She snapped her head away from the screen and stated at me with a sudden terror in her eyes. I tried to get an apology out but nothing left my mouth as I opened it. The same panic as the night before started to show in her tens face and she got up from her seat. I froze to the ground, not knowing what the hell to do. But yesterday she had told me to stay back so that’s what I did when she began pacing the open space between kitchen and living room. Walking seemed to ease the panic and her furious steps calmed after a while. A few more minutes passed and she stopped by the balcony door, gazing out into space without really seeing.

“There’s no simple answer to that question.”

“I’m sure I could try to keep up. You don’t have to tell me, London.”

She hesitated for only a second before speaking.

“I was married.”

“Was?”

“Yes. He died 3 years ago. That’s when I ended up on the streets. I got evicted from our place. Best thing that ever happened to me really…”

She trailed off and didn’t seem to be able to go on. I wondered if she had ever talked about this before. I mean, she didn’t have anyone. Who would she have talked to? I waited for her to go on without saying a word. I saw her swallow hard and wrap her arms around herself, as though she needed to keep herself pieced together.

“We were married for 4 years. I met him 2 years after I got here and everything seemed fine at first, I met his parents and friends and all that. I moved in with him after 8 months and we were married within another 4 months. And then it just… Changed. I was forced to stop working, cut the cord with everyone I knew. It was just the two if us.”

I moved without really thinking about it, I couldn’t control it. I just needed to get closer to her. Try to comfort her although I knew she didn’t want me to touch her but I wasn’t the kind of person who could just stand beside and watch someone hurt. Every fiber in me just screamed when I had to force myself not to wrap my arms around her just to keep her safe. Show her that she could be safe. I wanted her so bad to know that she could trust me, that I could keep her safe. And one part of me wanted her to stop talking. I wanted to cover my ears and hum to myself so I didn’t need to hear because I knew it would be something she could never take back.

“I’m not going to go into detail, maybe someday you’ll see it but for now all you’ve to know is that he was a monster. A psychopath with no conscious what so ever. You know, I thought it couldn’t get worse then what I left in Boston and my dad but… At least in Boston it was just dad and he only beat me up… Here it…Here it never stopped. I never wanted to kill myself in Boston, not really. Now I don’t even know how many times I’ve tried anymore. Starvation, cutting my wrists, hanging, drowning… He just wouldn’t let me die although I asked him every day the last couple of months… So…”

She turned around and face me with clinched lips and eyes cold as ice but recalled a little when she saw my tear drenched face. She pulled herself together quickly though.

“So do you still want me to be here or would you rather have me leave?”

“No!”

My voice broke in panic as I shouted out my replay at her. I took 2 quick steps forward and she gasped out loud when I crossed the line into her personal space. Her back hit the glass door behind her as she tried to back away from me but found nowhere to go.

“No…”

I spoke again and tried to make my voice as soft and calm as possible.

“Please, Lo don’t leave. I don’t’ want you to.”

“I’ll never be normal, I’ll never work right.”

“You don’t have to. I don’t need you to work right.”

“What is that you want, Norman? What the hell is all this? Why do you want me to stay?”

She began to tear up in front of me and automatically I reached out a hand towards her face to comfort her. She slapped it away this time and forced herself past me and began pacing again. I wasn’t sure how I knew but I had a feeling she hadn’t allowed herself to cry for years.

“I can’t get you out of my fucking head. I know it’s fucking insane. Some twisted, sick, fucking Cinderella story but I want you here with me and I think you want to be here too you just don’t know how… I promise, no strings attached, Lo, you can leave whenever you want and I won’t even question it but I wanna try. Just for a few days, stay here with me, get to know me, let me get to know you and we’ll see what happens.”

“What about all this…? What I just told you? I’m fucked up, I’ll always be fucked up. There’s so much shit that… I’m not worth it. I’m really not worth it, Norm.”

Through the tears that still streamed down my face I couldn’t help but smile when she used a nickname herself. She seemed to realize it as well and let out a small giggle when she saw me smile at her. I dried my eyes with the back of my hand and approached her yet again. This time she made no attempt to back away.

“Why don’t you let me be the judge of that? I’m a grown man… Almost, anyway, I think I can decided what’s worth my time on my own. And right now, there’s no one I rather spend my time with then you.”

I wiped away a lingering tear under her left eye before placing my hand gently to her check.

“Oh shut the fuck up! Now you even sound like Prince fucking Charming!”

“Sorry…I’m sorry this happened to you, Lo. I’m sorry they hurt you and I hope you can find it in you to trust me some day. And I hope you already know that I’m not going to hurt you. I’m a pretty nice guy once you get to know me.”

“I’ve already figured out you’re a nice guy, Norman Reedus.”

“Good.”

                                            --------------------------------------

Time seemed to stand still but going too fast at the same time. It was just the two of us locked up in my apartment. After she let me into a small part of her hell, both of us needed some time by ourselves. The crazy thing was that neither of us seemed to mind to be by ourselves while being together. She ended up by the TV and turned on the first episode of Walking Dead. I was with her on the couch but I kept to myself, going through some most needed work on my laptop. I watched her from time to time and it was fascinating to see that she barely moved during the first season. She was so focused and I had seen the same reaction before, she was hooked.

“How much more is it?”

She turned straight to me when the first season ended and the excitement in her voice was so amazing. It made me all warm inside.

“We began filming season 7 in a few weeks. But season 2-6 is 16 episodes.”

“Really…? You don’t mind watching yourself, do you?”

“No, I’m fine. Keep going if you’d like. I’m going to head out for a while”

“Alright… Why?”

“I need to clear my head. I’m gonna go for a run and hit the gym.”

“Are you confused?”

“You could say that. “

“Good, that makes us two. Why the gym?”

“It helps to get my head straight. Did you think this body stays like this without work?”

I grinned at her as she eyed me a little shyly.

“I will be back in like 2 hours. Will you still be here when I get back?”

“Yeah.”

I left a phone on the table in front of her and after I returned from changing into more fitted cloths. She tore her eyes away from the screen as I was ready to head out and questioned me without words.

“You can have this. Whether you stay or not, just so… You know, if you ever need anything, my number is the only thing in there this far and I might call you.”

“Ok.”   

It was a cloudy New York day and within minutes it started to rain. I didn’t mind, it just made me push myself even harder. After almost 6 miles I collapsed on the grass in a nearby park after throwing up, more tired both physical and mentally then I had been in years. The rain was coming down hard as I laid there painting for air, but my head was finally a little clearer.

“Are you alright, sir?”

A police officer was suddenly hovering above me. I tried to catch my breath enough to answer him but when I couldn’t, I just nodded.

“Will you be alright getting home?”

“Yeah… I… Just… Just give me a…sec.”

“You should move before more photographers show up.”

He nodded his head towards one of the trees and I raised my head just enough to see a camera sticking out from behind it. I cursed to myself before sitting up. Today I really wasn’t in a mood for photographers. I needed to focus on one thing right now and that did not include nosy paparazzi.

I would never have thought I had it in me, but I managed to run all the way back home, not by far as fast as before, but enough to shake of the paparazzi. There was however no way in hell I would be able to get through a workout in the gym after that. In the elevator back up I collapsed against the wall. I picked up my phone and dialed the first number on it. My heart was pounding so heart, nervous over the fact whether she would actually pick up or not. It was a gamble, I was very aware of that but I had to try.

“What?”

“Get your ass out to the elevator, please.”

“Why?”

“I can’t move. I need your help.”

“Are you serious?”

“Will you just get out here, Lo.”

“Fine.”

Only seconds later I could hear her open the door and walk the few steps between the front door and the elevator doors. She poked her head inside and I could see her eyes widen in shook as she spotted me.

“Oh my god. What the hell happened to you?”

“What do you mean? I went for a run.”

“Where? The bottom of Hudson River?!”

“Just help me up will ya?”

When I held out my hand to me I noticed how dirty I was. Mud was making its way all up my shoulder and I figured I most look the same pretty much all over. I had gotten so use to the dirt during the last years filming Walking Dead, it really didn’t bother me anymore. She stared at it for a solid 10 seconds. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what kind of war was going on inside her head at the moment and I should feel like shit for making it worse for her but I wasn’t. I needed this to work out too much. I needed and wanted her too much.    

“You’re really pushing my boundaries here, Mr. Reedus.”

“I know, that’s my plan.”

I pushed myself up to a standing position with her help when she finally took a step forward and grabbed my hand.

“You’re insane”

“Yeah, I know, I’ve been told. “

I threw one around her to support myself and she put one around my waist, guiding me back inside.

“You’re heavy!”

“Hey, this is just muscles.”

“Do you always look like this after a run?”

“No but it’s raining and…”

“Did you throw up or something? Because you smell.”

“Yeah, I pushed myself a little too hard…. Hey, you stayed.”

She walked me into the bathroom and I collapsed against the shower wall, still a little out of breath.

“Of course… If you thought I would help you get in the shower, you’re so very wrong.”

She let me go the second I hit the floor and backed away quickly.

“I had hoped…”

I closed my eyes, trying to stop my head from spinning but I could tell she was smiling at me as she left the bathroom. I sat there a good 10 minutes, just trying to process the hour that had just past. She was still there. Right outside the door it sounded like.

“Are you still sure you don’t want to help me out?”

I called out to her as I finally found myself on my feet again and started to strip down my dirty cloths. I wanted to skip up and down, pretty damn happy with myself for making this gamble pay off. I know I was pushing her and pushing pretty damn hard but there was no stopping this. She drew the line hard though when she shouted back at me.

“Fuck off!”

“I could really need some help.”

“Not gonna happen, Norman.”


	6. Scars

Walking Dead had me hooked from the very first episode. I just wanted to watch everything now and know everything! And he was good. Norman was really good. Not only was he very easy on the eye as the dirty redneck but he was betraying an absolutely brilliant character that hit me with full force. I could tell just by looking at the way he moved that he was a little bit like me. Daryl Dixon had been abused as a kid and had never been giving anything for free in life. He had fought his entire life and I couldn’t wait to run my theories through the man himself.

He took way to long in the shower though. I even went to check on him a few times, listening at the door and at least I could hear him moon and curse in there so he was still alive. Helping him from the elevator and back inside had been a fucking war on my part. Seeing him so completely drained and actually in help of assistance made me want to rush forward and help him but my body protested wildly. It took a while for my brain to convince my body that it was ok, that this wasn’t a threat. The only thing that made me pull thorough it was to keep reminding myself that he was the good guy. Norman Reedus was a good guy. He wasn’t going to hurt me. He respected my bounders. Not so much right there and then but I could see past the man in need.

While waiting for him to finish in the bathroom I raided the pantry and found a big bag of M&M’s, my favorites. I bounced back on the sofa and decided to wait with another Walking Dead episode until I got to talk to him and ended up watching Ellen instead.

The show couldn’t keep my concentration though and I was soon on my feet again and headed over to a bookshelf overflowing with a mixture of photos, books, movies, video games and old 45’s. I started going through the photos more closely then I had the day before. I recognize a few from my new obsession, including the leading man whom he seemed very close with. There were pictures from vacations they seemed to have been going on through the years. Skiing, surfing, all kinds.

“Do you ski?”

I heard his naked feet cross the floor long before he talked. He practically fell down on the couch when I turned around from my spot on the floor and looked at him. He was filling up pretty much the entire space when he laid back and rested his hands behind his head.

“Yeah… We always celebrated Christmas up in Vail. I prefer snowboard though. You’re close?”

I waved a photo of Andy and him over my head.

“Andy? Yeah, he’s one of my closest friends.”

“He’s still alive, right? Rick I mean?”

“Yeah. They’re not going to kill him off any time soon.”

“Why about you?”

“I’ve no idea. Not this season as far as I know anyway. How far have you gotten?”

“2:03.”

I spun around on the floor and looked over at him. He had taken the bowl of candy I had left on the table and threw one into the air and right into his open mouth. It felt so easy being around him like this, when he was relaxed and just chilling. He seemed so at ease having me there already and it made me relax too.

“His background… He was an abused kid, wasn’t he? Probably got a few scars on his back, a souvenir from his father.”

He sat up and looked back at me with surprise etched on every inch of his face.

“Go on…”

“The way he talks, or rather don’t talk, always being on edge and ready for a fight… It’s probably because he always had to fight, right? Nothing ever came easy for him and that asshole of a brother might have been helpful while he was still a kid but later he just dragged him down further. He has no self-worth cause no one has ever told him he’s good at anything, worth anything. I hope he gets there though, eventually. He has changed already and I’m pretty sure he’s not the same at all now in season 6.”    

“Holly crap! I mean… Fuck, London that’s just creepy. How the hell do you know that after watching one season?”

“He just… Reminds me of me I guess. He got scars?” 

“Yeah. Do you?”

“Yes.”

I found myself on my feet and pulling up the long sleeved blue Nike shirt I had found in his closet in the morning. It was big enough to fit me 3 times over but for some strange reason I felt comfortable in his cloths. His scent was intoxicating and it made me forget about all my fears long enough to show him. I gave him my hand when I got close enough. He tensed when he carefully took it and could see the countless circular markings on my under arms and the fine red scar that went all around my wrist. His fingers on my skin sent shivers down my spine but it wasn’t because I felt scared or uncomfortable. It was because I didn’t want it to stop. I wanted him to keep tracing the scars with his gentle fingers until the end of time. The feeling lasted for almost 10 seconds before my body decided to protect itself like it had for so many years now and I felt myself pull away. My arm slipped easily and slowly away from him and he let it happen without even hesitating.

“Cigarettes…?”

“Yes.”

I pulled the shirt down again and pushed it past my wrist and even hid my hands inside the blue fabric as I took a seat on the couch. He seemed to be gagging and swallowed repletely, turning away from me.

“I’ve never wanted to quit smoking more in my life.”

“I didn’t mean to… That’s not…”

I wondered why the hell I couldn’t find the right words to say to him. It had never been on my mind to show him the scares just to make him stop smoking, I wasn’t important enough for that. Right? When he cut me off quickly and told me he knew that, I got even more confused. How was it that he had got to know me so well already?

“What about your wrist?”

“Ropes, handcuffs, wires, cables, you name it, anything that can be used to restrain a person to one spot for a… period of time.”

“How much time?”

“I stopped counting after 3 months…”

He snapped his head around and looked at me with wide enough eyes for me to fear that they might leave his head. Seconds later he rushed up and headed for the sink in the kitchen where he vomited. I forgot how to blink my eyes and what the purpose of my limbs were. I sat rotted to the spot as I watch this strong, muscular man break down right in front of me. From my place I couldn’t really make him out but I could tell he was gripping the counter hard enough to make his knuckles go white. His chest was heaving in hysterical sobs and he even dropped his head, resting his forehead against the cold surface of the white stone. Seeing him break down so completely in front of me made my last walls hit the floor with a crash. Knowing he was strong enough to break in front of me brought me to my feet and walk over to him. He jumped when I put my hand on his back but in the next heartbeat he spun around completely and grabbed my arm and pulled me into his. He wrapped his entire body around me and sobbed into my hair. At first I was paralyzed but once I took a deep breath and inhaled his already familiar scent my brain calmed enough for me to register that this wasn’t anything like all the other times I had been in the arms of a man. Besides one. My brother. He had felt just as safe as this so I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him back. I buried my face in his chest and inhaled and time stopped right there and then. We might have been standing in the kitchen for an hour or a day or maybe just 10 minutes. I got so lost in the moment I lost track of everything but his arms around me. His sobs eased some after what might have been an hour or a day or maybe just 10 minutes. I felt my hair being wet from his tears as he was the first one to pull away just enough to press his lips to my forehead.

“I’m…”

“No. Don’t say you’re sorry. You don’t have to. I’m not here so that you could start feeling sorry for me. I don’t need your pity.”

“What do you need? Why are you here, London?”

Both of his massive hands closed around my face and it took me by surprise that he could be so gentle. His hand was soft and careful but I couldn’t take it at that moment. It was something about having him look me straight in the eye and being too close that made me grab his hands and preyed them away. He gave in without a fuss and backed away. I stepped back too and gave him some time to pull himself together. I walked back to the balcony door, it had quickly become a favorite spot of mine where I could let my mind drift.

“I’m not sure I’ve figured that out yet. I just know you fuck me the hell up. I don’t know which way is up anymore. I don’t know what the fuck it’s the I’m feeling, I just know it’s something haven’t felt before or at least not for a very long time. I feel safe with you and I’m never safe, I’ve never felt safe besides with my brother. You remind me of him, you did the first time you talked to me. That’s why I’m here. That’s why I came here after you gave me the photo. You said you couldn’t get me out of your fucking head… Well, it’s the same for me. I’m scared shitless right now, you gotta understand that. I have no fucking clue how to do this or even what _this_ is.”

“We can figure it out together.”

The fact that I had failed to hear him approach made me realize just how much he had made me relax around him. He stood right behind me when I turned around and I hadn’t noticed that he moved in the first place. The immediate flight mood I had had when first entering his apartment was gone to some extent but I still jumped when his phone began to demand his attention somewhere behind us. He turned around quickly but didn’t move.

“It might be important.”

“It’s just Andy. He can wait.”

He said, turning back to me.

“Don’t you have work you have to do? Places to be?”

“Not for the next 2 weeks. I’ve things I probably should do but not things I have to. I’m suppose to pick up Mingus from school tomorrow afternoon.”

“Suppose to?”

“Yeah… It just feels like I ain’t got my head on straight at the moment and he will know something’s up and…”

“I really hope you’re not thinking about bailing on your son because of this, because of me.”

“No, I’ll pick him up and he will stay here until the weekend but I want you to stay too.”

“Yeah, that’s probably not such a good idea… How long are you staying in Georgia?”

“Until mid-November.”

I could feel my jaw drop a little in surprise and a small part, the part that had already surrendered to Mr. Reedus, began to panic over the fact that I wouldn’t be able to see him for 6 months.     

“I’ll leave for Georgia on the 23rd and I want you to come with me.”

He spoke in a hast and it took me a second to figure out what it was he was trying to say. He seemed to notice the same thing himself and repeated the same words again but a lot slower and with determination, looking me straight in the eye. I looked back, at a total lost as to what to say.

“You don’t have to give me an answer right now. I kinda hope you won’t. Just… Consider it. Leave New York for a few months.”

“I haven’t been outside New York since I got here… Well, if you don’t count New Jersey for a short period of time.”

“I think you’d like it. I’ve a house in the middle of the woods, in the middle of nowhere really and it’s… quiet. Secluded.”

I found myself nodding at his words before escaping back to the couch and continued watching Walking Dead. And he let me. I had a lot to ponder and he probably felt the same. He didn’t join me like the day before. He kept himself busy around the apartment all day long. He spent a lot of time on his phone. Not talking, he seemed to prefer to communicate through text messages. I couldn’t concentrate enough to wonder what and who he was talking to. I was to occupied trying to sort out my own chaos. He probably sorted his out through friends and family but there was no one I could turn to. Besides him. He was the first person alive that I had chosen to open a tiny part of my heart to. He was the only one I had let see some of my scars. In addition to the medical personal who had attended to me after he died, Norman Reedus was the only one I had freely shown myself too. And as I was sitting there on the couch, watching Daryl Dixon tumble down that ravine, getting pierced by his own arrow, I was pretty sure he would be the only one who would ever see them.

As the second season wrapped and my head felt like it had done 2 roundtrips around planet Earth and darkness had fallen outside the windows, I untangled myself from underneath the blanket and started to look around for him. I could hear him being on the phone in the bedroom and I didn’t want to bother him. I headed for the kitchen. I was probably hungry but through the years I had gotten so use to the feeling that I had learned to ignore it. I knew I had to eat though and started going through the fridge.

Cooking was something I had always enjoyed. At first really forced into it by my mother but I quickly found that I actually enjoyed it and that it was something I was pretty good at. Food Chanel was my muse and I quickly threw together some pasta with a creamy salmon sauce.

“I was just going to ask if I was going to order a pizza but I see you’re not a stranger in the kitchen. It smells amazing.”

He joined me in kitchen just as I the timer for the pasta went off.

“Do you mind?”

“Not at all, babe. I could get use to this.”

“What?”

I looked at him over my shoulder as I separated the boiling water from the pasta.

“Watching you cook in my kitchen.”

“That would have to mean I actually had a kitchen to cook in first.”

“Just say the words and you will have.”

“You mean living with you… In the deepest woods of Georgia… Yeah, I’m… I’m still consider that.” 

“Good. Take all the time you need… Well, at least 2 more weeks. Are you alright?”

“Yes, I’m fine. How are you?”

“Alright… Still a bit shook up and at the same time glad you told me, if that makes sense. I really just want you to start trusting me right now.”

“I’m trying.”

“When we talked yesterday you said you liked Disney. Any favorite? Thought we could watch one tonight.”

“You really don’t strike me as a Disney fan, Mr. Reedus.”

“Who doesn’t like Disney? I’ve ever seen the Lion King musical.”

“Let’s see that one then.”

Norman was the kind of man that pretty much lived in the right now and didn’t spent so much time worrying about what had been and what was to come. And he did take advantage of my walls crumbling around me so when we ended up on the couch to watch the Lion King after dinner he didn’t even bother or apologized when he squeezed himself to my side. He seemed like a kind of guy that had nothing to lose and right now, this very moment, all that matter to him was that he wanted to be close. I tensed automatically beside him and I know he could feel it but he played it cool and ignored me. His actions payed off before the intro of the movie had ended and I felt myself lean into him. A smug grin started to spread over his lips and I saw he had to pinch them together not to let it spread over his entire face.

“I would’ve done this to anyone who watched this movie with me.”

I tried but we both knew that was as far from the truth as there were actually English speaking lions in real life. He snorted out a laugh and took the opportunity to wrap his arm around my shoulder as I leaned in yet a little closer and dropped my head under his chin, against his chest. I wanted to check if his heart was beating just as fast and hard as mine was.

“Sure you would, Lo.”

He said and pressed his lips to the top of my head just the way I remembered Dallas always had before saying goodnight. I closed my eyes for just a second and pressed my ear closer to his chest. His heart was pounding hard enough that I could probably see his shirt move if I sat back up but I didn’t want to move. I wanted to lay there listing to the too fast, too hard, heartbeat of the man that might turn out to be the knight in shinny armor my brother had always said was out there for me somewhere.


	7. You're beautiful

She fell asleep in my arms that night and I sat watching her a long time, twisting her hair between my fingers. She was in a desperate need of a haircut. The strawberry blond hair was long enough to reach the small of her back and without really knowing how I knew, I imagined her hair being just a little bit naturally curly under normal circumstances.   

Without any kind of effort, I managed to get up from the couch, still with her in my arms and without waking her and I carried her into the bedroom. It was a bold move, I had to admit that. It might backfire on me in the morning but I had nothing to lose really. Sure, she could just leave and never come back again but whether she did that, I was confident she would find her way back to me someday, somehow. No matter how fucked up a person was, this was nothing anyone could just walk away from unaffected.

She was gone when I woke up extremely late the next morning. It was almost noon when I finally came back to the land of the living after spending the entire night dreaming of her. There was a note on the pillow and once my eyes had started to function I grabbed it.

_Hope you slept just as good as I did. I can’t stay though. But don’t worry, it has nothing to do with sharing a bed with you. Haven’t slept this good in years. I’m just not good with meeting new people and you need to spend time with your son. I’ll be back when he’s asleep, just text me and I’ll be there. Yes, I took the phone you gave me, hope this was the point of giving it to me. I know there’s no point in saying you don’t have to worry about me, cause I’m pretty sure you will anyway. But I’ll at least tell you that I still have a room at the hostel so there’s where I will be. And I did take some food and I still have some of your money left too. Thank you for everything the past couple of days. You’re one of the good guys, Norman Reedus. / L_

I put the note away and turned to my phone right away to text her, just to make sure she was ok.

_Norman: Good morning_

_London: Good afternoon ;)_

_Norman: Fine. At least I did sleep very well then_

_London: Me too_

_Norman: U ok?_

_London: Great. Just had breakfast in Central Park_

_Norman: Try not to get into any trouble_

_London: Trouble is my middle name_

_Norman: Something we have in common then_

_London: Is that so?_

_Norman: I’ll tell you all about it someday… Are you sure you want to come back tonight?_

_London: If you want me to_

_Norman: I want you here NOW!_

_London: I need some distance from everything that has happened the last couple of days and I’m pretty sure you do too_

_Norman: Not more then I want you here_

_London: You miss me already Norman Reedus?_

_Norman: Yes!_

_London: Text me tonight and I might be able to help with that_

_Norman: You’re killing me here Lo!_

_London: I’m sure you’ll survive_

_Norman: Just barely…_

_London: ♥_

One thing and probably the only good thing, about her leaving was that I got time to really wrap my mind around everything that had happened and everything that hopefully still was to come. I wasn’t much of a planer, I tried to live in the moment but I saw a future with her. I wanted a future where she was a part of my life. The biggest part of my life.

Andy and I had been texting back and forth and he was still on the same track as before. He wanted me to just let it go, to forget about all her before it got too far. It had already gone too far. I couldn’t stop it and the only thing that kept my mind from going completely insane after she left, was Mingus. She was right about me needing to spend some time with my son. It had been too long since he stayed with me for a longer period of time and once I was done in Georgia it would be even less opportunities to spend quality time with him. I had always been proud of his how Mingus was able to read the people around him a lot quicker then I ever had. He picked up on the smallest emotion but was always so calm. He had never been one to through fits growing up and even less so as a teenager.

The ability to read the once close to him was a curse at the moment through. The moment he stepped inside the car when I picked him up from school, he only had to look at me for one second before knowing something had changed.

“What’s going on?”

I cursed to myself before pulling back out to traffic but he didn’t back down. I could feel his eyes on me without as much as blinking and I rolled my whole head at him. I knew there was no point in saying ‘nothing’ because he knew something was up.

“How was your day?”

“Not gonna happen, dad. You first.”

“What? I just want to you know how your day’s been. How are you doing?”

“Fine, everything’s fine. School’s fine, I’m fine, mom’s fine. Screw all that right now. What’s going on with you, dad?”    

“I’m not sure.”

“Bullshit…!”

“Yeah, I know. But I haven’t figure it out for myself yet. When I do, I’ll let you know. I know it not much of an answer.”

“You’ve met someone?”

“Kinda…”

“What the hell do you mean ‘kinda’?”      

“I’m not sure what it is or what it might turn out to be yet, you know?”

“Fair enough. I hope it works out, whatever it is that you want to work out.”

“Me too… Do me a favor and smack me around the head if I get too distracted, ok?”

Mingus chuckled but promised that he would make sure I kept my head on. And he did. She was always at the back of my head but it was easier to handle when I had Mingus to distract me. For the entire week we spent time together and every night when he had gone to sleep I texted her and she showed up to spend the night with me. Some nights we just lay talking, other just watching each other. Having her in my bed was a real test to my self-control through and I knew she saw that too.

_Norman: I hope this is the last text I’ve to send you with the same words in a long time. He’s asleep._

_London: I know…_

I looked up from my phone when I heard a soft knock on the balcony door Thursday night. She stepped inside when I opened the door and without a word headed straight for the bedroom like all the other nights. And I followed and closed the door behind me just like all the other nights. There was something different this night though. Usually she would just kick of her shoes and head straight for bed but as I entered after her, she stood waiting for me by the foot of the bed. I had convinced her to accept some new cloths I had picked up the night she returned for the first time and she now wore a pair of pretty well fitted jeans. The white shirt she wore was a little too big but when I looked at her, I couldn’t see a homeless person anymore. She had even put on weight and her hair started to come back to life although I was still on a mission to get her to cut it.

“How was your day?”

“Uneventful. I spent a few hours at the MET.”

She replayed to my question as I walked up to stand in front of her. She looked at me for a long while, seeming to have a silent struggle with herself.

“Could you just not move for a sec?”

Even before her request had left her mouth I froze solid to the ground.

“What? Why?”

“Just shut the fuck up and don’t move!”

Both her hands were in my face then. It was my time to panic but for a whole other reason. She had wanted to escape, all I wanted to do was grab her and throw her down on the bed and rip her cloths of. I used all self-control I possessed at that moment to do as she had asked, when her lips were suddenly on mine. Gently and quick she kissed me and I hadn’t even had the time to thinking about kissing her back when she pulled away, which was probably for the best because I wouldn’t be able to stop once I started. I could hear my own heart pound in my ears and I counted 10 quick heartbeats where she looked at me and I looked back and both of us seemed to be waiting for the other to say something.

“Thank you.”

It was the first words that sprang to mind and I knew it was the worst I thing I could probably come up with but I couldn’t stop it once I opened my mouth. Another heartbeat past where she stared but then burst out laughing. For the first time I saw her really laugh and it was the best thing in the world. She looked 10 years younger and without a care in the world, just happy and I wanted it to always be like that for her from now on. She deserved to be happy like every other person on the planet, although I know she didn’t agree with me just yet. I felt a big smile spread over my entire face as I kept watching her and I knew she probably didn’t think about what she was doing at that moment but it didn’t matter. I praised the moment she threw herself around my neck and hugged me anyway. The giggle close to my ear set my entire body on fire and I didn’t know what to do with the rush of emotions that flooded over me. I just grabbed her around the waist and hoped it would be enough to keep me on my feet.

I could tell at once when she came to her senses again. The laughter died out and I heard her sigh. The arms around me loosen but she didn’t let me go, instead she nuzzled her head under my chin and dropped her hands to my hips.

“You’re welcome.”

“Fuck, I’m sorry, Lo… I didn’t mean it to come out like that.”

“I know, don’t worry about it. How’s your day been?”

“Pretty good. I did some phone interviews in the morning. Mingus and I spent the evening making pizza and playing videogames, it was a pretty awesome evening and now even more so.”

“Why is that?”

“Cause you’re here. You tired?”

“Yeah…”

“Hungry?”

“No, I’m fine.”

“You’re sure? There’s still some pizza left.”

“I’m good. Really, Norman I just want to go to sleep.”

“Something happened today, didn’t it?”

I felt her nod and I waited for her to go on but she didn’t respond. She simply grabbed my hands and pulled them away from herself and turned to sit down on the bed and began taking her shoes off. I debated whether or not to demand an answer but figured it would probably be a bad idea, so I headed for the bathroom and made myself ready for bed.

She was already crawled up in a small little ball in bed when I reentered the bedroom. Although I had seen her do the same thing the last couple of night, I still didn’t get tired of just watch her. The first night she had chosen herself to sleep in the same bed as me, she had been nervous and on edge. Now she looked relaxed and she even lifted her head slightly to be able to look at me. I winked at her when I could hear a quiet curse escape her as she laid her eyes on my half-naked appearance. I laid down behind her without touching her but for the first time she reached around and grabbed my arm and wrapped it around herself.

“I got into a bit of problem this morning.”

“What kind of problem?”

“Well, let’s just say I didn’t go through the front door at the MET’s.”

“Of course you didn’t. Did you get caught?”

“Sort of but I’m pretty quick and the security guy was fat and slow. I probably shouldn’t go nowhere near there the next couple of days though.”

“I could probably survive you staying right here for the next couple of days.”

“Is that so?”

She moved so quickly my brain hadn’t even registered her moving before she was on top of me. I tried to remember how to breath but it came out in gasps when she grinned down at me.

“We’re not going to have sex… Not tonight. Maybe someday but not tonight. If I kiss you again, will you be able to handle it or go complete bananas and make me run at the door?”

“I can’t fucking think right now, babe. You’re so goddamn beautiful, London.”

My brain was blank. How the hell I was able to form words was a complete mystery to me but it seemed to be doing the trick. She looked at me intently for another heartbeat before leaning in to kiss me. It was careful and soft as the very first kiss but quickly moved past that and got deeper. I grab the sheets underneath my hands in a tight grip, forcing myself not to touch her because if I did, I was pretty sure I would cross the line for what she just said we wouldn’t do. My body was already ready for sex and I searched desperately in my brain for something entire different to focus on but I lost that battle pretty quickly.

“Don’t fight it, Norm. You don’t have to feel bad about wanting me more then I’m able to give you right now. I don’t mind.”

When she spoke, one small hand was suddenly at my crotch and my mind got crystal clear within seconds and I grabbed her wrist.

“No… Don’t… You don’t have to.”

“I know that.”

She said and looked back at me with a calm and collected look on her face. She wriggled her hand free from my grip and dropped her mouth back to mine and I lost it all over again. She made me forget about everything and everyone around me. I could stay right there in that moment until the whole fucking world came to an end.

“I know you won’t hurt me, Norman Reedus. Just… Keep your hands to yourself right now and let me do this. I want to. I really want to. Ok?”

I noticed she was suddenly looking at me and I realized she was waiting for an answer. I couldn’t find my voice though and simply nodded at her. She nodded back and carefully began to work her way over my entire body. First with her carefully and exploring hands and then her lips followed and I couldn’t remember even being touched like this before. She worked over every inch, spending some extra time on the ink on my upper body. She lingered a little longer on the red ink with my son’s name.

I forced myself to shut my eyes tight. I knew that if I dropped my gaze and watched her, I would come even before she had really touched me. I dug my fingers into the palms of my hands and bit my lower lip hard enough to taste blood when her fingers wrapped themselves around me and her mouth followed not even a second later. It wasn’t just the sexual tension that made me so breathless and losing control. It was mostly because she actually touched me and through the weeks of knowing she was on the same planet as I was, I had spent countless hours daydreaming about what it would be like if she put her hands on me. And it made me gasp and shake because what I had been dreaming about didn’t even come close to this. It was so overwhelming and somewhat surprising that she could allow herself to do this. It felt like she wanted to memorize every hair and every freckle on my body and I couldn’t wait to do same to her.

I didn’t last long. The emotional as well as sexual realize that followed left me a complete boneless mess on the bed. I hadn’t even had the ability to scream, because I really wanted to just scream her name to the entire New York City but the feelings that rushed through me went beyond the ability to form any kind of words. I might even have lost consciousness for a while because after all the time in the world or no time at all, she was kneeling beside me, close to my head and tried to find my eyes.

“Are you ok?”

It was the first words I could hear her say but I was pretty sure she had been talking before then, I just hadn’t been able to focus on her. She moved before I could get her into focus and she left the bed and I could hear her run the water in the bathroom.

“Shit…!”

“Shush, you’re going to wake Mingus.”

She giggled quietly when she was back and began cleaning up the mess I had left behind and it made me finally find my voice and cry out and half rose from the bed. It spun so much I bounced right back down.

“Holly fucking shit, Lo….”

“Yeah, I haven’t really gotten a reaction like this before. You sure you’re ok?”

“Haven’t felt this good in years, baby. Are you ok?”

I reached out a hand towards her face and she let me without hesitation. My hand landed on her face and she smiled a little shyly at me when she nodded.

“Awesome. I’ve been wanting to do this for a while now. It’s just kinda hard not to fantasize about it when you walk around without cloths on so damn much.”

I wanted to say sorry but we both knew I had done it on purpose and that I wasn’t really sorry for it at all, so I just smirked at her and she rolled her eyes at me.

“Promise me, Lo.”

“I’m fine, Norman.”

I leaned up on me elbows and traced one finger from the corner of her eye, down to her chin.

“I really did mean it.”

“What?

“You’re beautiful, London.”

She bent her head for a second before looking back straight at me.

“So are you.”


	8. New People

I had spent the past 4 nights having very vivid dreams about the man I was sleeping next to and then having to spent hours away from him. I had had to keep myself busy with whatever I could find during the hours I was away from him. I just couldn’t stop think about exploring his gorgeous body a lot closer then just from a distance. Finally I just gave up and decided to take a chance. Which was insane really because I didn’t take chances. Not ever! But there really wasn’t any going back from this. He was the first man in my life that understood and respected who I was and why I was the way I was. He never put his hands on me first but waited for me to tell him it was ok. Even when I kissed him for the first time, he kept his hands firmly to the side of his own body although I knew he wanted something else entirely. His body had betrayed him every night I had spent in his bed. He had felt uncomfortable about it but it had just pushed me into even more vivid dreams and a stronger urge to finally be able to touch him the way I knew he was longing for me to do.

Friday morning I woke up alone in bed and could hear voices outside the closed door. It sounded like he was having an argument with his son and my just awoke brain could hear words like ‘Mingus, don’t’, ‘jacket’ and ‘backpack’. Quickly I put two and two together and realized the teenager had probably found my abounded cloths and backpack at the balcony door. I sat bolt upright and moved to get out of bed when I heard footsteps approach. I halted on the edge of the bed though and crawled back and pulled the cover around me although I was fully cloth. I had to meet this kid sooner or later anyway. No more thoughts had time to go through my mind before the door carefully opened and a blond head peaked inside and found me right away. The door slammed the second later though and I heard both father and son curse.

“Fuck, dad! Come on…!”

“I said not right now, Mingus!”

“It’s fine, Norman!”

I called back to the closed door and I guess the teenager was the one to take full advantage of his father being distracted. Once again the door opened carefully and the head peaked inside and looked straight at me.  

“Hello.”

I said and took a close look at the boy in front of me. He was so much alike his mother but it was at the same time no doubt he was Norman’s son. I could see the man I had fallen head first in love with, in the teenager’s bone structure and careful smile.  

“Hi.”                       

He replayed before pushing the door open. Norman lingered behind him, not really sure what to do and I almost felt sorry for him. He was just as on edge as I was but he was a lot worse at hiding it. The teenager scrutinized me for about a minute and I allowed him without speaking.

“I’m Mingus, nice to meet you.”

“I’m London, nice to meet you too, Mingus.”

“Cool name!”

“Likewise.”

“Yeah, it was dad’s idea.”

“Mine too.”

“Well, I really just wanted to say hi. I’m off to school. Maybe I’ll see you around?”

“I hope so.”

“Really?”

Norman couldn’t restrain himself anymore and he poked his head around his son with wide eyes to look at me. I saw the teenager eyeing his father without getting any recognition back and then at me. I nodded at both of them, smiling.

“Yes.”

I said and I really meant it at that moment. I really wanted this to work out somehow. I wanted to get to know the teenager too just as I had started to get to know his father. Although we had only spent a week together, I had a pretty good picture about who the man was and this far I liked every single piece of what I was seeing more and more for each day. I wanted to be able to trust him like the only person I had ever trusted in my life and this far he was doing it all right. I knew it wouldn’t last and that it wasn’t fair to put him through this because I knew that I would end up leaving and although I couldn’t wrap my head around why, I also knew that I would hurt him by leaving. But right now I didn’t care. I just wanted to be able to fly high for just a little while longer.  

Mingus said goodbye and at first Norman just stood staring at me in the doorway but once his son called out to him from the front door, he turned and followed him. I heard them share a short conversation with lots of love and hugs and my heart melted a little hearing him smother his son with love. Once the front door closed behind Mingus, it only took him about 2 seconds to return to the bedroom. He came to a staggering halt in the doorway and had to grab the wall for support when his legs moved a little faster than the rest of his body.

“You’re here… You’re still here.”

“Where the hell would I go?”

“Dunno...”

He crawled into bed and right up to me. He crossed his legs and placed his hands palm up in his lap. I reached out for them at once and I could feel my entire body relax the moment we touched. How was it that my body had gotten so use to him already? I was going slightly crazy trying to figure out what it fuck it was about this man that made my very core change.

“Are the offer still standing?”

“What offer?”

“About going to Georgia with you?”

He gaped at me for a solid 10 seconds before crocking out something that sounded like a ‘yes’.

“Ok, good… I’ll go to Georgia with you then.”

“Great.”

I had expected a different reaction from him but there was a stone face looking back at me. For about 2 heartbeats. Then he just launched at me, a wide, gorgeous smile on his face and tears in his eyes. He grabbed my face between both of his hands and kissed me hard and quick. When the first shock vanished and I could feel him pull away, I grabbed him right back and attached my lips to his. My hands vanished into his hair and I pulled him down, closer to me when my back hit the bed. His hands left my face and he supported himself on either side of my head and in between the passion kisses that got deeper for every passing second, my brain registered that he was able to control some parts of his body better than others. Just by simply placing his hands there he was telling me without words that he wouldn’t touch me unless I asked him to and although my body was craving his touch the painful memories of what had happened when men had touched me before, made me freeze. Kissing him was a whole other matter, this was nothing like the past. They had never taken the time to just kiss me. Hitting, raping, had been their thing. But he took his time, exploring every possible part of my tongue, lips and face. I had never been kissed like this before, so gentle and passionate at the same time.

I knew he wanted more, his body couldn’t hide his need to get closer to me again but at the same time as I started to think about trying to end our heated make-out session, he grabbed my face between his hands and placed one final kiss on my forehead, before collapsing on top of me, breathing hard next to my ear. If I hadn’t been able to smell his by now familiar scent as he lay on top of me, I probably would have freaked out, but it was something about his steady breathing and pounding heart that made me relax and actually wanting him to stay where he was. I caressed the hair out of his face and he did the same to me and everything was perfect at that moment.

It was interrupted by his phone going off and the loud noise coming from the back pocket of his jeans made him jump so violently I banged our heads together. He cursed, I cursed and he rolled off of me, holding on to his bumped forehead.

“What?”

He answered with an annoyed snarl when he quickly turned back to me to make sure I was ok. I rubbed the spot his head had hit mine, eyes closed and tried to make my head stop spinning. I was pretty sure it was the overwhelming feelings of our kissing that made my head spin though and not the actual blow.

“Fuck… Hold on a sec, Andy…Are you ok?”

His hand was on top of mine when he demanded an answer. I nodded to him but he had got up from the bed before I had the chance to really respond.

“Fine… I’m fine!”

I called after him when he left for the bathroom and I heard him turn on the water. He returned with a wet, cold towel and removed my hand from the bump on my forehead and pressed it to it.

“I’m sorry. Sure you’re ok?”

“I’m fine, it wasn’t your fault.”

I could hear the Englishman call for attention from the phone that was still lying on the bed.

“Fucking wait, Andy!”

“A bit of an impatient man, isn’t he?”

I asked, chuckling lightly when I grabbed the towel from his hand and held it pressed to my head myself. It did feel a bit better with the cold actually so maybe it wasn’t just his kisses that had made me lightheaded.

“You have no idea. He’s a fucking pain the ass.”

“You know I can hear you loud and clear, right?”

Norman rolled his eyes when we both heard the comment from the phone.

“Sort of the point, dude. What’s up, Andrew?”

He seemed satisfied that I was ok and he picked the phone back up without moving as much as an inch away from me. He even held my other hand.

“Everything alright, man?”

“It’s fine.”

“She’s right there, isn’t she?”

“Yes, London’s here.”

“You know you’re fucking insane, right?”

He gave up a frustrated groan before turning away from me, probably trying to stop me from hearing their conversation but it didn’t work that well.

“Come on, Andy stop this shit.”

“Just saying, man this… She’s nothing but trouble and…”

“Stop… Ok? Just stop talking about this. I know what you think and I appreciate that you care but just… Stop.”

“Sorry, Norm… I’m sorry. You’re right. I apologize. I shouldn’t make judgments but… I want to meet this girl. You need to bring her down to Atlanta sometime.”

“We will see what happens, Andy. I hope I will but for now just chill, man, ok? I’m fine, I’m really good actually.”

“Good, I’m glad to hear that cause you haven’t been for the past weeks. When are you coming down?”

“I’ll leave on the 23rd. When are you flying in?”

“Monday… What are you two up to today then?”

“Damnit, Andy it’s not… I don’t know. I’m not in charge here so I really don’t know. And I really don’t care, I just want her to be here right now.”

“Ok, just take care of yourself, Norman. Don’t…”

“Shit…!”

Norman cut the Britt of with a loud curse and a small jump when I moved to sit behind him and put my hands inside his shirt. He looked wildly around and it was like he couldn’t believe what I was doing. Hell, I couldn’t believe I was doing this! But he had said I was in charge so I was going to take advantage of that. And at that moment I wanted to explore his gorgeous back. I didn’t mind listening to the two friends, it was nice to be able to listen to something as normal as a conversation between two best friends. There were so many things I had started to appreciate once I had them back in my life again. Silly, small things to the rest of the world probably but for me it was like starting over again. I had to learn how to crawl again, taking baby steps back into the real world. And he helped me doing that. I had lost control of my own life for so many years and it was surreal to have this man tremble because I simply touched him.

“What? What’s going on?”

Andy quickly asked. Norman tore his eyes away from me and turned his head back to look straight ahead and I heard him take a deep breath as I helped him out of his shirt.

“Nothing, just dropped something… Listen, can I call you la…God dammit.”

I had to admit it was pretty amusing to watch him lose his focus right in front of me. Simply having my fingers trace his spine made him shiver and lose track of his conversation with his friend.

“What are you guys doing? I thought you said you weren’t going to have sex with…”

“Shut up, Andy. We’re not having sex. Trust me, I would not be talking to you if that was the case. I really need to go though. Can I call you later?”

“Did you sleep with her, Norm?”

“Bye, Andy.”

“Tell me if you slept with her.”

“No…! I really have to go. Bye.”

“No, come on…!”

“The man said goodbye, Andy.”

I reached out and grabbed the phone from him and ended the conversation between the two friends. He turned his head to look at me in amuse surprise before letting out a small giggle and shook his head.

“You really pissed him of now, babe.”

“Does it look like I care?”

“No…”

“There’re beautiful, your tattoos.”

“Thank you. Please don’t stop.”

He begged as my fingers left his flaming back.

“Just don’t move…”

I said before leaning back in and lightly kissed my way up his back, tracing his gorgeous upper arms even more lightly with the tips of my fingers, making him visible tremble underneath my touch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE :)


	9. Sex

The desire to be close to her was like nothing I had ever experience before. Sure, there had been a few women in my life but they were all a bleak, colorless, long forgotten memory once she put her hands on me. Even if I wanted to hide the effect she had on me, I couldn’t. My body reacted so violently to her touch, there was no way in hell she could miss it. And I even think she liked it a little too much to know she was in control. But I wasn’t about to protest. This was what she needed to be able to trust me so I was going to do everything I could to restrain myself to just do what I was dreaming about every single time I closed my eyes. I wanted to make her tremble too. I wanted to make her moan my name like she did to me at least once a day in the week leading up to us leaving for Georgia.

I was still scared shitless every time she walked out the front door that she wouldn’t come back though. Almost every day she would leave, if only for a few hours but she had said that she needed some time alone. I really think she just needed to know she could leave whenever she wanted but it was still hard for me to get use to the idea of her feeling the need to leave. It felt like she was running or rather that she had to run. She couldn’t really control it and even after almost 3 weeks together, she still jumped every time my phone rang and she would run and hide as soon as the doorbell rang, although it was just a delivery man. She still refused to get a haircut or go to see a doctor although I offered to bring both to the apartment so she didn’t have to go them. She had said she still tried to get use to me touching her and that was fucking enough for the time being. I could accept that. Not really understand it but if that was what she felt at the moment, it would be the thing I listen to.

“I’m just going to head out for a few hours.”

Friday morning after finishing breakfast she came into the bathroom when I was brushing my teeth. I looked up at her through the mirror and saw that she had borrow one of many TWD caps.

“Fine.”

I replayed and finished brushing before turning around to face her.

“I have a request though.”

“A request?”

“Yes.”

I walked up to her and grabbed her by the waist and pulled her into my arms. She gasped but I knew it wasn’t because she was scared anymore. I knew it was getting harder for her every day not to have me touch her the way she would touch me. I never would before she asked me to but teasing her like this was pretty funny. She swallowed hard and exhaled sharply before collecting herself quickly and wrap her arm around my neck and it was my time to gasp and just melt into her touch as her fingers got lost in my hair and she kissed me. 

“You were saying?”

She asked, pulling away too quickly for my liking and I shoved her forward and caught her lips once more. I threw the cap away from her head so I could go in for the really deep kiss.  

“I want you to take my credit card and go out shopping.”

I said between kisses.

“Why?”

She moved her mouth away from mine and kissed her way up the side of my neck and whispered in my ear before lightly biting my earlobe. And I lost a little bit of control at that moment. I grabbed her and spun her around and placed her on the sink behind and moved in between her legs. She gave a small moan when I attacked the side of her neck and returned the favor.

“Because you need new clothes and shoes. Damn, girl, buy what the hell you want.”

“I thought you liked it when I wore your cloths.”

“I do but I want you to have something on your own too.”

“You know you don’t have to buy me, right?”

My lips halted on her collarbone when she spoke. She was panting slightly when I lifted my head and looked straight at her.

“I know. I just don’t want you to do something stupid.”

“Like shoplifting?”

“Yeah. You don’t have to anymore. I want to take care of you, Lo. Please let me.”

She considered me for a moment before nodding.

“Ok. I’ll take your credit card and go shopping. But you should know I have a bit of a history of spending a lot of money in a very short time.”

“Go all in, baby.”

“If you come with me.”

I did not see that one coming and I felt myself gape a little at her as she leaned in and kissed my parted lips softly.

“It’s our last day in New York for…I don’t know, a while I guess. Let’s make it the best of it and if you want to go shopping, we can go shopping.”

“I want you to want to go shopping, London.”

“I want to go shopping if you go with me. I’ve never been good in crowds but if you’re there, I’m sure I can get through it.”

“Ok, let’s go shopping. Perhaps I should just give you your own credit card.”

“Yeah, thanks but no thanks… It’s really sweet, Norman and I know you’re really just want to help but that’s… I don’t want your money. Besides, you probably need a social security number to get a credit card, right?”

“I guess… You don’t have a social security number?”

“Not anymore. My parents had me declared dead 2 years after I run away.”

I heard what she was saying but I couldn’t wrap my head around it. There was just so much fucked up things with this girl that I couldn’t keep up. It was just one thing after the other and I wondered if it ever stopped. Andy was probably right, I really should have walked away when I still could. Now, I would never be able to be any kind of happy without her in my life. I was over my head in love with her…

She tried to bring me back to the present by waving a hand in front of my eyes and I had to blink a few times and shake my head.

“What? How? Why? That’s… Fuck, Lo that’s just insane. So what? You don’t exist?”

“London Richardson does not exist, no. She died of a drug overdose May 15th 2001\. I even have the obituary from the Boston Globe. It’s kinda fucked up, yeah I know.”

“But why?”

“Keep up appearance, I guess. Looks kinda bad for an FBI agent if he can’t find his own daughter so he came up with some sob story about not being able to help me in time or some crap like that, that I had got dragged into the wrong crowd and they had really tried to get me into rehab and shit. I was quiet impressed actually, he had had to put some work into it.”

“That’s why the cops don’t have your real name?”

“Yeah. It’s easier to disappear when there’s no record of you.”

“What about fingerprints? Don’t they have your fingerprints?”

“Fortunately NYPD have more important things to do then keep track of the homeless population in the city. And I never get caught doing something really stupid so they didn’t care.”

“What did you get caught doing?”

“Break into places most of the time. Like offices and stores. Shoplifting a couple of times, not like Tiffany’s or anything so they do usually let it slide as long as I return whatever I took. Can we just go before you get all emotional because once that happens, I don’t think I’ll be able to let you go.”

She grabbed hold of my shirt and pulled me into a breathless kiss. And it was what I needed at that point not to break down crying. She knew me so well already and although I couldn’t care less if she saw me crying, I wanted to be able to pull my shit together. Her past didn’t matter, just her future. I wasn’t going to get hung up on what had happened in her past if she didn’t find it important. This was obviously something that didn’t bother her that much so I tried to put it out of my mind too. And feeling her soft, full lips, on mine, demanding my full attention made me forget about everything else.

                                            ---------------------------------------

I thought I knew New York pretty well but I was a newbie compered to her. She knew every single corner of the city like the back of her own hand. She took me places I didn’t even knew existed in the town I had lived in for 20 years. Since Walking Dead had really taken off, I spent less time out on the streets of NYC but with the pretty good disguise of pulling the hood of my jacket up over my cap and wearing sunglasses, we ran around town like all the other 8 million people who wanted to be invisible. I got why she left every day when I was able to see her out on the streets. This was her safe zone, where she was comfortable and where she knew she could make it on her own. Because she had for 3 years and it took an extraordinary strong person to make it that long without going into psychosis or start using drugs. She had chosen to live on the streets herself because there was no other option for her really, but also because it helped her get away from something even worse. I didn’t need to know what it had really been like, I had a pretty clear picture already but if she one day decided to tell me, I would listen. Probably very reluctant and with the same outcome as when she showed me the scars around her wrist but still, I would be there if she’d tell me.

                                            ----------------------------------

She could shop, that’s one things for sure! It took her a while to get started and the first stores we visited, we left empty handed but once she found a pair of pink and purple sneakers she just fell in love with it was like pulling the plug after taking a bath. When I finally managed to convince her I actually did mean she could go all in, she really started to look for things she liked. It was close to midnight when we finally got back to the apartment and both of us crashed on the sofa after dumping all the shopping inside the door.

“Damn, girl you weren’t kidding.”

“Yeah, sorry… I did warn you.”

“I’m just glad to see you smile.”

“You don’t need to take me shopping to make me smile, Norm.”

“I know.”

“And it wasn’t the actual shopping that made me smile.”

She turned around from her back to her stomach and when I tilted my head back, I found her looking straight at me.

“No?”

“No. It was just nice to have someone there with me. To have you there with me and knowing that… Knowing that you care and that I can trust you.”

“Come here.”

I invited her into my arms when I sat up and she moved at once, wrapping her arms around my waist and put her head to my chest. I pressed my lips to her hair and inhaled deeply. She smelled of a perfect mixture between citrus and cotton candy. At least those where the two things that popped into my head first.

“If I tell you something, can you try not to freak out and get all sad puppy eyes on me?”

“Of course I can try, not making any promises though.”

“It’s just that this is… Fuck, you might just need to know incase we would… You don’t have to worry about me getting pregnant, because I can’t.”

I knew I would regret asking but the ‘why’ came out before I could stop it. She kept looking straight ahead, away from me and I was glad she did. I swallowed back the tears and forced a calming breath through my entire body.

“I’ve no ovaries. When they found me after he died I… I was in pretty bad shape and stayed in the hospital for like a month while they tried to… fix me up. They removed both ovaries and one kidney and I’ve titanium plates holding my left arm together and a lot of other shit but… You know, you don’t have to think about that too.”

“Ok…”

I really couldn’t find it in me to say anything else. I just used all my energy not to break down and cry again. Before I had the chance to let my mind drift too deep into misery over that fact that she would never be giving the opportunity to carry a child, she moved out of my arms and turned to look straight at me.

“I wanna have sex with you.”

Her words took my mind away from everything involving her in a hospital bed all alone and it was instead flooded with images of her screaming my name and begging me to keep going.

“Now?”

“Why don’t we take a shower together and see what happens?”

“Lo… I…I… Promise me, London… You gotta promise me you say no if you don’t want me to touch you. I don’t want you to feel like you’ve to do anything. Not for me. I can wait, Lo. You don’t have to rush…”

She caught me off with a kiss and straddled my lap, effectively shutting me up. I felt my palms getting sweaty and my heart pound in my ears. I was suddenly nervous to the point that I feared I would start sweating bullets. It wasn’t about the sex, I knew how to do that pretty good if I was to say so myself. But it was the fact that it was sex with _her._ I wasn’t sure how to do this. How to make it work, how to impress her and I really wanted to impress her. I was pretty sure I had one chance to make this work. I had to show her how good it could really be, I could not screw this up!

“I want to have sex with you, Norman. I’m fine, I promise you. But if you’re not…”

She trailed off and looked down on her own hands, resting on my chest. Without missing a heartbeat I grabbed them and kissed her knuckles.

“There’s nothing I want more, Lo. Really… I just don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to or might regret. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Alright. Come on then.”

She got up and held out her hand to me once she stood. It took me a second to grab it. Not because I didn’t want to but because I wanted to give her the time to change her mind if she felt the need to. Her hand shook slightly when I looked at it but once she held mine, it was steady and she lead the way to the master bathroom.

“If I do something wrong, tell me.”

She simply nodded at my words and I knew she was too focused on keeping herself together to form any more words. She was trembling with nerve and I think excitement, it was hard to tell since it was the first time. She was standing right in front of me on the bathroom floor and trembled but her eyes were steady and full of desire when I returned from turning on the shower. She wore black jeans and a hoodie tonight and although she had actually seen me naked on a numerus of occupations already, it felt like it was the first time. I was so nervous, my hands shook when I grabbed the hem of her hood. She rose her arms above her head and in one fluid motion I undressed her. Although I never for a second lost eye contact with her, I could tell she wore nothing underneath. She took my hand and guided it to her lower stomach. I could feel the scared surface but it didn’t matter. She unbuttoned and dropped the jeans by herself and once she stepped out of them, she took a step back and I let my hands drop to the side of my body.

“Look at me. All of me.”

She asked. I allowed my myself to take my eyes away from hers and I scanned her body inch by inch. I heard myself gasp. Anyone would at seeing her naked body. There wasn’t a single body part that wasn’t scared, besides her face. I had already seen the burns on her under arms and they continued all the way up to her shoulders. Through the mirror I could see her back and the deep, red scars all over her back screamed at me. I had had scars like that once as Daryl but that had been make-up. These were real. Hers were as real as the tears starting to build in my eyes.

“I’m going to choose to look at all your scars as one step closer to what we have right now. Without them you wouldn’t be here and you wouldn’t be the same person as you are now.”

I took a step forward and put my hands back on her hips. My finger found what probably was the biggest scar on her body and I gently traced it from her left hipbone, up across her bellybutton before it faded a few inches up her stomach. It looked like she had been sliced open but before any horrible thoughts started to real form in my mind she spoke.

“Please, just touch me before I go crazy.”

The plea in her voice was so husky and full of desire I forgot how to breath for a second. She stared at me with intense eyes and the smirked that started to spread over her lips came when she saw the same desire starting to spread through my eyes. It really didn’t matter how many scars she had, I didn’t really see them once she asked me to touch her. They were just a part of her beautiful body, like the freckles on her nose or the small birthmark that looked like a heart on the back of her right knee. Inside that shower, I took my time to work over every single inch of her body with hands and fingers, mouth and tongue.

I felt like I was in this absolute amazing dream that I never wanted to end when she took the lead and walked back to the bedroom. I wasn’t really aware of my own feet but I must have followed her because we were in bed and she was lying underneath me.

“Promise me.”

“I promise. I really want to do this.”

She whispered and it was all the reassurance I needed before giving in to both our needs. I watched her intently, ready to move away at an instant if she gave the tinniest sign of wanting me to, when I pushed myself inside her. She gasped and her fingers dug into my back and I stopped at once.

“No… Please, keep going.”

She begged.

It was sometime in the middle of the night when I became somewhat conscious about our surroundings again. The room smelled strongly of sweet body fluids and sweat and she was sitting in my lap, facing me with her legs wrapped around my waist. I was still buried deep inside her and she was resting her heaving head to my shoulder while both of us tried to catch our breath.

“Holly shit…!”

She actually laughed and although all her actions in that bed had convinced me she really was ok with this, that was the final proof I needed to be able to relax.

“Holly shit indeed.”

“If I would’ve known you were this good at sex, I would’ve asked a lot sooner.”

“You’re ok?”

“Absolutely amazing. I don’t know how to stop though.”

“Good. Me neither.  

I admitted and sniggered. She pulled back and looked at me, grinning too. I really didn’t know how to stop once we had gotten started. There was nothing else I wanted to do but to be with her, making our two bodies become one. She pulled the hair out of my sweaty face and kissed me. And although I was pretty sure she was aiming for just that one kiss, once I felt her lips against mine again, it made it impossible for either of us to just leave it at that. From the second time she actually kissed me, we could never just leave it at one simple kiss. It always turned out to be a full blown make out session that when being alone usually led to the next thing very quickly. I couldn’t get enough of her and it seemed she couldn’t get enough of me either.


	10. Broken Pieces

****

I had fallen so fucking hard. There were no more walls left for him to break through. They had all crumbled to a pail of dust at my feet and I had let him. He took me places I didn’t even know existed and he made me want to stay there until I died. I had never been touch like that before. It wasn’t just his hands and lips that touched me, it was all the emotions he passed on as well. With every small touch of his hands or lips he told me without words that he would keep me safe if I wanted him to. He was so careful and gentle it drove me insane, sometime during our tumble in bed and I had just begged him to keep going.

It was the corniest thing really, but feelings his hands on me, touch every scar on my body that he could find, made it all better. He hugged the broken pieces of my body right back together.

For the past 6 years, sex had been a source of pain for me and nothing that brought me any kind of pleasure or nice memories. He turned that around in just one night. He showed me what it was all about, how good it could really be. How good he could be. And I was pretty sure he had been holding back so the mere thought of what was to come made me tremble with excitement. I just had to convince him I was ok. Because he was still nervous and scared he’d hurt me.

When we sat wrapped in each other arms in the middle of the bed and I kissed him I had wanted to try to tell him I was really ok but I gave in at once when I felt him move in for a lot more then I had intended from the beginning. It was the best kind of drug, kissing him. I just couldn’t stop it and neither it seemed could he. I could feel him go hard inside me all over again and I grabbed a tight hold around his neck as I started to move around him without conscious thought. My body had never worked on its own like this before, wanting and searching for the pleasure and with him it was easy to find it. He knew exactly how to make me cry out his name the way I knew he had been waiting so long for me to do.

I was disoriented when I woke the next day. It took me good few minutes to realize why I was waking up with a smile on my face and why I felt fucking high. My head felt like Jell-O, the good kind of Jell-O and I never wanted to come down from this high again. I could hear Norman move about in the kitchen, whistling to himself and the smell of coffee filled the entire apartment. I was on my stomach, resting my hands underneath a pillow and once I turned my head around to find a clock, the black cat look straight back at me from the nightstand.

“Come on, don’t look so pissed.”

I told the cat because it felt like he was really scowling at me and it probably was because he had been kicked out of bed both once and twice during the night.

“You’ll have to learn to share now.”

I wasn’t sure why I was talking to the animal in the first place but he seemed like the smarter of his kind and might understand what I was saying. He gave a low meow and stepped into the bed when I sat up and wrapped the covers around my naked body just in case he decided to go ninja on me shred me to pieces. He looked at me for another second before deciding to play nice today and laid down in my lap and demanded to be petted.

“Morning.”

Norman pushed open the door with a breakfast tray in his hands and headed straight for the bed.

“Good morning.”

I replayed and felt the silly grin on my face get even bigger. I had smiled more the past couple of days then I had smiled for years and it actually made the muscles in my face ache.

“How are you?”

His hand still hesitated just for a fraction of a second before he touched my face and it made the dust at my crumbling walls, sink through the floor. This man was so full of respect towards the opposite sex that I knew that if every man on this planet had just half the respect towards fellow human beings, there would be no more wars.

“You don’t have to hold back anymore, Norman. I’m really fine with you touching me. Anytime, anywhere.”

He blushed slightly and smiled when he bent his head to look at his own hands.

“I don’t want to do something wrong.”

“You’re not. I swear. I want you to touch me.”

“Ok. Sleep well?”

“Better then in years. What time’s it anyway?”

“Like 1 o’clock.”

“Wow, really? How long have you been up?”

“Like an hour, getting the last things together.”

“When are we leaving?”

“Whenever you’re ready. As long as I make the first day of production on Monday we’re fine, so there’s no reason to rush really.”

“Why don’t you just fly? Why drive?”

“Cause this asshole don’t like flying that much.”

He reached over and petted the black sleeping furball in my lap on the head at the same time as I reached over and grabbed a bagel from the tray and began tearing it into small pieces before putting them in my mouth. I knew I had a very bad habit of picking food apart but it was something that remined from my time being “married”. I really didn’t know what to call it. We had been married on paper but that’s where the similarities of the words stopped. Except ‘death do us part’.

He wanted to say something about it but I could see him press his lips together and grabbed a cup of coffee instead of asking.

“I know you want to ask, so just ask.”

“What…? No, it’s nothing.”

“Come on, Norm. Just ask. If I don’t want to tell you, I won’t but you can always ask.”

He considered me for a moment and picked up his own bagel and took a bite.

“Why’d you do that?”

“When I was with… James. His name was James, it’s probably easier if you just know his name… The last year with him I began to starve myself, hopping I would just die that way but he caught on pretty quickly what I was up to so he began watching me eat. I could get away with a lot though just by picking the food apart into small pieces and stuff them away when he wasn’t looking. Like under my shirt and stuff. I know it’s usually what anorectic people do and yes, it’s a bad habit I know but this… Bad habits die hard I guess…”

“What happened to him? Did you kill him?”

“No. I wanted to but I was never strong enough. No, it was just… A stupid accident or maybe karma, I don’t know…He got run over by a bus of all the damn things in the world.”

“So what happened to you after that? He just didn’t come home and the cops showed up and helped you or what?”

I snorted at his question and shook my head as I tried to find a way to explain what had happened without making him think I was completely insane. There really wasn’t any and I looked at him, searching for something to hold on to. He looked straight back at me and calmly waited for me. I could trust him, I knew that but I wasn’t so sure he would be able to handle the whole truth about how fucked up I had been and in some ways still was.

“They came to ask me to id him… I did and… They wanted to take me to the hospital but I refused. I just… You know, I hadn’t been outside the house for almost 3 years so it was… I didn’t know anything else and I don’t even think I grasped what the whole thing meant. I know the cops that came to pick me up tried to talk to me, making me understand that he really was dead but I… I even fucking cried. I stayed in the fucking house alone, waiting for him to come back. After a month when he still hadn’t returned I headed outside again and… I don’t know, maybe to look for him or something although I knew he was rotting away at the morgue. It was fucking insane, I know that now but…That’s when I collapsed in the middle of the street and next thing I knew I woke up in the hospital and they had operated on me for 12 hours. When I got discharged I was right back at that house but it was already too late. New people were waiting to move in and I just grabbed my backpack and a few essentials that I needed and left and I haven’t been back since.”

He was silent for minutes and he probably tried to take it all in. Again. He had so much patients with me and he really tried to understand. He probably deep down thought I was a complete freak but I could never tell that was what he actually thought and he never once said it. I didn’t deserve his understanding and patients and I should really stop answering all his questions. What right did I have to tell him all this? What gave me the right to burden him with my stories? It wasn’t like there could ever be a happily ever after between us when I kept puking all the horrible things in my life all over him. But it felt so good to have just one single person on this God forsaken planet that knew what had happened to me. Someone actually knew that I walked this earth too and although I couldn’t really understand why or how, he actually cared that I did and wanted me to keep walking. Preferably beside him.

“I’m not going to run off because you tell me things like this or wanting you to leave, London. I want you to tell me, to trust me enough to share your life with me. I want to help, whatever it is that you need.”

“I don’t know what I need… I’ve never needed anyone else besides myself but it feels good to talk to you.”

“Good. Then keep talking if that’s what you need. I know I get emotional and shit but I can take it. I think.”

“I’m good for now.”

“Ok… So I just want to make sure you’re ok with leaving.”

“I really can’t assure you before we actually leave but it feels pretty good. I’m just scared shitless but other than that I’m fine.”

I chuckled and he followed and nodded in agreement.

“Yeah, me too.”

“How long has it been since you lived with anyone?”

“Wow… Years… Fuck, yeah it’s been years. I’ve had some girls stay for a short period of time but really lived with someone….? Yeah, it’s been years. I’m hoping you can break the tradition.”

“I can’t make any promises. I’m not that good at staying at once spot for too long. I’m going to try.”

“I’m not going to give up on you.”

“Yeah, keep telling yourself that… You should know what you’re getting yourself into and it’s not going to be like anything you’ve had before. I’m going to try, I promise you that but I also know that at some point I will leave. I’m going to run and keep running and you’re going to wish you never went looking for me in the first place. There’s not going to be anything normal about this.”

“I’ve never been much of a fan of normal. I get what you’re saying, Lo but I also know that you’ll be coming running back.”

He said and his voice was so steady and confident I even believed him when he spoke. He knew I would leave and I knew I would leave but we both also know that I would come back. And that was enough for me to let go of the last bit of control and just follow him wherever he took me. So we left for Senoia, Georgia within the hour of finishing breakfast and I didn’t even looked back as we left the Big Apple behind on Interstate 95.

It was a quiet ride the first couple or hours. Both of us needed some time for ourselves and I was thankful he let me just wander. My head was trying to sort through all the different emotions that was rushing through me but it was overwhelming, there really wasn’t any better way to describe what I felt for him. I could deal with my own feelings pretty good but it was a whole other thing to handle his feelings for me.

I had always been good at pushing away from people when I got too emotional involved, but with him there was no way out. I had fallen so damn hard for him and the crazier thing was that he was just as in love with me as I was in him. He was an open book for me to read, displaying his feelings for me in every little thing he did. It was overwhelming to take in and to process that someone like him could feel that way about me. James had told me every single day that no one else would ever touch me or love me. Who the hell wanted me? When told something like that every single day for five years, you start believing it. I had chosen to shut away my feelings in a tight little box deep inside my heart for a long time and I had no plans to ever opening it again. But he had stripped me down to the bone. I wasn’t even sure I was happy about it yet. A normal person should be happy, ecstatic, to have Norman Reedus falling in love with you, but I was too fucked up and confused to realize most women would give up an arm and a leg to trade places with me.

“Lo…? London!”

He woke me up in the middle of a heated debate inside my head and I jumped when he put his hand on my thigh. Quickly he rose his hands in surrender and leaned away.

“Sorry.”

“No, it’s fine… I was just… Thinking. What’s up?”

I looked around and noticed the car had come to a standstill and I quickly observed that he was in a drive thru que.

“What do you want to eat?”

“Doesn’t really matter. Nuggets is fine. And a milkshake.”

I listen with only half my mind present in the car as he ordered our food. The other half was somewhere between stealing his bag and our heated hours in bed the night before. I lingered on the most resent of the two events and had to bit my own lip not to moan out loud when I recalled how he had been on his knees in front of me in the shower and made my legs shake and buckle under me.

I jumped once again when his hand landed lightly on my knee but this time it ended with a small gasp and I knew just by looking at him that he knew what I was thinking about. He smirked and winked as he handed me the bag of food and intended to keep on driving but I stopped him.  

“Pull over.”

“Why?”

“Are we honestly in such a hurry you can’t stop to eat? Park the damn car.”

“Fine.”

He honored my request and parked as far away from every other car that he possible could. Quickly I started to unwrap my food simply to get my mind off of the man naked and to calm my raising heart. He looked over at me from the corner of his eyes as he turned off the car and moved his seat back as far as it would go.

“Stop eye-fucking me!”

He burst out laughing when I finally had had enough of him stealing sideway glances at me every other minute while liking his fingers.

“I wasn’t!”

“Yes you were!”

“Ok, maybe I was. Is it working?”

He asked as he crumbled the paper of his burger into a ball and tossed it over his head into the backseat.

“What the hell do you think?!”

I muttered to him and tried again but failed miserable, to make my heart stop beating out of my chest. And he could see that too.

“I think you need to finish your food.”

“Then stop undressing me with those fucking eyes.”

“Oh, too late for that, babe. You’ve been naked since we left Manhattan and I’m pretty sure you’ve been undressing me just as much.”

“Shut up…”

Determinately I turned away from him and finished my food in a tensed silence. The sexual tension inside the car was smothering me and I was pretty sure it had the same effect on him. I could hear him squirm in his seat and knowing I had that effect on him made me slightly lightheaded. I was simply sitting next to him, just right there and by simply sucking on the straw to my milkshake I could make him growl quietly to himself. I never knew I could have this impact on another human being. It was confusing to know he was waiting for me to finish my food so that he could fuck me again. Or maybe make love, I really wasn’t that familiar with the differences between the two yet. And I wanted it too. I wanted him so bad I started to tremble before I even moved. I grabbed his crotch and leaned over to him. He gasped and looked at me with wide eyes for 2 seconds before moving past the shock and grabbed me by the waist and lifted me into his lap. I leaned back on my heels and wrapped one arm around his neck and entwined my fingers in his hair.

“It’s illegal to have sex out in public.”

“Good thing this is my car then.”

“Did you learn that in acting school?”

I tugged this shirt out of his jeans and tossed it away from his body before heading straight for his jeans and opened them up.

“What?”

His words came out in gasps as he followed every move my hands were making.

“The eye-fucking. Cause you’re really good at it.”

“Is that so…? Shit…!”

He hissed through his teeth as I pushed his jeans just long enough down his thighs to expose his erection. This was so new to me I wasn’t really sure what to do with myself. It wasn’t just the fact that I was actually holding his manhood in my hands that put me in control. He surrendered to me completely and he _wanted_ me to be in control.

“Put your hands on me.”

He snapped open his eyes at once when the request left my mouth and cloths were coming off as quickly as they possible could in the somewhat awkward position we were in.

“You’re fucking incredible, baby.”

He said before diving in for a deep kiss that never ended. It kept going even through him helping me reposition myself and making our two bodies connect.         

**\-------------------------------------**

We found a hotel right outside Harrisonburg to stay at over the night. He was almost asleep as I crawled down next to him after finishing in the bathroom.

“How are you?”

He sighed heavily before opening his eyes to look at me. His mood was hard to read at the moment and I felt the insecurity coming creeping. I moved away from him to sit up with my back to the bedpost and wrapped my arms around my legs.

“I’m fine, Lo.”

“Alright.”

“Why you ask?”

“I guess I’m not use to you not talking…”

He sat up suddenly and watched me intently. I would normally just drown in those eyes. But at the moment I was too confused and worried about his weird mood.

“I was just thinking about what you said when we talked the other night.”

“What part?”

“That you should never walk out on your family. I’m just trying to understand how you… I just don’t get it.”

I looked back at him for a while and tried to remember what we had been talking about. The conversation had slipped into his extended family one night and he had talked for hours about Andy and Greg and Sean and so many more he counted to his family. 

“I just meant that I really love your loyalty and its part of who you are and something you shouldn’t change because of me. Family comes first, right?”

“Yeah, but… You never had a family. You don’t have any references to what’s it like.”

“I’ve you. I’ve seen what it means to you. With Andy and your son and…”

“How the hell have you been able to see that?”

“I like to watch you. I listen and observe even when you don’t think I do. I told you, I notice everything. After James I got extremely… Paranoid I guess, so I like to study people from afar first. I got pretty good at reading people, their relationships and what they wanted.”

“So what about me?”

“What about you?”

“What am I like? What do I want?”

“Well, your first and most important priority is your son. There’s nothing you wouldn’t do for him and even though you have a pretty good relationship with his mother, you wish she would keep out of your business and let you raise him on your own. I know you’re fearing him growing up too fast. I know that you love Andy like a brother, he’s the first one you turn to when you need advice or an opinion on something. I know that what he thinks of this, whatever this is, between you and me, matters more than anything to you right now. Whenever I tell you what has happened in my past, I know you try very hard to stay in control but all you wanted was to cry your eyes out. You don’t want to let your guard down in front of me, always putting on this brave and protecting face, cause you don’t want me to see you weak and vulnerable. I know that you’re terrified every single second that I’m going to leave. And I know that you… I know that you love me, you’re just not sure you should tell me, cause you’re afraid it will scare me away.”

“Will it?”

“I don’t know.”                       

“Where did you pick up on my relationship to Helena?”

“Just the way you talked to her when she called. Your words said one thing but your body a whole other thing…. I find you very interesting when you talk, you use so much more than just your words when you talk. Like right now for instance, your words tell me that you really don’t care that I listen to your conversations, but your body says a whole other thing. It might not bother you that I listen but it bothers you that I knew this much just by watching you.”

“I really don’t mind that you listen to my conversations to other people but it bugs the hell out of me that you are able to read me like you do. It’s freaky you know so much about me just by watching me.”

“So you’re saying it’s all true…?”

 “Pretty much all true.”

He moved suddenly and grabbed me by the arm and pulled me down to my back. He propped himself up on one elbow beside me and looked straight at me.

“London?”

He grabbed my face between his hands as he spoke and I knew what he was going to say before he opened his mouth.

“I love you.”

I saw his lips move and I heard the words and I knew that he really meant it but I couldn’t take it in. The phrase had had no meaning to me in the past. The only one who had ever told me he loved me and that I knew meant it, was Dallas. But it was so long ago I couldn’t recall the last time I had heard the words.

“Thank you.”

I reached up one hand and gently caressed his face. He leaned into my touch and closed his eyes.

“What the fuck are you doing to me…? I’m a fucking mess.”

I noticed then that he was actually crying and I couldn’t quite understand why he would be crying now.

“Why are you crying?”

“I don’t know.”

“I told you to stay away from me if you wanted to keep your sanity.”

“That’s not gonna happen.”

“I know.”

“You’re still here.”

“Where the hell would I go?”

“I just told you I love you.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“And you’re still here…What the fuck, you’re making me fucking cry like a little bitch.”

I actually started to laugh when more tears escaped his eyes. He really did look like a mess and he really didn’t have a reason to cry. I had managed to break him. He had expected me to run out the door once the words were spoken. Now I was still there and I realized that it probably meant a whole lot more to him than it did to me.

“Should I go? So that you can pull yourself together again?”

“Hell no! If you walked out that door I would never recover again.”

“Fine…. I know you want me to say it to but it’s not…”

“I get that, Lo. You don’t have to say it back.”

“I want to able to, one day, but it has just never had a meaning to me before. I’m more like action speaks louder than words type of person.”

“I can give you all kinds of action.”

“You sure can… Are you done crying or do you need a hug?”

“I should hate you for doing this to me. You have no idea how fucking hard you have me wrapped around your finger. It’s insane.”

“I thought you weren’t anybody’s bitch.”

“Na, that’s just Daryl. I’m your bitch, baby.”

He wrapped his arms around me so tightly I forgot how to breathe for a second. He pressed his lips to my hair and loosens his grip. I placed my head to his naked chest and listen to his racing heart until we both fell asleep that night.     


	11. Girlfriend

There were still a few hours of daylight left when I finally parked the car on the driveway to my home away from home. It felt really good to be back and knowing this would be my home base for the following 6 months and that she would be there with me. She looked up from the iPad when the car stopped and seemed disoriented at first.

“You weren’t kidding… This really is in the middle of nowhere.”

She looked around and the view that met her besides the house in front of the car was woods. I had fallen in love with the house from day one and it had been the place I called home for the past two seasons. I stopped for a second after stepping out of the car and just took a breath. It smelled different here, so much cleaner and fresh.

“Where did you live in Boston?”

“We had an estate outside the city and a townhouse in Back Bay.”

She kept her eyes on the house while she talked and took a step forward. I could tell just by looking at her that she was anxious so I decided to let her comment slide although I couldn’t wait for her to tell me more about her life. I walked over to her and grabbed her hand and intended to pull her with me to go inside. She hesitated and I couldn’t really understand why.

“I know you’re going to think I’m crazy but I need to just… Find some escape routes.”

I blinked at her and tried to process her request without making too much judgment and make her even more uncomfortable. I felt myself nodding at her and let out a breath of relief when she just nodded back.

She spent the hours until darkness fell going through the entire house just like she had done when she first entered my apartment in New York. She spent a good hour outside and I could see her checking all doors and windows both once and twice. It was fascinating to watch at the same time as it made me extremely uneasy knowing why she felt a need to do this. I left her alone although it took some pretty strong determination to do so. I just wanted to tell her she was safe and that no one would hurt her here but I knew it wouldn’t matter. And I wondered if it ever would. I kept myself busy with getting to know the house again. Some crew members had prepared the fridge and freezer for me already so that was all set.

_Norman: Home sweet home…_

_Andy: Nice_ _how are u?_

_Norman: Fine. So good to be back_

_Andy: Can I come over?_

_Norman: Not tonight man. Need some time to get her used to this_

_Andy: She alright?_

_Norman: Not sure… She’s freaking me out a little to be honest, have been checking my kitchen 3 times for knifes_

_Andy: What the hell have you gotten yourself into Norm?_

_Norman: I love her…_

_Andy: Call me! Now!_

_Norman: Fine…_

The impulse to call out to her to let her know I was heading out to the garage caught in my throat when I realized she had just vanished outside for a second time and that she probably wouldn’t notice what the hell I was doing.

The fluorescent lights slowly came to life as I turned them on and closed the door behind me before stepping inside the garage and headed straight for the two bikes parked there. Although neither of the bikes needed it, I grabbed my cleaning gear before settling on the floor and connect the phone to my Bluetooth headset and called Andy.

“What the hell do you mean you love her?! What the hell is wrong with you? You’ve known this chick, for what? 3 weeks? I know you have a big heart and a lot of love, man but fuck… Slow shit down!”

“I can’t! I don’t want to. I’m over my fucking head in love with her, Andy.”

“I thought you were done with love.”

“Never, dude...! But this is different, it really is, Andy. I didn’t even know you could feel like this for another human being. I know it’s soon and I know it’s fucking insane but I can’t help what I feel for her.”

“What changed? Did you sleep with her?”

“Yes. The night before we left. It was… Fuck, man it was out of this fucking world.”

“Did she feel the same? And I really don’t mean sex cause I’m just going to take your word for it, but does she love you too?”

“She’s getting there. It’s hard for her to get use to all this.”

“No shit…? Look, just don’t get your hopes up, Norman. I’m sure what you feel is real and I’m not question your feelings for this girl but…Just be careful. Don’t get your heart broken. 3 weeks ago she lived on the fucking street and now… I mean, are you sure she didn’t know who you were?”

“You’ll understand when you met her.”

“When’s that exactly?”

“I’m not sure yet. I’ll talk to her.”

“How are you going to work this out, Norm? She won’t be able to be on set with you, right? She’s just going to stay in the house all the time?”

“I don’t know, ok? Damn, Andy I know this is fucked up, ok? And I could really just need your fucking support right now! I’ll figure something out, we’ll figure something out.”

“I’m sorry, Normski. I’m really sorry, man.”

“Yeah, yeah…”

“You gotta introduce me, it’s just weird that I haven’t got to meet this girl yet.”

“Well, you’ve been 10 000 miles away for the past 6 months. And you just said not to rush shit.”

“You are anyway. Has anyone else tried to talked some sense into you about this?”

“No one else knows besides you and Mingus. And he only met her for like 10 seconds, I haven’t actually told him anything. I guess she has too…”

“Tried to talk some sense into you?”

“Yeah, she keeps warning me that she’s going to leave sooner or later.”

“And you don’t believe her?”

“I don’t want to. She’s probably right but I’m pretty sure she would come back if she left. There’s no going back from this, dude. For either of us.”

“I hope you’re right. See you tomorrow?”

“Yeah.”

“And talk to your girlfriend. I want to meet her.”

“Damn…”

“What?”

“I’ve a girlfriend… Fuck, she’s my girlfriend. London is my girlfriend.”

“Glad I could enlighten you about that at least.”

“Yeah, thanks. See you tomorrow.”

“I love you, man.”

“Love you too, Andy.”

I finished the call and realized I had been polishing the same spot on the Scrambler for the entire conversation. Andy was driving me just as insane as London at the moment. I knew it would be easier for him to understand once they meet, I just wasn’t sure how and when that was going to happen. I decided to try to find out right away. I didn’t want to wait any longer than I had to for two of the most important people in my life to get to know each other. She had to get use to certain people if she was to stay in my life and Andy was definitely one of them. When I rose to my feet and turned around she was right there. She stood in the doorway, one hand on the frame as though she had just opened the door.

“Hi!”

“Hi. I was going to make something to eat, you hungry?”

“Yeah, absolutely, food sounds good. Are you alright?”

She reached out for me before I had time to reach for her. It was a first and I felt silly happy when she wrapped her arm around my waist and looked straight up at me. I tucked a strain of hair behind her ear.

“Aha… Thank you for being so patient with me.”

“Whatever you need to do to feel safe, London. Did you find any good escape routes?”

“There’s a few actually.”

“I hope you won’t have to use them.”

“Me too. Andy on the phone?”

“How’d you know?”

“Cause you talk different to different people.”

“He wants to meet you. I want you to meet him, I really need you to make things work with him and some other people too, but first Andy.”

“Who’s other people?”

“Let’s just take one person at the time, alright?”

“How is that you know me so well already?”

“Well, I figured it’s better to take things slow, right?”

“Yes, please.”

                                            -------------------------------

I felt at home. For the first time in my life I wanted to stay at one place. I had been on a constant move for the past 3 years. It had been a good life in some ways, unbounded and a feeling of being completely free. I had no one to answer to. It was me, myself and I in everything I did. But I would be lying my ass of if I said I had never wanted this. A place of my own, well, sort of anyway, and someone to share it with. It had been a very long time since I had felt any joy in making something for anyone else. My mother's face came to mind when I finished up the cooking. My first memories of her were of a carrying and loving mother. She had protected me when my father had become violent but it changed. I even remember when and why and the memories still haunted me at night sometimes.

The family next door had a 14 years old son. I was 6 and he had tried to force me to jerk him off. I remember I had gotten scared and ran straight back home to tell my mother. She had just stared at me for what felt like forever to a 6-year-old. The hand across my face had been so hard I fell to the floor. She had shouted a lot at me after that, calling me a whore among other things. I was a disgrace to the family. The words from my mother had been worse than anything my father ever did. She had abounded me that day and I had never, would never, forgiven her. Dallas had been my family after that. Him and I against the world. He had done the right thing, betting up the kid to a bloody mess. 

"London!"

A loud cry suddenly woke me up and at the same time my mind returned to the present, a sharp pain went throng the palm of my hand. He was there right beside me and quickly grabbed the knife from me. I hadn't even realized I had squeezed the blade into my hand. I was only drying it off on the towel. When I looked down however the towel was in my other hand and the blood dripped on to the counter. 

"Are you alright...? Hey, look at me. Are you ok?" 

He wrapped the towel around my hand and held it upright at the same time as he searched for my gaze. 

"I'm fine... Son of a bitch...! I'm sorry, I was just..." 

"Don't apologize, stupid. Let me take a look." 

The towel was already soaking red with blood as he gently removed it to take a closer look at the long cut in my palm. He ran my hand under the water and it mixed with the redness. 

"I'm taking you to the ER." 

His words felt like a whip hitting me across my back and I quickly snatch back my hand from him and pressed the towel to the cut to stop the bleeding. 

"No you're not!" 

"You need stitches." 

"I'm not going to a fucking hospital! I can do it myself!" 

"You're not stitching yourself back together!" 

"Why the hell not? I've done it before!" 

"Well you're not doing it now! Not when I'm around...! Could you at least let me call someone then and they could get here?" 

He compromised and it caught me a little of guard. I didn't comprise, did I? But he looked ready to force me into the car and drive anyway if I didn't listen. I knew he could do it and I also knew, somewhere very, very deep inside at the moment, that he did it because he loved me. 

"Fine!" 

"Thank you... Sit down and I will make a phone call." 

"I'm not done with dinner." 

"Fuck the dinner, sit your ass down and keep pressure on that cut!" 

Damn, he was hot angry! I rolled my eyes at him but did as he told me. Once he had turned his back at me however and was too occupied with his phone, I finishing up on the last details of the dinner. He glared at me when he turned back and found me at the stove.

"Fuck, Lo do you ever do as you're told?" 

"No."

"Of course not, why would you...? Let me do that."

I had tried to lift the boiling pasta with one hand but noticed with a frustrated groan that I wouldn't be able to lift the saucepan with one hand. He took over and I leaned to the counter to watch him, keeping a tight hold over the still bleeding hand. 

"Come here..." 

His anger subsided when he turned back to me. When he held out a hand to me, I grabbed it with my good one. He kissed my wrist gently before lifting my injured hand up above my head and held it elevated. 

"You have got to chill, Lo. I'm not going to hurt you or let anyone else hurt you." 

"Don't make promises you can't keep." 

"I never do." 

"Who's coming to patch me up?" 

"We have an on-call nurse. She will be here within half an hour." 

"You have an on-call nurse?" 

"Yeah. Accidents do happen even in the world of the Walking Dead." 

"Why do I get the feeling she has patched you up before?" 

"It's a dangerous job playing Daryl Dixon, baby... But most of the times it’s just me being a really moron, running into doorposts and stupid shit like that." 

I burst out laughing when the angry, but hot as hell, glare was back. 

"Sorry..." 

"I'm glad you find me so funny." 

"I'm sorry... Are we gonna stay here for half an hour or what? Can't we eat while we wait?" 

"Keep your arm up...! I'll get it. Sit down." 

"Wow, you can be bossy." 

"I don't want you losing too much blood." 

"Fine." 

Once I was seated by the table and he was contained with me staying there he began to plate up the food for the both of us. 

"I'm never letting you leave ever again... This was fucking great." 

"Am I suppose to take that as a promise or a threat?" 

"Your choice." 

I watched in fascination as he helped himself to a third plate of food, wondering where the hell it would fit, when the doorbell rang. 

"She won't hur... Well, she will but not..." 

"Oh, just let's get this over with!" 

To my surprise I found myself walking to the door, but I waited until I felt him close behind me to open the door. She was a rather pleasant older woman and she was extremely light on her fingers but quick. Once the anesthesia had kicked in, she was done in less than 15 minutes. 

"Change the badge every other day or if it gets dirty." 

She told me as she wrapped the gauze around my hand. 

"I should be able to take the stitches out in 2 weeks or so. I guess you're staying here with Mr. Reedus?" 

I gave the man beside me a quick look before nodding my answer. 

"Good. I trust you'll look after this young woman then." 

"I'll do my best. Thank you Mrs. Smith."

"I really hope I won't have to see you that often this season, Mr. Reedus." 

"Me too." 

He bid her good night before closing the door behind her and then walked back to the couch where I had taken a seat. 

"Well, welcome to Georgia." 

"Thanks... This place really is great, I might actually enjoy living here. " 

"Good... Do you want desert?" 

"Yeah, I could go for some ice cream." 

"Why did you cut your hand?" 

He asked the question like my answer really didn't matter but as I watched him walk over to the fridge I could see him tens, waiting for me to speak. 

"Flashbacks..." 

"To what?" 

"Just back to my early days in Boston." 

"Do you wanna talk about it?" 

He handed me a container of ice cream and a spoon before sitting down next to me with a spoon of his own. 

"Not really..." 

"Ok." 

He helped himself to some ice cream and I was really thankful that he accepted my answer without hesitation and not a thought in the world to pressure me further. He really was the greatest man I had ever come across. 

He spoke again when the credits to the film was rolling and I had ended up half asleep in his lap. My eyes closed as his fingers got lost in my hair.

“What makes you so sure you’re going to leave?”

I stopped breathing for a second or two. I tried to get my sleepy brain to start working again. To tell him to shut up or actually answer I wasn’t sure yet. But he waited like he always did for me to take the time to think about it. I decided after a moment to go with the later of the 2 options.

“Because of my father.”

“What about him?”

“I always push away people when I get too close. It’s… My dad always made sure I wouldn’t get too close to anyone, he was very controlling like that.”

“But you’re dead. To him you’re dead. Why are you still afraid he’s going to come looking for you?”

“I just know… He will never stop looking for me. So that’s why I’m running, not really able to stay at one spot for too long. I like to keep on the move just in case.” 

“What would make you stop?”

“Running? My father not being alive anymore.”

“So he needs to die?”

“Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Years, hope 2017 treats you good =)


	12. Andy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I decided to change the TWD season as you might have noitced, simply becasue season 6 is all done and i know a lot more about it then season 7. sorry for being a bit confusing ;)

I loved watching her sleep. She was usually the first one to wake but our first morning together in Georgia I woke up before she did. She was on her front, arms under the pillow and one leg bent. The covers had slipped down, exposing her naked back. She wasn't as skinny anymore. Her spine didn't stand out quite as much anymore. I watched her from the doorway, having collecting a camera to snap some photos of her while she was still unconscious about it. It hit me then that she might not have any pictures of herself at all. Baby photos? Mug shots, sure but what about birthday photos, family dinners, vacations? It was a stupid thing to get chocked up over but I couldn't help it. I couldn't even start to imagine my life without my family. Both by blood and those who had come into my life later on. She didn't have that. I think that was what bothered me the most, her not having a family or even an idea of what a family should mean. All the scars and cuts and bruises was one thing, the human body was amazing when it came to healing but the emotional scars were a whole other matter. The saying, time heal all wounds, didn't mean shit when applying it to her situation.

I had been crying so much the past weeks it started to get ridiculous and I just wanted to kick myself when I felt the tears building up once again. She didn't need to see me losing it again, for no reason really. But at the same time it dawned on me that maybe that was why she was still here? She knew I cared enough about her to let my guard down. Still I wanted to be the stronger one. Someone she had never had, besides maybe her brother. She saw right through me though. She knew I was terrified and I was. I had never felt like this before. The need to be close to her and protect her was just as a big part of my life as breathing to keep on living. 

"Why are you crying this time?" 

"I'm not crying." 

"Yeah you were." 

Her eyes were still closed and I wondered for a second if she could really read my mind.  

"Do you have any baby pictures? Photos from birthdays?" 

I sat down on the edge of the bed and she turned her head to look up at me. 

"Give me my backpack."

She nodded her head towards the door, her pack was lying beside it and I rose to get it. She sat up and grabbed it from me as I returned to my seat. She groped for a while before producing a plastic folder and handed it over. 

"Open it." 

She wrapped the covers around her naked body and crossed her legs, watching me intently. I found her birth certificate inside, along with 5 old and faded pictures. A new born baby lying on her mother's chest. Maybe a 2-year-old with a piglet. 4-year birthday. A young soldier and finally a young woman being hugged hard by the same young solder. It seemed she had always been thin but her hair had been a lot lighter. Leaving the pictures on the bed I took a closer look at her birth certificate.

“London Maria Richardson, born 13th of October 1986, Boston Medical Center…How’s your hand?”

“Fine. Is this why you were crying again?" 

She nodded to the pictures on the bed. 

"I just realized that you have never had a family in the sense that I define a family. It's unfair and... Just fucked up no one did anything about it. You should have been rescued a long time ago. Maybe if you had you wouldn't have ended up in New York and...."

"And I wouldn't have met you. You said it the first time we had sex, that you would look at it like, all the scares and shit, as one step closer to this. I've never been able to see it like that but truth is I wouldn't be here with you right now if all those things hadn't happened to me." 

"I just don't understand how you are still alive. Don't get me wrong, I'm forever thankful that you are, but I just don't get it. I wouldn't have survived."

"When you grow up with it, it's a whole other thing. I never wanted my father or James to win...Well not until the very end with him but... Dallas taught me how to survive. He always knew, he said, that there was something, someone, out there waiting for me. When James didn't turn out to be that one I figured there had to be someone else after so I tried to survive for as long as possible." 

"And you think I'm the strong one...?"

"In most ways you are. I'm still learning to crawl here when it comes to... Well, being normal." 

"I don't need you to be normal." 

"Just not running away cause you touch me, huh?" 

“Something like that. I’m guessing there no reason to ask you to come to work with me?”

“No. I’ll stay here.”

“Yeah, I figured that much but I still had to ask.”

“How long will you be gone?”

“This week we’re not filming, just doing prep work and going through the season with everyone involved so it won’t be that late. I’ll try to speed things up. You can always call me if you need anything. And I’ll probably call you just to check up on you, please pick up when I do.”

“Ok.”

I leaned in for a quick kiss goodbye but as so many other times either of us wanted the kiss to end. She grabbed the front of my shirt and pulled me on top of her and deepened the kiss even further. I was already cutting it short to make it in time for our first gathering but I couldn’t care less.

                                            -------------------------

“Nice of you to finally join us, Mr. Reedus.”

15 minutes too late Norman sprinting into the AMC Atlanta office conference room we had all occupied. The second he stepped inside the room all 20 somewhat people in there turned their heads to look at him but Scoot was the first one to speak.

“Sorry…”

He said, although I could tell he really wasn’t at all sorry. And I gave him no chance to continue his apology even if he wanted to. I rushed up from his seat and straight at him the moment he stepped into the room. His hug almost knocked the wind out of me but I returned it just as hard and long before Lauren forced us to break apart and demanded a hug herself.

I had missed the man so fucking much it was ridiculous and I had been real worried about him the past weeks. But there he was, beaming and looking impudently happy as he went around the room to greet everyone with hugs and kisses.

I had known Norman for five years and he had always been very touchy and full of love towards everyone around him. When he first told me about this mysterious girl he had fallen head first in love with I had been sure it was just going to be yet another short but passionate love affair. But as I finally got to see him again after spending months apart from him, he seemed different somehow. I had never known Norman Reedus in love quiet like this before. He had always been addicted to his phone but it was getting a bit ridiculous when he didn’t put it down for one single second during our 3 hours meeting. He kept checking it and texting now and then and ended up with an even wider grin on his face as whenever he got a replay.

“So how about that dinner?”

“What dinner?”

“I want to meet her, Norm!”

I managed to get a few minutes alone with him after the meeting was finished and both of us ended up visiting the bathroom before having lunch.

“Come home with me after we’re done here.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah.”

“Ok, great… How are you?”

“Great, man. I’m really good. How are you, man?”

“Existed to be back again.”

“Yeah, who would’ve believed I’d still be alive after 5 seasons, huh?”

“I’m so fucking glad you’re, bro.”

“Me too, dude.”

“So want to tell me why you were late?”

“Like you haven’t figure it out…”

He smirked and tilted his head to look at me as we both washed our hands.

“Just say it, Norman.”

“Fine… Yes, we had sex this morning, that’s why I was late. I didn’t mean to but when we kissed it got out of hand. We can’t just kiss, man it’s… Insane.”

“I really need to meet this chick.”

“You will, Andy. I promise.”

“How did it go last night? Did she settle in alright?”

“Yeah, after like 3 hours of going through the house. I had to call Mrs. Smith though.”

“The nurse? What for?”

“She cut herself cooking. Freaked the hell out of me, man. Said she was going to stitch it back up on her own at first.”

“Shit… Really?”

“Yeah. I’m so over my fucking head here, dude. She scares me, or rather what happened to her scares me.”

“She told you?”

“Some parts of it, yes.”

“Does she trust you?” ¨

“She’s beginning to. I mean she hasn’t run yet and she did come with me down here to live with me. One doesn’t do that, unless you trust someone, right?”

He sought reassurance and although the first thought to cross my mind was to tell him how insane he was, I knew that wasn’t what he needed to hear right now.

“No, they don’t, Norman.”

He smiled and nodded at me before pushing open the door to the bathroom and showed me outside before himself.

I was nervous about meeting her, there was no denying it. Norman rode the bike and I followed in my car after our meeting ended shortly after 4 o’clock in the afternoon. I tried to prepare myself for what it would be like to see her. Homeless people was something I had of course come across before but I had never been in such a close proximity of one. I wasn’t sure how to act around her. Norman had given me a few pointers, no touching, no quick movements, no asking questions. He told me he had told her we were coming and that she had been ok with it. I wasn’t sure if he really was telling me the truth or if he only said it to make me feel better.

He called out for her the moment he opened the front door and I followed him inside.

“Lo? Babe?”

There was no answer and no movement anywhere as we walked further into the home. It smelled absolutely amazing and I could see a chicken cooking in the oven and freshly made bread was lying on top of the stove.

“London?”

“She knows how to cook.”

“She’s freaking awesome, man.”

I sat down in one of the high chairs at the counter as Norman headed for the fridge and served us both a glass of ice tea. I didn’t have to turn around to know she had shown up. The man in front of me tensed in front of me and his gaze locked on someone behind me. She made no noise whatsoever and when I finally turned around to look at her, I understood why. She was barefoot and the girl in front of me couldn’t weigh more then 100 pounds. She was tinny, skinniest person I had ever seen that was actually still alive. But it was the eyes that caught me. She looked terrified and livid at the same time as our eyes locked. She pierced me with an intense gaze and I held it steady, looking right back at her.

“Hi.”

I said carefully and half rose from my seat but when she quickly took a step back as I did, I sat back down

“I’m Andy.”

“London.”

Her voice was clear and surprisingly soft at the same time. I could feel Norman’s gaze on us as we kept scrutinizing each other. I wanted to cry but forced the tears back. Without knowing anything about what this girl had been through, I could tell the world had been cruel to her for the majority of her life. She had lost all faith in humanity at some point and it would be one hell of job to gain her trust. She looked ready to run at any second and Norman had already told me she had mapped out a few escape routines.

“What the hell happened to you?”

I could hear Norman groan behind me when the words left my mouth without being able to stop them. To my surprise and I think Norman’s too, she actually snorted at my question and shook her head.

“A lot of fucked up shit.”

“I’m sorry.”

I had to say it. I knew it wouldn’t help and that she probably didn’t care but it made me feel a little better. She narrowed her eyes at him before turning her eyes to her boyfriend. I heard Norman sigh in relief and he walked up to her. He hesitated one step in front of her and I couldn’t figure out why he would do that. Then she took the final step and closed the distance between them. It was amazing to watch her change right in front of me. The moment she wrapped her arm around his waist and he gently placed one around her shoulders, her entire body seemed to physically relax. I felt myself smile at the two of them and Norman met my gaze over her shoulder as they shared a tight embrace. He returned my smile and kissed the side of her head.

“How was your day?”

“Quiet. What about you?”

“Not so quiet… I want to officially introduce you. Lo, this is one of my best friends and the best dude I’ve ever worked with, Andrew Lincoln. Andy, this is London Richardson my girlfriend… Can I call you my girlfriend?”

I chuckled when Norman didn’t seem quiet sure if they had actually decided to label whatever it was that they shared as a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship.

“I guess.”

She replayed at she peeked up at me from underneath Norman’s chin. I tried to look past the nervous, almost hostile look upon her face and see what Norman saw. She wore a pair of faded black jeans and a red hoodie that was too big for her. But I imagined pretty much all cloths were too big for her. She hid her hands inside the sleeves of the hoodie and all I could see was the few fingers sticking out to hold on the hem of the sleeves. I could make out a few red spots on her feet and it looked like they continued to the soils of her feet. She tensed a little when Norman leaned in and whispered something to her. She nodded shortly after though and he turned back to me.

“I’m gonna jump in the shower real quick. Behave, ok?”

“I’m British, we practically invented courtesy.”

He smirked and nodded before pressing his lips to the side of her head once more and squeezed her hand. She seemed reluctant to let him go at first and followed every step he took until he disappeared inside the bedroom. She looked all tense again and I decided to make things easier for her and moved further away as I could tell she really wanted to walk past me to check on the food in the oven. Through the process of checking on the chicken and gathering vegies from the fridge, she never once turned her back on me. It was like watching a wild animal in a cage.

“I’m pretty sure I know the answer to this already but my mom won’t forgive me if I don’t ask… Do you want my help with anything?”

She grabbed a knife from the wall and I leaned back in my seat as she turned and placed the knife on the counter and began cutting up tomatoes. She could just as well have done the same by the stove but that would’ve meant she had to turn her back on me.

“No.”

Her answer was short and harsh and I shifted a little in my chair, trying to come up with something to say that might make her relax just a little.

“I’m glad you’re here.”

She looked up at me and stared for a solid 10 seconds before she spoke.

“Why?”

“Because he loves you. Are you going to leave him?”

"I'm trying not to." 

"Good. Do you even want me to be here?" 

"Not really." 

I couldn't help but laugh at her honesty. She continued however. 

"But he wants you to be here,  for me to get to know his family so I'm trying...I know you don't like me but..."

"Why would you think that...? I don't know you, there's a difference." 

"Maybe that's true, but you don't like where this is heading." 

"Can you read minds?"

"Just people's expressions and postures and all the other little things your mouth won't say." 

"Look, I'm going to be honest with you." 

"Good." 

"You're freaking me out. I don't know how to act around you yet. I have never met someone so... Angry and scared and...Why are you here? Why did you come with him?”

"Because... I can't stay away from him. I tried for a while but it didn't work and when I finally got to his place in New York he asked me to stay." 

"So you're not just looking for 15 minutes of fame?' 

"Are you fucking kidding me...?!" 

"I had to ask. Well, this, whatever it is, seemed be doing you good. I'm a little afraid of you but I will try if you will." 

"You're afraid or me?" 

"You drew a fucking knife on him, hell yeah I'm afraid of what you can do. Not to me as much as to him." 

"You love him." 

It was a statement and it surprised me slightly that she had caught on so quickly. Was it really that obvious? I knew she had overheard our conversations but she seemed so confident and sure about her statement and it made me confused. She shouldn’t know what it was like to love someone, should she? Yet it was pretty obvious that she wanted to love my best friend. I couldn’t figure this chick out. Or was it just me being prejudiced? 

"Yeah I do.”

I replayed, eyeing the girl closely. She nodded and relaxed just a little bit in front of me. Knowing how much Norman meant to me and having me actually telling her that, probably made it a little easier for her to be around me. She knew we both cared for him and she probably counted on me not wanting to hurt someone he cared about. She was of course right. I wouldn’t lay a hand on her unless it was to actually protect Norman.

“I want to get to know you, London. You’re important to Norman, which means you’re important to me.”

“I didn’t realize you were a package deal.”

To my amazement a small smile stared to played over her lips and I grinned right back.

“Fuck yeah we are.”

“I never included that in my calculations… I’ll make you a deal, cause I know how much this would mean to him, although I really don’t know why the hell I care in first place… You’ll get to ask any questions you might have and I might answer them but you can’t ask the same thing twice and I chose what to tell you and you don’t get to question it.”

“Just for tonight?”

“Depends on what you ask.”

“Fair enough.”

“I’m guessing Norman has already told you a great deal though.”

“No, not a single thing actually. I’ve tried to get him to talk but he always says it’s not his place. How long have you been living on the streets?”

“3 years.”

“But you’re not from New York, right?”

“No, I was born and raised in Boston.”

“I’m going to go with a wild guess here and say that you were abused as a child. Maybe a drunk father who physically insulted you?”

“He wasn’t always drunk.” 

“You ran away from home?”

“When I was 16.”

“Does your family still live there?”

“I don’t have a family. At least not in the same sense as a normal person would define family.”

“What does that mean?”

“Pass.”

“How did you end up homeless?”

“Sorry, not that one either.”

“Fine. Do you love him?”

“Pass.”

“Come on…! Do you want to then?”

“I think so. It might just take a little time… Or a lot of time. I’m not really caught out for his world.”

“Do you think you ever will be?”

“Maybe. If I get enough time.”

“How long have you been away from… Civilization? He told me you didn’t know who he was when you first met. I just find that hard to believe.”

“There’s no straight forward answer to that but if you really need a year… 2008.”

My throat closed up and I tried to swallow back the lump that grew quickly, constricting my supply of air. It was quiet for so long both of us jumped so violently, she dropped the knife to the floor and I momentarily left my chair, when Norman showed up and the timer to the chicken went off at the same time.

The commotion that followed was just a big mess. Norman was just about to put on a shirt and had both arms through but got his head stuck when all three of us cursed at the same time as the loud bang of the knife hitting the floor, filled the kitchen. London whipped around to him and then straight back at me before disappearing from view as she dropped to the floor. I had expected her to resurface with the knife but she never did. One look at Norman, when he finally scrambled out of his shirt and located her, told me to stay right where I was. I watched as he dropped to his knees behind the counter and his voice was just as soft and calm as when he spoke to my own kids when they were scared or sad. I rose from the chair just enough to be able to peek down on them and felt my heart jump into my throat by the sight. She sat curled up with her knees under her chin and her eyes bouncing all over the place in absolute terror and the only thing that seemed to keep her passing out was holding the knife. It really didn’t look like she was aiming it at him but rather something or someone that wasn’t there but it still made me want to cry out for him to get the hell out of the way. The next second he reached out for her and his fingers closed around the wrist as he finally found her eyes.

“Look at me, baby. It’s just me, I’m sorry, Lo. I’m right here.”

The knife slipped through her fingers when he reached out for it and he placed it on the counter above their heads

They remained on the floor for several more minutes and he never once took his hands off of her and he kept talking to her. The terror in her eyes vanished slowly and she allowed him to finally hug her. Once he did though, she was the one to hold on to him. It seemed like she never would let go ever again.

“You ok?”

I blinked at Norman a few times when he spoke to me over her shoulder, still sitting on the floor and holding on to her. I nodded and got to my feet.

“Are you?”

“Fine, man.”

“Is she?”

“I’m fine.”

She spoke with her head nuzzled under his chin and her voice was a bit muffled but yet quiet steady. Norman chuckled lightly and the sound seemed to make her relax further. The arms around him loosen some but she stayed closely wrapped in his arms all the same and since I had been starving for the past hour I decided to finish dinner. I could feel Norman’s eyes of confusion on me as I started to move around in the kitchen, taking out the chicken, finishing the salad, cutting up the bread and finally laying the dinner table. I wondered why he looked so confused, it wasn’t like it was the first time I had made myself at home there but it quickly dawned on me that his confusion was probably more about her reaction and not what I was doing. At some point during my race around the kitchen she had moved and sat watching my every move from Norman’s lap.

“My turn.”

She jumped to her feet as she spoke after I had declared myself ready with dinner and headed straight for the dinner table and sat opposite me.

“Sure.”

I replayed, handing her the bowl of salad after helping myself to some.

“What the hell….?”

Both of us ignored Norman when he let out a groan of confusion and annoyance.

“You’ve a family?”

“Yes. My wife Gale and 2 kids, a boy and a girl.”

“Do they live with you here or are they still back in the U.K.?”

“They’re staying here with me while we shoot May through November. The rest of the time we spend in the U.K.”

“How long have the two of you been in love with each other?”

I burst out laughing at her question at the same time as Norman finally came to join us. He simply rolled his head at me and took a seat beside her.

“Since day one.”

“When was that?”

“Back in 2010.”

“He told me you don’t watch yourself. Why? You’re fucking brilliant.”

“Thanks… It’s a self-preservation thing. At least right now, when we’re still filming I’m not watching it, no. Maybe when it’s all done some time in the future and I’ve had a few years to distance myself from it, I’ll watch it.”

“Alright, I can understand that.”

“What the hell is going on?”

Norman let out a confused protest all of a sudden and both of us snapped our heads to him at the same time. I had almost forgotten he was there. I had gotten so wrapped up in the young woman in front of me and it seemed she, despite herself, wanted to get to know me too.

“London made me a deal. I’m allowed to ask any questions I might have but she chose what to answer and I can’t ask the same thing twice. This far she has already turned down 2 of my questions… How old are you?”

“Turning 29 in October.”

“You’re 28 years old?!”

My gaze darted to the older man beside her and I gaped at him. He knew why I was shocked and he had the grace to look slightly ashamed. She was 18 fucking years younger than him! I wasn’t sure what I had expected. She looked young but I would have beat that she had past at least 30. It was just a number but I knew he would get a lot of comments about it if and when this ever reached the public. Just like it had with a previous girlfriend a while back. London looked confused though. Apparently the big age difference hadn’t crossed her mind at all and she frowned at me.          

“I apologize, I didn’t mean to… It’s just… 18 years is…”

“Not your fucking business!”

I recalled in my seat when she snarled the words at me. I found it really fascinating and confusing to watch her go through a very vast variety of emotions in just the few minutes I had been in her presents. The sudden attitude was so unexpected but something I really want to see more of. Underneath it all I imagined she had once been the toughest kid on the playground. Beside her, Norman sniggered and winked at me.

“He really didn’t mean it like that, babe. Andy just isn’t that skilled at containing some of his thoughts to himself. Something he really should try to improve, isn’t that right, man?”

“Oh, shut the fuck up!”

I aimed a kick under the table and hit his knee but it only made the older man on the other side of the table laugh harder at me.   


	13. Ride

He was stalling the next morning too. But this time it wasn’t my fault. I was probably the one to blame for him being late the first day of work but the other day it was all his fault. He had started already the night before and trying to convince me to come to have lunch with him and some of his fellow co-stars. Not all of them, just a few but I wasn’t giving in and it was very frustrating for him. I knew I had myself to blame for reacting pretty well to Andy and it had giving him too much hope.

“I will be gone all day.”

He tried for the 100th time but I just kept on ignoring him while finishing making my breakfast standing by the counter in the kitchen. 

“You won’t be getting any of this for the whole day.”

He was suddenly behind me, grabbing me hard and spun me around to face him. His eyes were wild, a mixture of frustration and desire. His was pleading with me but it didn’t work and I shook my head at him. He groaned and took a step back, seeming to finally give up and I relaxed.

I wasn’t ready for his next move at all and I shrieked a little as he lifted me to the counter and quickly moved in between my legs. I didn’t even have it in me to protest when his fingers found their way inside me. Involuntary I gasped and arched my hips up to meet him. I dropped down to my elbows as he quickly and so damn effectively found the right spots with fingers and thumb. He just looked at me with an evil little smile on his lips before leaning closer and starting tracing my throat and neck with hard kisses and bits. I knew he would be leaving marks but his hands where making me forget everything else that he did. Just as soon as he had started, he stopped and left me panting so close to the edge but still not quite there yet.

“I will see you later.”

He whispered before kissing my shocked lips hard and fast.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!”

“I love you.”

He was at the front door when I pulled myself together and sat up on the edge of the counter and glared over at him.

“Fuck you!”

He closed the door behind him and the only thing I could hear was my own heavy breathing. Seconds later the rumble from the bike reached me and I listened for as long as I could. What the hell was up with that?! I hadn’t felt more annoyed in my life and especially not for this reason. I got the urge to go finish the task on my own in the shower but decided against it after a while. He really had awoken the sexual need inside me and when he left me hanging like that I found that the entire day was just a drag. I couldn’t concentrate on anything.

_London: When are you coming home?_

_Norman: Are you missing me babe?_

_London: I miss your fingers…_

_Norman: Now you’re just being mean!_

_London: That’s what you get for leaving me hanging_

_Norman: Kinda the point love, now you’ll have to wait for me to get home_

_London: I’ve been waiting long enough!_

_Norman: I’ll be home in an hour or so. Think you can survive until then?_

_London: Maybe…_

_Norman: That’s my girl_

_London: You’re annoying the shit out of me Mr. Reedus!!!_

_Norman: You loved it ;)_

_London: Of course but not the part where you didn’t finish the job for once!_

_Norman: I’ll make up for it when I get home, promise. You’re my life now you know…_

                                            -------------------------------------

The music was so loud I could hear it over the rumble of the bike as I parked in the garage a little after 5:30 that evening. I think it was Metallica playing but the music couldn’t quite keep my attention as I walked through the hallway towards the kitchen. She was dancing around in the kitchen, her hair damp, only wearing an oversize t-shirt and cooking. What the hell was it about her wearing my cloths that were so damn hot?! As she spun around and spotted me, her whole body beamed at me and I forgot how to breathe for a second. She was so beautiful in that moment and she was there, in my kitchen and I felt like that luckiest man alive. The helmet and jacket I was still holding in my hands crashed to the floor as she was suddenly in my arms. In that moment my action from this morning, to let her hanging seemed to be the best move I had ever done. She was eagerly almost forcefully kissing me, pulling my hair tightly in both hands. I quickly caught on to her mood and shrugged out of my jeans and boxers at the same time she tore the t-shirt over the head, somehow making it to the couch.

“What the hell are you doing?”

She panted, looking up at me as I stopped right before pushing into her. I wasn’t sure where the hell it was coming from or how I could stop it but she really made me lose my mind when she wouldn’t come with me to work. I needed her to be closer. She tortured me, making me wonder every second where she was. It was only fare I did the same to her, right?

It seemed she saw what I was thinking and her eyes turned black with desire and need. I saw the marks I had left on her hours before and that were where I started. I pinned her arms over her head, making it impossible for her to touch me. I knew I would give in the moment she touched me and this was my time to let her lose control. It was probably a good thing that the music was so loud, because she was too and it might have made neighbors miles wonder if they should call the cops.

I loved hearing her scream my name probably a little too much and as she finally fell over the edge I made her scream louder than ever before when I leaned in to kiss her at the same time as I slammed inside her. I watched in satisfaction and I guess a bit smug as she too forgot how to breathe, arching her back up to me. She had been able to do this to me quite a few times now but this time she was the one completely out of breath and really not knowing what to do with herself.

“I will never come to work with you.“

I stared at her. This was far from what I had hoped to hear from her. She was lying flat on her back on the couch, trying desperately to get her breathing back to normal. I was sitting by her feet, eyeing every inch of her flushed and sweaty skin. Her stomach heaved in short, fast breaths and her hair was a tangled, wet mess. She continued in the next breath before I had a chance to protest.

“If this is what it’s like when you come home after a day away from me, I’m going to drag you away from here myself…. Fucking hell, Mr. Reedus that was…. I mean, holly shit that was intense.”

“Intense as in too-much-to handle or intense as I-wish-you to-do-that-again?”

“Oh, you’re defiantly doing that again… Just not today.”

She sat up and leaned over to kiss me softly. I loved the fact that we had the ability to change the character of this relationship so natural and quickly. Only minutes before we had fucked the shit out of each other. Now she was sitting on my lap, pulling the hair away from my face so she could gently kiss me. I traced my fingers lightly along her back, feelings the scares left there and it made her shiver and she dropped her head to my shoulder with a deep sigh.  

“Do you want me to stop?”

“No, it feels good.”

Her skin had gotten so soft since she finally got off of the streets but I could feel the marks on her back and arms as I kept tracing my fingers over her skin. I pulled her hair together and placed it to her shoulder, making it possible to lean in and kiss the side of her neck.

“Sorry I bit you.”

I heard her chuckle a little as I kissed the mark right above her collarbone.

“If that’s the only mark you will leave, I will let you do it all over me.”

I tensed at her words and it seemed she realized what she had just said as the last words left her mouth. She forced my head upwards to look at her when I fringed away from her. Did she really think I would do that to her? What they had done?

“I’m sorry… Norman, I’m sorry, I didn’t… I know you wouldn’t hurt me like that. Hey…?”

She put a hand on my face and softly stroked her thumb over my lower lip before kissing me again and I kissed her back.  

“What did you mean about what you texted earlier? That I was your life now?”

She kept stroking my face and hair but she wouldn’t look at me after her question.

“You know what I meant… I love you, Lo. Everything I do now is for you. For us. I want there to be an us. I want a future with you.”

“What exactly does that include?”

“Whatever you want it include. All I know is that I gotta keep you in my life… Andy wanted to make sure I told you thank you for dinner last night. “

“Yeah…”

She took a deep breath and sat back up to be able to look at me.

“You know you did really good last night though, right?”

“I freaked the hell out by a damn timer, Norman. I wouldn’t really call that doing really good…”

“You’re trying, babe that’s all I ever ask. I’m sorry I was such a pain in the ass this morning, nagging you about the lunch.”

“It was more your fingers leaving that was a fucking pain to be honest. The nagging I can just tune out and ignore.”  

I felt my face get slightly red and I sniggered at her comment. It had gone so fast and I was afraid it had gone too fast for her. I had lost control that morning and not really thought things through before I acted. The fact that she had had sex, freely for the first time just days before never crossed my mind and when she had just gone along with my actions it was surprising to say the least but nothing I felt like questioning.

“Yeah, sorry…”

“You’d make up for it pretty good though, I must say.”

“So it was worth the wait?”

“Fuck yeah.”

“Good.     

I put a strain of her hair back behind her ear and left my hand stay on her cheek. She leaned into it and closed her eyes. The spell was broken by the alarm on her phone going of somewhere in the kitchen. I registered that it didn’t have the same outcome as the day before and I was pretty sure it was because we were alone.   

“Dinner’s ready.”

“What have you been making today?”

“Fish.”

“It smells great.”

She got up and pulled her shirt on, wincing slightly as she walked towards the kitchen.

“Soar, my love?”

“Yes. But in a good way, so don’t think you get to stop.”

“I wasn’t planning to.”

I could get use to this. I had a reason to get home after work every day. She gave me a reason to want to drive home too quickly that was safe. It felt so easy and right and like she had always been there a lot quicker then I knew was normal and probably healthy. I got back from a few hours work and found her with the dinner already ready and waiting and the rest of the evening we spent with a variety of activities. She was up to everything I threw at her. Everything from video games to exploring her artistic side and although it took four days of living together, I finally convinced her to take a ride on the Tiger with me and go explore Senoia.

“I don’t know about this, Norm…”

She hesitated, twisting the helmet between her hands as I backed out from the garage to the driveway where she was waiting.

“I promise you’d be safe with me.”

“I know that, that’s not the problem.”

“What is the problem?”

“What if someone sees us?”

“So?”

“So you’re one of the most hunted males on the planet, Norman Reedus. For good reason but still… I don’t know what to do if fans come charging.”

“Just walk away. They’re usually very respectful here, it’s a lot crazier when I go somewhere else. They’re use to us here now. It’ll be fine, London I promise I’ll keep you safe.”

When I turned and patted the seat behind me she gave up a deep sigh and put the helmet on. I had already lost it once as she had dressed up in a pair of black jeans and a leather jacket. It had resulted in her having to get dressed twice. Not that she had complied but I could pretty much hear her roll her eyes at me when she mounted the bike behind me and I cursed.

“Behave!”

She hissed, wrapping her arms hard around me waist.

“Yes, ma’am.”

I had always done my best thinking on a bike and since she literally stole her way into my life, that hadn’t changed. Riding the bike was my safe zone, where I felt most at home and where I could find time to sort out my mind. Season Six was starting off with what was going to be the biggest episode we had done this far and I was already both dreading it and looking forward to it. I was super excited about getting back again but for the first time in a very long time my heart was split in two. I wanted to dedicate myself fullhearted to the show and I knew that I would be able to but then there was her. My need to be close to her 24/7 was overwhelming. I couldn’t control it and or her. She was a force to be reckoned with and it wasn’t about me wanting to control her, really the other way around. I loved seeing her do what she wanted and being able to finally starting to enjoy life but I hated that I had no control over the fact that she might just snap one day, give up and just leave. She had warned me it would happen and it was so fucking stressful not knowing what might make her leave. I just knew that if I was by her side for the majority of her time, she would find less reasons to leave. So that was what I was working on. Trying to get her to come to set with me once we began the real production.

                                            -------------------------

One week was all I got though. Come Friday night when I came back from work everything had changed. I knew it the same second I stepped inside the house. I wasn’t sure how I knew but it was something different, something had changed during the day. I saw her backpack first and I lost my ability to move my feet forward. She was leaning to the back of the sofa, the backpack resting at her feet. She twisted one of my hats between her hands without looking up at me. I wanted to scream and run at her, forcing her to stay but every limb had frozen solid to the floor.

“Why…? You gotta give me a good fucking reason for this, Lo…”

I was surprised I could speak at all and when the words left my mouth, she snapped her head up and looked straight at me with tears streaming down her face.

“I just realized I wanted you to be here, or just us being together and... I just never thought I would have to worry about that again." 

"Worry about what?" 

"Carrying for someone other than myself. I only had to worry about what happened to me before and now you're... I worry about you and it just sucks." 

"You're gonna have to make a lot more sense than that, love cause I don't follow. What's so wrong worrying about people?" 

"Cause it means I care too much about what happens to you. I told you I would hurt you." 

"What the hell are you talking about, Lo? Of course you care, of course you worry. It's part of being human, of falling in love with someone." 

"Not for me. I can't... I don't want to hurt you!" 

She wasn't making any sense to me at all. Did she care or not? Or did she care too much? Her words made me move again and I took a few steps forward. She put up one hand in front of her and made it pretty clear that I needed to stay back. I halted.  

"God damnit, London. What the hell happened?" 

"I fell in love with you, that's what happened!" 

"And why the hell is that so wrong?" 

"Cause I couldn't think straight. It's been a fucking fairytale these past weeks. Something out of someone else's life. I forgot all about the fucked up shit when you came along..." 

"And that's a bad thing?!" 

I cut her off, my heart racing in panic and my mind completely blank. This couldn't be happening. 

"Yes. To the both of us. I told you he always pushed people I care about away." 

"Don't you fucking dare standing here and accuse you're fucking father for this! He's not here, Lo! This is just you being a fucking covered! You love me and you can't deal with it!" 

"I told you this was how it would end. I warned you I would hurt you." 

"And now you have... Happy?"

I could feel the angry tears start to build at the corner of my eye. I just wanted to get down on my knees and beg her to stay but the range was overwhelming at that point. I had failed her. I had failed myself by not doing enough. But I honestly didn't know what I could've done differently. What else did she want? Maybe she was right, maybe she wasn't cut out for my world. She belonged in the horror stories, not this fairytale. We both went quiet and I watched as she collected her backpack from the floor. 

"Are you going back to New York?" 

"I don't know yet..." 

"Could you at least text me or something now and then? Letting me know you're ok?" 

"Sure." 

She put on the hat and swung the pack to her back before leaving through the back door. 


	14. Gone

Norman was supposed to come over for breakfast with London Sunday morning but when the entire weekend had past and Sunday morning came and went without a word from him, Gale finally convinced me to just head over there. I told her they were probably just still in bed, as Norman wouldn’t shut up about their insane sexlife. But I had to admit I had a very bad feeling when I parked on the driveway and let myself in with my own key as no one answered the door.

“Norm…? Norman?”

I called out to him but got no answer as I stepped into the house I knew just as well as my own. At this time of day I knew he would either be in bed or out on the porch as it was yet another beautiful and warm day in the state of Georgia. Just to make sure, I knocked on the half-closed bedroom door and carefully peeked inside. The bed was unmade and it looked like either of them had been twisting and turning a lot during the night. 2 pillows were on the floor and the comforter was half way down on the floor.

An empty bottle of Jack Daniel’s caught my eye when he hurried past the kitchen towards the back door, leading out to the porch. The bad feeling kept growing at the sight of the empty liquor bottle and I pretty much ran outside, calling out his name over and over.

I found him face down on the wooden floor, close to one of the sunbeds. It looked like he had been aiming for it but missed and ended up beside it instead and couldn’t give a fuck about getting up. Or maybe he really couldn’t. I could smell the alcohol already a good few feet before I reached him. He stirred and groaned when I rolled him over.

“No! I wanna sleep…!”

He protested and swung his arms at me and I wanted to laugh in relief. He was ok. Drunk as fuck but he was ok.

“Thank God… Come on, Norm.”

He wasn’t helping at all and it was with a lot of effort that I managed to get the wasted man into the intended sunbed. It cracked under his weight as I dropped him onto it and Norman waved his arms wildly around, probably annoyed by the bright sunlight.

“Andy….”

He slurred my name before passing out again. It was probably for the best. I wouldn’t have been able to get a single word out of him when he was this drunk. He needed to sleep it off some more. So I fetched a parasol to cover him and just in case, placed a bucket at his side after turning him to his side so he wouldn’t choke if he threw up.

_Andy: I’m going to have to stay with Norm today_

_Gale: Ok. He ok?_

_Andy: No. drunk as hell, passed out at the moment_

_Gale: Let me know if you need anything_

_Andy: You’re the best! I love you_

_Gale: Love you 2_

It looked like a bomb had detonated in the kitchen. Norman had for as long as I had known him had a very bad habit of wanting to cook and eat everything he could get his hands on once he got too much to drink. This time it was no different. Well, besides all the broken glass and china. He must have gotten extremely angry at some point and just thrown everything within reach to the floor. Since I had nothing else to do then to wait for him to wake, I cleaned up the mess. I went to check on in every half hour or so but he was still completely out.         

It took me nearly 2 hours to get the kitchen spotless again and just as I opened the front door to dispose of the garbage my phone rang, showing an incoming call from Mingus.

“Hello?”

“Hi, it’s Mingus. Are you with dad?”

The teenager sounded really worried and he skipped all the normal greetings and went straight for his questions.

“Yes, I’m at your dad’s right now.”

“He called and left a massage this morning, I just woke up and… Is he ok?”

“I’m not sure. I found him passed out on the porch a few hours ago. He’s still out though. When did he call you?”

“Like 6 this morning. Said something about London being gone and something about her father and shit, was kinda hard to understand him.”

“Yeah, he’s pretty wasted… I’ll have him call you, ok? Might not be until tonight though, when he has sobered up. But you don’t have to worry about your old man, Mingus. I’m staying here, I’m sure everything is fine.”

“Just have him call me, ok?”

“Will do, promise.”

“Is London there?”

“No.”

“Ok. Let me know if there’s anything I can do.”

“Sure. Take care of yourself, Mingus.”

“Yeah, you too, Andy.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

I had been sitting by the TV for a few hours and the sun was setting when I finally heard him move outside the open door. A loud groan was followed by retching and I hoped for his sake he had hit the bucket. I was not cleaning up his vomit! I got to my feet and collected a bottle of water and some advil before heading out on the porch.

“Andy!”

He called out to me the same second I took the first step out on the wooden floor and he lifted his head from the bucket. He had trouble focusing on me and he closed his eyes shut hard for a few seconds. When he opened them again, I was sitting beside him and held out the bottle of water for him. He muttered a low thank you and leaned back against the half-risen sunbed.

“You ok?”

“No…”

He swallowed the pills with half the water and closed his eyes again. I had a feeling his head spun pretty good and it probably helped closing his eyes.

“She’s just gone.”

He finally spoke after minutes of silence and his voice was thick with tears. Although I had already figured that much it was so finale when he said it. I wanted to shout at him ‘I told you so’ but that was not what he needed to hear right now. The man was breaking into pieces right in front of me. He had already taken out his range in the kitchen and now there was just tears left. They started to stream down his face and he sobbed so hard his entire body shook. There was nothing I could do, besides staying right there and let him know I wasn’t going anywhere. I waited him out, always with a hand on him. Norman was probably the most physical person I knew, his need for hugs and just touching in general was like nothing I had ever experience before. I had learned quickly and to some extent, followed in his footsteps. As his crying eased some and he gained a little bit of control over himself again, he finally moved forward, allowing me to really hug him.

“What happened? When did she leave?”

He buried his head in my chest and took a few deep breaths but decided to remain where he was while he spoke.

“Friday evening, right when I got back. She was waiting for me.”

“Did you talk to her? Try to-?”

He caught me off before I could finish my question.

“Yeah. I tried to make her stay, asking why but… She said it was because of her dad.”

“Her dad?”

“Yeah. He was the reason she ran away. He abused her.”

“I know, she told me. But why’d she leave now?”

“He was here. He works for the FBI. Came knocking 5 o'clock yesterday morning. Said she was wanted for questioning in some identity theft or some bullshit.”

“How did you know it was him? Did he actually say he was her father?”

“They have the same eyes… She… She tried to explain why she had to leave but I didn’t believe her. She said it was because of him and I just blew her off, yelling at her that she was just scared.”

“But how…? I don’t get it. How did he knew she was here?”

“No fucking clue.”

“She still afraid of him? She’s an adult, he couldn’t… Right? I mean…”

“I think she was most afraid of him actually hurting me, I mean actually physical hurting me. She said he had before with people she cared about.”

“Do you think he would?”

“I don’t care. I just want her to be here right now. I’m fucking losing my mind here, Andy.”

“Have you tried calling her?”

“Yeah. It does straight to voicemail.”

“So she’s going back to New York?”

“No I don’t think so.”

“Why?”

“Cause I’ve seen her. She has been hiding in the woods.”

He gestured towards the trees behind us and I squinted into the darkness, knowing I wouldn’t be able to see her either way but I hoped she saw us. I hoped she saw what she had done and I hoped she felt the glare as I let my eyes wander over the darkness.

“Maybe she just needs some time.”

The words that left my mouth was a surprise even to myself. I wanted to let out a snarl but looking down on the man in my arms, made me change my mind. He needed every bit of hope he could hold on to at the moment. He had accused me both once and twice already not to support him in this and although I really couldn’t, he didn’t need to hear that right now. There would be time for me trying to talk some sense into him but it would’ve to wait.

“She told me this would happen. She told me over and over that she was going to hurt me. I actually thought I had done the right things, trying everything I knew….”

“You have. You’ve been bending backwards for her, Norman. There really isn’t anything you haven’t done for her and you know it… I know you love her but maybe you should just let this sink in a little. I’m not saying you should forget about her cause I know you won’t. But… This has been going on for three weeks…. 3 weeks, Norman.”

He opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. It seemed he looked a little stunned over this fact. But the harsh truth was this had been going on for less than a month. Sure, it been a hell of a month, but still.

“Do you want to come back home with me? I really don’t like you being alone right now.”

He nodded after a moment and I hugged him harder for just a second before I got to my feet and held out my hand for him. He grabbed it and got to his feet. He swayed slightly and I held him in place by grabbing his shoulders.

“Thanks, man…”

“Of course, Norman. I’m sorry… I’m really sorry, Norm.”

“Yeah… I just… Could we just go? I need to get out of here.”

“Alright.”

He took a step forward but I remind right behind him, one hand resting on his back just in case he lost his balance again. He stopped at the threshold.

“You cleaned up my kitchen?”

“Well, there wasn’t much else to do while I waited for you to wake up?”

“How long have you actually been here?”

“Since like 11 this morning.”

He blinked at me and I could tell he wanted to say something. I foretold him though.

“You don’t have to apologize, dude. It’s what I’m here for. I’ll go and pack a bag for you, ok? Go and get cleaned up.”

“Ok.”

I made sure he was all set in the bathroom before heading out to the bedroom to collect a weekend bag out of his closet. The walk-in-closet had changed since the last time I had been in there though. Her cloths hung to the left right inside of the door and I halted when my eye caught them. These were mostly designer cloths, expensive, not anything you found in your regular department store. And I caught myself wondering why she hadn’t brought the cloths. Or stolen more of his stuff. I had found his wallet and phones as I was cleaning the kitchen. It was all still there. For a second I forgot to be pissed at her. Then I heard Norman stumble though the bathroom door, still sobbing lightly and it was right back to hate mode towards Miss Richardson again.

“What did you tell him when he asked if she was here? Her father I mean?”

“I told him the truth. I figured he already knew she had been there so no point in lying really. I told him she had left Friday night and had no plans on coming back…. I did tell him I didn’t want her to come back but… I don’t know if he ĺ that lie.”

                                            -------------------------------

It was like walking straight into my own worst fucking nightmare. I usually took a walk through the woods after breakfast and Friday morning when I came through the heavy vegetation at the side of the house, he had been there. Right there on the front porch was my father. I dropped to the ground quickly and thanked the Lord for the trees and bushes around me for shielding me from sight. After making his way through the house twice, he seemed to realize no one was actually there.

I knew then that I had to leave before things got out of hand. He would hurt Norman if he had the chance, if he saw what he meant to me. I had cried at first but then realized I had been fucking stupid to think it wouldn't end this way. I had never been allowed something as good as him in my life. Why would that suddenly have changed?  It was a fairytale too good to be true. So I ran. I always ran. But this time it took every ounce of fight in me to do so. It had been easy before but leaving him wasn't. I had tried to leave while he wasn't still home but every time something kept me from taking the final step out the door. And I wanted to give some type of explanation, although I knew it wouldn't matter. I was hurting him with every single word I said. Nothing I ever said would make me leaving him any easier.

I hadn't decided where to go yet. A part of me wanted to go back to New York, my safe zone, not there it real was one anymore. I hated how he had found me. I hated the fact that I was stupid enough to allow a picture of the two of us ending up in People magazine only 3 days before. I knew that was how he had found me. My father was really good at his job.     

This kind of pain was worse than actual physical pain because I knew the cuts and bruises could heal but this was something new and so much worse. Would it ever stop? Thankfully Andy took care of him, I had known he would and it was with relief I watch them leave the house together Sunday evening. There really wasn't any point in staying after that. I knew he would try to stay away as much as he possible could. Didn't want to be remained each day what we had had and what could have been if I had just been normal with a normal family. Not this psycho, controlling father whose goal in life seemed to be destroying even the smallest bit of happiness for his own daughter. I hadn't really hated him for this reason before, because there hadn't been anyone I cared about like I cared about Norman. But now I hated him to the deepest pits of hell and back again.

_Baby, please I need to know you’re ok…. Just pick up the phone, London and tell me you’re alive. I’m going to pieces here, Lo. I know why you left and I knew I was wrong. He came looking for you…. I wanted to kill him. I really wanted to kill him. I know it probably would make things worse but at least you would be safe. I miss you so fucking much. The days just blur together, you know filming, sleeping, eating, filming. It’s not even fun anymore. I just do it because… Well, because I have to and I hate it. I hate that you can make me this fucked up. I’ve tried to forget about all this, about you but I just… I love you. I know I shouldn’t anymore but there’s no way back from this. I’ve been trying for the past month, since you left but I just don’t think this is it. It can’t be. I know you waned this to work out just as much as I did. I hope you still do. I know you’re still in Georgia, I’ve see you outside the house a few times. And I figured it had to mean something, right? You do care. You have to, cause it can’t just have been those three weeks. I can’t go on living with just three weeks of… well, now fucked up memories…. Sometimes I wonder if it was just a dream. You said it was a fairytale. And it was, but now this is just a fucking nightmare. I didn’t think life could be like this. I mean, I didn’t know I could get this fucked up by some bitch… So please just… Please, Lo, just call me, text me, anything._

I forced myself to listen to his voicemail he had left a few days after I left every single day. It was a way to torture myself and remind myself what I had had. What I probably still had to come back to if I could. And I wanted to. Every single waking second after leaving him, I wanted to go back to him, begging him to forgive me. But my father lingered in Atlanta for a lot longer then I had expected him to. He had come looking for me in New York a few times as well but what he hadn’t known then and now was that I kept an eye on him instead of the other way around. I always found him and made sure I was able to figure out what he was up to. Doing the same thing in Atlanta wasn’t that easy though. It was new territory for me and I wasn’t that use to my surroundings but if there was something I had learned, was how to survive and always find a way out. The iPhone and money Norman had giving me helped too, because it gave me the possibility to quickly search the different areas and buildings in Atlanta. It all went back to routine while I waited him out. I kept on the move, ate, slept for 2-3 hours at the time, kept moving and repeated.

_June 14 th 2015 _

_London: Hey…_

A second after I pressed send the phone in my hand rang and it was him. I rejected the call and the text messages came back up on the screen. My eyes lingered on the date at the top and I tried to remember how long ago it had been since I left. The days had just blurred together. 

_Norman: Please answer Lo_

_London: I can’t…._

_Norman: Why?_

_London: Cause I would never be able to hang up…_

_Norman: I love you_

_London: Don’t_

_Norman: I can’t help it. I miss you so fucking much and I want you to come home. Please baby_

_London: I’m sorry. I’m really sorry about all this Norm you gotta know that. I never meant to hurt you, I never wanted to hurt you and you should just forget all about this. Forget about me and go on with your life_

_Norman: I can’t… I’ve tried. Trust me, I’ve tried but I can’t. I love you London_

_London: I love you too_

The tears rolling down my face stained the phone in my hands as I typed the last message to him before pocketing it again. I curled up in the hotel bed and cried myself to sleep. 


	15. Safe

“What do you wanna do for 4th of July, man?”

Steven threw his arm around me while we were having lunch with the question I had been waiting for for days now. I felt Andy glance over at me from the other side of the table and I poked the chicken with my fork, not really hungry.

“I don’t know, man…”

Without seeing the look upon his face, I could tell Steven looked confused and maybe even angry. I was never the one to back down for a reason to through a party together.

“Are you going to be in town?”

“I don’t know, it’s still a week to go. I… We’ll see.”

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Steven, just drop it for now.”

Andy’s calm voice reached my ears but it was all I had the energy to concentrate on at the moment. I could hear Steven’s anger and continued argument with Andy as I got to my feet, not having eaten anything at all and headed for my trailer. I know I was a being an ass to most of the cast and crew at the moment, had been since London left. But nothing mattered much anymore. I seeked solitude a lot more than before and I know everyone could tell something was seriously wrong but Andy was the only one who knew. I had asked him not to tell anyone and although I knew he wanted to protest he had respected it.

We were shooting inside the community of Alexandria this week and although I wasn’t actually in the episode at all, Andy always made sure I was there. He had had a bad habit of pretty much force me to be around since London left. I knew he really did it because he cared and worried about me but some days I just wanted to get the hell out of there. I tried really hard to keep up appearance towards my other cast and crew members though and it was probably why I went along with Andys’ request every day. Somedays were just harder then other.

As I stalked off to the trailer I glanced around and felt trapped as the high walls pressed in around me. It was a relief to get on the bike every night once we had finished and drive through the damn gates and just hit the road. Most nights I wouldn’t head home. I just drove until I got too tired to tell left from right.

Angry shouts and running caught my attention as I was a few yards from the trailers. Mine stood furthers away from the small road, jammed right next to the wall and it seemed the commotion was directed there. I cursed to myself, thinking it was probably yet another unauthorized person inside the walls.

Not today. I just wanted to be left alone.

“What the hell is going on?”

I wasn’t able to contain my anger when I walked up to the trailer and found at least 4 security personal around my trailer, along with 2 cops.

“She’s on the damn roof.”

“The roof?”

I lifted my head and looked up, wondering who the hell someone could even make it up there without a ladder. Just as the thought accrued to me, a third cop showed up with a ladder and leaned it against the side of the trailer.     

“Make them go away!”

“Lo?!”

I heard myself shout out her name as she called out from on top of the trailer.

“You get down here now, Missy!”

“Fuck off!”

I let out a giggle as she shouted right back at the cop climbing the ladder. The person closest turned to me with wide eyes, probably questioning my sanity. And I was too. Just hearing her voice again made my whole body relax and get all warm and fussy. As I suddenly saw her again my heart threated to leave my body. She peeked down from the trailer roof and stared right at me.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

“Please just get down from the fucking roof, London.”

“You know this girl, Mr. Reedus?”

“Yes. You can all go, it’s fine.”

They all looked around at me and I had to assure them twice more before they left.

“Now will you come down?”

I asked, standing at the foot of the ladder.

“I’ll see you inside.”

She replayed. I blinked in confusion and wondered what the hell she was talking about. Then I remembered the fire escape and hurried inside the trailer. She lowered herself down through the hatch, her feet not yet touching the floor as I rushed over to her. She gasped as my hands grasped her hips and she let go. I put her down on her feet carefully and took a step back to look at her. She had dyed and cut her hair. The strawberry blond was all gone and she was almost as dark as I was and it was a lot shorter. She had tied it back in one elegant braid that rested on her left shoulder and I reached out for it. I just had to know it was real. That she was real. She had felt real when I grabbed her hips but I had been dreaming about this so much for the past weeks I wasn’t sure if it was just another dream.

“You dyed your hair.”

“Yeah.”

“I like it.”

“I haven’t got use to it yet.”

“Why you here?”

“I don’t know… I tried going back to New York at first but I just… I couldn’t do it. Do you want me to leave again?”

She bowed her head and I realized she might not have thought about that. She had just assumed I would be waiting for her. She was right of course but a rather large part of my still broken heart told me to ask her to go to hell. The other part, the one that had loved her from first sight and that would never stop, told me to jump right back into it again.

“No… No, Lo I don’t want you to leave. Ever again. Didn’t you get all my texts and voicemail?”

“Yeah but… You should forget about me.”

“No can do, babe, sorry, too late for that.”

“Yeah I figured… But don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“You already did the first time. I don’t care about all that shit. You are here now and that’s the only thing that matters to me. You can’t scare me away again. I won’t let you.”

“He’s going to hurt you if he knows…”

“I don’t give a shit.”

“I do.”

“How did he find you in the first place?”

“Remember that night you took me to Senoia? There was a tabloid picture shorty after that online and… Facial recognition isn’t science fiction anymore and when you’re FBI there’s no rules to follow, no one asks questions.”

“So why are you back now?”

“Because he gave up finding me, he always does. He’s back in Boston.”

“I want you to come home.”

“Me too but…What if he does show up again?”

“You run.”

“Not without you… You need to get one thing about all this… He will try to kill you if he finds out about us. “

She started to tremble in front of me when she spoke. She even looked away from me and studied her shoes. She looked terrified and I started to grasp just how much she feared her father. I sat heavily on the sofa but she remained standing, twisting her own fingers together.  

“Why?”

“Because he’s fucked up… He has never wanted anyone to love me. He said at one point a long time ago that this was how God punished whores like me. A loveless life, living in constant fear of letting someone closes. I mean, he even killed my pet pig for fuck’s sake, because she didn’t run away from me.”

“I love you…. I love you, London and nothing you say or anything he does is going to change that.”

“You’re too good to be true, you know that?”

“Maybe your brother was right. That there really was someone out there waiting for you. You can’t let him win, Lo. You said you didn’t want them to win but they do if you run away again.”

“You should hate me.”

“Probably, but I don’t do hate.”

“You said you waned to kill him.”

“I did… I do. I want to get rid of all your demons and he’s the last one.”

“Yeah.”

“How have you been? Are you ok?”

“Atlanta ain’t like New York but it’s been fine… I tried to stay under the radar, keep close to large crowds.”

“That can’t have been easy for you.”

“No, but I didn’t plan on making it easy for him to find me. It’s easier to blend in then to hide in the woods somewhere. Besides if he found me, I wanted people to see it.”

“What were you going to do if he found you?”

“Kill him. Try at least, he would probably be able to kill me first, but I hadn’t gone down without a fight.”

My fingers were itching and I know she could see it. I was even shifting my weight from side to side just to keep from throwing myself at her. I needed her in my arms and although I wanted to keep talking to her, knowing what she had been up to, I just had to feel her body against mine.

She quickly followed my silent request and moved to sit next to me. As I put my hand on her face she closed her eyes and sighed deeply. She jumped a little as the first touch quickly followed by me kissing her lightly. I just had to make sure it was really her. She tasted the same, her full lips felt the same as they had before. My heart started to pound so hard it most have made my shirt move when her hands came tangled up in my hair as so many times before. This was how it had always been, it was so familiar and so natural and I never wanted it any other way or with anyone else. She was everything I would ever need. She moved into my lap and my hands grabbed her hips, keeping her pressed close to me. She kept exploring my mouth, both of us getting to know each other all over again. This wasn’t a passionate reunion, ether of us wanting to rush things. This was an emotional reunion. Her hands in my hair made me shiver, I had missed this so much. I ran my hands up her back, under her shirt and I could hear her moan slightly in my mouth, making me smile. She had missed this just as much as I had.

“Norman! What the fuck, man you gotta…!”

I pulled away, completely disoriented from the kiss when someone suddenly called out for me. I looked up and around and found Steven in the doorway, his foot still in midair. London didn’t even move, she just buried her head in my shoulder and held on tight. There really wasn’t any way out or somewhere to hide for her. The Asian man stared at me for a solid 10 seconds without speaking. He tried a few times but no words came out of his mouth as he opened and closed it.

“Hmm, would you mind just waiting outside for a minute, dude?”

I asked and he quickly nodded before exiting the trailer again. When he closed the door behind him, I could hear her giggle close to my ear and it felt like I was in heave at that point. She was there. She really was there in my arms.

“You didn’t run.”

“Ain’t much space left for that… Besides…”

She began kissing her way down my neck and I sighed deeply, closing my eyes and said a fast pray to higher powers for bringing her back to me.

“I feel safe here with you.”

Her words were like angels singing and I hugged her tightly and the best thing was that she let me. I knew without being able to see her face that she was smiling.

“Good… Will you stay here?”

“Yeah. When will you be back?”

“In a few hours, suppose to go through some things about next week with the producers. I’ll have someone drop off some food outside, ok? You don’t have to talk to anyone if you don’t want to and it’s probably best if you don’t go outside just yet. I’ve to talk to the security team first, make sure they don’t go arresting your ass.”

“Thanks.”  

                                            --------------------------------

Norman had said a life time ago it seemed that I had him wrapped around my little finger. I was pretty sure he had gotten that backwards. I couldn’t get him out of my head and I couldn’t stay away from him. I knew that I should, mainly for his safety but since pretty much the first time he looked at me, I had lost some sense of self-control. I needed him in my life too much not to think about and care about the consequences.

For the first time in a very long time I felt safe again. I hated to see him leave but I still felt safe. He was coming back and I would be there waiting for him. The decision to make it back to him hadn’t been an easy one to take. I had made a list, positive and negative outcomes. The bad outcomes had been more than the good once but still I had chosen to go back to him. I needed him too much. It was selfish as hell to put him through this again but I had done this decision based on what my heart wanted, not what my head told me was the right thing to do.    

I hadn’t been able to sleep more than a few hours at the time since I left so I crawled into a fetal position on the sofa and found a blanket. As I pulled it around myself the familiar scent of him filled my nostrils and I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

I woke up several hours later by my phone buzzing. My eyes widened some when I got them working and I found 7 waiting texts from Norman.

_I can’t believe you here… you’re still here right?_

_London?_

_You’re probably asleep right?_

_Sleep tight angel girl. I love you_

_I can’t fucking concentrate on anything right now! The producers are going to fire me…_

_Did I tell you I love you?_

_I love you London and I really can’t lose you again baby…_

I read them through twice, shaking my head at this man that had so much love in him that I knew I really didn’t deserve. But he loved me and I would let him because I needed him and I needed his TLC.

And I needed food. I actually felt hungry and knowing he had promised to make sure there was food just outside the door made me get to my feet. Mr. Reedus had not once broken a promise and outside the trailer door, on the bottom step was a cooler. It was getting dark outside and I was thankful that it hid me pretty good from all the people moving around. Not that they cared about me, they had other things to do, so I simply took a step outside and brought the food with me back inside. As I unwrapped the sandwich and tore open the bag of chips I decided to put him out of his misery and replay to his texts.

_Yes, I’m still here. Yes I was asleep. Yes, I woke up just minutes ago and yes I’m still here. Eating the food someone dropped on the stairs, so thank whoever did that. And no, I don’t think I could lose you again either, you’re kinda stuck with me from now on Mr. Reedus_

I had finished all the food before he finally replayed.

_Norman: I think I could survive being stuck with you Miss Richardson_

_London: You have no idea what you’re getting yourself into…_

_Norman: Right back at ya babe! It’s going to have to be all in this time Lo_

_London: Yeah…_

_Norman: Really?_

_London: I can’t stay away from you, I don’t want to_

_Norman: Good_

I found a TWD season 6 baseball hat hanging on the wall beside the door and I grabbed it before exiting the trailer. I tried to blend in and not look so guilty and it worked pretty good as I made my way through the narrow street I had only seen on the TV screen before but it was so familiar. It seemed they were wrapping up, people all around packing together stuff and shouted their goodbye’s to each other. There was still bright light on further down the street and I found myself at an open green lawn with big solar panels and there was also the one person I had been looking for. He seemed to be in deep conversation with a man I only knew through the internet but haven’t actually met yet; Greg Nicotero. Andy was there too but not really involved in the conversation. He was pacing a few feet in front of them, headphones on and just seemed to be walking off some energy.

Suddenly he stopped and lifted his head and looked straight at me. His eyes narrowed into angry slits and I took a step back. The urge to just flee came so fast and when he actually began to walk towards me, pocketing his phone and headphones as he did, I half turned away from him and took the first step away from him.

“Don’t you fucking run again!”

He shouted at me and I snapped. Something changed in that moment. Just hearing his angry words made me want to prove him wrong. I spun back around and walked straight up to the English man and shoved him hard in the chest. He hadn’t expected it at all and the chock on his face was pretty amusing.

“Fuck you, Andy!”

I shocked myself too. I had always chosen flight over fight but I wasn’t afraid of anything anymore. Besides my father but other then him I had nothing to be afraid of anymore as long as Norman was close by. And he was right behind Andy, nervously watching our shouting match while Mr. Nicotero simply wondered what the hell was going on.  

“What the hell are you doing here?!”

“That’s none of your business!”

“You fucking left! You just left him and who the hell was left picking up the pieces?! It sure as hell wasn’t you, bitch!”

 “Shut the fuck up! You don’t know shit what the hell happened, why I left!”

 “I know what you left behind! You’re some fucked up bitch, you know that?! Just coming back after everything you’ve done!”

“Why the hell do you care so fucking much?! He’s a grown man, he can take care of himself! He can make decisions for himself!”

“Well, you fucked him up pretty good, Lo!”

“If you haven’t noticed, I’m pretty fucked up too and I’m right here now so-“

He cut me off, stepping closer into my personal space then I usually was comfortable with but I felt determent not to stand down this time. I had something to fight for.   

“If you leave again, I’m going to hunt you down myself!”

“Fuck you, Andy!”

“Fuck you too!”

He actually smiled and shook his head then, seeming to be done with the yelling for now and I felt pretty done as well. We agreed without either of us really knowing how, to just drop it after that. He needed to clear the air between us and once we had, Norman finally started to move towards us. His eyes darted between both of us a few times before settling on his best friend.

“Is this what you want…? Again?”

Andy asked him and Norman nodded quickly.

“This is what I need, what I want. And I appreciate that you care so damn much but you gotta let this go. What happened, happened and it’s not up to you to decide what I do now.”

“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“She already has…Again.”

“I’m serious, London if you leave again or you hurt him…”

“Oh, for fucks sake, Andy.”

Norman complained and threw both hands up in the air.

“No, I need to say this, keeping my conscious clean. I will keep you responsible for whatever happens to him, do you get that?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Do you want me to apologies?”

He turned to me with his question and I chuckled, shaking my head with determination.  

“Hell no, I’m not apologizes. You deserved it.”

“So did you… Since when did you get so touchy?”

I knew he was referring to me pushing him and I had to think about that for a second longer as well before giving him an answer. They both turned and waited for me to give an answer. I reached out for Norman and he moved quickly and wrapped his arm around my shoulder and kissed the side of my head.

“Since I’ve something to lose.”

I finally said and wrapped both arms around his waist and hugged him to me. Andy wasn’t able to hide a smile that started to play at the corner of his mouth.

“You didn’t a month ago?”

“Maybe, I just didn’t realize it.”

“Fair enough… Well, I’m heading home. Call me…”

Andy called back to Norman as he began to walk away. Confused, Norman turned to look at him.

“That’s it? Are we ok?”

“Yeah, sure, Norm. Call me!”

“Ok. Love ya!”

“Fuck you!”

Andy turned and gave Norman the finger as he walked away, making both of us burst out laughing. It got caught rather short though as someone close by cleared their throat. His chuckle turned out to an apologetic gesture as both of us turned to face the director and special effect expert.

“Did I miss something?”

“Yeah…Sorry, Greg this is London. London, Mr. Greg Nicotero. London’s… She’s my girlfriend.”

The man in front of us was probably a lot more shocked then he led on. He composed his surprise quickly though and held out a hand for me to shake.

“Oh…I didn’t know… Nice to meet you, London.”

I hesitated but as Norman hugged my side a little harder it was easy to reach out my hand to grasp his for a second. He smiled warmly at me and I found myself returning the smile.

“I take it you’ve met Andy before.”

“Yeah we… I… It’s…”

I didn’t know how to explain or if I even had to explain to this man but Norman came to my rescue.

“They met a few weeks back. London has been… We meet back in the beginning of April in New York and it got pretty intense so we, you know, decided to take a little break and Andy… Well, you know Andy.”

“Yeah, he’s overprotecting when it comes to you.”

“Yes.”

“Isn’t Andy actually younger than you?”

“He is but you might need to remind him of that, babe. He’s my overprotective big, little brother and I’m sorry he yelled at you.”

“Don’t be, I deserved it.”

“Good thing Sean isn’t here too, huh?”

Greg said, making me frown in confusion as Norman burst out laughing beside me and hugged me even tighter and kissed my hair once more.

“Fuck yeah…Think it’s ok if I take the day off tomorrow?”

“Of course, man. You’ve the rest of the week off, Norm. You don’t have to be here, it’s great that you are but you don’t have to. I know Heather wants to go through the next episode with you though but that could probably be arrange over the phone.”

“It’s not like I’m going to vanish from the face of the earth, dude. Just give me a call.”

“Sure. Nice to meet you, London. I guess I’ll see you around?”

“I guess so.”

When Greg walked away, leaving us alone I couldn’t stand still anymore. I just needed to get out of there right away. He must have felt the same because I never had to say the words before he grabbed my hand and we headed straight back to the trailer and his parked bike outside. Without another word he handed me an extra helmet from inside the trailer and he speed out on the road. He drove way too fast but I couldn’t care less. I was just as eager to get home as he was.

It looked just the same as I remembered it when I stepped inside the front door, Norman right behind me. I heard him take a breath in to speak and I spun around to face him.

“I’m sorry Andy…”

“No… No, just shut up and kiss me. No talking.”

I said and grabbed him by the waist and attached my lips to his. He responded to the kiss at once. I gasped into his mouth as he lifted me into his arms and carried me down the hall towards the master bedroom. He never stopped at the bed however but continued to the bathroom. We were both sweaty and sticky with bugs from the bike ride and I was thankful he thought a shower seemed like a good idea. He placed me on the floor and turned to start the shower. Quickly as he had his back to me, I stripped of my cloths.  

                                            ------------------------------------

She was only inches from me when I turned around to face her. I forgot how to breathe for a second, getting lost in her eyes but when the moment past I kissed her. Hard. This was going to be the passionate reunion. Ether of us wanting to hold back, probably couldn’t hold back. I needed her. I needed to feel her skin to mine again. I needed to hear her scream my name again. She had gotten me out of my cloths faster than I thought was possible, especially since they usually stuck to my skin in the humid Georgia weather. Not once did her lips leave mine and it took me a while to get to my senses again, being too occupied with what her hands were doing.

She pulled away from me suddenly. When I opened my mouth to speak she just hushed me, pulling her hair to one shoulder and turned around with her back to me. I stared. Stunned what she was showing me. She had gotten a tattoo. A pair of angel wings, my wings, covered most of her upper back, from the top of her shoulder blades and down. I reached out for her, tracing my finger over the beautiful piece and I could feel her tremble under my touch, taking short and hard breaths. It couldn’t be more than a few weeks since she had it done, the redness had just barley faded away. I had seen tattoos like this before, fans had gotten a lot of them lately, but this was her. She had forever marked her skin with something that would remind her of me. I didn’t want to cry, not now but it was hard trying to push away the tears. I did the only thing I could at that moment, or I would break down sobbing. I pushed her up against the shower wall, spreading her legs with one of mien in the same moment. She flexed both arm against the wall and arched her head back, giving me access to kiss her neck at the same time as I shoved myself inside her. One of her hands moved back gripping my hair tight, pulling me even closer to her as she started to move with me.

I let one hand realize its tight hold on her hip and slowly made my way to her most sensitive spot. She froze for the shortest of seconds, held her breath before exploding to my touch. When I never let her recover, but starting to work for more she squirmed, panting for air. In one swift move I turned her around to face me, pinned her to the wall again and slammed back inside her. She gripped my upper arms so hard it hurt but I was too focused on the pleasure. Grabbing her ass tightly made her understand what I wanted and she wrapped her legs around my waist, burring her face in my neck as she did.

“Hold on tight, baby.”

“I’m not letting you go ever again.”

She answered me and we both knew that she meant so much more than just that at the moment. She was so close to the edge again, I could feel it and hear it in her strained and loud moans. My name did leave her lips in a scream when we both fell over the edge together. Her nails digging into my shoulders. My legs gave in after my intense climax and I brought her with me when I sank to the floor. She kept her legs and arms tightly wrapped around me and I listen to her harsh breathing, while trying to get my own back to normal. She came back to life sooner than me and I could feel her kisses on my shoulder, where she probably had left a few marks. My eyes were still closed when I felt her move towards my lips, kissing my collarbone, up my throat and finally ending on my slightly parted lips. She bit down on my lower lip lightly.

“You hate it?”

I snapped my eyes open, making her jump a little when I stared at her.

“No… No, I think it’s beautiful. You’re beautiful. It was just… Unexpected.”

I put both hands on her back, tracing the ink.

“I’ve been wanting one for a while now, you know, covering up some of the old scars. Then you came along and I…I wanted something that reminded me of you.”

“You really never wanted to leave, did you?”

“No. You’ve my heart and soul, Norman Reedus. Forever, no matter what happens.”

“Thank you. I love you.”

“I love you.”’

She said it. She actually said the words. And I believed her.

                                            ------------------------------

It was like riding a bike. Once you had learned how, it was easy to get back on. He was so familiar and so right. Again. He knew how to touch me just right, where I wanted him. And I knew every inch of his gorgeous body.

The unfamiliar words that had left my mouth for the first time in so long was easy to speak once I had him in my arms again. I loved him and it felt so natural to finally be able to say it. I had probably loved him for a lot longer then I was ready to admit to myself but it didn’t matter. I had spoken the words inside my head since he kissed me again earlier that day and they made all the sense in the world to me. I had expected him to have a different reaction to the words though but I was glad he didn’t get too emotional about it. Deep down I knew it was because he already knew I loved him.   

After the first passionate part of our reunion we actually did make it into showers.

“I’m sorry Andy was such an ass. I’ll talk to him.”

“Don’t bother, it’s fine. We both needed to clear the air. I think we’ll be fine.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. He just cares about you. I think it’s kinda sweet.”

“He had no right to call you a bitch.”

“Well, I kinda was.”

The hot water streamed down both of us, washing away most of the dirt covering us, but his hair was a total mess.

“What?”

He asked when he found me staring up at him.

“Your hair is getting pretty damn long.”

“And you just love it!”

He reached up and put both hands through his hair, messing it up even further, making it point in all directions. He made a face, sticking out his tongue at me, costing me to burst out laughing. He was such a dork.

“I’ve really missed you, Lo.”

“I’ve missed you too… Let me get you clean.”

“I’m all yours, babe.”

He threw out both arms in front of me, inviting me in. He kept staring at me, following my every move. Making me suddenly nervous for some reason. I had no reason to be really, I knew him. I was just going to clean him up. My hands landed on his chest. He had gotten a glorious tan. He winced slightly when I moved to his upper arms.

“Sorry…”

“I ran into a tree while filming.”

“You ran into a tree?”

“It’s dark and walkers coming at you from all angles!”

“I hope they’re not using that in an episode. It would look pretty bad having Daryl running into a tree, he doesn’t do that.”

“I know, but I was distracted.”

“Why?”

“I’ve been going fucking crazy since you left, Lo. It really sucked, I was a mess.”

“I’m sorry… Turn around.”

He willingly followed orders and turned his back to me. This time it was my turn to gasp a little. I had had a weak spot for his back from the start, he was just so god damn hot! And now, when he stood there completely naked my eyes traveled slowly from his shoulders, all the way down to his ass, making me forget all about the task at hand. He jumped and gasped in surprise as I wrapped my arm around his hip and grasped his erection, beginning to slowly but firmly stroke him. He leaned back slightly against me and moaned softly. A loud gasp left him as I dropped to my knees and made him turn back around and I allowed him inside my mouth.

"I thought you were going to get me clean." 

He spoke, breathless after exploding to my touch and looking down on me.  

"Sorry, got distracted..." 

I smiled back up at him and he reached down and tugged my arm until I stood in front of him.

"I'm not." 

He grinned and kissed me, forcing his tongue into my mouth, making me stop breathing for a few seconds. 

"No..." 

He pulled away with an evil grin on his face as I had reached out for him again, grabbing his hair tightly in both hands. 

"You still need to wash my hair." 

"Fine... I'm getting pretty hungry anyway..." 

I trailed off when he suddenly dropped to his knees in front of me. 

"What you doing?" 

He gripped my hips in both hands. 

"You need to wash my hair, love. Just helping you reach." 

"Sure you are." 

I knew what he was planning and I started to tremble by the mere thought but gritted my teeth together and began to wash his messy hair. Once the shampoo had rinsed away properly I felt his soft lips pressing against my hip bone, tracing his tongue along the long scar across my belly. He stopped at my navel, dipping is tongue into it as his hands reached up to trace his fingers along my ribcage, up to my breasts.

I got completely lost in what his lips were doing that I yelled out in a mixture of surprise and pleasure when his fingers found their way inside me. Once his expert tongue joined as well I lost it completely, trying to pull him even closer. He caught me in his arms when my intense orgasm made my legs give in. He held me tight to him, letting me catch my breath with my head to his chest. He pressed his lips to my forehead and I could tell without looking at him that he had a snug smile on his face. Not without reason though. He had all reason to be smug. He sure knew how to make a girl weak at the knee. 

"Sorry, got distracted." 

He said, making both of us burst out laughing. 


	16. Breakfast date

I didn’t want to go to sleep. I wanted to stay awake all night and just watch her, to make sure she really was lying right there beside me in bed. The moment we hit the sheets, she crawled into my arms and snuggled under my chin, as close as she possible could get. Within seconds she was asleep and I wondered if she had actually sleep at all since she left. I knew I hadn’t and I had had a roof over my head. My fingers traced the tattoo on her back and I teared up once more but didn’t bother to hold them back this time.

“I love you…”

She suddenly mumbled but I think she was still asleep. She moved if possible even closer and I kissed her hair, smiling through the tears. My phone buzzed somewhere between my crying and her deep breathing and I somehow managed to grab it from the bedside table. 

_Andy: u ok?_

_Norman: Yeah_

_Andy: Is she?_

_Norman: Yeah. But do me a favor and don’t call her a bitch again. I will fucking punch you the next time!_

_Andy. She deserved it_

_Norman: Come on!_

_Andy: It won’t happen again, I promise. It was a low blow I know that but she left bro. She left you without reason_

_Norman: She had her reason you know that_

_Andy: I’m coming over tomorrow morning. No argument!_

_Norman: Fine but you’re bringing breakfast_

_Andy: See you around 8_

_Norman: Don’t you have to be on set?_

_Andy: Not until 11 tomorrow_

_Norman: Alright. See u tomorrow_

_Andy: Night_

_Norman: Good night_

_Andy: And I’m sorry for calling your girlfriend a bitch… I love you_

_Norman: I know you just care, a little too much but still… Love you 2_

Andy was way too comfortable in my house. I woke 8:15 the next morning by the smell of coffee and bacon. I heard Andy moving around in the kitchen and he was singing along to one of his softer Spotify playlists. I was pretty sure it was Adele that filled the speakers at the moment and I groaned.

“It’s a beautiful song.”

London spoke without opening her eyes and I realized she was still in the same spot as the one she had fallen asleep in.

“How is that you know this song when you’ve been under the radar for years?”

“Everyone knows _Someone like you_.”

“Guess that’s true. Did I mention that Andy was coming over for breakfast?”

“No but I wouldn’t have expected anything less from your overprotecting boyfriend.”

“Yeah, he’s a… He’s apologizing!”

Andy was suddenly in the doorway, a washing clot in his hands and with an annoyed and amused look on his face. I pinned him down with the most intense gaze I could give the younger man. He stared back for a moment before turning to look at London.

“I’m sorry, London for yesterday for calling you… that.”

“I thought we weren’t going to apologize.”

“Well, I am anyway. I was out of line.”

“Alright then. Apologize expected.”

“Great. Breakfast’s ready.”

“I ain’t moving anywhere before you leave.”

Andy rolled his eyes at both of us as London spoke and quickly moved out of the room and closed the door behind him. The second he was gone, London got up and her naked body vanished into the bathroom. We were ready within minutes, both of us starving and joined Andy at the dinner table. She rejected the plate of bacon Andy offered her and grabbed the eggs instead.

“No bacon for me.  

"Alright... How are you?" 

"Me?"

"Yes, you London. I'm trying here, would be a lot easier if you tried too."

I had thought they were both fine after their fight the night before but it seemed he hadn't quite relaxed around her yet. He was still a little pissed at her but I guess he had his reasons. He had been the only one I had been able to be around after she left. He had been there for all the break downs, all the angry fits and all the drunken evenings. 

"You're still pissed I'm back?" 

"I'm not pissed you're back, I'm pissed you left in the first place. You don't know what's been like." 

"You really don't have to tell her, man." 

"Fine. Just don't do it again. I meant what I said before, I'm going to fucking hunt you down myself if you leave again." 

"Fair enough... What if he wants me to leave?" 

"That's not going to happen.... But if it would come to that I would probably leave you alone. Can't make any promises though." 

"You don't think you might be a bit overprotecting?" 

"If you had had a normal family you might be able to see that I only want what's best for him. That's what family do and he's family." 

"I'm sitting right here." 

I felt I needed to remind both of them at that point that I was actually sitting at the same table. For some reason they got so caught up in each other while talking, it was hard telling if they were aware of other people around them. 

"I know... Do you understand what I'm telling you?" 

"Yes, Andy I get it. He's your brother, you're going to protect him." 

"Yes. So where exactly have you been for the past weeks?" 

"Down town Atlanta mostly." 

"Not going back to NYC?" 

"No." 

"Why not?" 

"I guess I had something... someone keeping me here without me really realizing it." 

"Norman told me you had been hiding up in the woods." 

"Yeah, for a few days. Did he tell you about my father?" 

"Some things, sure. He said you left because he found you." 

"Yeah..." 

"What about our deal? Is it still on?" 

"Would it make you less pissed if it was?" 

"Maybe..." 

"Alright. What do you wanna ask?" 

"I want to know what the deal with your father is." 

"That wasn't really a question."

"Fine... Why are you so afraid of your father?" 

"Because he has always destroyed everything and everyone I've ever cared about." 

"Did he... Touch you?" 

Andy hesitated before asking his question. I hadn't even thought of asking about that. London narrowed her eyes just a little as she looked at him and seemed to deliberate the question and her answer.   

"Not like that..." 

Her free hand reached out for mine and I grabbed it and she squeezed it hard. 

"He liked inflecting physical pain. He has left his marks on me but not… Not sexual... " 

"I'm sorry I just don't... What has that got to do with you leaving Norman now? Why is he still looking for you?" 

"I just got scared... He has always made sure people I care about disappear. He doesn’t want me to have someone close to me, ether it's physical or emotional. I tried really hard for a long time not to fall in love with him." 

"So what are you saying? What's going to happen if he finds out about this?" 

"I'm gonna pass on that one." 

"The hell you are! Tell me what the fuck is going to happen if he finds out you're involved?" 

"He's probably going to try to hurt Norman to get to me. I guess he figured physical pain stopped working on me a long time ago so he will try to hurt me in any other way he can... By hurting the one I love."

"Has this happened before?" 

"Yes." 

"Go on..." 

"When I was 8 he killed my pet pig, slit her troth right in front of me when he found me sleeping beside her under a tree in the backyard. When I was 10 my only friend at school went missing. I can't prove anything but I know he had something to do with it." 

"But why would he come back to look for you now? Norman told me your parents had you declared dead." 

"We were in the tabloids right before he showed up. I'm sure he has kept track of me since I left Boston. Facial recognizing isn't science fiction anymore, he probably has someone alerting him if I show up in any type of documentation." 

"But you're dead!"

"My face and body isn't. Everything else, sure but..." 

"Why the hell did you have to fall in love with him of all people...? Jesus, Lo this is just..." 

"Yeah, sorry I fucked up your life, Andy. Really wasn't my intention." 

"It's not my life I'm worried about, honey, it's yours. You should get a bodyguard or something." 

He turned to me, staring intently like he tried to transfer his thoughts to me. 

"I've already taken care of that." 

I felt her jerk around in her seat, turning her whole torso towards me. 

"Good." 

"Wait...What did you do? I'm not having a fucking stranger following every step I take!" 

"I know that. I mean you're pretty safe on set, you said it yourself, the security is pretty tight and I've already talked to them about getting additional security once we move out to location. At home there's going to be someone around the house whenever we're there. Not inside."

I could feel the protest building from her but she swallowed it when I spoke my final words. 

"When did you find time to do this? When did you get back here?" 

"Yesterday afternoon." 

"Then how the hell did you manage to pull that together?" 

"I took the time.... Look, I know you don't like it but I'm not going to take any chances." 

"Fine." 

"Wow, really?" 

I had expected loud and angry protests but she seemed to accept my decision. Probably grudgingly though. 

"I said fine." 

"Alright, good." 

"Is that why you don't eat bacon? Because you had a pet pig?" 

"Yes." 

"It has been someone else besides your father that made you like this, haven't it?" 

"Yes." 

"Can I ask...?" 

"No you can't. Not yet." 

"Have you told him?" 

"He knew what he needs to know to understand why I'm.... Messed up." 

"Do you love him?" 

"Yes." 

"Have you actually told him that?" 

"Yes." 

"Good for you... See, you're healing already." 

"Baby steps." 

"Do you even want me here? I could go catch up on some TV shows if you two feel like keep talking." 

Both of them turned to me when I spoke again, a bit annoyed they were ignoring me. Sure, I was glad they could have a normal conversation without yelling and hitting each other, but this was getting ridiculous. 

"Sorry, bro didn't mean to leave you out. I can't help but get caught up in your... Girlfriend? Is she your girlfriend?"

"I guess... Hey, I can practice my line again." 

She shook her head, smiling when I turned to her, beaming like a fool. 

"What line?" 

Andy asked confused.

"I'm not single anymore. I'm actually seeing someone...No, that doesn't work... I'm having someone special in my life, that sounds better." 

"Yeah, could you please try to let someone else know about this time around? It really sucked being the only one who knew." 

"Was it really that bad?" 

I asked. But then I knew it had been. I had hit rock bottom when she left. Some days not eating or sleeping, just doing what I had to, what was expected of me. The worry had been the worst. Not knowing where she was or if she was even alive. It had eaten me up from the inside out. She was the love of my life. The one I couldn't live without. I had never thought I would find someone like this now, after all these years. I mean, I would have been happy just having someone loving me, making me laugh, but this was so much more than that. So much better. She knew me, everything there was to know just after our first days together. It had felt like she had been a part of my life for years, not days. It hadn't of course been that easy to get to know her, but I couldn't give up on her just because it was the easy way out. It would be easy. My life would be a hell lot easier if she had stayed out of my life. But it wasn't the kind of life I wanted. I needed her and now I finally knew she needed me too. 

"You were a walking dead, Norm. Eating and sleeping just to keep alive." 

"Sorry you had to see that, bro. But thank you for putting up with me. Getting me through it." 

"I guess that's what happens when you lose the one you can't live without..." 

"Yeah..." 

I eyed her but she kept her head bowed, I guess sorry for what she had done. The thing was that I couldn’t be mad at for what she had done. After explaining about her father I was more surprised she had let it go as far as it did. 

"Seriously though, what about letting everyone know? Doesn't seem to be the best idea if she's going to keep hidden. But then I don't see how you will be able to keep her from everyone if you can’t stay away from each other." 

"I really don't need to hide, I just need to stay out of getting caught on film or photos." 

"I like the brunette by the way, it suits you. I barley recognized you at first." 

"Kinda the point."

"I guess you're not coming over this weekend then?"

"What were you planning?" 

She asked, turning to Andy. 

"Barbecue but you guys need to have some time alone." 

"Yeah that sounds like a good idea. I need some time to get my head straight again." 

"I think we both do."

She said, suddenly leaning her head to my shoulder. I responded with hugging her side to me and kissed the top of her head. Andy actually smiled at me and I wondered what I had done to deserve him as a friend after everything I had said and done the past weeks. He genuine cared about me and if I was happy so was he.

The reminder of our breakfast was spent with a lot light subjects and London tried very hard to get Andy to revile what was going to happen during season 6. She had already tried with me the night before but I had told her I didn’t actually knew that much. She hadn’t believed me and started interrogating Andy the same way. He gave her pretty much the same answers and I just loved seeing her so annoyed and amused at the same time.   

I rose and embraced him in a tight hug when we parted ways. I tried to put what I couldn't expression in words into the hug and I think he got it. 

"I love you, man." 

"Love you too, Andy." 

"Call me whenever, whatever." 

"Yeah.”

“Thanks for breakfast.”

“Thanks for talking to me.”

Andy responded after London spoke. She simply nodded at him and continued cleaning the table. I returned to the kitchen after waving Andy goodbye and helped her put everything away. We spent it in silence as though I had a feeling she needed some time to collect her thoughts at the moment. Truth was, so did I. It was weird in a good way how she seemed to be more then ok with Andy. He was an easy-going guy, I knew that but it was still so unexpected I finally had to ask.

“Don’t get this the wrong way but how is that you’re able to handle seeing Andy so well?”

She had taken refuge to the sofa with a book in her hands when I joined her after finishing in the bathroom. She looked up over the top of the book and her eyes wandered over my body. She pursed her lips together and smiled.

“Come on, I’m going for a swim.”

I told her and she returned her gaze to the book, grinning even wider.

“Alright… With Andy it’s a lot easier because he’s… Well, he’s your best friend and he’s kinda like you and I trust you and if you tell me he’s a good guy, I’m going to take your words for it. It doesn’t mean that it will be the same with everyone else but Andy seems harmless enough.”

“He really is the greatest guy alive. And as long as you don’t hurt me, he won’t hurt you. I mean he would never physical hurt you ever, whatever happened but he can get quite pissed and you do not want to handle a pissed Andrew. What happened last night was just the top of the iceberg.”

“I will try to remember that. Go swim.”

“Want to join me?”

“Sure”

She got to her feet and made for the back door.

“But I’m only watching you.”

She added as she passed me, placing her palm to my stomach. The simple touch made me gasp and she winked at me. And I lost it as so many other times. Her touch was intoxicating and I grabbed her arm and pressed her to my half naked body and kissed her hard.

“Where the hell have you been all my life, woman?”

The words came out in a growl between heated kisses. I felt her smile against my lips.

“It doesn’t matter. All that matter is that I’m here now and I’m not going anywhere.”

She said and grabbed me by the hair and pulled me even closer.


	17. Mingus

_Sunday July 5 th 11.10 AM _

I opened my eyes and found the room still in darkness and I rolled around to grab my phone to check the time. Norman was still asleep, there of the blinds being shut. He had been up before dawn the last two morning and although I hadn’t been on set with him, I could never go back to sleep after he left and it was nice to be able to finally sleep in. Both of us needed it. He was sprawled on his front, hands above his head and the sheet covering nothing more then his naked behind. I got up and opened up the blinds and the sunlight flooded the entire room. I crawled up into a sitting position as careful as I could, so not to wake him. I loved watching him sleep. He looked almost childlike when he slept, all relaxed and snoozing deeply. Gently I removed the hair from the side of his face. He stirred slightly but remained asleep.

I had been sitting studying him for nearly 20 minutes when a noise from the front door made my whole body tense. A key turned and the alarm was quickly turned off which meant it could be one out of two people.

“Dad?”

Shit! This wasn't really how I wanted to make my second impression on Mingus, a complete naked mess in bed with his still asleep and naked father. His eyes had flown open when Mingus called out though and he started to move very fast. Too fast for his newly awoken body. He fell back down to the bed again when he stood too fast, cursing as he tried to stand once more. I knew it wasn’t helping but I burst out laughing when he spun around to look at me, then towards the hallway where both of us could hear footsteps approaching. He managed to throw on a pair of pants right before the door was pushed open.

“Dad? You ok?”

 “Hey…! Yeah, fine, just fine.”

The tall, lean, teenager was standing in the doorway. A blond, younger copy of his father. He wasn’t looking at his father though, but peeked around him to watch me just as he had done the first time we met.  

“Hello.”

“Hey. Sorry, didn’t mean to just burst in here, didn’t knew you…”

Mingus trailed of, blushing slightly. I guess we all felt the tension, this wasn’t what ether of us had wanted our first official meeting to turn out.

“You forgot I was coming out, didn’t you?”

He finally turned to his father.

“Of course not. I just forgot it was today. I thought you said Sunday.”

“Today is Sunday, dad.”

“Oh… I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it. I will go unpack.”

“Mingus….”

He called out for his son but he had already walked out the door.

“No worries, dad, really!”

He called back to him, making Norman stopping going after him. Instead he returned to sit down on the edge of the bed, sighing deeply and running his fingers through his hair.

“Well, that didn’t go as planned…”

He said and I could see his shoulder fell slightly in defeat. He was feelings so bad about failing his son and I couldn’t help but feeling guilty myself. We had been so caught up in each other the past days, not much else had registered. I crawled up behind him and hugged him from behind. He caressed my arms lightly.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault, Lo.”

“Yeah, it kinda is. I’ve been monopolizing you.”

“And I’m happy you have, love.”

“Go talk to him. But maybe put some cloths on before you do.”

“Will you join me? Need to do some damaged control and I really think he wants to meet you… You know, really meet you, not just… See you.”

“This has happened before, hasn’t it?”

“Not like this, he hasn’t walked in me while having someone actually still in bed, but there has been a few times he has meet them leaving.”

“He seems pretty cool about it.”

“He’s a pretty cool kid.”

“Well, he’s your son, I wouldn’t expect anything less.”

“Thank you.”

He kissed one of my hands before getting to his feet, heading to the bathroom. I laid back down, needing a few minutes just to collect my thoughts. I had to make this work. I had to do it for his sake. I had been so caught up in just him that I had forgotten all about his son. It was the most important meeting I had to do and I wasn’t sure how to get through it. I had no experiences in dealing with teenage boys. I just wanted him to like me. I guess I hoped we could be friends on some level. He was the most important person in Norman’s life, so I couldn’t screw this up by letting my instincts take over. I could hear the shower starting running at the same time as sounds of glasses clinging in the kitchen. I decided to get dressed and see what the kid was up to. When I walked into the kitchen he was sitting by the counter, poring milk into a bowl of cereal. He looked up when he heard me and he actually smiled. It looked just like his fathers and it had the same effect on me as with Norman. It made me relax.

“Can I join you?”

“Sure.”

“I’m sorry we had to meet like that… I’m London.”

“Mingus.”

“It’s nice to finally meet you.”

“Yeah, you too.”

I collected my own bowl and spoon before sitting down beside him. He passed me the cereal and milk before I had the time to ask him.

“Thanks. How did you get here?”

I felt him stealing sideway glances at me while eating and I allowed him to take his time to really look me over. I knew I probably had changed a lot in his eyes since he caught me in bed weeks ago.

“Took a cab.”

“Sorry, you shouldn’t have had to do that.”

“Na, its fine, really, I don’t mind. How old are you?”

The first question was the one I knew would come sooner or later. With Mingus it was the sooner. It was what pretty much first question everyone asked once they met me.

“I’m 28.”

“Isn’t my dad too old for you?”

“Do you think he is?”

“Guess it really doesn’t matter. I’m sorry I walked in on you like that, I really didn’t know you were still around. I thought it never turned into anything. Is it serious.”

I stared at him, not knowing what to say. He looked back at me, calmly waiting for my response. He really got straight to the point, but I guess he just wanted to know if I was actually sticking around and if it was really a point in getting to know me in the first place.

“Yeah it’s serious.”

“Good.”

“Really? Why?”

“It’s been too long since he had a serious relationship. He could need some stability.”

“Are you some sort of relationship expert?”

He laughed, shaking his head.

“Hardly. Just knowing my dad. The stuff about liking the single life is just a damn lie to tell the press and keeping the fans happy.”

“I see… What about you? Do you have a girlfriend?”

“No, not right now.”

“How’s your summer holiday? Having fun?”

“Yeah, it’s been great. I was with mom over in Europe for a few weeks.”

“Yeah, he told me… Look, I know it’s been a bit crazy the past few months, everything happening rather fast and then got fu… messed up and… My point is just that he really loves to have you here and it’s really my fault he has been a bit… distracted.”

“He always gets too caught up but I must say this time around seems to be worse than normal…. Hey, dad.”

I turned around and found Norman come to a sudden stop when he spotted us in the kitchen, drying his hair on a white towel.

“Hey… Did you get here ok?”

He walked up to his son and hugged him tight, pressing his lips to the top of his head.

“Yeah, don’t worry about it, dad. I’m fine.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t come to pick you up. Why didn’t you call?”

“I did.”

“I must have turned off the sound. How was Europe?”

“Great. It was a lot of fun.”

“How’s your mom?”

“You know you can talk to her yourself.”

“Not right now…”

“Yeah, I guess that’s true. She’s kinda pissed at you.”

That was news to me. I hadn’t picked up on them fighting, but then I realized he hadn’t talked to Mingus’s mother since I got back. Was that why she was pissed? He seemed to hear my unspoken question and turned to me.

“I might have gotten… Drunk a few weeks ago and called her and it didn’t… End that well. But I’m sorry you got caught in the middle of it.”

“You should know I don’t care anymore. What you do, is your business, I’m not picking sides.”

“I know… Such a smart kid.”

“He couldn’t have gotten that from you.”

I teased. He narrowed his eyes at me, smiling.

“Shut up!”

“I kinda like her already.”

Mingus said to his father, making him grin from ear to ear. He messed up his son’s hair and glanced over at me, smiling, helping himself to some breakfast as well.

“I’m just kinda surprise to find you not alone here. Is this what you were trying to figure out a while back, when I was staying with you back in New York?”

“Yeah. Sorry I haven’t told you. I just haven’t known what to tell you or how and it’s… It’s been a bit of a mess.”

“So you’re living here full term?”

Mingus got to his feet and grabbed some orange juice but never stopped talking. He was a very intuitive young man and he really wanted to know about us but without being too intrusive and pushy.

“Yes. Since a few days back. “

“Are you planning on staying?”

I felt Norman move next to me, probably a bit uncomfortable with the question.

“Yes.”

“You don’t look the same as when I first saw you.”

“I know. A lot has changed since then.”

I felt the follow up question but I foretold him.

“And I’m going to let your dad fill you in on that.”

“Really?”

Norman asked, turning completely around to look at me as I got up and cleaned my plate.

“Yeah. It’s really not up to me what you want to let your son know about all this.”

He stared at me for a while and I could tell Mingus was watching us too. Finally Norman nodded.

“Alright.”

                                            -----------------------------

My son never seized to amaze me. He had taken London in with open arms, no question asked. There really hadn’t been someone like her before in my life during the time he had been vaguely aware about what it all meant. He was being the perfect little gentlemen I didn’t even know I had been able to raise. It made me swell with pride, knowing he made no judgment whatsoever, just knowing she was important to me, made him open up to her. He hadn’t been fully aware of our month apart, I had tried to keep that from him, but I know he knew something was wrong. And I didn’t want to keep secrets from him. He was the most important person in my life, so I needed to share my life with her with him as well. We were a package deal and I know she knew that but I really wanted them to be able to have the best kind of relationship they could have. For that to happen there couldn’t be any secrets. At the same time I needed to protect him and this would be on a need-to-know-bases.

London kicked us out as evening approached. She said we needed some alone time and Mingus had at once suggested we’d go out for a pizza party. So we headed down town to one of our all-time favorite pizza places.

“Is she staying?”

He was the first one to bring her up during our dinner. I had tried to catch up on what he been up to since the last time I saw him, but he finally stirred the conversation in another direction.

“London…? I hope so. I want her to.”

“She said it was serious.”

“Fuck, did you actually ask her that?”

“So what? I need to know if there really is a point in getting to know her or not.”

“Fine…. Yes, it is serious.”

“Ok, good.”

“There’s something we need to talk about though. About London I mean.”

“She’s messed up.”

How did he know that? He hadn’t even had a real conversation with her until the very same morning? I stared at him for a long time. Had I talked to him about her? Where had he picked up on that?

“You’re going to have to explain what you mean by that, Mingus.”

“I saw the scares, dad. Did she do them herself or did someone else do that to her?”

“What do you think?”

“I think someone else hurt her. She seems a bit… Twitchy and she said it herself, that she fucked up, I guess that was what happened a few weeks ago, when you… were so low.”

Low, that was a nice word describing what it had been. I was glad though that was all he had picked up on. He hadn’t needed to see me like that.

“Yes… Well, you know we got together for the first time in April and she came here with me. She didn’t stay though. She left after a little more than a week.”

“Why?”

“She has a…. Messed up dad.”

“Did he give her all those scares?”

“Some of them, yes… He has been making threats.”

It was really the only way I could fraise what this was all about. My son had no reason to get more involved than he had to. But he needed to understand why we suddenly had heavy security around the house.

“Towards her?”

“Yes… There’re going to be additional security around the house, you probably shouldn’t even notice them but just so you know. And no pictures online. Ever!”

“That’s your problem, dad, not mine.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Does she have a family?”

“No. She has been homeless for the past three years.”

It was his time to stare.

“What?”

“She’s been living on the streets of New York for the past three years.”

“Shit… Is that why she so skinny?”

“Yeah. She has always been tiny but yes, she hasn’t been that… Fortunate.”

“Has she told you what happened to her?”

“Yes… But you really don’t need to know the details.”

“Do you love her?”

“Since when did you become so damn curious?”

“I kinda have to know, dad.”

“Why do you have to know?”

“She’s obviously going to live with us and I walked in on you naked in bed.”

“Yeah, about that…”

“I really don’t care, dad. It’s not like I don’t know you have sex…”

“Oh, shut up! You’re my son, I can’t talk to you about this. It’s fucked up, you’re just a kid. You’re my kid.” 

“Come on, dad, I’m not a kid anymore, you know that… I did meet some hot Europeans earlier this summer.”

“Tell me all about it.”

“You first.”

“Fine… Yes, I love her.”

“Does she love you?”

“Yes.”

“How do you know? Is this some twisted Cinderella story? You rescuing her from the deepest pits of hell and she just falls in love with you?”

“I know it sounds crazy.”

“Yeah, it really does. Even for you, dad this is crazy.”

Mingus said, chuckling and I shook my head at his words and laughed along with him, knowing he was pretty spot on. A few moments of silence followed while both of us kept eating and drinking but I could tell he studied me. Mingus had always been very observant and quiet. He wasn’t at me at all when it came to speaking, he always thought things over at least twice before opening his mouth.

“I really hope she stays, dad. If that’s what you want. You seem happy.”

“I am and I’m glad you’re here. How long are you staying?”

“Do you want me to stay? Maybe you need some time al-“

“No!”

Quickly I cut him off and reached out to grab his hand for a second.

“No, Mingus I want you to stay. Stay for as long as you like. I know I should’ve told you about her, that I wasn’t alone but… She came back earlier this week so it’s still new to both of us but you’re more important.”

“Not more important, dad just as important. You know you don’t work right unless you’re happy too and I’m not happy if you’re not happy. It goes both ways, you know. If she makes you happy you need to make it work.”

“I’m trying.”

“If she’s willing to make it work of course.”

“She is, it’s just hard for her to get use to this.”

“You’re sure it’s worth it?”

“Fuck, you sound like Andy… Yes, I’m sure it’s worth it. She’s worth it. I haven’t felt anything like this since your mom and it’s… It so different this time around.”

“Because she’s fucked up…?”

“Yeah and because I’m a lot older and so much has changed the last couple of years with the show and everything.”

“Has she met Andy?”

“Yeah and Greg.”

“But not be on set with you yet?”

“No. Hopefully this week. It’s very… You know, stranger danger.”

“Yeah. She handled meeting me pretty good though.”

“Yeah but I think that’s because she knows she has to make it work with you, you know? And she has met you before.”

“There’s a lot of people she has to make it work with, dad.”

“I know but I need to take this slow. One thing at the time. Or more likely, one person at the time. Andy went pretty good too and now there’s you and then everyone on set.”

“And mom. You probably need to tell her about this.”

“I will. You didn’t tell her?”

“There hasn’t been anything to tell, you never told me what happened.”

“I don’t want you to worry, Mingus you know that.”

“I know.”

He sighed and rolled his eyes, annoyed. I know he hated it when I treated him like a kid, he really wasn’t anymore. But he was my kid and I hated that he had grown up so fast. He was too smart and carrying for his own good sometimes. And I knew that he got at least the latter of the two from me.

                                            -------------------------------------

I was on the couch, watching TV and eating ice cream when they turned up right before midnight. 

"Hey!" 

My heart skipped a beat when he beamed, finally spotting me. Mingus was right behind him, but he didn't stop to chat. 

"I'm going to bed... See you tomorrow." 

"Love you." 

"Love you too, dad. See you, London." 

"Sleep tight, Mingus." 

He headed upstairs and it was once again quite, despite Norman roaming around in the kitchen, getting something to drink. He crashed next to me with a bottle of water, his hand landing on my knee. He squeezed lightly, making me gasp quality. 

"What's up?" 

"Not much." 

"What are you watching?" 

"Criminal Minds. How was your date?" 

"Awesome. It was great, so thank you for kicking us out." 

"Did you talk to him?" 

"Yeah. He knows what he needs to know." 

"Really? I thought he would be a lot more... Resentful." 

"He already knew something was... Different about you."

"Different, huh? Don't sugarcoat it, Norman." 

"Fine, he said you seemed messed up, twitchy... and he saw your scars this morning." 

"Yeah I kinda thought he must have. At least those on my feet and ankles. So he's fine with this?" 

"Yeah." 

"Shit... Really?" 

"Really." 

"Wow.... Fuck, that was... unexpected." 

"He doesn't make judgment. He just wants to get to know you. But he really appreciated that you let us be alone for a while." 

"Of course. It's the least I can do after having you all to myself for so long." 

I felt his hand wander to the inside of my thigh and he squeezed firmly, making me turn to look at him. He kept his gaze on the TV, trying to look like he didn't know what he was doing to me, or why. He knew exactly where to touch me to get what he wanted in the shortest possible time. 

"Mr. Reedus, what are you doing?" 

I was already panting inside, craving him to keep going. 

"Do you want me to stop?" 

"No... But I want you take this somewhere else, cause your son doesn't need to see us naked again." 

"Alright." 

In on swift movement that took me by surprise, he got to his feet, scooped me up into his arms and carried me towards the bedroom, stopping by the freezer to dump the ice cream, not once breaking our eye contact. Gently he placed me in bed before going back to close the door behind us, stripping down as he walked back to me. The pure definition of sex on legs.


	18. Superhero

I hesitated outside the car door when Mingus opened it and jumped in, expected me to jump in right after him. I had been spending the hours between 3 and 5 in the morning having an extremely loud and annoying conversation inside my own head whether or not to grant Norman’s request about coming to set with him Monday morning. Meeting Mingus had gone really good but I knew that was mostly because I knew he was the one person I had to make things work with. There was no way in hell we were even going to have any kind of relationship if I didn’t get along with his son. The other people, the once he wanted me to meet now, I wasn’t sure about if I really had to get to know. I really just needed him, not his entire social network. Which in my opinion was big as hell.

Norman put the car back in park and walked around the car and right up to me. He took my face between both hands and kissed me gently.

“It’ll be alright. You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, London.”

“Your trailer is going to be there, right?”

“Yes. You can hang there all day if you want. I just want to know you close. If you need to go back, I’ll take you back, I promise.”

“Ok.”

I inhaled deeply and shut my eyes for a second. When I opened them again, I found his eyes looking straight back into mine and he smiled.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

He grabbed my hand and kissed my knuckles before returning to the driver seat. I stayed outside the car for another 5 seconds before following Mingus into the backseat.

“What are you doing this week, dad?”

“6:06. _Always Accountable._ Should be really cool, a burned-out forest and stuff.”

“You’ve been keeping up, right?”

I saw Mingus turn to me though the reflection in the window and I tore my eyes away from it to look back at him and nodded.

“Yes.”

The rest of the drive was spent with Mingus and I discussing the past seasons and thoughts about the upcoming season. I glanced over at Norman once in a while and every time I did, he had a huge smile on his face. He never spoke, he just drove, listening and studying us from the driver seat. It was a 20 minute drive and the sun wasn’t fully up when we got to the location of this week.

“I’ve talked to the security team and they have your picture, Lo but you both need these just in case.”

He turned around to face us both once he parked the car and handed Mingus and me an access pass with our info on.

“ _Relative to Mr. Norman Reedus,_ huh?”

I read out loud what the plastic card in my hand said.

“It easiest that way, doesn’t get too many questions and they know who to call if you get into trouble.”

“ _When_ I get into trouble you mean?”

“I would appreciate if you tried not to, babe.”

He said, smiling as he jumped out of the car and opened the car door for us to follow him.

“Yeah, good luck with that, dad… I’m gonna go to the make-up trailer.”

Mingus was long gone even before I had the time to put one foot before the other. He came up to me and took my hand and stood there with me while I took it all in. Despite the early hour there was still a tone of activity around the small abounded town. Norman had told me they had been working on the set for the entire week before and for someone like me, a first timer, it really seemed like I walked straight into the zombie apocalypse.

“I need to head to wardrobe. You wanna come?”

“Maybe…”

“All you have to do is walk out the door. My trailer is right over there.”

He pointed to his trailer, placed on the other side of the road from the place we were heading. Feelings his hand in mien made it easier to move and I stepped into the trailer after him. There were people calling out for him the moment he appeared and it made me tense right away. He squeezed my hand and pulled me behind his back, protecting me. I was pretty sure there was no one that I needed protection from and he knew that too but the simple gesture of him wanting to make sure I knew he would always protect me, made me want to smother him with love and appreciation. I placed a hand on the small of his back and gently caressed him, making him turn and smile at me.

I hadn’t even sat down in the sofa he pointed me to before I was approached by a very egger and nervous intern who wanted to know how I liked my coffee and what I wanted for breakfast. I sat blinking at the poor guy for a whole minute before he cleared his throat, apologized and excused himself. I heard Norman call him over and through my still confused and somewhat stunned brain, I heard him tell the interne I preferred fruit smoothie and a bagel for breakfast.

_You gonna have to get use to people wanting to kiss your ass baby_

I was still looking at the closed door where the male intern had just vanished through when I felt the phone in my jeans pocket vibrate and I found an incoming text from Norman. After reading it, I looked up and found him at the other end of the trailer, getting checked over after dressing in a black leather jacket. He stole a sideway glance at me and winked and I felt my brain stopped working. All I could think about was how much I wanted every single person in there to just vanish so I could rip those cloths off of him and have him right there and then. My breathing changed and came out in short, harsh huffs. When he seconds later let his own jeans drop the floor to change into another pair of black, worn and ripped to perfection, I had to bit my tongue not to curse outload.

_Are you still breathing? ;)_

I firmly folded my legs under myself so I wouldn’t be tempted to just run at him and answered the second text with quick and furious fingers.

_You’re so fucking hot right now and I want to do very bad things to you!_

It was pretty amusing to be able to see his reaction to my answer first hand. He almost dropped the phone when he read it and scrambled around, knocking away one of the woman’s hand that was fixing the bottoms on his shirt and gaped at me. I returned the wink he had giving me and I was pretty sure he growled.

He disappeared from my view all of a sudden and I felt my heart stop for another reason then moments before. The trailer door opened and the actor playing Abraham walked inside and seemed to fill the entire space between me and the man I relayed on to keep me safe. The panic came quick and the feelings of not being able to find a way out made the blood in my veins freeze. The man blocked the only exit.

“Mike!”

I heard Norman give an exited greeting and the man moved further into the trailer, leaving my escape route free. And I bolted for the door the same second he moved away. I couldn’t stop my own body from moving and I didn’t stop running until I was inside his trailer and as far inside as I could get.

I lost track of time as usual when things like this happen but sometime during my attempt to get my panic under control I could hear a light knock on the door and someone calling from the other side of the door that my breakfast was at the door. Knowing some new energy could really help going through this process made me somehow get to my feet and quickly collect the bag of food from outside the door. I crawled back into my previous position and took a sip of the yellowish drink. The sugar had a calming effect on my racing heart and I was able to take a few deep breaths before collecting the cream cheese bagel from its paper bag. As I tore the first piece from it the door suddenly opened and I jumped and felt my heart leap into my throat.

“It’s just me, baby.”

The second I heard his calm voice and saw his face I relaxed. He walked further into the trailer, towards me, with careful and hesitant steps. When I returned to the task of eating however, he seemed to figure it was alright to approach and he slumped into the seat next to me. Not too close though and I appreciate that he kept a bit of distance for the time being. He was still within arm’s reach if I needed him.

“You alright?”

I looked up at him when he spoke, his voice a little different from what I was use to. The southern accent was hard to miss and I caught myself smiling about how easily he got into the character of Daryl Dixon. I felt him search for my gaze and I finally looked up and straight into his beautiful blue’s and nodded.

“I’m fine.”

“He might be a big dude, but I promise you, Mike wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

“I’m sure that’s true, I just… Gotta get use to him.”

“Alright. It’s Andy.”

He quickly spoke and put a hand on my thigh as the door opened and I tensed all over again. The Britt walked inside with 2 Starbucks in his hands but halted when he spotted me.

“Sorry, didn’t know you where here.”

He quickly said and it looked like he wondered if he should walk back out the door again. Norman took one quick look at me before addressing his best friend.

“It’s fine, Andy.”

He nodded and spoke a low ‘ok’ before he walked over to join us, handing Norman his coffee as he sat down.

“I met Mingus, when did he get here?”

“Yesterday.”

“Is he staying long?”

“As long as he likes I guess.”

“Are you ok, London?”

During their conversation I moved into Norman’s arms and he quickly wrapped them around me and held me tight, making me finally breathe a little easier. I know I probably let out a breath of relief that they both could hear but I couldn’t care less at the moment.

“Mike…”

Norman only had to say one word but it seemed Andy understood what had happened without any further explanation. I looked up at the younger man and he gave me a small smile.

“I can actually understand why you reacted to meeting him, he is intimidated before you get to know him but he really wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, Norman has already told me but for now I think I’m going to keep my distance.”

“You really should eat your breakfast.”

Norman said and reached out for my bagel and gave it to me. I accepted it and began the same ritual as I always had when it came to eating. I tried to ignore Andy’s puzzled expression but it didn’t take long before he couldn’t shut up anymore. I really couldn’t understand why it was such a big deal. 

“What’s up with the bird eating?”

“I could tell you but I would have to kill you afterwards.”

Norman burst out in hysterical laughter when Andy’s eyes widened in shock and he even moved away a little. I allowed myself to savor the moment just for a second before winking at Andy and gave him a smug smile. I still had to get use to making people jumpy and sometimes even afraid of me. It had always been the other way around.

“Damn girl!”

Norman spoke, still laughing hard and whipping his wet eyes with the back of his hand.

“I could get use to this. It’s fun making people nervous, I haven’t had that before.”

“Why do I get the feelings that’s not true? I’m pretty sure you’ve made a lot of people around you nervous.”

“And why is that?”

I leaned up a little but not enough to escape his protecting arms around me. I picked up the eating again and Andy shook his head at me as I tore a small piece from the bread.

“It’s a bad habit, I know.”

“When did it start?”

“I don’t know, 5 years ago or something.”

“So while you were in New York then but before you ended up on the streets?”

“Look, I know you want to know, Andy but it’s not going to happen. Not now. I don’t know you good enough yet. I don’t trust you enough.”

Norman’s laughter died out pretty quickly when he realized where the conversation was going. Andy moved back a little in his seat and kept his eyes locked with mine.

“I hope you can. You trusted him pretty quickly.” 

“Yeah, but he’s an idiot.”

“Hey!”

Norman called out a protest and both Andy and I chuckled.

“He’s been told… some things. You really don’t want to know, trust me.”

“You don’t, man.”

He said, wrapping his arm harder around me and kissed my hair. Andy nodded back slowly, as though he was considering whether or not to push the conversation further.

“I just want to understand you better.”

“Give me some time.”

“I will but you gotta loosen up a bit, honey. No one here is out to hurt you. Once everyone gets to know you, they will protect you too. You’re going to have to deal with a pretty big family.”

“I don’t have to do shit…! I’ve said I’m gonna try. I’m here, right?!”

For some reason my sudden irritation and anger seemed to amuse him and he grinned at me.

“I must say I’m kinda digging the attitude. You’ve got your hands full with this one, Norm.”

“Well, you ain’t helping much right now, man. Stop rushing!”

“Just saying, bro, I’m starting to see what this is and I hope you know what you’re getting yourself into. And it goes for the both of you.”

“Ahh, do you care about me already, Andy? That’s so sweet.”

I teased and got a head roll in return.

“It’s kinda hard not to care about you, London.”

“Come on. What’s this? Does everyone around here have some sort of superhero complexion? Wanting to save the world from evil? Was it one of the criteria to get this job in the first place?”

“Hey, I’m out here saving the fucking world from the undead, hell yeah, I’m a superhero!”

“I don’t need saving, Mr. Grimes.”

“Yeah you do and I think you’ve already found just the one to save you.”

He nodded his head towards the man beside me and Norman looked down at me, blushing slightly but smiled before leaning in to kiss my cheek.

My curiosity about seeing Norman work, finally drove me out of the trailer as afternoon approached. Mingus had spent lunch with him inside the trailer and tried to make me go with him but I had turned down his offer. But I could feel myself getting restless and anxious about not being close to him as the hours without him dragged on. I needed to see him.

The heat knocked me right in the face and made me gasp as I stepped out into the sun. It really surprised me how many people it took to make an episode of the show. There were people everywhere I looked as I started to make my way through the production that was _the Walking Dead._ I wasn’t sure what I had expected but this was so much bigger than anything I could ever have imagined. I threw my arms around myself in an attempt to protect myself from everything new around me.

“London!”

I jumped and spun around when I heard Mingus call out from behind me. He came sprinting at me, disturbing the dirt under his feet as he slipped some om the gravel.

“Come on, dad’s over here.”

To my utter surprise, Mingus grabbed my hand and pulled me with him. The thing that surprised me most though was that I actually took it and allowed him to drag me along. It was pretty insane how use to Norman I had gotten. The moment I spotted him again my body relaxed and all the worry I had felt about being there vanished. I picked up on Mingus smiling at me although I didn’t look at the boy. His hand in mine gave a light squeeze but after that nothing else registrar in my Norman Reedus overflowing brain. I was completely mesmerized by the man I for some fucked up reason was able to call mine. I think Andy came to join us sometime during the scene but I was only aware of another body being close by other than Mingus.

I didn’t really care, all I was able to concentrate on was him. I followed every single move he made. He moved, I moved and I never lost him from sight and from that point on I knew I never wanted to. If I had to get use to his TWD family to be able to be with him, so be it. I just knew I didn’t want to miss another day of seeing him do what he did best. And the fact that his Daryl Dixon outfit made me weak at the knees was just a sweet bonus I could learn to live with.


	19. Freak

I had to admit it was a bit distracting have her on set. I ended up having to reshoot a lot more scene then before she was on set with me. Once she had worked up to leave the trailer and watched me the first day, she seemed not to give a fuck about everything and everyone around her anymore. She just accepted that they were there and this was what my life looked like. She talked to people when they approach her instead of backing away, although it was still Andy she seemed most comfortable around.

Chandler had managed to charm her quiet well too and I knew I had Mingus to thank for that. The two teenagers spent a lot of time together and Mingus had dragged her along to whatever two teenage boys on set was up to. They never told me and I had given up a long time ago trying to stop my son. He was too much like me when it came to coming up with crazy ideas so I knew there would be point in telling him off. I was just enjoying the summer to the fullest with the 2 people that had come to mean the world to me. London and Mingus grow closer for every day that past.

As July slipped into August it finally drove me to break down in hysterical happy tears. They had abounded me on set after lunch, both of them complaining about the fucking 100-degree weather and headed back home to cool down. It was dark when I finally got back, brining pizza with me. Laughter could be heard as I stepped out of the car on the driveway. I located it to the backyard and made my way around the house and up on the porch. They were both lying on the wooden floor, wearing matching onesies and rolling around in fit of laughter. I placed the pizza on the table and sat down to wait them out. Mingus finally ended up on his back, whipping his eyes with the back of his hand and London got to her feet, headed straight for me, grabbing my head in both hands and kissed me hard and long. She was still laughing softly as she moved into my lap and wrapped her arms around my neck.

“Hi.”

“Hi. Do I even want to know what’s so funny?”

“No.”

London turned back and looked down on my son, he leaned up on his elbows and grinned back at her.

“I love you, London.”

“I love you too, Mingus.”

Even before London had finished her sentence I felt the first set of tears rolling down my face. The laughter on both of their faces turned into beautiful, affectionate smiles instead as I looked from one to the other. Somehow I manage to bring London with me down on the floor as I attacked my son in a tight embrace. He protested, laughing, at first but finally gave in and I kissed him hard on the forehead, still with tears streaming down my face.

“Hey, dad I think you’re crushing your girlfriend.”

Mingus suddenly spook and I realized at the same time that London had got pinned between me and Mingus.

“Sorry.”

I quickly moved away and she groaned when she wriggled out from underneath me.

“All that damn running, chasing Jesus this week should’ve made you lose a pound or two…”

She said giggling and I slapped her thigh, making her wince.

“It’s just muscles, alright?”

“Sure it is… I still can’t get over the fact that you and Andy are running your asses of chasing after Jesus. It’s pretty hilarious.”

I sniggered and threw out my arms around both of them and we lay there watching the black sky, stars twinkling back at us and I felt my tears run dry. It might have been a bit of an overreaction to them finally saying ‘I love you’ to each other but I didn’t give a damn. I was happy and they made me feel that way. London turned and placed her head on my chest and hugged my stomach.

“Andy’s having a pool party Sunday, you want to go?”

“I’m going back to New York tomorrow morning, dad.”

“Right, the birthday party. Are you coming back Monday or what?”

“Yeah, Monday evening. You should go, Lo. You need to practice being around these people even outside production.”

“Oh shut up! Stop being so fucking grown up!”

London protested and I couldn’t agree more but I kept my mouth shut, enjoying listing to the two of them bickering. Mingus giggled next to me and I felt London lift her hand and smack him on the arm.

“I’ve been around even outside production.”

“Just being around Andy and Chandler doesn’t count!”

“Why the hell not?”

“Cause they’re about 20 more people that’s part of this insane family. You know he wants you to come.”

“Do you want me to come?”

I lifted my head and looked down on London when she asked her question. I nodded quickly at her and she sighed.

“Of course I want you to come, baby.” 

“Fine. I will come.”

“Great!”

“Could we please eat now? I’m starving and this floor is really killing me.”

“That’s because you’re so damn skinny, London.”

“Hey! I’ve gained like 20 pounds since I met your father.”

“You still need to gain at least another 20 pounds, Lo.”

“So let’s eat dammit!”

She bounced to her feet and headed inside to collect drinks. She returned only seconds later and placed a couple of sodas in the middle of the table before diving straight into the already open pizza box. 

“It doesn’t really matter now does it?”

Mingus spoke, making both of us look up at from the other side of the table.

“Huh?”

She asked, her mouth full of pizza.

“You burn it all off every damn night anyway. Maybe if you guys quite the nighttime exercise she would gain a little more.”

Silence fell and I stopped chewing, gaping at the boy in front of me. He winked and smiled at both of us. Finally London burst out laughing, doubling over and banging her fist into the table.

                                            ---------------------------------------

When we arrived at Andy's Sunday afternoon there was already full activity both around the pool, the grill and in the kitchen. I headed straight to Gale in the kitchen. She was probably the one female there that I felt most comfortable around and the one I had come to spent most time with as Norman and Andy always hung out whenever they had the chance.    

"Hello, honey. How are you?" 

"Great. Thanks for having us." 

"I'm glad you decided to come. Norman has been looking quite lonely the last couple of times." 

"Yeah I know he has told me a few times." 

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to...." 

"No, no don't worry about it, I know. What can I do to help? And don't tell me you don't need any help." 

"Fine... There's a watermelon that needs cutting up." 

"Consider it done." 

We shared some small talk while working in the kitchen. Meanwhile I could hear the kids and I think Andy and Norman playing around in the pool. After helping Gale finishing up everything in the kitchen I headed out to the backyard. It was hot as hell and the water looked really tempting but I hadn't quite gotten that comfortable with these people yet, to be able to share my scared body with them. Lauren and Alanna were relaxing on sun beds on the opposite side of the pool. I took a seat in the shade far enough from them not to want to include me in their conversation but still close enough for me to hear them. Lauren was probably a nice enough girl but we just hadn't connected at all and I knew the feeling was mutual. She just didn't like me and I didn't like her. I really didn't mind, I just kept out of her way and if we happened to cross both of us were polite enough not to draw attention to us.

"Hey, gorgeous." 

I felt a couple of cool water droops hit me when Norman came swimming up to the end of the pool and waved his hands in my direction.

"Hey yourself." 

"Are you ok?" 

"Yeah, great." 

"You look warm, I could just throw you in with cloths on." 

He eyed my thin linen long-sleeved shirt and pants.

"Tempting, but I'm fine for now." 

He heaved himself up from the water, getting me even more wet when he leaned in to kiss me long and hard, to second’s later dive straight back in. At the corner of my eyes I could tell Lauren was watching me closely. Alanna's eyes had followed his every move and I felt a sting of something I hadn't felt before. She had no business looking at him like that. He was mine! I knew he was hot as hell and I knew most women around wanted a piece of him but he was mine.

"God damn, he's hot."

"Sure is." 

Lauren agreed. 

I gritted my teeth together and tried to focus on the men and kids in the water instead of the women I wanted to kill at that moment. 

As people started to collect something to eat from the vast table of food I found myself seated beside Andy, a bit away from everyone else. He was still only wearing swimming trunks and I couldn't help but appreciate his fine body. Not that it was doing anything for me, but he really was a handsome man. 

"Here." 

He handed me a coke from the middle of the table. 

"Thanks." 

"You ok?" 

"Great. It's really nice, I think I can do this again." 

"I'm glad to hear that. He would be pleased." 

We both looked over to Norman, who was still in the water with Andy’s kids and Steven. 

"There're great kids." 

"Thank you. Do you want kids?" 

My eyes widened at his question and he seemed to realize his question had a whole other meaning to me than normal people. It was a normal question to someone my age but when I opened my mouth to speak it had gotten all dried up for some reason I couldn't quite understand. 

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry, Lo I didn't..." 

"It's just that I don't.... I don't have the option even if I would want to." 

"What do you mean?"

"I have no... I can't... I can't get pregnant." 

He stopped with a fork of salad in midair as I finally spoke. A shiver went through me despite the heat and I looked away from him, focusing on the plate of food at my hands although I could feel his gaze at me. 

"London... I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked." 

"I could always have chosen not to tell you. It's fine. It's not like it's a secret." 

"Why can’t you?" 

"I've no ovaries." 

When I looked back at him, I could see his eyes starting to get glassy. I surprised even myself as I reached out a hand and gently stroke his cheek once, I guess trying to convince him I was really alright. He took my hand and kissed it lightly. 

"I'm sorry..." 

"I'm fine, Andy. Really... Besides, could you image Norman starting over again? He's old." 

I tried to make a joke and Andy thankfully caught on. 

"Yeah, you're right. He's too old. I suppose you've talked about it?" 

"Of course.... After everything that has happened, I'm not actually sure I would like to bring a child into this world even if I had the choice... I'm not sure I would be able to love someone else then him." 

"You really are the female version of Daryl, you're aware of that, right?" 

"Despite the hunting skills. And I hope I'm not that angry anymore." 

"You've come a long way these past months, Lo, you really have. A month ago you would have punched my face if tried to I touched you." 

"Maybe I should punch you instead, man for touching my girl." 

Norman was suddenly standing right in front of us and both of us looked up at him. I suppressed a gasp and the urge to fling myself around his wet body, but not in time for him to notice my reaction to his glorious appearance. He grinned and winked at me. Thankfully Andy seemed unaware of our exchange. 

"Hey, she touched me first." 

"Really?" 

He turned to me, starting to dry himself of, deliberating flexing his mighty fine upper arms at me, making me narrow my eyes at him.  

"Yes, really.... Do the two of you need some time alone?" 

I turned to Andy and he had a stupid grin on his face when he looked from his best friend to me and then back to him again. I shook my head and tried desperately to get my head straight again. I had to learn to control my feelings for him when surrendered by other people but he was doing a pretty good job trying to get me off balance.

“Shut up, Andy!”

I punched his shoulder when he burst out laughing. Something else I shouldn’t have done just a month ago. Norman pouted behind him, knowing he had just lost the battle. He stalked off to get some food instead, not even looking at me. I knew he would win the war sooner or later but at that moment I was pretty contained with myself.

“Is it still hot and steamy?”

“We have a kid in the house, so no, thank God.”

“Oh?”

“Don’t get me wrong, it’s great, fucking awesome actually but it just goes out of hand sometimes. I mean we’ve had entire weekends that were just… ridiculous. I mean, you’re pretty soar after a weekend like that.”

“I’m sure you are… Where’s Mingus by the way?”

“He’s staying at a friend’s place over the weekend, he’s coming back tomorrow night.”

“Maybe he got tired of the sex crazy couple as well, huh?”

“Hey! I’m trying to keep him out of it, it’s his father that’s the problem. He’s uncontrollable.”

“Yeah, I’m sure it’s all Norman’s fault you can’t keep your hands off of each other. You want him just as much as he wants you, Lo.”

“Does it ever stop?”

“For normal people, yeah, but I’m not sure if it ever will for you. Unless you want it to.”

“Hell no!”

I was talking about our sex life with Andy. It was insane how much things had change in such a short time really. I really liked being around him, he was an easy-going guy and once he had gotten use to the idea of me and Norman actually being back together, he had opened his arms wide for me once again. I had wanted him to this time. Norman needed us to work out so I had put a lot of effort into making it work and I found as we were sitting there, in the sun eating that I was actually talking about my sex life with him like he was a friend. Maybe even a close friend.

It was a lot more then I could say for the rest of the people there. The very least Lauren. I suddenly spotted her standing right next to Norman, too close, chatting and laughing. When her hand came to rest on his naked back, my whole body tensed in anger and I bit back a hiss. Andy must have noticed the change in my posture, because his hand came to rest on my knee.

“Lo? You ok?”

I snapped my head away from the couple and looked at him.

“Fine.”

I quickly shrugged of the creeping feeling and tried to focus on the man before me but I found it harder then I should’ve to keep up a conversation with him. When he left to get some more food, I managed to escape his company for a while. Inside was deserted, everyone was outside in the backyard and I felt relieved to be able to have some time to collect my thoughts. Where the hell did that come from? Why did I react so strongly to her touching him? They were friends. She should be able to touch him without me freaking out about it. But the bottom line was that I didn’t want her to and I really didn’t want him to like it. I should be able to tell if he liked it. The panic I hadn’t felt for a very long time was bubbling under the surface and I had to sit down, leaning to the kitchen counter.

I knew this had always been too good to be true. I had always thought I would be the one leaving him but it suddenly downed on me that he might as well be the one leaving me. Maybe I was too fucked up for him. Maybe I couldn’t give him everything he wanted. To make matters even worse I heard voices approaching and realized too late that it was Lauren and Melissa. I stopped breathing for a second, hoping they wouldn’t find me frozen on the floor.

“I’m worried about him.”

Lauren spoke and I could tell she was leaning to the other side of the counter. It seemed they continued a provisory conversation.

“He can take care of himself, Lauren. Norman’s a grown man.”

Melissa was doing something over at the sink, turning the water on.

“I know that, but I still don’t think she’s good for him.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Do you honestly think he seemed fine when we started shooting? He was a complete mess.”

“Yeah, but that was then, he’s not anymore.”

“He deserves someone better.”

“That, honey is not up to you. I think she’s a sweet girl. I don’t know her that well yet but I think she’s doing her best and Norman’s happy.”

“There’s something weird about the whole thing. All the security and… I just think he could do a lot better. I mean Emily and him…”

“Come on, Lauren, that was never like this.”

“It could’ve been.”

“She didn’t want that, and ether did he, you know that.”

“She was perfect for him. She would be perfect for him. London is just… messed up. I really don’t see what so special about her. She’s gotta be pretty damn good in bed or something or there shouldn’t be a reason for him to keep her.”

“Oh, now you’re just mean, Lauren. That was a low blow. He loves her.”

“I just think he’s in love with the idea of love.”

“I really think you should keep your thoughts about his relationship to yourself. He seems perfectly happy and in love in my eyes. You might just be a bit jealous.”

“I’m just saying he should’ve taken his chance with Emily when he had it, he would’ve been so much better off with her then that… freak.”

                                            ------------------------------------------

London was avoiding me extremely well the rest of the evening. She occupied herself with helping Gale in the kitchen and later putting the kids to sleep, not really spending any time out in the backyard with the rest of us. I missed her but I figured it was better to give her some space. This was new to her and she needed to get use to it. She was collecting empty bottles around the pool when I sneaked up on her to put my arms around her. That should’ve given me a warning, if any. I had never been able to sneak up on her unless her mind where somewhere else.

“Get your fucking hands off of me!”

She snarled and spun around to face me. My hands flow up in defense, backing away from her.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

I had almost forgotten about this side of her, because it hadn’t happened in such a long time now and I couldn’t for life of me, figure out what had made her so upset. Around the table on the other side of the pool I notice the chatter and laughter dying out. Andy, Gale, Lauren, and Steven where the once still there.   

“Just get the hell away from me!”

I followed her when she walked off toward the house. Andy questioned me with one look but I just shook my head at him and closed the door behind me when I followed her inside the kitchen. She spun around when she heard the door close and glared at me.

“What?!”

“What’s going on? What’s wrong?”

“Now why would anything be wrong?”

She slammed the trashcan closed and I took the chance to walk up to her when she turned her back to me. She moved so fast when I reached out a hand to her that I didn’t have the chance to react at all. Her hands flew out and she shoved me hard in the chest, pushing me away angrily. I could see tears in her eyes and I realized that she was not just angry with me.

“Baby… Please, what’s going on?”

I begged, completely lost to what might have happened. I wasn’t aware of hurting her, at least not deliberately. This was so new to me I had no clue how to act. The anger I could deal with, I had before but she was hurting and she had never shown this side of herself before.  

“Why don’t you fucking ask Lauren?!”

“Lauren? What’s she got to do with this?”

Right on queue Laure walked in the door, I guess she most have heard her own name, since London hadn’t been that quite. She looked ready to charge when Lauren walked up beside me. At the corner of my eye, I could see Andy hover in the doorway.

“What’s going on, London?”

“Fuck you!”

“Hey…!”

Steven was suddenly by her side, I hadn’t even seen him come inside, but I should’ve known he would always have Lauren’s back. He glared at London but she just glared right back. She was furious and it even frightened me a little, especially since I had no idea what to do to calm her down. I knew the two women hadn’t connected and ether of them cared for the other but this was something else then that.

“You heard…You heard me and Melissa earlier…”

Lauren spoke beside me and I could see her swallow nervously, feeling bad about whatever had happened earlier that day.

“What happened?”

I turned to Lauren this time but she wasn’t willing to share.

“What now, Lauren? You suddenly feel a need to keep your thoughts to yourself?!”

“Well, you’re proving my point pretty good right now, London!”

I hadn’t expected Lauren to bit back but when she did, I could see London’s eyes becoming angry slits. The tears had vanished a long time ago. Andy joined us, walking up to her from behind. She watched him nervously but couldn’t really do anything to stop him.

“Why don’t we take a walk or something, Lo? Just you and I and Norman can talk to Lauren.”

He was only a step away from her and I was impressed he had the nerve to actually be standing there. I wasn’t sure why but I could feel Laurens hand on my upper arm suddenly and everything happened very fast.

“Get your fucking hand off of him!”

She hissed before launching herself towards Lauren and Lauren did the same, throwing herself past Steven towards her. Andy managed to wrap his arms around her waist and pinned her arms to her side after the first punch hit Lauren in the side of her stomach. Laurens nails scratched her face before Steven stopped her. I was frozen to the ground, not able to move or speak. Andy’s cry of pain woke me up. He tried to get her out of the kitchen but stopped in the doorway to the living room, doubling over in pain and I only had time to see London’s back disappearing out the front door. I knew better then to go after her. I would never be able to catch up to her. I rounded on Lauren.

“What the fuck happened?!”

“She’s fucking crazy, Norman! What the hell do you see in that freak?!”

“Tell me what the fuck you said to Melissa, Lauren!”

I listen while Laruen repeated her conversation to Melissa.

“She was right… You really should keep your fucking thoughts to yourself, Lauren!”

She had nothing to do with my relationships at all. We weren’t even that close, not like Andy. He had recovered from London’s kick in the balls and stood beside me, listening to Lauren as well.

“You’re fucking blind, Norman! She’s fucking insane!”

“You need to back the fuck off, Lauren!”

“She hit Andy to the ground! That would never have happened with Em…!”

“No, don’t you even fucking go there!”

“It was my own fault when I didn’t let her go.”

Andy’s calm voice made both Lauren and me turn to him and both of us took an extra breath to calm down. This wasn’t helping anything.

“I just don’t think she’s good for you.”

“That really isn’t up to you decide, Lauren.”

Andy spoke and I was once again forever thankful for having him in my life. I knew it would mean more coming from him then from me.

“You don’t have to like her, you just have to respect what she has with Norman. I know you care about him but whatever happens or has happened between him and London is not of your concern.”

“But she’s so… messed up.”

“You really don’t want to know what happened to her, Lauren. You would understand if you knew but you really don’t want to know. You don’t need my nightmares.”

She started to tear up in front of me and I couldn’t stay mad at her. She had fucked up, big time but I knew she hadn’t meant for London to hear it all. She cared about me and for that I was thankful but if it would come down to a choice between Lauren and London, my choice would be the later every day of the year. I knew Lauren would never ask me too, because we didn’t have that kind of relationship, but I wasn’t as sure when it came to London. She wasn’t the forgiving kind and she hadn’t even liked Lauren to begin with.

“Norman, I’m sorry…”

“Yeah… I know. I should get going.”

“She will be back, right?”

Steven asked.

“I hope so. Probably not until morning though… Could you not luck the backdoor tonight?”

I turned around to Andy, who nodded.

“She might just be around here somewhere.”

“Do you want me to get her home if she comes back?”

“No, not until she wants to.”

“Alright.

The anger and frustration over the whole situation came in the car, driving back home. I was glad at that point that I wasn’t driving the bike, because it would have made me even more reckless then driving the car that was already speeding. The whole thing was just a complete mess and I wasn’t sure what to expect when or if she actually got home. She was probably not even aware of what she felt at that point. The jealousy was probably a whole new experience to her and something she had no idea how to deal with.

It wasn’t easy being there alone that night. She had always been there for what seemed like forever. I had gotten so used to having her by my side every night that I couldn’t find enough rest to actually try to get to sleep. I was trying to keep myself occupied with watching South Park. My phone suddenly buzzed at 4 in the morning and Andy’s number was on the display.

“She’s here.”

The relief that washed over me by those few words, was enough to let all the air in my lungs out in a deep breath.

“Thank God… Is she ok?”

“Yeah, she’s on the couch. She just apologizing for kicking me in nuts and then went to sleep.”

“Good.”

“It’s going to be alright, bro. You just need to talk to each other.”

“Yeah.”

“Try and get some sleep and I will make sure she comes home tomorrow.”

“Thanks, bro.”

I must have fallen asleep after talking to Andy, because the next thing I knew the entire room was bathing in sunshine and I could hear the sliding door to the backyard open and close. I felt wide awake but I knew I would just scare her if I ran towards her. I listen as she looked around the kitchen, I guess getting some breakfast. I gave her another 5 minutes before I looked for her.

“Hey…”

She didn’t even look up from the bowl of cereal when I came into the kitchen. I had almost forgotten what it was like to be given the silent treatment. I had always hated it and that still hadn’t changed. But I knew I couldn’t force her to talk. We ate in complete silence and it was torture to me. I had to bit my tongue a few times not to speak first.

“Did she tell you?”

“Lauren? Yes, she told me what she and Melissa talked about… I’m sorry you heard it.”

“I don’t care what the fuck she said.”

“Come on, Lo. Just talk to me, we gotta work this out. You can’t just run every tim…”

“Fuck you, Norman!”

She was on her feet again and I followed, walking around the counter to stand before her. She didn’t back off as I had expected her too but stood her ground and glared back at me.  

“What’s the problem, really, Lo? What are you so afraid of?”

“I ain’t afraid of nothing!”

“Bullshit…! I’m getting pretty good at reading you too now, you know.”

“Then why the hell don’t you tell me what the problem is!”

“You think she’s right. You don’t feel like you deserve to be here, to be here with me. And you’re jealous.”

“Why do you want me here? Why do you love me?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?! What the hell do you need me to do?!  I don’t know what more I can do. I really don’t know what else I can do that I haven’t already done. I love you. I love you so fucking much, London that I… I… What do you need?”

“I don’t know… I really don’t know….”

She fell apart right in front of me and it was terrifying to watch. She just sank to the floor, tears falling silent. I just wanted to wrap my arms around her but I wasn’t sure if she would allow me to. I didn’t quite feel she was done yelling yet. I feel to my knees right in front of her and tried to reach out for her. She backed away but stayed on the floor.

“I love you, Lo. I don’t know what else to tell you. What changed? Do you honestly care so much about what Lauren said to make you forget everything we’ve been doing?” 

“What? Fuck 24/7?”

“Fuck you!”

It was my time to start yelling at her. Did she really think that was all we did? It was like throwing everything I had worked for, straight in the trash. She looked up at me when I stood.

“That’s just bullshit! If that’s all you think we do, what the hell do you still do here?”

“Maybe that’s all I need!”

She was back at her feet again and the glaring was right back again.  

“I’m not going to let you do this to me again! I know you don’t mean that. It’s just easier to hurt me then deal with your own feelings! I’m not taking this shit, Lo! You don’t get to hurt me because you’re scared!”

“Did you fuck Emily? Maybe Lauren too, huh?!”

“Jesus, Lo, what the hell does it matter?!”

“Did you fuck them?!”

“Emily, yes. Lauren, no… Why the hell do you wanna know? It doesn’t matter now. I’m with you now.”

“It matter if you want it again.”

“Why the hell would I want it again?”

“You could get something normal, someone normal. Something better.”

“I already have the best. I’m all yours. What do I need to do to make you see that? I’ve a past just like you, mine might just involve a few more partners and yes, some of them are still in my life but it’s not… I don’t want anyone else then you. If it’s Emily you’re worried about, it was never anything else then just sex, for ether of us. And Lauren just… I don’t know, she just cares about me and she’s really good friends with Emily.”

“She kept putting her hands on you.”

“So?”

“So I hated it!”

“What do you want me to do? I’m not going stop touching other people…. But if it helps, maybe not Lauren.”

“I hate this…”

“I’m quite sure you’re not suppose to like feeling jealous.”

“I’m not jealous!”

She protested but I started to relax just a little, seeing as she was doing the same. 

“Yeah you were… You told her not to touch me.”

“Shut up!”

She wiped her wet eyes on the sleeve of her shirt but a small smile was playing over her lips. I felt safe to approach her further and my hand landed under her chin, lifting her head up to face me.

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah, I’m ok.”

“I love you, Lo.”

“Yeah, keeping telling me that and I might be better then ok… I know you love me, I just forget sometimes. I love you, Norman.”

“Are you sure? So it’s not just my dick you love?”

“Well, I do love that too, but no, I really do love you.”

She wrapped her arms around my neck and stretched up to kiss me. I gave in when I felt her tongue to my lower lip, grabbing her hips tightly and pressing her to me.

“Come on.”

I broke away from the kiss and took her hand, pulling her with me.

“Where’re we going?”

“You need a bath.”

“I fell while running in the woods at Andy’s.”

“Yeah, I figured you hung around there… Please, don’t do that again. Don’t run. We can talk, we have to be able to talk.”

“Communication isn’t my strong suite…. At least not with three other people staring at me.”

I pushed open the bathroom door and turned on the water in the tub before stepping back to her. She had scratches on her left chin. When I reached up to put my fingertips lightly to the place Lauren had scratched her, she let out a low whimper.

“You gave her quite the punch, I was rather impressed. I’ve never had someone defending me like that before.”

“She had to learn not to touch what’s mine.”

“I’m sure she won’t be doing that mistake again…”

She put both arms up over her head when I grabbed the hem of her shirt, attempting to get it off her. She took of her pants herself and I took a step back, marveling over every inch of her. She had been so self-conscious about me looking at her in the beginning. Now, she just stared right back at me, knowing exactly what she wanted and how to get it. The confidence in every step she took towards me made tremble with excitement. She put both hands over my chest but heisted, looking up at me.

“Tell me again.”

The worrying was probably something I would have to live with for the rest of our lives, but I knew she just needed to hear the words and she would relax. She needed insurance this was all real, that we were real.

“I love you, Lo and I’m all yours. Yours only.”

She nodded, reinsured, and finally put her hands on my chest, letting them travel down the side of my body and coming to a stop at my hips, not once taking her eyes off mine. She bit her lower lip when her fingers found her way inside the waistband of my boxers. She knew exactly what to do to push me over the edge.

“God damnit, Lo…!”

She grinned up at me before I gave in and attacked her mouth forcefully, just the way I knew she wanted me to but I couldn’t care less. I was completely hers only, body, soul and heart.


	20. The Reedus effect

Personally I hated conflicts and knowing Norman felt the same, made the whole business with London and Lauren feel uneasy. I had been really nervous about dropping London off the morning after and I had even hung around just to make sure there wasn’t any killing going on. There had been a lot of loud shouting and cursing but no gun fire.

Norman called me later that day to reassured me everything was ok. They had talked it out and everything was back to normal the next week. Well, not really normal. It was a joy seeing them together. They were so in love with each other that it even made me jealous. They were more willing to share their love for each other with other people. She had been holding back before but now she had given up. She probably couldn’t hold it back anymore and I suspected she wanted to make sure there was no question that he belonged to her. He had been more the willing as well and he had even been forced to mark his territory a couple of times, when some poor extras and crew members had gotten too close for his liking. She really had loosen up around pretty much everyone on set. Lauren for obvious reasons wasn’t really on her top 10 list but they stayed friendly with each other whenever they crossed paths.

They were on the couch in the living room, watching a movie. We had just finished a late dinner and Norman looked completely exhausted where he laid in her lap. Exhausted but happy. It had been a long week for the both of us and it was nice to have some quite time. The kids were asleep and it seemed my wife had fallen asleep putting them down. After finishing up in the kitchen I joined them, although London was the only one noticing, since Norman had fallen asleep.

“What?”

I most have stared a minute too long, cause London suddenly called for my attention.

“Sorry…Are you happy?”

For an outsider, it might have seemed like a stupid question, because everyone could see how happy she was but she knew I meant something else then just that. It was a question that meant so much more to her then it probably did to other people. She studied me for a while, took her time to really think about the answer.

“Yes. I really don’t have much reference to what happy is suppose to feel like but I think this is what happy means to me. I’ve never had this before so it’s hard to put words to what’s suppose to feel like, what this is.”

She looked down on the sleeping man, her hand in his hair, gently twisting it between her fingers.

“What happened to your ankle?”

She was barefoot and her sweats had hitched right above a thin red scar that I suppose most go all the way around her ankle. She looked down for a second but never bothered to hid it again.

“I was married a… A lifetime ago it seems now.”

“Married?”

“Yes. I was Mrs. James Andrews… You might understand why I don’t use your full name.”

“Yeah… What did he do to you?”

“You really don’t want to know, you don’t need to share my nightmares.”

“If you need to talk about it, I can take it.”

“I know you can but it’s… It’s not a nice bedtime story.”

“I figured that out a long time ago, honey. I’ve seen the scares on your arms. Cigarette burns, right?”

“Yes.”

“Is that why Norman don’t smoke that much anymore?”

“Probably.”

“Is that why you always seem to flinch when someone pulls out a lighter?”

She looked puzzled for a moment before realizing I had seen her tense every time someone around her besides Norman, lit up a cigarette. She nodded slowly and allowed her gaze to drop to the sleeping man’s hair between her fingers.  

“He used to burn the soils of my feet with lighters… Made it pretty damn hard to run away from him when he had.”

“How long were you married?”

“Until death did us part… He isn’t alive anymore, he got run over by a bus of all the damn things in the world.”

“How long?”

“A little more than 4 years.”

“Did he do…? Did he do this to you for 4 years?”

“No, in the beginning it was just… Normal abuse, you know a few bruised ribs, a twisted ankle. But this…”

She lifted her ankle slightly to show me the scar.

“This is after the ropes he use to bind me with. I have the same once on my wrist.”

“He tied you up?”

“Yeah…”

“But how…? How did you get out? Did they find you? The police?”

“No. Well, yeah they found me but I had… I really don’t remember what happened those few days. I know I id him and that they wanted to take me to the hospital but I refused and…”

 “Why would you refuse going to the hospital?”

“What were they going to do…? I was so far gone. I went looking for the motherfucker after a few weeks. It was fucking insane. But I collapsed out on the street somewhere and someone called an ambulance and I was hospitalized for more than a month. And when they discharged me I went straight back to the fucking house but it was too late.” 

“That’s when you ended up on the streets?”

“Yeah. Best thing that could ever happen really. I would’ve died in there if I had stayed. I had been so close too many times to be able to see any other way out.”

“But how did you survive at all?”

“They operating for more than 12 hours the first day and then a few more times as I was there. Apparently I was a bit messed up internally and there were barley any skin left around my wrist and ankles. That’s when they removed my ovaries, as well as one kidney and they replaced a few bones in my arms, since they had broken and healed the wrong way The physical pain was one thing, but the metal torture was a whole other thing. I mean I wasn’t… Even human after all those years.”

“So how the hell did you managed to survive out there?”

“I’m not sure. It was just living day by day. I think it changed after about six months.”

“What happened?”

“It’s gonna sound fucked up…”

“You mean, up until now this hasn’t…?”

“Fare enough… I was in Central Park one night, trying to find somewhere to sleep when two stoned guys came at me. I guess they were going to rape me or something and I just snapped… I decided that night that I wouldn’t let anyone else touch me every again. I was just going to prove to James and my dad that they couldn’t break me.”

“What did you do to them?”

“Not much really. They were too damn stoned to know the right way up. I punched them to the ground. I just made it my goal to survive after that.”

“I’m very glad you did. And he probably even more so…”

She smiled, looking down at the still sleeping figure on her lap.

“If something should… If something should happen to me, could you promise me…?”

She found it hard all of sudden to form the words that she wanted to say. She even had tears in her eyes and I wanted to move closer to her, wrap my arms around her but it would probably wake Norman and she might not even want to me touch her like that.  

“Just… If something should happen to me, could you try and take care of him for me?”

“Lo…”

“Andy, please…I know I really don’t have any right to ask you to and you don’t owe me anything but… “

“You can’t leave again, Lo.”

“I’m not going to leave him. I might not just… I’m not going to live forever and I’m just scared…”

“I thought you weren’t scared of nothing.”

“I’m afraid of my father. What he will do.”

“To you?”

“No, to him. I don’t care what he does to me, I will be fine as long as he’s fine.”

“He said he wanted to kill him.”

“Yeah… I want to kill him too.”

“Is it the only way?”

“It’s the only way that would make me feel at least somewhat safe. It works out now, here, cause there’s so much security on set but what happens in November when we’re going back to New York? I can’t be seen out in public with him and there always press or fans around in New York.”

“Can’t he be charged for what he did to you when you were a child? I mean, can’t you report him?”

“15 years later? No, I don’t think that would work. Besides, he could probably buy his way out of it… I haven’t even told him this, but my family is… Pretty loaded.”

“What does that mean?”

“That they could probably support a few countries until the end of time…Oil money a few generations back.”

“But I thought your dad worked for the FBI?”

“He does… He has a pretty strong work ethics, believe that’s what this country is built on and shit. And he’s a control freak, loves rules, so I guess FBI is pretty happy to have him.”

“So he has to die…?”

“Yes. Or one of us will.”

“What about your mother?”

“She’s just… Under his control. I guess kinda like I was with James, but without the torture and raping. She just looks the other way.”

“You really do have a fucked up family, Lo.”

“Told you.”

“I hope you know you’ve a new one now.”

“I’m starting to get that… Do you mind if we stay? I hate waking him up.”

“Not at all.”

“You seem ready to crash as well.”

“Yeah, it’s been a rough week.”

I got to my feet and walked up to her and kissed her hair. She didn’t even tens, just smiled up at me.

“Sleep tight.”

“You too, Andy. Good night. And thank you.”

“Whatever, whenever you need it, sweetheart.”             

                                            ----------------------------------------

It was surreal to me how fast I got used to this new lifestyle. I had never thought I would be able to accept it so easy as I actually had. For two month’s we had lived and loved together and I couldn’t imagine another life anymore. The need to run and the hostile approach to stranger vanished more for each passing day that I spent with Norman.

Mingus went back to New York and school in mid-August and it was even hard to say goodbye to the kid. I had never thought I had it in me to love more than one person. I figured Norman was enough but Mingus had stolen my heart right out of my chest as well. I missed him and although it was a very new emotion for me it actually felt good knowing I was able to have that kind of feelings for another human being. I had even begun to dreed the day Andy and his family would go back to the U.K.

The Englishman had really started to grow on me. He had developed a rather annoying habit of being just as overprotecting as Norman and I even imagined it was the closest I would ever come to call someone a father figure. It was with Andy and his family I stayed whenever Norman had to leave. He had so much going besides Waking Dead and although he tried to keep the traveling to a minimum, he still had to leave once in a while for a few days at the time. L.A., Toronto, New York, Tokyo. It was both a blessing and a curse when we spent time apart. It gave me some time to just breathe a little and try to reflect over everything that was going on in my own pace. At the same time I missed him so fucking much I could barley sleep at night. Andy usually found me anywhere else then in the guestroom most mornings. It was another bad habit I was have trouble breaking; sleeping anywhere but in a bed when I was alone.

“Lo, honey this is getting fucking weird.”

Andy’s amused voice woke me up and I opened my eyes and found him squatting beside me, one hand reaching out to gently brush some hair out of my face. I took a quick look around and realized I had ended up under the dining room table on the dark red shaggy carpet that actually was very comfy.

“Morning.”

“Good morning.”

“What time is it?”

Andy took a look at his wristwatch as I crawled back out from underneath the table. The rest of the house was still quiet as we usually left before dawn.

“September 15th and it’s Tuesday and 5:04 am. What else do you want to know this fine morning, miss Richardson?”

“I want to know how much longer it will be before I get my life back?”

“Well, I think Norman said he’d be coming back Thursday, right? Thursday night, so that’s when you get your life back. How long did you stay on the phone with him last night?”

“Until he fell asleep.”

I got to my feet and stretched, making my sweater hitch around my abdomen and I saw him glance down at the exposed skin.

“Can I?”

My first thought when he reached out a hand towards my belly was to back away and ask him to go to hell. But then I looked at him for a second longer and I knew he just wanted to understand. He always tried to understand and he wanted to be told stuff so he knew better how to handle me and situations that accrued. When I lifted up the shirt to show him the biggest scar on my body his fingertips graced it carefully.

“What happened?”

“I got pregnant back in the summer for 2011 and he decided to take care of it himself.”

The man in front of me stopped breathing and his eyes got filled with tears as he tried to take in my words. He grabbed me tightly around the waist and shoved me into a tight embrace as he began to sob quietly.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart.”

He kissed my hair before he pulled away from the embrace and he took a deep breath, closing his eyes and I reached out and stroke his cheek with my knuckles. I knew Andy had joked about it a few times, how Norman’s needs for hugs and constant touching was contagious and I knew I had taken after it as well. Not as much as Andy apparently had and not with quiet as many people but still. It was a pretty damn good achievement if I was to say so myself.

                                            ------------------------------------

“You seemed to have had a great fucking time in Toronto…!”

London’s answering snarl to my greeting Thursday night wasn’t what I had expected at all when I finally walked inside the door to see her after 3 days. She was sitting on the couch with her feet on the table and the laptop resting on top of it.

“Ok…?”

I dumped my bag to the floor and took a few careful steps towards her. Once I got closer she turned the laptop around and showed me a spread of pictures from the Toronto Film Festival I had just spent with my blond costar. She scrolled through the pictures and looked more pissed for each passing one. And the really bad thing was that I could really understand why she would be pissed. It hadn’t seemed like a bad thing at the time, hugging and holding the actress in front of the camera, I had just been really happy and thinking about her the entire time. Of course there was no way for her to know that and I tried to come up with something to say that would make her a little less pissed but nothing accrued to me. She slammed the laptop shut and threw it on the couch beside her and got to her feet, glaring at me as she stalked past me and headed towards the bedroom. The door slammed just as hard as the laptop but I still couldn’t come up with anything to say. I knew an ‘I’m sorry’ would just make her want to punch me.

“What, Norm?”

Andy answered with his voice full of sleep and I kicked myself for waking him up, not thinking about what time it was.

“Sorry, man. Did I wake you?”

“It’s fine. What’s up?”

“How would you deal with a pissed, jealous woman?”

He was quiet for a while.

“Hmm… Well, it depends. Is the woman London?”

“Yeah.”

“Run and hide, man. And run fucking fast!”

“Not fucking funny, dude! I need serious help right now.”

“What did you do, Norm?”

“She might have had a miner reaction to some pictures online from the Film Festival with Diane and my fucking brain just froze on me, man!”

“Did she say anything?”

“No…”

Andy made a weird noise that could not be read any different then that was no good at all and I panicked a little.

“Look, just… Maybe sleep in the guestroom tonight, give her some time to cool off and then talk to her in the morning instead. Not before she has eaten though! For fuck’s sake, do not try to apologize to a woman when she’s low on energy.”

“But I miss her so fucking much, Andy! I really don’t want to wait until morning to have her in my arms again.”

“It’s your funeral… I know she misses you too, man. She hasn’t been sleep at all these past days, I found her under the fucking dinner table the other morning. Was there a reason for her to get jealous? You didn’t actually make out with her, did you?”

“Of course not! There might have been… You know, touching going on but it’s not like she hasn’t seen that before.”

“Not with someone she knows you’ve fucked though.”

“I didn’t fuck her! It’s called acting, you might have heard of it.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Yeah, yeah…Well, I guess you could always go with the Reedus effect.”

“What the hell is that?”

“Sex, Norman. I really shouldn’t have to tell you this. Use sex, God knows it seems to have been working before.”

“That’s fucking brilliant, dude. Thanks.”

I hung up on him in the middle of him beginning to form a word and threw the phone away without carrying where the hell it ended up at the moment. I hurried through the corridor, stripping of my shirt on the way and pushed open the door still with only one leg out of my jeans. My toe caught the threshold, sending a shockwave of pain through my entire body and made me let out a long string of profanities as I stumbled over myself and the jeans and fell down on the floor. I had time to caught London sitting the middle of the bed, arms and legs wrapped around herself and looking anything but happy.

“Well, that didn’t go that smooth.”

It took me a moment to find my focus again and stop cursing over the pain and simply for being a clumsy idiot.

“I know what you’re fucking trying to pull here, asshole! It’s not going to work!”

I groaned when she spoke but deiced not to give up that easily. I kicked off of the pants and got to my feet by the end of the bed. She narrowed her eyes at me and I pouted a little as her eye darted straight to my eyes and didn’t for once linger on my naked appearance.

“You sure about that?”

I dropped my underwear to the floor.

“Yes!”

She said, still determinately looking nowhere else then straight into my face. Not even when I crawled into bed with her, kneeling in front of her, still some ways away from her though, just in case.

“You know, you’re so god damn hot when you’re angry and jealous.”

“Shut up…!”

“You’re all I’ve been thinking about since I left, baby.”

“Fuck you!”

If looks could kill I would’ve been dead 5 times over by the glare she gave me before she turned away from me and crawled under the covers and pulled them up to her chin. I had a feeling she stuck her arms tight under the covers so she wouldn’t be too tempted to take a swing at me. And although I was actually trembling inside by fear, I moved over and laid down behind her, wrapping an arm tightly around her waist and pulled her close. She protested and spat out a few curses at first while tried to wriggle out of my arms but gave up when she noticed I wouldn’t give in.

“Listen, Lo baby. I love you and I’m sorry. I was just missing you so damn much and I felt so happy and grateful and… I imagined what it would be like to something like that with you some day. I know it’s a long time from now and maybe it’ll never happen but I don’t care. I just know that I love you to the moon and back. I never meant to hurt you, baby. Please, believe that, it was never my intent to make you upset.”

“You’re an asshole!”

“Yeah and I’m sorry. I miss you…”

I took a moment to let my words sink in and then leaned down closer to her and placed the side of my face to hers. She growled but never moved.

“You’ve no reason to be jealous, baby girl. I love you, just you, London. There’s no one else for me. You’re my happily ever after, princess.”

“I ain’t your fucking princess!”

“No, you’re the fucking queen, ruler of my universe.”

I managed to sneak a kiss in under her ear.

“I’m not fucking forgiving you tonight! Get out!”

She spun around quickly and shoved me in the chest, making me release her.

“Seriously?”

“Yes! Get the hell out of here!”

It was my turn to let out a grow of protest when she kept pushing me further away from her. Finally she made me leave the bed and I stood and grabbed one of the blankets before turning on my heel and admitted myself defeated.

I took my refuge to Mingus room on the second landing and went to find the cat to keep me company. The long flight and lack of sleep the past night proved to be enough to knock me out pretty quickly. I woke however not shorty after and through my half awoke brain and confusion in the pitch-dark room, I felt the bed move and London came crawling into my arms.

“Shut up…!”

She said when I sniggered lightly and kissed her hair when she placed her head to my chest and hugged me.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, asshole.”


	21. Last Memory

Monday September 28 2015 will forever be etched in my memory as one of the most terrifying days of my life and that is probably saying something, considering how I had spent the past years of my life. The thing that made it so much worse than anything I had experienced before was that I didn’t have just me to think about anymore. Norman was just as a big part of my life as my own beating heart. He helped me stay alive just by simply loving me in the best way possible.

Norman and Andy had a very rare week off together and the plan was to make a little getaway to Florida for a few days with fun at the beach. The weekend before was spent planning with Andy and Gale and the boys was looking forward to rent jet skis, trying to get me and Gale to join in their excitement. We had both agreed thought that we would spend our days on the beach, working up a great tan and sip Cosmos all day long and try do as little as possible.

I was in the middle of packing when Norman sent me a text Monday after lunch. He and Andy had spent a few hours in Alexandria and done press.

_Norman: I miss u babe…_

_London: Miss u 2_

_Norman: Come on out! We’re wrapping the last interview now and then I just have a meeting with Greg for like an hour_

_London: And what do you want me to do?_

_Norman: Just sit there and look all glorious and sexy and let me watch u. might get me to cut the meeting short too…_

_London: You’re not actually filming in Alexandria this week right? Not much crew around?_

_Norman: Why…?_

_London: I hear the beds hasn’t been properly broken in yet…_

_Norman: Nothing has been that probably broken in here yet baby _

_London: Seems a shame to let it stay that way…_

_Norman: How fast can you get here?_

_London: Give me an hour… Rick’s house?_

_Norman: Hell yeah!_

I will never know what would have happened if I just stayed home and continued packing as I was suppose to and not give in to the crazy impulse that came over me. There were so many maybe’s and what if’s that tortured me but I would never be able to change what happened anyway or take it back whether how much I tried or wanted to.

An hour later I parked the car outside the community and showed my ID card to security before being allowed inside. They really had gotten to know me but it was mostly just because they had to check everyone. I took the backway, sneaking behind the houses to avoid the camera crews and reporters that was starting to fil out one after the other. The press day seemed to have come to an end just in time.

“I love breaking in beds with you.”

He rolled on top of me and kissed my nose, still breathing hard after hour third tumble around the house. There were a lot of beds in those houses! I giggled and hugged him tightly, getting his long hair all over my face as his kisses traveled down my neck.

“I love you, Norman Reedus.”

“Oh God, baby I love you too. So damn much, Lo.”

He placed his big hand around my face and we lay staring at each other for what felt like forever. I could drown in his eyes until the end of time.

“I could just stay here for the rest of my life and be happy.”

“You’re happy? Really happy, London?”

“Yes. Happiest I’ve ever been. You know that.”

“It’s just nice to hear you say it.”

He gave me a final kiss and bounced to his feet and began pulling his cloths back on. When I sat up on the edge of the bed he handed me my underwear and jeans. He tidied up the room while I finished getting dressed.

“I’m happy, Norman, because of you.”

I attacked him when he opened the door, jumping on to his back and kissed his check from behind. Thankfully he caught me, kissing my hands around his neck as he walked out the door. The sun had just started to set when he walked us down the stair and I took a quick look up at the beautiful orange and red sky.

My eyes were still fixed on the painted sky and a few birds circling over us when I felt Norman halt and his body froze under my hands. I dropped my gaze to look at him but in lowering my head my eye caught another figure standing in the middle of the graveled path.

When my eyes managed to send the signals to my brain about looking past the gun pointing straight at us, I saw my father. But it was like I was watching him from the wrong end of telescope. He was so far away and when I saw his face turn up in a grin it took me a second to registrant why my blood seemed to freeze in my veins.

“Let me go.”

Norman’s hands around my thighs were very reluctant to let go but when I slid down from his back he had no choose but to let me go. Everything seemed to go a lot slower and I watched as Norman reached out an arm to stop me as I took a step forward, away from his protecting stand.

“Hi, dad.”

Norman whipped his head around to look at me when I spoke and I hoped the man in front of us was too occupied looking at me, that he missed Norman’s hand fumbling for mine to stop me from moving. Quickly, without looking at him, I shoved the hands away from me and took another step forward.

“Hello, London.”

“What are you doing here, dad?”

The gun was at eyelevel and I knew he was ready to squeeze the trigger at any second and he wouldn’t even hesitate. I just had to make sure the target was me and no one else. The smell of alcohol was strong on his breath and it looked like he hadn’t seen the inside of a shower for a little too long.

I had never been afraid of dying. I had gotten too close too many times to really be scared of leaving this planet. But I was scared for the man behind me. I was trembling with every step I took because of Norman. He was too close, too stupid, too much in love with me to really handle anything like this. He was too protective and I knew he would try to save my life no matter what happened to him. And I couldn’t let him, he had to live for Mingus, for his family and friends. I had no one that depended on me but he was so important to so many people.

“I came to bring you home, London. You belong in Boston with me, you know that.”

“I’ll go with you, dad. Just put the gun away. You don’t need that, I’ll go with you.”

“Lo, no…”

Norman’s voice was trembling when he whispered the words and I felt him grasp my shoulder. Quickly I moved forward another step and shrugged away from him.

“I never thought you’d be this stupid, London. Going back to him when you knew I knew about him. You’re not actually falling for this piece of shit are you? Because you know what happens if you’d, right?”

When he spoke his voice was steady and I swallowed back the tears that threated to betray me. I had to keep my head and remember who I was talking to if Norman was to stay alive. 

“It’s nothing, dad. You know I don’t do romance, it’s just been nice to have a roof over my head for a time.”

“Mr. Reedus, right? How about you? Do you love my daughter?”

The gun moved a few inches and I knew he had Norman within sight. Without thinking I moved with the weapon and behind it, I saw my father smile and his eyes darted right back to me.

“How long have you been staying under his roof exactly, London?”

“It doesn’t matter, dad. Just put the fucking gun away and we can leave, ok? I’ll go back to Boston to you and mom and…”

He moved suddenly and he seemed to lose some of the control I had always seen him have. The gun waved angrily in his hand and he took a few quick steps towards us. I heard Norman gasp behind me and I knew he had instinctively moved back but I stayed where I was, knowing it would only make things worse if I ran from him. The loss of control lasted only for about 5 seconds.

“Your mother is dead.”

He said, his voice back to the same control and the gun was once more resting at eyelevel and aimed right for my head.

“How?”

It was all I was able to ask at that moment. I couldn’t find it in me to have any kind of emotional reaction to the fact that I had just lost a parent. I had to focus on keeping Norman alive and there was no rum for anything else.

“Cancer. She died 2 weeks ago. She wanted me to find you and bring you back to say goodbye but I couldn’t find you, London.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t able to be there. Did you bury her already?”

“Yes. You should never have left New York, London. When James died, you should’ve come straight back to me, you know that. You need to be in control, for your own good. You know that, no one will ever love you besides me. I’m your father, I know what you need and no one else can ever know. And definingly not this filthy motherfucking-“

“He doesn’t! It’s not like that, dad I swear. I just use him to keep myself feed and he gets to fuck me once in a while. It nothing more, dad.”

I knew he saw right through my lies when I couldn’t control my body anymore and a small movement of forgives was directed at Norman. My hand moved up to protect him from the line of fire as my father moved and once he saw me wanting to protect Norman, I knew it was game over. He could tell I was lying and the same second he smiled and tilted his head to look past me, straight at Norman, my eyes begun to tear up.

“So you’re fucking my daughter, are you, Mr. Reedus? I hope you pay her good, the little whore. I hear she’s one mighty fine piece of pussy.”

“Please, dad just leave.”

The trembling words were useless, I knew that but I couldn’t stop them when he moved forwards, his eyes fixed on Norman.

“Stop the fucking talking, whore! Or I’ll just blow his brains out right here and now!”

The back of his hand came down hard across my face and I hit the ground when my legs were kicked away from underneath me at the same time. My vision got blurred when the side of my head hit the pavement hard and the pain shoot through my neck and spine. I felt blood beginning to trickle down my left temple at the same time as the first blow was aimed behind me. I didn’t want to see it but I forced myself around and up on all four. Through hazy eyes I saw Norman being kicked to the ground, the gun pressing against his head and being bombarded with blows and kicks from the larger man.

“Do you love him?! Do you love this piece of shit, London?!”

He kept yelling the words over and over while delivering blow after blow and kick after kick at the covering figure on the ground. His arms were wrapped around his head and I tried to find my voice. Finally I just screamed.

“Yes! Please, dad…. Stop… I love him. Stop! I beg you. I’ll go with you, I’ll do anything. Just stop…”

He turned back to me, holding Norman by the hair and pressed the gun once more to his head. The smile made me start shaking. I knew that smile. He released the love of my life and rose to his feet and walked back to me. Stumbling a little, I got to my feet just in time to come face to face with him.

“You’ll do anything I say, London. You will go with me and we will go back to Boston. But did you honestly think I’d let that fucker live because of that? No, honey you will watch this.”

Involuntary I closed my eyes when he spoke, spit hitting my face as he snarled his words at me. I heard Norman cry out all of a sudden and then I felt a sharp pain hit the side of my upper body. The shock and confusion made my open my eyes and my father looked back at me, smiling and twisted the blade of the knife he pieced me with. I looked down when he stepped away from me and I saw a black handle sticking out. He turned around, the gun raised in front of him and aimed it at Norman’s head.

The shoot echoed through the houses and everything was going in slow motion. It was like the universe wanted me to be able to take the whole thing in to the very last detail. But I couldn’t focus on anything else then the falling body in front of me.

The heavy body of my father dropped to the ground, blood and brain flying in all direction as he was hit at the back of the head from somewhere behind me. I didn’t care or didn’t want to know, I just screamed and I think Norman was screaming too and all around there was noise and movement but I just saw my father, lying flat on his stomach in front of me and I knew he was dead but I couldn’t control the range that rushed though me. I pulled out the knife from my own body and began a furious attack on my father. Stabbing him everywhere I could reach before darkness began to creep closer all around me and my lungs burned with every breath I took. I tried breathing in but no air reached my lungs and all I could taste and smell was wet blood inside my mouth. Then Norman was there and he grabbed the knife and me and I found myself looking up at the still orange and red sky, trying to focus enough to see him one last time. His eyes were swollen but they were there, looking at me and one hand was on my face and I think he talked to me but I just screamed when another hand pressed down hard on my wound. Then other people, strangers, where all around and sirens were flashing and he was gone and I was gone and all I could think about was that Norman was alive. He was still alive and I was at peace.

                                            ----------------------------------

Dying was something I tried to avoid thinking about. It had always scared me, especially the thought of dying alone. I think everyone has the same fear but London was one of the few people I knew that really didn’t think about it. She had died to many times already to really bother about it. She had made peace with the fact that she was going die more times then I probably wanted to know in the 28 years she had lived on this planet.

When I came face to face with death for the second time in my life it was a whole other thing then being threw through the windshield of a car. Then I had had no time to think, not really realizing what was going on. But having her father point a gun straight at my head, his hands steady and ready despite being drunk as hell, made it so definite. He was there for one thing only and I knew it the same second he spoke to London. She had said he would kill me if he knew and somehow he had found out. Despite all the precautions we had taken, he had found her and he was there to either kill us both or just me and bring her home.

I wanted to keep her safe. That was all I had ever wanted from the first time I saw her but my body froze on me when I stared straight into the barrel of the gun and she walked straight up to him without even hesitating. She talked to him and said she would go with him and the words just bounced around in my head. I couldn’t make sense of anything that came out of her mouth, it just blurred together. I think I yelled out loud in some kind of range but still not able to move when she hit the ground hard, her head bouncing on the hard path.

The first blow came from the handle of the gun, straight at my head and it knocked me straight to the ground. The hits and kicks kept on coming and I just tried to kept breathing and protect my head. I heard him yelling and London was yelling and crying and I think I was too, it was just so hard to focus on anything then simply wanting the whole thing to just be over. I couldn’t even find it in me to be mad at her for this. It wasn’t her fault. She had never asked for any of this and I didn’t care that she had broken my heart. All the fucked up things that had happened since she entered my life didn’t matter. All the memories that flooded my brain was of all the good she had brought with her. How she had kissed me for the first time. Slept next to me in bed. Loving me. Meeting Mingus for the first time. Fighting with Andy…

His nails scraped my scalp when he grabbed me by the hair and forced me to look up. She was on her knees, tears and blood streaming down her face as she pleaded with him. I tried to call out, warn her when she rose to her feet and he came up to her, reaching into a pocket on his jacket. I saw the blade of a black hunting knife for just a second before it pierced the side of her body. My body started to move although it wasn’t suppose to be able to and I tried to get to my feet. But he was back and she hadn’t even had time to hit the ground before the gun was back at my head and I closed my eyes. An imaged of her rolling around the porch with Mingus came into sharp focus and I was happy that was the last memory etched in my brain.

The gunshot echoed between the houses and I remember wondering why the pain didn’t stop. I had expected the pain the go away once I died but I was still aching and a second later I realized I was still screaming too and I could still hear London scream. It was disorienting to open my eyes and find that I could still see. Through a haze of blood and tears but I could actually still use them. And at the same time as I opened them, I found her father lying only a foot or two from me, his head in an awkward angle and a big chunk of his head sprayed all around us. I think I puked but pulled myself together in lightly speed when London let out a roar of fury. Seeing her father again had been a shock but when she pulled the knife out of her own body and began stabbing him, I felt like a had an out of body experience. It wasn’t real. It was just a fucked up nightmare and I needed to wake up. Then I heard people starting to sprint and yell all around and sirens was flashing all around and I realized the pavement was getting soaked with more blood for each passing second as it kept pumping out of London’s body and I launched for her. I grabbed the knife and threw it away and pushed down hard on her wound. She cried out but tried to find my eyes, searching desperately and when my hand landed on the side of her face she finally focused on me and she smiled before closing her eyes and her chest stopped moving under my hand.


	22. Grady

There was so much blood. I should’ve gotten used to it by now but knowing the blood-soaked gravel under my feet was actually real made my stomach heave. It smelled sweet and some was still dropping from the steps down on the ground. It had taken 2 beefy policemen to stop me charging right at the commotion that drew everyone within the community. From my position from further up the street, by the lake, and under the weight of one cop who didn’t trust me to stay put, I watched the scene in front of me unfold in slow motion. It was just like one of them tragic movies where a loved one or the hero gets killed and everything around them slows down. I heard myself yelling and cursing and trying to break freak. To do what I did know but I had to do something.

When the shoot finally echoed through the houses everything went dead quiet and I found myself being released. The silence stretched for maybe 3 seconds and then I heard London scream. Her furious scream chilled me to the bone and I had never moved so fast in my entire life. I outran everyone in front of me but came to a staggering halt at the short walkway leading up to the house. London was repeatedly stabbing her father in the back and I wanted to call out to Norman when he reached over to take the knife from her but my voice got stuck in my throat.

Right in front of me time seemed to catch up to me and everyone around and everything happened so fast. He gently lay her down on her back and she screamed in pain when his hand tried to stop the bleeding. Then they were looking at each other and the next heartbeat I saw her close her eyes and she became still. Too still, not even her chest heaving in strained breaths anymore. Norman yelled out for help and looked wildly around at the people coming storming in from left and right. He clung to her, holding her hand and seemed not to realize what was going on or that he needed to let her go.

“Let her go, Norman.”

Some strange need for control came over me and I knew what I had to do. I grabbed him around the waist and pulled him back. He snapped his head around and the terror in his eyes would forever hunt me when he found my eyes.

“Let her go so they can help her. They’re going to help her, Norm.”

I reached out and helped him loosen his grip on her hand and once he had, the paramedic was able to move in a little closer.

“She’s not breathing…! She’s not breathing, Andy!”

The hysterical word that left his mouth was like nothing I had heard before and I prayed I never had to ever again. He leaned in to me and we both lost our balance and I fell down on the green law behind us, bringing him down with me.

“She’ll be alright. She’s going to be fine.”

I knew it was just words and they had no meaning to him at that point but I still had to say them. I heard the medical personal talking and yelling at each other about needing to intubate her and get a helicopter out here ASAP. She was losing too much blood too fast. In all the chaos going on around London and Norman sobbing hysterical in my arms, I suddenly picked up on a strange noise coming from the man. He started to wheeze and his breathing became really heavy and labored. Just as I dropped my eyes to the man I saw his eyes roll the back of his head and he lost conscious.

                                            ---------------------------

“What the hell happened?!”

The first person I was conscious about seeing was Greg. He came charging at me as I watched the second helicopter take Norman away. I turned and found Greg hurrying at me from his parked car in the middle of the street outside the gates. The blue and red lights from the police cars and ambulances were still flashing all around and it made Greg’s face lit up in the different colors.

“They… Someone… Someone attacked them. Norman and London and…”

I could hear how my words probably didn’t made any sense to him at all and Greg looked really confused and scared as he stopped right in front of me and looked me over.

“Are you alright? Is it your blood?”

I followed his gaze and noticed my t-shirt was stained with dark patches of blood and when I lifted my hands in front of me, they were red.

“No, it’s… It’s Norman’s. I’m… I’m ok. I’ve to get to Atlanta.”

At the same time as I spoke a police officer came over to me and handed me a towel to wipe my bloody hands on. I thanked him with a simple nod.

“I need to ask you a few questions, Mr. Lincoln if that’s ok.”

“If you want to ask me a few questions, you do it moving, cause I’m not staying here!”

I didn’t mean to attack the cop like that but I couldn’t stay there for a minute longer. I had to make sure they were ok and the only way to do that was to head into Atlanta and Grady.

“We can take you to Grady, sir.”

“Thanks… I gotta call Mingus and Helena and his mom and…”

“Go, Andy. I’ll take care of it, I’ll call them.”

“Thanks.”

Riding to the hospital was just a complete blur and chaos inside my head. The police man riding in the backset with me seemed too young to do what he did but he was quiet calm and very respectful although I ended up yelling at him a few times during the trip. He seemed to understand the stress that rushed through me when we didn’t get there fast enough.

“Robert Richardson, does the name tell you anything?”          

“That’s his name? She never told me his name.”

“Who’s the woman that was with Mr. Reedus?”

“Wow, you haven’t even figure that out…? Sorry…”

I apologized quickly to the man when I heard my own words. He shook his head and let me knew he didn’t mind.

“She’s his daughter. Was his daughter.”

“You’re telling me that Robert Richardson’s daughter London has come back to life?”

The older police man looked at me through the review mirror before he took a sharp turn and fly past a slow-going truck.

“Come again?”

“I worked in Boston a few years ago and everyone knew the Richardson’s in Boston, it was a damn scandal when she vanished and showed up dead a while after.”

“Well, she isn’t dead. She’s been in New York for the past 10 years.”

“So how did she end up here with Mr. Reedus?”

“They met in New York in March and fell in love with each other. London moved down here with him at the end of April, they’ve been dating ever since.”

“How do you know she is who she says she is?”

“What the hell is that suppose to mean?”

“You do know the Richardson’s are billionaires?”

“What difference does that make? She has her birth certificate if that’s proof enough for you.”

“We’re going to have to look into that later… But you’re saying Mr. Richardson came to Georgia to kill his own daughter, who in every record we have has been dead since 2004?”

“Does your record show how he insulted her since the age of 3 too?! She has been hiding from him since she ran away because he almost killed her 10 000 over. She said this would happen if he found out she was involved with someone, he always got rid of the people she grew close to.”

“How well do you know this girl? London?”

“We’ve grown very close the past months. She just wanted to save him… She just tried to keep him safe.”

The last words kept repeating in my head over and over until we arrived at the emergency entrance to Grady Memorial. I was being followed into the building by the two cops in the car. There were people everywhere and I knew I was probably recognized but I couldn’t care less about that. I just had to find them and make sure they were alright. Before I even had time to ask any questions or ask for a doctor I was pulled away from the main entrance and a nurse followed me down a corridor and into an office. I waited for maybe 5 minute but it felt like a life time. I couldn’t be still, I kept pacing the office space.

“What’s your name?” 

I turned and looked at the younger cop standing beside the closed door while his colleague was outside the door.

“Mike Rowling, sir.”

“Do you know who shoot him?”

“A FBI sniper on the roof from one of the houses across the street.”

“He was killed by his own?”

“I believe Mr. Richardson had gone slightly…. Mad. Killed two cops in Boston then fired at a few FBI colleagues as he arrived here. Apparently he lost his wife to cancer two weeks ago.”

I was forced to caught of any further questions I had when the door suddenly opened and a tall Asian female walked inside, wearing an all-white doctor outfit. Quickly she took a look around the room to make sure who was there before walking up to me with her hand outstretched.

“Dr. Sofia Green.”

“Andy… How are they doing? Is she alive?”

“London was brought straight to surgery, they just begun working on her so I’m afraid I don’t have much news. I know they were able to intubate her in the helicopter and she was pretty stable when she got here. Critical, but stable. The knife made her lung collapse, it filled with blood, costing her to drown essential.”

“What about him? How’s Norman?”

“He regained conscious as he arrived here but was pretty panic-stricken so we decided to sedate him to protect his body and brain for further stress. He has a few bruised ribs, a concussion, a strained wrist and a lot of cuts and bruises but he will be fine. He just needs to rest.”

“He needs her.”

“Yeah, I guess that would actually help too.”

“How long are you going to keep him sedated?”

“At least until tomorrow. It will give his body some time to calm down. Does he have any other family we should get in contact with?”

“I’ve taken care of it already.”

“Ok, good.”

“Can I see him?”

“He’s being take to our trauma center. I’ve given the other officer the information so he can take you there.”

“Thank you, doc.”

“I’ll come find you or make sure someone else does as soon as we have any more information about London. “

“I really appreciate it.”

“It’s one thing though… She has a lot of… The scars…”

“Yeah, she has a lot of them.”

“Do you know what happened to her? It’s just easier for our surgeons to know a little bit of their patient’s medical history but since I don’t have her social security number or insurance or anything I can’t find her medical records.”

“There won’t be any. She’s been homeless for the past 3 years.”

“Oh… Ok, that’s good to know.”

“And when it comes to insurance, I don’t care about the fucking costs, just save her life. Do whatever you have to do to keep her alive and I will pay you every damn dime.”

“It goes without saying, Mr. Lincoln. She’s in the best possible care and we will do everything we can to save her.”

I had been fortunate in my life and not having to spend that much time in hospitals, neither visiting loved once or being admitted myself. I wasn’t sure what to expect when being taken to Norman’s room. I imagined there would be a lot of tubs and wires all over him and maybe I wouldn’t even recognize him.

His face under the breathing mask over his nose and mouth was black and blue by the beating but I could still see him under all the bruises. It didn’t make the thing easier, not at all. Seeing one of my closest friends like that broke my heart. I was crying even before I took a seat by his bedside and grabbed his bandaged hand. The first set of tears hadn’t dried on my face before a ringtone somewhere in the room made me jump. The noise came from his cellphone laying on the table beside the bed and I saw Mingus face on the display. With shaking hands, I picked it up and let another 2 signals fill the room before answering with a low ‘hallo’.

“Dad?!”

“No, sorry it’s me.”

“Andy…? Where’s dad? Mom got a call from Greg, said something about a hospital and London and… Is he alright?!”

“Calm down, Mingus. Your father is alright. I’m sitting with him right now. There was… He was attacked and beaten up pretty bad but he’ll be fine.”

“What the hell do you mean attacked?! What about London? Is she alright?”

The silence that fell was involuntary from my part. I couldn’t find my voice all of a sudden and I knew it was the worst timing ever, making the teenager on the other line panic when I wouldn’t answer him. He began yelling my name, asking over and over what happened to London. The tears came back and it was the quiet sobbing that made the boy finally stop yelling.

“Is she dead?”

His voice trembled when he whispered the words.

“No… She’s alive. It’s bad though… She’s in surgery. The doctor said it was critical.”

“Who attacked them?”

“Her father.”

“Why?”

“Mingus, it’s…It’s not my place to tell you about this. It’s up to your dad and London if they want you to know.”

“I know he abused her as a kid, she told me.”

“Yeah… Are you coming down?”

“Mom’s looking for a flight right now.”

“Ok. Give me a call when you get here, we’re at Grady.”

“Ok.”

                                            --------------------------------

The news about something going down inside the community traveled fast but there was a lot of confusion about what had actually happened. My phone kept ringing constantly but I couldn’t find the energy or will to answer it. I kept talking to Norman, just about everything and nothing but no matter what I said it always came back to assuring him that London would be ok.            

My wife came storming through the door sometime after I got there, I couldn’t keep track of time. The moment she stepped through the door and hurried over to me, I finally allowed myself to break down completely.

Darkness had fallen when we finally received some new about London. By that time Norman’s room was overcrowded with people. Greg had arrived with Steven and Lauren and Helena, Mingus, Normans mother and sister had flown in as well. Dr. Green halted in the doorway when she saw all the people and the chart in her hand dropped to the side of her body.       

“Wow… I didn’t realize so many people were here.”

“How is she? Is London alright?”

Mingus bounced up from his seat beside the bed and walked right up to the doctor. She took a quick step back and looked at the teenager with a startled look. She composed herself quickly though.

“You must be Mr. Reedus son… London is out of surgery at last and she’s doing ok. She’s still in critical condition but the surgeons managed to repair the collapsed lung and the wound.”

“Is she awake?”

“No, she’ll be on a respirator for now. Her lungs need to rest as much as possible.”

“Will she be ok?”

“It’s really too early to tell, I’m sorry. She hit her head pretty bad and there was some internal bleeding besides the collapsed lung. She has lost a lot of blood.”

“So she needs a blood transfusion?”

“She has had 6 units of blood already, unfortunately she’s A negative, not the most common blood type.”

“I’m A negative.”

Everyone in the room turned to Lauren when she spoke and got to her feet, as though she was already ready.

“I’d like to help.”

“We’ve enough blood for now but if you really do like to donate, I can have someone help you with that, Miss…?”

“Cohan.”

“Alright. London is being transferred to the room just across from here, she should be there shortly. If there’s anything you need or if you’ve any questions, don’t hesitate to ask. There’s always personal close by and we’re always keeping an eye on her.”

Gale grabbed my upper arm hard and gasped as she and I walked across the hall and entered London’s room shortly after the doctor left. Mingus was right behind us and walked into me when I halted in the doorway. Quickly he pushed me aside and walked into the room, hurrying up to her. A male nurse was looking over her, checking the beeping machine to the left of the bed, the blood and clear fluids being transmitted into her body through thine wires attached to her arm. You could barely see her face for all the tubs and her face was just as white as the sheets on the bed that it made her almost blend in.

I spent the next 12 hours moving between both beds with most of the people still there. Come midnight a few of them filed out after being assured that we would call if anything changed. Nothing did change during the night. They were both completely still and unconscious on either side of the long hospital hallway. Mingus was sitting with me as the first rays of sunshine to another day hit the door through the window.

“What happened?”

Mingus finally asked the question I had thought he would’ve asked a lot sooner but I think he waited for the right time and when his mother wasn’t around. Helena would like to protect her son, and for good reason. I knew however that Norman would tell him so I did. I told him what I had seen and heard and he listened without asking a single question. He just kept his eyes on her, holding her hand tightly.

                                            -----------------------------------

I had the most messed up dreams. It was so confusing keeping track of what was real and what was dreams. They seemed to blur together. Mingus was in my dreams most of the times and sometimes it was almost as he was real, talking to me or someone else I couldn't make out. Just a shadow in the corner. There was a constant beeping both in the dreams and what I guess was reality. I was uncomfortable, soar and aching all over. I had tried to open my eyes but they were so heavy. It was hard to control my own body and it was frustrating as hell. But my head felt so heavy and tired and the only thing that made it better was to drift off to the dream again. I was pretty sure it was a dream because she was there. She was dressed in a white dress and all the scars and bruises where gone. She looked angelic with a glow around her. The dream lasted long enough for me to get annoyed I wasn't able to reach her. Every time I tried to touch her she slipped away.

I could hear my mother's voice somewhere in the background, calling my name. I wanted her to meet London. They hadn't met yet. Slowly but surely I managed to open my eyelids. It was bright, too bright wherever the hell I was. I had vague memories of a helicopter and a doctor sticking a needle into my arm.

“Norman? Honey…? Can you hear me?”

“Mom…”

I blinked rapidly in the bright light and tried to shield my eyes. I heard someone move in the room and blinds was drawn, blocking the bright sunlight out and I could open my eyes. My mother was the first person I saw and her hand landed on my face as she looked back at me.

“Hi, sweetie. How are you feeling?”

“I’m not sure…”

My head started to spin when the bloody imaged of London’s body flashed in front of my eyes and my breath got caught in my throat. The panic that started to spread through me made me start moving and I tried to leave the bed. A pair of familiar and friendly hands came down hard on my shoulders and pushed me back unto the pillow.

“Stay right there, bro.”

“Andy… Where’s London?”

When no one around answered the panic just grew and the forbidden thought, the worst thought of them all, started to form inside my head.

“Norman, London’s alright. Breath, sweetie.”

My sister’s words, and just the fact that she was there, made me calm down just enough to listen to the next words she spoke.

“She’s in the room just across the hall. She went straight to surgery when you both got here yesterday. The night was fine but then they had to take her back a few hours ago because of a small bleeding in her brain. They just finished the surgery and she should be back in her room any time now. Doctors says she will be fine, that the worst is over.”

“You’re not saying this just to keep me calm, are you?”

She smiled, grabbed my face and kissed my forehead and shook her head.

“Would I ever do that?”

“Yeah… Andy?”

I would know if Andy lied to me, he was such a bad lair. He looked straight at me and nodded.

“She’ll be ok, Norm. It was pretty bad but she’s fine now. Mingus is sitting with her right now. He’s hopefully asleep by now though.”

“Is Helena here too?”

“Yes. She and Mingus flew in yesterday afternoon.”

“I want to see her. Now.”

“You’re moving out of this bed when the doctor says you can move, honey not a second before.”

My mother didn’t raise her voice at all but the look she gave me made me stop moving at once. I had learned to not to argue with this lady. Instead she helped me to sit up and although every tinny movement made me groan in pain, I still wanted to just get to my feet and run across the hallway to her room.

“I’ll get you something to drink.”

Leslie kissed me once more before exiting the room and Andy took her abounded seat. I knew at once that there was something he didn’t tell me and the moment he looked at me he could see I had already figured it out.

“The police and FBI are going to want to talk to you. They’ve already talked to me and I told them who he was. Who she was, you know that she was his daughter. They didn’t believe me. They are going to run a DNA test on her.”

“What for?”

“Compare it to her father, to make sure she really is her daughter. She’s suppose to be dead after all.”

“So what does that mean?”

“I don’t know, nothing I guess. Not technically, besides I guess getting her old identity back again.”

“I’m sorry you had to meet London like this, mom. Must be the worst first meeting every, huh?”

“I haven’t actually meet her yet, just seen her. And yes, I agree it could’ve been under nicer circumstances. I’m just glad you’re ok and that she is too. You never told me Mingus had grown so close to her. He has barley left her side since she got out of surgery.”

“Yeah, they… They spent a lot of time together over the summer I guess… He’s really dead?”

I turned back to Andy for a conformation to the messed up memories that kept flooding my brain. I wasn’t sure what was real, what I could trust to be true. I hoped some of them weren’t true at all. Like London being thrown on the ground, hitting her head and her father telling her she ought to have come home after James died. There was something about that whole conversation that bugged the hell out me. I was missing something.

“He really is dead. A sniper took him down. Do you remember what happened? How did he find you guys?”

“I’m not sure. I don’t know really know what’s real or not, you know? I can’t really remember if it’s real or not. I think he said something about her mother.”

“Yeah, she died 2 weeks ago. According to the cop I talked to, he had lost it after that and killed 2 police men back in Boston and shot at the FBI when he got here and they tried to arrest him.”

I nodded to no one really and leaned back into the pillows and tried to wrap my head around it all. She had told me this was what would happen if he found us. I had never really believed her, thinking she exaggerating, that people couldn’t be that fucked up. It turned out she really did have the fucked up family she had warned me about and it was even worse then I could ever have imagined it would be. He had been smiling, like he enjoyed watching her in pain. His own daughter! He had wanted to hurt his own flesh and blood because she loved me. Her words about just using me didn’t matter. I had been hurt about it back then but now it didn’t matter anymore. I knew she had tried to protect me. She had told him what he wanted to hear and maybe she was actually trying to buy us some time. It had probably saved my life.

We had been giving a second chance. She could finally be allowed to live a life without demons. There was no one left alive from her previous life. I knew it probably wouldn’t be that easy, that she would just let everything go and move on but we could try together. I had already told her I wanted a future with her and maybe now we could finally start building that future together, without her having to fear retribution from people in her past.


	23. Billionaire

They took her off the respirator 4 days after it all happened, it was also the same day I was finally discharged. I had only been allowed short visits to her and it had been a fucking war every time the nurses wanted to get me back to bed to rest. Bedrest wasn’t my thing. Especially when it included that I had to leave her side. They had finally given up, sort of anyway, and allowed our doors to stay open so I could at least see her at all times through the corridor. It wasn’t nowhere near the same but as someone in my family was always hoovering over me to make sure I stayed in bed, I really didn’t have any choice. I spent most of the time when I wasn’t allowed to be her side, to just lay on my side and watch her. She still refused to wake up and I was getting annoyed that she kept me waiting. It was an un rational feeling to have but I really just wanted her to wake up and the doctors had said she would when she was ready. Her body was healing remarkable well and sometimes I was even sure she was actually awake.

“Mr. Reedus, how are you feeling?”

I was sitting on the edge of the bed, fully dressed in my own cloths and bounced around, so damn ready to just leave. The Asian female looked at me, demanding an honest answer before handing over my discharge papers.

“I’m feeling fine, Dr. Green. Really ready to get the hell out of here. No offence.”

“None taking. Although you’re not actually going that far, are you?”

She said and looked over her shoulder at the open door and towards London.

“Just across the hall, ma’am.”

“Alright then. Just sign these and you’re free to go. Just remember to try to take it easy. Those bruises on your ribs haven’t fully healed yet and trust me when I say, that you do not want a broken rib instead.”

“Will do, doc. Thank you.”

“I’ll let the press know that you’ve been discharged then, shall I? Maybe they’ll finally stop hanging around.”

“Yes, thanks.”

“Take care of yourself, Mr. Reedus.”

“I’m gonna try. Really just need her to wake up right now.”

“Give her some time, she’s been through a lot.”

“The thing is that she… I mean, she has had worse.”

“Yeah, I’m sure but there’s so much stress the human body can actually handle before shutting down. She needs time to protect herself. Just remember that she can hear you so go talk to her.” 

“I will. Thank you for everything, Dr. Green.”

“It’s my job, Mr. Reedus.”

I rose and shook her hand before grabbing my backpack and walked across the hall and closed the door behind me. Finally it was just her and I. I know it wouldn’t last for very long as my family was just away to have lunch at the moment but I was going to enjoy just sitting with her alone as long as it lasted.

“I know you can hear me and I think you might even be awake. You’re just so damn stubborn to open your eyes. Or maybe afraid, I don’t know. You don’t have to be. I’m fine, baby. If you opened your eyes you would know that I was fine. It’s just a few bruises left, it’s all in the past, just a bad memory. It doesn’t matter. All that matters is the future now. Fuck all that shit that happened before. To you, to me, to us, I don’t give a shit. I just want there to be a right now, a tomorrow. I love you.”

She didn’t move or open her eyes and although I hadn’t expected it, I still felt frustrated that she wouldn’t wake. I pressed my lips to her hand and looked her over inch by inch. She was breathing slowly on her own, not hooked up to any machines anymore. There were only two tubes still attached to her, one in her arm to give her blood and one at the top of her hand to give her fluids. I know I might get a pretty serious scolding from the nurses when I carefully moved her to the side of the bed but I didn’t give a damn. I figured having me close to her might actually help her wake up, so I laid down in the bed next to her and held her unconscious body to my chest. I wrapped my arms around her small body and kissed the top of her head and then the tears started to fall down my face. I hadn’t cried yet and once I allowed myself to really fell it all, all the fear and anger and worry about her not waking up, I couldn’t stop. The tears made her hair wet but they just kept on coming and I held on to her, telling her over and over how much I loved her. Through hazy eyes I saw the door open at the corner of my eye and I think it was Andy that peaked inside but the door closed just as fast and carefully and I was thankful they allowing me to be alone a little bit longer.                        

I must have fallen asleep at one point because when I became aware of my surroundings again the room was dark, only lit by a small lamp in the window and Mingus, my mother and Andy was sitting around the bed. A 4th person was standing by the window, her back turned to me and I didn’t recognize her. She must have heard me move, because she turned and looked over at the bed and met my eyes. I had developed a rather bad habit from London about being wary towards strangers. Especially strangers with authority and I was pretty sure this lady was an attorney. She was dressed in a grey business suit and high heels and her brown hair tied back in a sleek knot. Everything about her screamed law and order at me. Her eyes caught me though. They were brown and warmly smiling at me. She even seemed to be tearing up as her gaze traveled to the girl in my arms and it made me hug London even tighter.

“Who are you?”

The question came out a little harsher then I had meant for it to come out but she didn’t seem surprised by my unfriendly approach.

“Mr. Reedus, my name is Lisa Stevens, I’ve been working as a finance adviser and attorney for the Richardson family for the past 25 years. Do you mind if we talk?”

“Do I have a choice?”

“You’re going to want to talk to her, honey. She’s here to help London, she’s one of the good guys.”

I glanced over at my mother as she spoke and her hand landed on my arm for a second. She had apparently already talked to this woman and if my mother was convinced she was actually there to help I would take her word for it. My mother had the ability to read people almost as good as London and if she had picked up on anything fishy, the attorney wouldn’t still be there. After a few more seconds, I nodded towards her and she nodded back before taking a seat next to the bed. She seemed reluctant to take her eyes off of London once she got closer there were no mistaking the tears in her eyes.

“What do you want?”

She jumped a little when I asked the question and she tore her eyes away from London to look at me.

“Sorry… I’m sorry, I just… It’s so surreal to see her again. I attended her funeral and now she’s here and she’s alive and… It’s just a lot take in, I apologize.”

“You’ve known her since she was a kid?”

Andy moved in his chair on the opposite side of the bed when he asked the question. The woman nodded and looked back at London.

“Yes, I worked mostly with her parents of course but it happened that I visited their estate in Boston now and then. I saw her grow up. She was always getting into trouble as a kid. She and her brother was always coming up with new mischiefs, their mother had her job cut out for her, that’s for sure.”

I allowed the woman to reminisce for another moment before asking the same question again. Once again she jumped and snapped out of her daydreams to look at me.

“I’m here because London’s mother confessed on her deathbed what they had done to her growing up. About her father abusing her and controlling her and that she had ran away, that she really wasn’t dead.”

“How could no one know?!”

Every head in the room turned to my son when the snarling words left his mouth. I gaped a little at him when he got up from his chair by the foot of the bed crossed his arms angrily across his chest and glared at the woman. She stuttered out a few words before clearing her throat to form an audible sentence.

“There’s something you’ve to understand about all this…They were a private family, not letting anyone into their lives and they kept up a very… There wasn’t a crack in the facade, they always showed up to social events all happy and smiling, a united family and although there were a few rumors about Mr. Richardson drinking too much on actuation, it was always swept under the rug. Money can do that and people always assumed it was his way of dealing with his job and the money. Robert was an intimidating man, no one crossed him, he was highly respected. Although he really didn’t have to work a day in life, he dedicated his life to the FBI and people admired that and looked up to him for it.”

“So you’re saying he bought his way out of beating up his kids?!”

“Mingus…!”

My mother protested when Mingus lost his temper for a second time. I didn’t blame him, it was just a bit of a shock to see this calm and collected teenager show his anger. And for something that happened to London.

“There was never any real proof of what was going on inside those walls. People probably started to put two and two together when London started to act out in her teenage years but then the drugs started and people got to hear another story about why she acted out and finally ran away.”

“She ran because they were fucking killing her! And there was no one else around, no one she trusted! No one who fucking helped her!”

Before Mingus lost his control completely, I moved out of the bed as quickly as I could and hurried up to the furious boy. Tears stared to build in his eyes and when I finally hugged him, he clung to me and buried his face in my chest and started sobbing so hard his entire body shook.

“I’m sorry…”

The attorney got to her feet.

“I didn’t mean to upset anyone, I can come back later.”

She said and started for the door but I stopped her. I had too many questions for her to leave and I was pretty sure Mingus wanted to know too.

“No, sit. Stay and tell me why you’re here.”

She looked over at us as I sank down against the wall and brought Mingus with me, pulling him into my lap. He really was too tall for this, but he was still my kid and he needed to be held close at the moment. She nodded, whipping away a tear and sat back down.

“I’m here to make sure London gets her life back.”

“What does that mean?”

Andy asked as I kept stroking the blond head of my son and hearing his sobs ease some, I knew he was listing too.

“I’m not sure you’re aware of the amount of money we’re talking about here.”

“She told me.”

I snapped my head over at Andy and widened my eyes at him. He kept his gaze on the love of my life in the bed and held her hand.

“She told me her family was loaded. That they could keep a few countries alive until the end of time.”

The attorney actually gave a little chuckle and nodded her head.

“Sorry? What the hell does that mean? She never told me any of this. I figured they must have had money, that she grew up with money but not like this. Why did she tell you?”

“I asked her about her. How it was possible for her father to get away with what he did to her and people around her, so she told me… Look, Norm it never matted. She didn’t care about the money, it just created more problems for her.”

“Yeah, London never liked the money. She was never the material type. She only spent the money to piss her parents off.”

“How much money are we talking? I mean I don’t need an actual figure but are we talking Forbes kind of money?”

“We’re talking Forbes top 5, Mr. Reedus.”

The room fell silent and I tried to remember the last time I had actually seen the Forbs Billionaires list. I knew Bill Gates had been at the top with an insane amount of money. And this woman sat there and told me that London’s family belonged at the same category as well. It took me another 10 second to come to the second realization that there was no one left. She was the only one left in the family. I tried to form a question to the attorney but it seemed she had already figured out what my shocked silence was all about.

“London is the only living relative to the empire, yes. Mr. Richardson was an only child and he has no aunts or uncles left alive either. That’s the other reason I came here, the DNA test. I heard the FBI requested a DNA test as soon as she got here, due to Mr. Lincoln I was told. I made the same request as well, by an independent contractor-“

“Why?”

Andy interrupted her.

“Let’s just put it this way… FBI has their own agenda about this whole affair and I can assure it, it does not include having London’s best interests at heart. They just want to cover their own asses. I’ve been told their DNA test showed what we all already knew, that they’re related but they’ve chosen to not make it public. It’s “classified information”.  The test I ran was analyzed this morning. I’ve the results with me and she’s indeed London Richardson, daughter of Robert and Anne.”

“What does that mean? For her I mean? Does it change anything?”

“Well, the major difference is that she inherits everything after her mother and father.”

“She’s not going to want the money.”

I said, not really sure how I knew that was true, just that I knew it was.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure you’re right about that, Mr. Reedus. At least not her father’s after everything Anne told me. I’m sorry she… I know it’s not much of a comfort now but I’m sorry no one was there to keep her safe.”

She seemed to directing her words at the boy in my arms and when I looked down I found Mingus looking back at her. I knew he had had hard time wrapping his mind around how someone could grow up without any kind of love. I knew he had received enough love to go around and he couldn’t even imagine a kid growing up in any other way. I was aware of the fact that London had probably told him more than enough about her previous life and more than I would tell him if it was all up to me.

“She’s not going to want to be London Richardson either. She never uses her last name.”

Mingus leaned up a little, whipped his eyes and looked at the woman. She nodded back to him and glanced over London.

“She has no family.”

“Now, Mr. Reedus that isn’t true. She has you, you’re her new family. You and your father and Mr. Lincoln, you’re all here because you care about her, right? You don’t have to be blood relatives to be a family.”

“So you’re saying, when she wakes up she’ll have her old life back again? She exists? A social security number? Insurance? Everything?”

“Yes, Mr. Reedus, that’s what I’m saying. She’ll have to a lot of paper work to do when she wakes again, depending on what she decides to do with all the money and real estate.”

“Does she have to go back to Boston?”

“I can come back here whenever she’s ready.”

“Good.”

“I’ll leave all the information for you. I’m not going to take up any more of your time. Thank you for letting me see her, Mrs. Reedus.”

The attorney nodded at my mother as she got to her feet and once again walked towards the door. This time there was no one stopping her. Just as she walked out the door I found my voice again.

“Thank you for doing this. For helping her.”

“It’s the least I can do, Mr. Reedus. I hope she wakes up soon.”

“Me too.”

She closed the door behind her and the room fell silence, everyone occupied with their own thoughts and feelings. I kept stroking Mingus’s hair, feeling his sobs ease up for every passing second. Finally I heard him take a deep breath and he stilled in my arms. When I looked down he had closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.


	24. Pieces

I had never been more confused in my life. The war that was going on inside my head made me want to puke. The conflict of wanting nothing more then to just open my eyes and throw myself into Norman’s arms and the other of just wanting to never wake up again and keep him safe that way, was pushing me to breaking point. One part of me wanted to never wake up again. It would make things so much easier for him. It would’ve kept him safe. I would always be fucked up with a fucked up past that never would go away. The other part didn’t want anything else then to live a life with him. From the beginning he had said he needed to protect me, that he felt a need to keep me safe. Now I needed to return that favor. I wanted to keep him safe and the only way I knew how to do that was to leave. That was why it would’ve been easier to die. Then I wouldn’t have to make the chose. It was tearing me apart. I wanted to be close to him but once I was the fear of hurting him again was so overwhelming and strong. My body needed him, actually physical needing him and responding to him. I healed quicker then I should’ve and I knew it was because of him.

He began sleeping in my bed after he got discharged. I know I was the biggest fucking cowered on the planet for not waking up. I knew I could wake up if I wanted to, it was just easier to choose not to. It felt good to finally have his arms around me again and I, as well as everyone else, could actually see and hear my pulse become steady every time he held me in his arms.

“London? You know you can’t keep this up for much longer, honey. It’s been almost 2 weeks and you’re breaking Norman’s heart more for each day, sweetheart.”

I sighed and opened my eyes to look at the doctor checking over me as she made her morning round. Norman was always being sent out to have breakfast for at least an hour every morning so the doctors could do a proper examination.

“He knows I’m awake.”

“Which is why it ain’t fair to let him hanging like this, London. He doesn’t understand why you won’t wake up and I can’t come up with anymore reasons.”

“You don’t understand.”

“You’re right, I don’t. He loves you, London.”

“I know. If I leave now, would you let me?”

The doctor stopped checking and writing my chart when I spoke. She gaped at me for a few seconds before taking a seat beside the bed.

“Are you serious?”

“Just as professional here, doc. Don’t mix everything else into this. Would you discharge me so I can leave?”

“Medically there’s nothing wrong with you, London so yes I would discharge you. But as a human being that has seen how much these people, Norman, Mingus, Andy, Gale, and so many more, how much they love you, I would tell you, you’re making one hell of a mistake.”

“I don’t know any other way. I don’t know how to fix this.”

“So you’re just going to leave? What am I suppose to tell Norman when he gets back and you’re not here?”

I held out my arm to the doctor and she looked at me for a second, hesitated when she realized what I wanted her to do. She sighed, shaking her head but removed the two needles attached to my right arm. I swung my feet over the edge of the bed and carefully put them on the cold floor. When I stood, the doctor removed the catheter before turning around to the closet beside the door and gathered my cloths. Slowly I began to make my way across the room, trying out my legs. I was still a bit sore but my legs didn’t betray me as I walked around the room a few times, doctor Green always within reach.

“Where’re you going to go?”

“I need to go home. Find some closure, fix all this shit…”

I began to get dressed. Doctor Green living the room while I did. When she returned I was all done and she handed me a bag of pills.

“You need to take these twice a day, for the blood loose and there’s some painkillers too if you need them.”

“Ok.”

I threw them into my backpack which Norman had brought just the other day. He wanted to be prepared for when I woke up. He knew I would like to get out of there as soon as I woke up so he had brought everything I might need. Lastly I pocketed the fully charged cellphone from the bedside table and threw the backpack on.

“Don’t forget these.”

Dr. Green handed me a black folder that Lisa had left behind during her visit. Quickly I looked it through and found an ID card and credit card in my name along with all the papers she had presented to Norman.

“Thanks.”

I collected the credit card and ID card and put them into the back pocket of my jeans and put the folder in the pack. I was so damn ready to leave the fucking hospital. Not at all ready to leave the people behind but that part of brain was shutting down as I made ready to leave. The familiar feeling of running, or finally being on the move again, drove everything else out. I knew how to do this. Running away was something I was good at. Too good. With one last nod to the doctor, I pulled up the hood of my TWD sweater over my head and moved quickly through the corridors. It was easy to become invisible again. Once outside the building I jumped into a waiting cab and asked the man to take me to the train station.

“London?!”

Andy picked up on the first signal and yelled my name loud enough for the family of 3 sitting across from me in the waiting area to look up at me.

“Hi, Andy.”

“What hell?! When the fuck did you wake up? Are you kidding me right now?!”

“No, it’s really me, Andy I promise.”

“Oh, honey… It’s so good to hear your voice again.”

“You too, Andy. Listen, I don’t have much time. I need you to do something for me. I’m leaving. I’ve to get out of here.”

The line fell silent for almost a whole minute and for a moment I thought he had passed out. Finally he whispered on the other line.

“No… No, you can’t. You can’t leave him, London. “

“I need to get my head straight. I just…”

I couldn’t find the right words to describe to him what was going on, but I knew I had to give him some sort of explanation or he would never help me.

“I have to do this… For him. For us… It won’t be forever, just until I’ve figured things out. I hate this. I hate that this happened to him… It was because of me. Because I let myself fall in love with him.”

“He’s fine, London. You’re both fine, you made it.”

“Yeah, but what if he hadn’t? Mingus wouldn’t have a father anymore. That would’ve been on me. Cause I was stupid enough to love him.”

“He’s not going to survive you leaving him again, Lo.”

“I’m not leaving him. I’m just… I’ve to do this. If there’s ever going to be an us, I’ve to do this my way.”

“Meaning what exactly?”

“I need to go home.”

“You’re going back to Boston?”

“Yeah. I’ve to make some sort of…. Closure.”

“What do you need me to do?”

“You have to make him understand. Help him with this, Andy.”

“Understand what? That I let the reason for his existents slip through my fingers? Do you’ve any idea how much he’s going to hate me? Please, Lo there has to be another way.”

“This is the only way I know…”

“Running….”

“Please don’t say it like that. You know I can’t keep…. I love him, Andy. I love him to death but… I don’t know how to keep him safe if I stay.”

“But there’s no one left, London. He’s dead. There’s no one left to hurt him or you anymore.”

“My demons will never go away, Andy… They will always be part of me, part of who I am.”

“How long?”

“I don’t know…”

“Please, Lo don’t do this. I’m coming over right now, stay at the hospital until I get there, ok? And we can figure this out. There has to be another way.”

“I’ve already left, Andy. I’m not at the hospital anymore.”

“Where’s Norman?”

“That’s what I need you to help with. Get over to the hospital and make sure he doesn’t kill anyone when he finds out I’m gone.”

“He might kill me.”

“No, he won’t. You’re his best friend, Andy. I know he listens to you. If there anyone that can make him understand it’s you.”

“Fuck, London don’t… Please, baby.” 

 “I’m sorry, Andy. This is the only way I know. You know I won’t be able to stay away from him…. I have to do this my way, Andy. Please. This won’t be forever. Hell, I might not make it a week without him.”

“You need to talk to him.”

“I’ll call him when I’m on the train.”

“He’s going to come after you.”

“Not if you stop him. I can’t do this with him, I’ve to this alone, my way.”

“I fucking hate you right now.”

“I know, you should.”

“Just… Do whatever you have to do, Lo but then come back. Promise me you’d come back. You have to. He’s going to break into a million pieces if you don’t come back.”

“I’ll come back, Andy. I promise. Just give me some time.”

“Ok, but be quick.”

“I’ll try… I love you, Andy.”

“I love you too, London. Take care of yourself. Promise me you’ll take care of yourself!”

“If you promise me to take care of him for me.”

“I wouldn’t have to do that if you just stay, London.”

“Please, Andy don’t… I know it’s fucked up, I’m fucked up. I’ll come back if he wants me to, I promise.”

“He loves you, he’ll always love you.”

“And I him… I really gotta go. I’m sorry, Andy. I’m really sorry about all this, please believe that. I wish I knew another way.”

“Just get back, ok? Safe and sound.”

“I will.”

_I told Andy I would call you but then I realized I would never be able to hang up if you start talking so I’m sending you this instead. I know it won’t matter what I say or how many times I try to explain what’s going on right now. I just know I’ve to do this my way and I’ve to do it alone. If and when I figure this shit out somehow and you still want me to part of your life, I will be back. I love you Norman. More than anyone else on this fucked up planet and I can’t deal with everything that happens right now. I need help and I know you’re going to say that you’ll help and you probably could. But I don’t want to put you though that. You mean too much to me for that. I need professional help and I’m going to do everything it take to make things right again. I hope it’s not too late and if it is you need to know how much you’ve done for me. These past months with you have been the best of my life. You’ve giving me enough love these months to last me a life time. You need to know that I never meant for you to get hurt because of me. I’ll always love you. You’re the only one for me. There will never be anyone else. You’re my first, my last, my everything._

_I’m sorry,_

_Yours_

                                            ----------------------------------

My knuckles were hurting like hell and my head was pounding even worse, probably mostly because of guilt. Andy handed me a bag if ice and sat heavily next to me on the hospital bed. He pressed his own bag of ice to his swollen jaw, which was where I had punched him just minutes before. Dr. Greene had locked us up in London’s old room while we waited to find a way to sneak out of there without getting caught.

“Thanks for not breaking my nose, man.”

My phone buzzed just as Andy spoke next to me and a text from London showed up. I read it twice and once I started a third time, I felt Andy lean closer to me and read it as well.

“I’m really sorry, Norm.”

His words reached me through an extremely long tunnel and I dropped my head to my hands, not able to control my emotions anymore. Everything was just chaos. The panic of not finding London in her room after I had returned after breakfast came first. Then when Dr. Green tried to explain what was going on, an absolute confusion accrued. Andy had shown up shorty after when I was still pacing the room, forcing every detail out of the doctor. When he told me he had talked to London and what the conversation had been about, I had turned to anger in some pathetic attempt to grasp what was going on. Hitting Andy seemed like a good idea at the time and it had felt pretty satisficing for about a second before I realized I had just hit my best friend. The guilt washed over me just in time for Dr. Green to come between us and she forced both of us to take a seat on the bed.

_This is the must fucked up thing I’ve ever experienced in my whole life! You’re fucking insane London! Which is probably why I love you so damn much and why I wont’ stop. If I’m going to let to do this without coming chasing after you this very moment you’ve to promise me to come back whenever you’ve figured this shit out and you better do it quick baby! I don’t function right without you. Let me know when you arrive in Boston. I’m going back to New York tomorrow, comic con and all that… what the hell do I tell Mingus?_

“You really don’t need to do New York, brother.”

I snorted and lifted my head to look at Andy. He knew it wasn’t true. AMC would go absolutely insane if I didn’t show up for Comic Con and the following fan event Friday night. They had already had their hands full since the attack, trying to hush it all up and come up with another story about what had happened. People questioned why there had been so much police involved when AMC said I had had an accident while filming. It was also kind of hard to explain the two helicopters that had been on sight.

“You really don’t have to go, Norman. What’re they going to do? Really? You know I’ll go if you go. They’ll all back you up on this, man you know that.”

“You know I could never ask that, of any of you… What fucking day is it anyway? Wednesday right? We’re leaving tomorrow?”

“Norman… You don’t have to.”

“Are you saying I don’t have to or that I actually can’t?!”

His eyes widened when I snapped at him and even leaned away slightly from me.

“You know that’s not what I meant. If there’s anyone who can pull this off, it’s you. I know you’d anything it takes, I’m just saying you actually don’t have to. She’s more important, family’s more important.”

“Well, she obvious seems to think differently…”

The moment the words left my mouth I regretted them at once and Andy could see that too. He reached out and wrapped an arm around my shoulder.             

“She loves you, Norman.”

“I know.”

“Good. Remember that.”

“Trust me, it’s what’s keeping me from killing you right now.”

“Good to know.”

“I’m sorry for hitting you.”

“I was expecting it.”

“I know but I’m still sorry… I’ll got to New York but can I stay with you until we leave? I can’t go home. Not without her, not now.”

“Of course.”

                                            ---------------------------------------

It felt like I was right back where I thought I’d never be again. I had been a mess the first time she left and this time was no different. It might even have been worse in some ways because I had gotten so use to having her around all the time and she had giving me so much more then the first time around. I missed her every single second of the day and the only thing that stopped me from going completely insane was to work. So I did, 24/7 it felt like. When I wasn’t filming, I was going all over the place and did every little piece of promotion AMC sent my way. Before I had said no to certain things, trying to actually have a life outside the Walking Dead, but all that didn’t matter anymore. I just needed time to pass and it did when I worked. I ended up catching most of my sleep on a plane going somewhere and consuming too much coffee and cigarettes. The flights were the worst because I couldn’t escape anywhere. It was when I sat down and had nothing to occupy myself with that I started thinking too much, that I noticed how much she missing from my life and how much it really hurt. Although I was so exhausted I slept through most of the flights, sometimes my mind stared going into overdrive and once my thought lingered on her, there was no stopping it.

The fact that she had become headline news overnight and occupied every major newspaper and internet tabloid by returning from the dead wasn’t really helping. The press had gone wild when the official report about London and her father had leaked. The official story from the FBI was that Mr. Richardson, after a lot of hard work, had found his long-lost daughter and her kidnappers in Atlanta. When trying to rescue her, he had been gunned down and killed. There had been no mention of where the shooting had accrued and no mentioned of my name or anything remotely close to AMC’s production but the rumors had started circulating anyway. Something both FBI and AMC had been very quick to reject. I had no comments about it at all and the very few times a reporter had caught London in Boston she had said the same thing. Every time I chose to torture myself and look at the tabloid pictures of her, she was always leaving the same building in down town Boston, belonging to a well-known psychiatrist and it made me feel a little better knowing she was actually getting the help she needed and wanted.  

_Norman: November 12 th 2015 _

_It’s been a month now and one day hasn’t passed without missing you so much I actually physical hurt. I hate this! I hate you for doing this to me. I hate your father, your mother, James, everyone that ever laid a hand on you and forced you to leave me. I know you had to and I get why you did but I’m still going to hate it! How’s the therapy going? Is she able to make sense of everything? Sort this shit out for you? I hope she can and I hope you’re ok cause I’m sure as hell isn’t. I’m not saying this to make you feel bad but you’ve to know that I love you and I need you in my life to function. Take all the time you need London but just make sure you come back home to me whenever you’re doing sorting through this shit. I love you._

_London: We talked about you today. A lot. I always talked about you but today she dug a lot deeper into what really happened when we first met. And I wanted to punch her the ground for making me crying like a little kid because I miss you so fucking much._

_Norman: Can I please call u?_

_London: I won’t be able to talk to u_

_Norman: U don’t have to. I just want to know you’re there_

_London: Shouldn’t u be sleeping?_

_Norman: Shouldn’t u?_

_London: I don’t sleep anymore… too many nightmares and too much space in my bed_

_Norman: I could help u out with that u know_

_London: I would really love for u to do that and I hope that you’ll soon but I still have a long away to go sorting this shit out. There’s been progress, a lot of progress but there so much to deal with, things I didn’t even know I still remembered._

_Norman: Does it help?_

_London: Yes, a lot. She’s really great_

_Norman: Good. I love you London_

_London: I love you too_

_Norman: Please just let me call u. just pick up the phone, u don’t have to say anything, I just want to know you’re alive wherever you’re…_

_London: I bought an apartment…_

_Norman: So u decided to keep the money?_

_London: Not really… I’ll tell you all about it sometime_

I turned to my side in my L.A. hotel room and looked at the green dial bottom for almost a whole minute before deciding to push it. I figured it couldn’t get any worse. I imagined her laying all alone in another bed just as me and it got worse just by the thought. She was alone, I was alone, she missed me and I missed her and still there were so many mils between us. I was crying when the phone finally clicked and she picked up without speaking.

“I love you. God, I love you so fucking much, Lo.”

I heard her breath on the other line and I knew that she was crying as well. Compered to me, she was crying silently though and I tried to control my sobs but knowing she was so close but yet nowhere near made it hard to control all the emotions that came flooding. I closed my eyes and tried to produce the first memory I had of her. Her terrified, skinny, face swam in front of my eyes but quickly switched to the first time I had seen her smile.

“Go to sleep, Norman. You need to sleep. I love you.”

“Stay with me.”

“I’ll stay with you.”

Her voice sounded different somehow. She sounded older, calmer. Behind my closed eyelids, I felt myself actually start to relax. I focused on her deep breathing and it didn’t take long before I breathed with her and I drifted off to sleep.

                                            ---------------------------------

“Holly shit, Norm….”

Sean’s smile when he greeted me at his front door, quickly vanished as he saw me. I tried at first to smile back and shake it off but Sean could always tell, there was no way I could play him. He grabbed me and shoved me inside the house before holding me at arm’s length and looked me over.

“What’s going on, brother?”

I dropped my head, shoulders slumped and tears threated to leave my eyes again. I thought I’d cried enough the night before when I finally called her but apparently not. There was no pretending with Sean, no reason to stay brave and strong.

“Who do I need to murder?”

He asked, grabbing my face in his hands and made me look at him as the first tears finally spilled over. I managed to give a weak chuckle before moving into his arms and he hugged me tight.

“Please don’t murder her.”

“I’ve never seen you be this messed up over a chick before, bro. She must be something real special.”

“She’s my unicorn, man.”

“Have you been sleeping at all the past month?”

“Not much. I slept last night though. I called her and… Well, we didn’t really talk but she was there.”

“You need breakfast and if you tell me you’re not hungry I’m kicking your ass!”

He grabbed my face once more and whipped a tear under my eye with his thumb. When he kept staring at me I realized he was demanding an answer and I nodded and followed him into the house as he made his way towards the kitchen. The house was surprisingly quiet. No wife or kids in sight. I was really thankful they weren’t there at the moment and it was like he could read my mind.

“I sent the rest of the family packing this morning, they’re spending the day at Disneyland. Thought you might need some quiet time. How are you, Norman?”

I sat down in one of the high barstools in the kitchen and he stopped preparing breakfast and turned his full attention to me.

“It’s… It really sucks right now. I guess I’m not doing that good. It’ll be ok, I’ll be ok but I just don’t know when that’ll be.”

The level of honestly in my own words surprised us both. The man before me leaned back against the counter and sighed heavily, looking at me.

“Is she worth this, Norman? Really? You’re falling to piece right in front of me here and… Has it ever crossed your mind to just let go?”

“Yeah… And it makes the whole thing 10 time worse.”

“You’re the worst kind of masochist, you know that…? Damnit, Norman I hate to see you like this! And I know there’s no point in asking what I can do to help, cause there’s nothing that will, right?”

“No… I’ll be fine when she comes back.”

“And you’re sure she will?”

“Yes.”

“Ok. So what do you need? Besides food, right now?”

“I just need some quiet time right now, before it gets all crazy tonight with the art show. Can we just have some breakfast and… talk?”

“Whatever you need.”

“Thank you. Really, Sean. I know I’m… I’m a fucking mess right now and not the greats friend and I’m sor-“

“Shut the hell up right now! Don’t apologize. You’ve nothing to apologize for, Norman. Nothing. You hear? I know you put on that fucking brave face for everyone else around but you don’t have to do that here.”

I simply nodded at his quick lecture and felt an overwhelming gratitude towards him for having my back. He always had and I knew he always would. Big brothers were pretty good to have in once life...


	25. Sean

Norman had been one of my closest friend since forever it seemed like. We had had our ups and down along the way but always had each other backs and I knew we always would. But this mess with London was tearing him apart and seeing him lose his mind right in front of me made me go down along with him. He had managed to play it down over the phone whenever we had talked but when he showed up at my doorstep and I was able to see him face to face I realized just how bad it was.

He had hit rock bottom before but this was beyond that. He was in need of actual professional help but I knew he would never do that. At least not before London was done figure her shit out. He had this absolute insane idea that she had suffered more and he really wasn’t entitled to feeling this shity when she was going through something even worse. I guess he was right about her suffering more but since I didn’t know the crazy chick that had broken my brothers heart, I had to do something about it. I had to help somehow and the only thing I could come up with was to go looking for her. Not that it was hard, we all know, including him, where she was but he said he had made a promise not go after her, that she’d be allowed do get through this on her own. Bullshit in my ears! He needed her and I was pretty sure she needed him too.

A week after he had visit I found myself on a flight out to Boston. It was late and already dark when I arrived and just as I opened the door to my hotel room my phone buzzed with an incoming text. I knew it would be from Norman even before I picked it up. I had demanded a daily update about his wellbeing since leaving and he had been pretty good at keeping to the routine.

_Wrapped season 6 today… not sure what the hell to do with myself now, there’s going to be too much time to think about shit…_

_Thought you were doing that award thing this weekend?_

_Nashville, yeah on Monday. What’re you up to this weekend?_

_Out of town unfortunately, I can cancel though if you need to come out for a few days_

_No, I’m fine. I’ll hang with Andy, help him pack before he goes back to U.K._

_Sure?_

_Yup_

_Call me if you need to talk. Whenever Norm night or day, doesn’t matter_

_I know. Thanks bro. Love you_

_Love you too_

Norman had talked to me about her since they first met and I had gotten a dozen adorable and crazy pictures of the lovebirds. I had visit him in the hospital but since she hadn’t been awake during that time, I had only seen her and she had looked terrible with bruises and wires all over. When I saw her again, leaving her shrink appointment, she looked so different from the first time I had seen her. She had put on more weight and she really did look like a million bucks. She was dressed casual in jeans, blue Converse, an open navy blue jacket and a white top underneath, but she still drew every eye as she walked down the street. I found myself smiling as I recognized the sunglasses she wore as the same pair Norman usually wore. It was an surprisingly sunny and warm later fall day in Boston and she stopped at a nearby Starbucks to pick up a Frappuccino before I followed her down to the water and she took a seat on a bench, picking up her phone as she did.

“Will you please stop following me, Mr. Flanery?”

She spoke when I was still more then 10 feet away from her and without showing any sign of even noticing me.

“Holly crap, how did you do that?”

“I saw you the moment I stepped outside, Mr. Flanery. Did Norman send you?”

“No. No, he has no idea I’m here. Do you mind if I sit?”

“Yes, but I guess it doesn’t matter, does it?”

“Nope.”

I took a seat beside her and she put her phone away, removed her glasses and looked at me. I could tell what had caught Norman when I met her eyes. Her dark blue eyes were gorgeous and she had the ability of making one feel like she looked right through you.

“How about we officially introduce ourselves? I’m Sean Patrick Flanery.”

I knew the likelihood of her shaking my hand was slim but I still held it out for her. She looked at it for a second then back up at me before taking it and shook it.

“London.”

She said and returned her gaze to the water and took a sip of her drink.

“Just London? No last name anymore?”

“I haven’t decided on a new one yet, so yeah for now it’s just London.”

“Alright… I’m going to cut straight to the chase.”

“Please do. I’ve another session with my therapist in less than an hour.”

“Do you plan on going back to Norman once you’ve sorted this shit out?”

By the mention of his name I saw her drop her gaze to her lap for the briefest of seconds and it looked like she tried really heard to collect herself before I noticed anything.

“If he wants me to come back, I’ll go back.”

“So it’s all up to him?”

“Of course. I know how fucked up I am, how much this has torn him apart and I wouldn’t blame him if he decided enough is enough. He probably should.”

“Yeah he really should. He came to see me a week ago, he had some art show in L.A so we spend some time together and he… I’ve known him for a lot longer then you have and I’ve seen him at his worst but this… There’s nothing then even comes close to what he’s going through right now. You’ve really fucked him up big time, girl.”

She snapped her head up and narrowed her eyes at me and I could see the anger before the hissing words came pouring out of her.

“What the fuck do you want me to do about it?! I tried 10 times over to just get him to give me the fuck up, to just let me be. He knew what he was getting himself into! I didn’t fucking trick him into anything if that’s what you think! Trust me, no one wants my past to be a fucking lie more then me.”

“Yeah, must have been a real drag to grow up a billionaire…”

“Oh fuck you! You don’t know shit! Do you think I’d all this therapy because it’s fun? Because I grow up with too much money? That’s what you think my issues are about? He didn’t tell you anything?”

“He said people had hurt you and that he picked you up off of the streets.”

“Why the hell are you here?! To tell me not to come back?!”

“No, to ask you to do it sooner rather than later… Look, I don’t know you, only what Norman has told me and I don’t give a shit about what you’ve gone through. All I care about is him and he’s in really bad shape. I mean a real fucking mess without you. I get that you had to deal with whatever the fuck it is that you’re dealing with but I’m going to be a selfish bastard and tell you the truth and make you feel so bad you’re actually going to listen to me and go back to him. I know you miss him too and I know he wants to help you.”

“It’s bad?”

“It’s worse! Haven’t you talked to anyone? Andy? Mingus?”

“Just Andy.”

“Yeah and Andy knows you and care about you too so he’s probably not telling you the truth, but I don’t know you and frankly I really don’t care that much about you just yet. Right now you’re just the bitch that’s messing up my brother and he says the only way to fix it is to bring you back to him so that’s what I’m doing here. You need to pull your shit together, London and decided whether or not Norman’s the guy for you. Because until you tell him otherwise he will be waiting for you until he draws his last breath.”

She had nothing more to say after that. She sat looking at me for a long time without forming any kind of words and I allowed her to pounder the information I had just given her. I was probably being a complete ass but when it came to protecting friends and family and especially those in need, there wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do. Norman would kill me if he knew how I talked to her and it had really made me uncomfortable calling her names and telling her off but something had to be done!

She finished her Frappuccino before she spoke again. 

“Norman is going to beat your ass to the ground if he finds out you came out to see me.”

“Guess I don’t care.”

“He’s lucky to have a brother like you.”

Her voice was so soft and calm and she looked at me, smiling all of a sudden. It soothed her so much better then the anger. She had a beautiful smile and her eyes twinkled when she talked about him.

“I like to think so.”

“I really do love him. I tried to stop once but it didn’t work out that well.”

“Please don’t try again.”

She nodded at me and got to her feet.

“Yeah… I’ve to go. Enjoy your stay in Boston Mr. Flanery, hope you don’t feel like your wasted your time.”

“I hope I will find out soon enough.”

“Me too.”

She said before turning on her heel and walked away.

                                            ----------------------------------------

Decided to ditch the plane ticket and ride my bike the 5 plus hours from Senoia to Nashville was a heat in the moment decision. I knew it would give me too much time to think but at the time I needed it. I needed to decided what to literally do with my life after finishing season 6. I had a new project with AMC coming up but it was still too much time in my schedule for me to feel really safe from going absolute wacko just waiting. I was going to New York within a few days and spend time with Mingus but that scared me too. My son was too emotional involved in this as well. He missed her just as much as I did. Sean had suggested I tagged along on their holiday around New Year, going to Central America and all though I had turned down the offer at first, it started to sound like a pretty good idea. It could be nice to get out of the country for a few days and just enjoy the beach and play with the kids.          

I tried and I think I succeeding in at least pretending to have a good time at the CMT music awards. At least on camera and in public I could keep my act together and my management team had learned to just leave me the hell alone when the cameras was turned off and I was back at whatever hotel I was at after doing my duty.

It was way after midnight when I stumbled out of the elevator to my floor and headed towards my room. I had probably had just one or two too many beers but the feeling of having my head wrapped in bubble wrap was a nice contrast to the reminder of London. The alcohol made me think about her less. She was always there but with too much beer she drifted to the back of my head instead.

“Hey there, gorgeous.”

I jumped, dropping my key card, when a woman suddenly spoke from somewhere behind me and a hand landed on my back. Confused I looked around and found a tall, dark haired goddess behind me. She really was gorgeous and I had a vouge memory of seeing her at the after party. She might have been a model, they usually were.

“Hello.”

She took a step closer to me when I returned to the door and tried to focus on getting it open.

“You seemed lonely so I thought I’d come over here and see if you might need a hand…”

Her hand traveled down my back as she spoke and my mind tried to understand what the hell was going on.

“You know, if you needed a hand getting undressed.”

“Thanks but I’m… I’ve…”

I tried to say the word girlfriend but for some reason my lips refused to form the word. She was getting closer and my eyes darted to her impressive cleavage. When I lifted my head to look at her, she smiled right back at me and her hand landed at the back of my head and she ran her hands through my hair. She was taller then me by a few inches but then she was wearing killer heels.

London wasn’t taller then me. She was just perfect. And the spell was broken just by thinking her name.

“I’ve a girlfriend. Thanks for the offer but I’m gonna pass.”

I sobered up in no time and stepped away from the woman’s touch, opened the door and stepped into the room and closed the door quickly behind me. I heard her growl on the other side of the closed door and could imagined her pissed face very clearly. She hadn’t been the first one I had turned down the past year and I knew it wouldn’t be long before everyone figured out I was indeed taken. I slumped against the door once I was inside the quiet and dark room. Closing my eyes, I could make her out perfectly as though she was right there. My head hit the back of the door with a thud and the momentarily pain was a welcome change that pushed all the other psychological pain aside for a second.

In my drunken, hazy mind, I could feel her hands on my face. Her finger gently tracing my nose, my eyes, my cheekbones, down to my chin where she would twist her fingers into my beard. I wanted to stop time and just stay right there with her. She felt so real and I missed her so much. Then soft lips were on mine and I realized it felt too real for me to be able to imagined it. My eyes flew open and she was kneeling in front of me, between my spread legs.

“You’re here! Holly shit, you’re here!”

She giggled and leaned back so I could watch her more properly. She nodded and smiled, holding one hand on my cheek.

“Do you want me to stay?”

She asked, dropping her gaze to the floor. I stared at the top of her head. Her hair hung loos around her face and despite the darkness I could make out the warm chestnut color she had dyed it in. All my memories of her didn’t do her justices. She was even more beautiful then I remembered. I had forgotten about here deep blue eyes, long lashes, perfect, full lips. I shook my head, trying to take it in that she was there. The few seconds it took for me to realize I wasn’t dreaming, she moved away just a little still with her head bowed. She opened her mouth and I knew she was going to say goodbye again because she had thought my silence was telling her no.

I launched forward and grabbed the side of her head with one hand, twisting my finger in her hair to hold on to something. She tumbled over on her back and I followed, lying on top of her and I kissed her. Messy and all over, catching her lips just as much as her face and we rolled around on the floor over and over, her hands tugging and touching everywhere she could reach. The vest was quickly stripped but she had no patients with my shirt. She sent bottoms flying as she ripped it open but I couldn’t care less. My hands disappeared under her top and my lips landed on her stomach when I tugged the fabric away from her. Her hips left the floor when she bucked them into my hands and she moaned. Her jeans and panties left her body without my lips leaving her belly and breasts. My hand lingered on the new scar at the side of her body but the bloody mess I had had to deal with for so long was all gone. I wasn’t going to linger on that memory anymore. I was just going to focus on her and our future. She didn’t seem to mind me touching and linger at the scar ether, she just lifted her head slightly off of the floor and looked down at me. She was breathing hard, her chest rising and falling rapidly under my hands.

Without tearing my eyes away from her, I crawled on top of her and once I was within reach, she grabbed me by the hair and kissed me hard. Once our lips met in a proper kiss again, it never ended. I never wanted it to end. She stopped breathing for a second when I slipped inside her, I could feel her chest stop heaving under me. Once we started moving together, the perfect match and she came after a surprisingly short time, she bit down hard on my bottom lip through the kiss and clung to my back. Her fingers would leave marks on me but I wanted her to. I wanted her to claim me again, I was hers and no one else’s.

It was morning and the sun was shining into the room when we found ourselves somewhat conscious about our surroundings again. She was lying on my chest in bed and my hand was gently playing over her back while hers were on my lower abdomen.

“You’re actually here.”

I felt her smile and she kissed the right side of my body.

“I thought I had you convinced after the 3rd time.”

“You did but I kinda had to make sure with a 4th time as well.”

“You won’t hear me complain. I’m going to go on a limb here and say you’re answer to my question was yes.”

“No, London I don’t want you to stay. I want you to never, ever leave my side again. You’re not just staying, you’re in this for life now.”

“I’ve been since I first saw you, Norman.”

“I love you.”

“I love you more.”

She turned her head and looked up at me, stretched just a little to be able to kiss me. It got deeper and more passionate real quick and I had her on her back within seconds. The thought that suddenly popped into my head had just formed before I found myself pulling away and open my mouth to speak.

“Merry me.”

I held her face between my hands, swiping her sweaty hair out of my face. Her eyes widened for a second and it looked like she was searching for a sign that I was joking. I had never been more serious for a very long time and another 2 heartbeats passed.

“Yes. I’ll merry you, Norman Reedus.”

“You will?”

“Yes, of course. I kinda already have…”

She said, a shy little smile playing over her lips. I looked at her in confusion and she pushed lightly at my shoulders to make me lean away from her.

“How’s that...? I thought you had to be two people to get married.”

“Hold on, I’ll show you.”

She said and left the bed to collect her backpack from the couch.

“Please tell me you bribed yourself in here and not climbing some fucking building to get in.”

“Yes, I bribed myself in here. You should know you’re very expensive too.”

“How expensive?”

“10 grand.”

“Honestly? Damn…”

She returned after groping her pack for a moment and crossed her legs in the middle of the bed before handing me a passport. She wrapped the comforter around her lower body as I leaned up on one elbow. Her picture draw my eye at first, she was drop dead gorgeous and so healthy looking compared to what she had looked like when we first met. I had to make her mine officially before everyone else thought they might have a chance. I had been to occupied with her picture that it took me 3 times reading it through to get it into my head what the passport said. _Reedus._ The first line on her passport said Reedus. The tears came before I really could wrap my head around what it meant.

“You changed your surname?”

I stuttered the words, whipping my eyes hastily. I wasn’t sure why I didn’t want her to see me cry but it seemed like a silly thing to cry over. But it meant so much to see those six letters in her passport. _London Reedus._ She had decided to change her last name even before she knew I would still be there.

“There’s no other name I want. You’re the only family I need.”

I reached out for her, placing my palm to her face and tried to find my voice but I didn’t know what to say. It was so overwhelming to have her there and then having her present something like that to me. Like she had always known where she belonged and where she would always stay. She seemed to understand my lack of response and simply smiled at me, kissing me lightly. We sat looking at each other for what seemed forever. I took in every inch of her body and face and was pleased to see that she had put on enough weight not to make the underweight category anymore.

“So how about it?”

“Huh?”

“Let’s get married. Like right now.”

“Now? Are you insane?!”

“Yes!”

I told her and knocked her over once more. She laughed and hugged me tightly as she fell back against the foot of the bed.  

“Yeah, I knew that.”

She replayed.

“How do you suggest we do that though? Head to Vegas or what?”

“Hell yeah.”

“Seriously?”

“Fuck yeah.”

“Alright. Let’s go to Vegas and get married.”

I let out a shrike of happiness when she replayed and the situation called for a happy dance, although I was actually still half laying in the bed. She joined in just a second and we ended up tumbling around in the bed until the surface suddenly vanished under us and I crashed to the floor, pulling her with me. I hit the ground hard, my back first and I cursed, mostly out of shock though. It probably hurt but I was too happy to give a shit.

“I’ve one condition though.”

She said as she kissed my nose and sat up, straddling me and entwined her fingers with mine.

“Anything, Lo.”

“I want Mingus to be there. And Andy too if they’ll forgive me.”

“Deal. I’ll give’em a call. Do you want breakfast?”

“Yes please. And maybe we can actually talk some.”

“Yeah…”

I picked up the phone and order room service and asked them at the same time to book the first available flight out to Vegas.

                                            --------------------------------

Sean’s kick in the ass had really helped me let go of the last bit of control over my own emotions. I had repressed my feelings for the man before me ever since I entered Dr. Helen’s office. I had toned it down so I wouldn’t have to deal with the enormous guilt I felt about leaving Norman. After Sean’s visit however, I had gone back to my second session of the day and stormed in balling and not being able to stop for hours, while I let it all out on the shrinks couch. For the past week we had discussed Norman and she had twisted and turned every stone about my feelings for the man and forced every detail about our relationship out of me. 

I wasn’t sure where to begin once we were together again though. His reaction to seeing me again was not like anything I had prepared for. I had expected him to want me to stay but not without at least yelling at me and being super pissed. He had all right to be pissed and I had even prepared a speech and all to deal with his anger. But he wasn’t angry. Not at all. Instead he asked me to marry him and I realized the moment he asked, that I wanted to marry him. The thought had never crossed my mind before he asked but then it had been the same thing when he asked me to leave New York with him. I never knew I wanted it or needed it before he actually presented the possibility. There were so many possibilities with Norman. He had opened up a whole new world for me and it was a world with so much love I wasn’t sure what to do with it at times. His display of affection for me was overwhelming and I still tried to wrap my mind around the fact that someone like him wanted someone like me. Helen had helped me sort most of it out though and it was easier then it should be to pick up where we left of weeks before.

“I love you.”

I felt the need to remind him of the fact and the gorgeous smile that filled his face when I spoke was enough for me to break down crying. He zipped up his jeans quickly and walked over to me and kissed away the tears that escaped my eyes.

“I love you too.”

He said but didn’t bother to ask why I was crying. I had forgotten or maybe not fully appreciate how well he knew me. He knew I wasn’t really crying because I was sad or hurt, it was happy tears and he got that without having to ask.

“Did you really ride all the way up here from home?”

“Yeah… I needed some time to think.”

“Did you come to any conclusions?”

“That I was going to go with Sean to their New Year vacation so I wouldn’t have to have too much time to think about whether or not you were coming back or not. Maybe even ask Andy if I could come to England with him for a few weeks.”

“There’s never going to be enough but you need to know how I’m sorry about all this. I’m sorry, Norman.”

He grabbed my jaw and hushed me with a hard kiss.

“You don’t have to say it again. I know, Lo. I just want us to focus on the future now, ok? I know that you need to apologize and now you have, I don’t need to hear it again. It’s fine, London. Now. I’m fine now.”

I nodded and wanted to say the same thing again but there was a light knock on the door and a call about room service followed. I wrapped myself tighter in the sheet as Norman opened the door and let the female inside. She glanced over at me but quickly looked away and I realized it was the same employee I had bribed to get in there. She smiled quickly before focused on placing the plates of food on the small coffee table by the windows. 

“There’s a flight leaving for Las Vegas at noon, Mr. Reedus. Would that give you enough time or would you prefer a later flight?”

“Noon...? What time is it now?”

“Almost 9, sir.”

“Does 3 hours work for you?”

He turned to me with his question and although I actually felt the need for just a few more hours, I could tell he was to excited to leave. So I nodded at him.

“Noon will be fine.”

“Ok… Yeah, noon is fine.”

He replayed and turned back to the young lady.

“Alright then. I’ll make sure you’re on that flight. You’ll have the details on your phone as soon as possible.”

“Thank you.”

She nodded in his direction as she made to leave the room. As she grasped the door handle I spoke to her.

“If you speak about this to anyone, I’ll have you fired. Don’t be stupid.”

“Of course, ma’am. My lips are sealed.”

“Good. Thank you for your help last night.”

“You’re welcome. Enjoy your breakfast.”

She exited the room and once the door closed I got up and joined him for breakfast. We ate in silence at first but he suddenly cried out, making me drop my toast unto the table.

“Hey! You’d stopped tearing your food apart!”

“Shit, Norm…!”

“Sorry.”

He quickly apologized but it was with a small laugh as he leaned over and picked up the toast and handed it back to me.

“It’s not a big deal.”

“Yeah, it is. The therapy actually works.”

“I guess it does…. I’m not done though. I’m still going to keep seeing her but I’m not sure how and when and where yet.”

“Does she know you left?”

“No. I just called her and told her I needed a few days to myself. She probably knows it meant that I had to see you, she’s a fucking mind reader.”

“Are you ok, baby?”

The worry in his voice as he reached over to grab my hand for a second sent a warmth spreading though my whole body. I looked over and smiled at him, caressing his face softly.

“I’m ok, Norman. It’s been… Hell. It’s been a fucking mess going through this, poking at every little thing. Things I didn’t even know I still remembered and so much shit I’ve repressed through the years. But it’s been good too. She has sort out a lot of shit for me, made me make sense of it all. You know… I felt like shit leaving you in the hospital without saying anything and I couldn’t really understand why I felt the need to just run when I wanted to stay at the same time. I felt like I had no control and when I don’t, I run. I always have and… I’m not going to make excuses but she explained it all to me and it’s a surviving mechanism, something my dad lay the foundation for even before I could actually run. She said it’s almost like it’s in my DNA, it’s cognitive and very hard to change because it’s been part of me for so long and… It’s always been about survival and I never saw it that way but I’ve always wanted to survive. The will to survive has always been stronger then the fear of death or pain so I fought or run to keep myself alive. I just saw myself as a cowered before, choosing to just run. It’s not really that hard but… But I guess it is actually a lot harder to run then just give up and die. We’ve had CBT sessions and the first thing I did was to fucking run. Kinda ironic, huh…? She wanted to change my behavior about running away from situations I felt threatened in and the first thing I did was to leave the fucking office and roam the streets for hours before I made my way back. She started to use you as a… I don’t know, threat or something. Kept using my feelings for you as a way in and it worked after a few days of me yelling and cursing at her and wanting to rip her fucking eyes out. She made me realized the need to run and my fear of pain was a lot less after I met you. I know that’s not what you might have experiences since I actually did run quiet a few times but the major difference, something that ever happened before, was that I came back. I’ve never done that before but with you… I found my reason to stop running and I’ve never wanted to stop running before but now I do and I want to stay with you and I think that I can. I hope that I can. You were right, all those night you talked to me when I was in the hospital. You kept telling me that he was dead, that there were no one still alive that could hurt me. He’s dead. My father is dead and so is my mother and you were right. They can’t hurt me anymore. The only one who could still hurt me is myself and I’m doing it by not allowing you to be in my life. I know I’ve hurt you, that this has really been… Shitty for you too and I’ve missed you every single second since I left. I had to do this for you, not for me. Because you deserve it. I don’t know how or why you came into my life or why you even bother but you do and I know that. I want you to love me, I need you to because I love you and thinking about starting a life with you has been what has kept me coming back to Helen every single fucking day since I left. I need this to work out, Norman. I want to give you everything you deserve because you’ve giving me my life back. I don’t want to run anymore, I don’t want to be afraid anymore, I just want to be yours and I know how fucking cheesy this sounds but… I mean, you did just ask me to merry you so I guess we want the same thing.”

Once the words started to leave my mouth I couldn’t stop it. I just kept talking and trying to explain a fraction of what had happened during our weeks apart. He had always been a great listener and this time was no different. He didn’t interrupt me although I paused a few times to try to find the right words. He kept eating his breakfast quietly and looking at me while the words kept pouring out of me. Once I was done, silence fell and I watched as he dropped his gaze to the table. I recognize the gesture at once and knew his mind had drifted off somewhere else and he needed some time to just process everything I had told him. I finished my own breakfast while he was in deep thought in front of me. When he finally spoke it was with slow and very deliberate words. 

“Damn, Lo. I didn’t know you could talk this much…I want you to be mine, London. All the way. Flaws and all. I’m glad you’re going to keep seeing her and I think I could need a few sessions with this woman too. Maybe we even should keep seeing her together.”

“Whatever you want, Norman.”

“Right now I just want to marry you.”

“Me too.”


	26. Thinking Out Loud

_Norman: Could u do me a favor?_

_Andy: What do you need?_

_Norman: Join me in Vegas before you leave?_

_Andy: Now?!_

_Norman: Yeah…_

_Andy: Do I even want to know why?_

_Norman: No_

_Andy: Let me check the flights and I’ll get back to u_

_Norman: There’s a 1.30 pm flight_

_Andy: Of course there is…_

_Norman: Will u be on it?_

_Andy: I’ll be on it Normski_

_Norman: Thanks. Mingus is flying in like 20 minutes after u. Pick him up for me?_

_Andy: What the hell are u up to?_

_Norman: Pick him up?_

_Andy: Of course. And go where exactly?_

_Norman: I’ll make sure there’s someone to pick u up_

_Andy: Ok… Do I need to bring anything?_

_Norman: Just u_

Norman’s weird texts sent my mind into overdrive trying to figure out what was going on. I know he wouldn’t ask me to come if it wasn’t important. He probably just needed a little company but I couldn’t figure out where Mingus fit into the whole thing. If he was planning a wild Vegas night, Mingus shouldn’t be there.

He hadn’t been himself since London left. I knew he wouldn’t but it had been even worse then I had expected it to be. I had barley seen him although we had spent a lot of time together. It was really weird because he was physically always around but his mind wasn’t. I had been really worried about him right after we left the hospital but as the weeks progressed I had actually started to fear for his life. He was working too much, didn’t sleep or eat enough and spent way too much time being alone. I hated not knowing where he was although I knew I was driving him absolute insane when I wouldn’t stop hoovering over him. Some small part of me knew that he was glad though that I did. So when he asked me to come out to Vegas I really didn’t hesitated but packed a bag and left for the airport.

Mingus was just as confused about what we were doing there as I was when I walked up to him at the arrivals terminal. He had gotten so tall and when I hugged him he stood half a head over me. At the same time as we greeted each other, I felt a slight tingling in the back of my head, like someone was watching us. I had gotten used to it but I still turned slightly and saw a familiar man that I knew from Norman’s security team whenever he did job on the west coast. He gave a small nod and before we could draw any attention moved out of the building.

“What the hell is he up to?”

“You tell me, he’s your crazy ass father.”

“I’ve no idea. But that’s usually the case nowadays. Have you heard from her?”

“Not for the past week. She texted me a picture the last time I had any contact with her. What about you?”

“I get a goodnight once in a while.”

He said quietly, looking out the window. I wouldn’t say I knew the teenager well but I could tell he was hurting too by London not being around. He sighed deeply and balled his fist. I wasn’t sure how to make him feel better but as he was very like his father, I reached out and put a comforting hand on his knee. Mingus reacted to touch just like his father and I felt a small smile spread over my lips when he turned around and looked at me and moved closer so he could get some human contact.    

“How are you doing, Mingus?”

“Fine I guess.”

He said, dropping his head to my shoulder.

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah. I just miss her, you know?”

“Me too.”

“And I hate to see dad so miserable. I’m kinda pissed at her for leaving but at the same time I get why she had to and I feel guilty for being pissed at her.”

“I know the feeling.”

“I just hope time passes fast so she can come back.”

“She’ll come back, Mingus.”

“I know… Where the hell are we actually going?”

I hadn’t really payed much attention to where we were going but as Mingus asked I took a look out the window. We were heading out of town, not towards the Strip and mayhem, making my confusion even deeper. What was Norman up to?

The 20-minute drive took us out in the desert and both Mingus and I sat up a little straighter as the car slowed down and drove through an iron gate with promise of a secluded and luxury vacation getaway. We were greeted at the fancy entrance of a two story, white building by two overfriendly personal. They directed us at once to the second floor and the suite they told us was the best they had and that they hoped we’d enjoy our stay. We were let into the room and the first thing that caught me was the incredible view of the mountain side.

“Norm?”

“Dad?”

Both of us called out at the same time as the door closed behind us and we couldn’t find anyone inside. He came in from the balcony, his phone in one hand and a big smile on his face.

“Hi!”

I was just about to ask what the hell was going on when she appeared beside him. She looked the same but still so different. It took only a second and I had no time to really take her all in, before Mingus gave a small shrike of surprise and ran at her. He knocked her to the floor when he threw himself around her. I heard them both laugh and cry and curse while rolling around on the floor.

“What the hell is up with you Reedus boys knocking me on my ass?”

The first sentence both of us still standing was able to fully caught from the two rolling on the floor, made Norman chuckle while I was still too shocked to see her again to form any words. Looking down the two had finally stopped rolling around and London kissed him hard on the forehead before both of them sat up. The moment the teenager leaned away from her enough, I reached down and tugged her up to her feet by her arm, wrapping my arms around her. The force that she hugged me back with almost knocked the wind out of me. She buried her face in my chest and I felt her begin to cry, making my shirt wet.

“You’re here… Thank God, you’re here. I love you, London.”                  

I had to grab her face between my hands and really look at her to make sure it was her. She looked back at me with the same, gorgeous blue eyes I had got to know but there was something different about them. Through the tears I saw a calm gaze looking back at me. She had always had a slightly stressed looked in her eyes, always on edge and ready but it was all gone when she looked straight at me and smiled. I kissed her lips quickly before hugged her once again and she let out a soft giggle.

“I love you too, Andy.”

“I can’t believe you’re here. Why are you here? I mean, what the hell are you doing in Vegas? I thought you were in Boston?”

She backed away from my embrace and walked over to take seat in on the couch behind us. Before I had time to move, Mingus darted past me and crawled into the space right next to her and glued himself to her. She gave the boy a warm smiled and hugged him as I and Norman joined them on the opposite couch.

“I’ve been… I’ve been there since I left. I had a visitor a few days ago though and figured it was time to try to make things right.”

“By whom?”

“Sean came to see her.”

Norman said, a slightly tone of annoyance in his voice but he was smiling all the same. I turned to look at him, questing rising both eyebrows at him.

“Sean? Did you ask him to?”

“Hell no! I had no idea he was going to see her.”

“So what happened?”

Mingus asked.

“He just talked to me, yelled a little too actually about pulling my shit together and go back to Norman sooner rather than later.”

“Glad to see you choice the later. Still don’t explain what the hell you’re doing here though. I thought you were in Nashville, dude.”

“I was. She came to see me there, bribed her way into my hotel room.”

“Of course you did. But this isn’t Nashville…”

When I looked at Norman, his gaze was locked with hers and both of them had the same secretive smile on their lips that I had seen before. They were up to something and it didn’t take me long to figure out what it was. Before I managed to ask for a conformation though, Mingus called out.

“You’re getting married!”

London nodded when he stared at her.

“Seriously?“

I had to ask, although their huge grins were answer enough. Norman turned to look at me and nodded too.

“Yeah, we’re getting married but she didn’t want to do it without you two.”

“Now? You’re getting married now?”

“Yeah, in like half an hour actually.”

He said, looking at his watch to confirm what time it was. I felt myself gape at the man beside me and he looked back at me with an amused smile on his face. For a solid 10 seconds, I just tried to take it in. He was getting married. They were getting married. Finally he nudged me with his shoulder and I realized I had been staring a little too long. The hug I bestowed upon him, made him fall back against the armrest of the sofa and he laughed when I kissed the side of his head. I had missed his laugh more then I realized when I finally heard it again. It had been too long since he laughed and his eyes seemed to twinkle with happiness.

“You’re not kidding me right now, are you? It’s not one of your fucking jokes?”

“Come on, Andy. Would I really do that?”

“I’ve no idea what you would do or not, Norm. You’re the craziest fucking person I’ve ever met. Along with her I guess… You’re getting married? He proposed to you?”

“I wouldn’t really call it a proposal, it was more of a request but yes, we’re getting married.”

London told me.

“Congratulations!”

Mingus and I called out at the same time and another round of hugs and kisses was delivered between all of us. When she pulled away from my hug once again she turned and at once found Norman. Seeing them wrap their arms around each other again made me forget all about all the fucked up things that had happened the past months. It didn’t matter anymore. I had thought I’d be pissed at her when she came back but I couldn’t find it in me to get mad at her. She had done everything she could to make things right and it seemed to be working. She glowed with a calm and confident I hadn’t seen before. She looked like a woman that was ready to conquer the world and knew she could do it as long as she had him by her side.

                                            -----------------------------

Although it wasn’t anything traditional about us at all, not ever wanting to follow any rules, I still felt the need for some things to stay the way it was supposed to. Which was why I found myself on Andy’s arm, not even half an hour after their arrival, waiting to walk out on the terrace overlooking the absolute stunning mountain side of the Vegas desert where my future husband was waiting. He turned to me when I stopped just inside the huge set of double doors.

“I love you, Andy. Thank you for doing this, it really means a lot to me.”

I still hadn’t got use to the fact that I had grown a lot more emotional since beginning therapy. It was ok to feel everything and not hold it inside anymore and I felt it all. My eyes teared up when he placed his palm to my face and smiled.

“I love you, honey and I’m honored to be here… So, shall we do this?”

He asked and when he nodded he dropped his gaze to the ground and shook his head with a grin.

“What?”

“I’m just glad Norman actually found someone who isn’t taller then him and that you don’t like wearing heels.”

He nodded towards my white Converse and chuckled, making me do the same.

“You can’t really run in heels.”

I joked and he rolled his eyes at me before tugging at my arm and I started to move again. I hadn’t had the time to get nervous or even grasp what we were doing but as I stepped out on the terrace and saw him standing in front of the white railing next to Mingus and the tall, black man, dressed in a black suit, we had met when we arrived. His name was Jason McDonald and he had assured us he would’ve us marriage in a jiffy as long as we had we had all our papers ready. Although I knew Norman hated to take advantage of being a public person, he had used all his influence for us to be able to fill in all the papers necessary without actually having to leave the comfort of the hotel suite. I knew you were supposed to show up in person to a clerk but somehow Norman had found a way around it.         

When I saw him standing there and he looked back at me, smiling I felt myself gasp. It was like I fell in love with him all over again. He was so goddamn beautiful, dressed up in simple black jeans and a gray shirt with the top bottoms open and he was about to be mine, all mine. When Andy handed me over and I stood in front of him, holding both of his hands in mine I lost track over everything else but him. I managed to pay attention to what Mr. McDonald said and the ‘I do’ came out at the right time but not much more registered with me. When he finally declared us husband and wife and asked Norman to kiss his bride I finally launched at him and kissed him until I couldn’t breathe anymore. It was probably a make out session that was longer then allowed when getting married but either of gave a fuck about breaking that particular rule. I caught both Andy and Mingus sniggering somewhere around us when the man just marrying us actually cleared his throat quietly.

“Sorry…”

Norman apologized and blushed slightly. The man smiled and shook his head at us.

“No problem, Mr. Reedus. Congratulations.”

He held out a hand and both of us shock it before he explained that he would take care of the rest the paperwork and we could just go ahead and enjoy the rest of our wedding day. Not that it was much left of the day, midnight was within the hour.

“You’re so beautiful.”

He said, gently holding my face in his hands and kissed me softly after looking me up and down a few times. I had debated back or forth whether or not to wear a dress or not, though it would show all the scars on my arms and legs but once I had slipped into a red, sleeveless cocktail dress that a personal on the hotel had brought me, I decided not to care about all the scars. He didn’t care so why should I? He had never cared about the scars on my body, he saw past them the first time.    

“Thank you… Can we please find some food now? I’ve been starving for the past 2 hours!”

Mingus caught me in a tight hug and laughed when I spoke.

“Well, lets go eat then, Mrs. Reedus.”

Norman held out his hand to me when he spoke and I felt silly happy, like a kid on Christmas morning, when I took his hand and we moved inside the restaurant that was seated about 2 dozen people despite the late hour. I saw people turning to look at us as we were showed through the room to a table a little bit away from everyone else and I heard the whispers start but I couldn’t care less and neither it seemed could he. I wanted the world to know we belonged together. There was nothing holding me back anymore. I just wanted him, not giving a fuck what everyone else thought or would say. I had nothing to fear anymore. All the demons from my past were gone, at least physical. I know they would always be in my head, but at the moment I had managed to shut them away tight and safe. He had made them disappear. I had been forced to fight for everything in life and pretty much lost everything, up until that time. It would be hard getting use to not having to fight anymore. It was second nature to me, but now there was nothing left to fight for. I had everything I needed. I had him. Nothing really mattered besides that. I knew he loved me and I know we would always be together, until dead did us part. The ring on my finger felt strange, but I wore it proudly and when I glanced over at the arm around my shoulder, at the matching ring on his finger it made me want to skip up and down. I was so ridiculously in love with him that I was impressed Andy and Mingus could stomach being at the same table as us.

“I thought you were hungry.”

Andy finally stated when I had ignored the main course of our dinner too long because I couldn’t stop touching the man sitting beside me. Norman smirked and winked at me when I signed at the Englishman on the opposite side of the table.

“I ain’t stopping you from eating, am I?”

“I’m not sharing a room with you two tonight.”

“Good.”

“And I’m taking this pore kid with me.”

“I’m not listing…”

Mingus rolled his whole head when Andy spoke and nudged the teenager in the side, making Norman burst out laughing. I managed to finish the dinner with one hand constantly on some part of his body. He sneaked in a kiss now and then and wrapped his arm around my shoulders to hold me close.

“Dad? You might want to make a few phone calls, like right now.”

Mingus spoke just after we had been served desert and he looked up from his phone, which he had been browsing for the past minutes. All of us turned to look at him but neither of us really had to ask why. Good new traveled fast and I started to look around the restaurant for potential hobby paparazzi’s. Norman’s mother and sister had been present during the actually service thanks to Mingus Facetime but there were still so many people I knew he would like to share the news with in person, instead of them finding out through the tabloids.

“Did you take any pictures?”

“Did I take any pictures…? Really, dad?”

The sarcasm in the teenager’s voice was profound and he shook his head as his father when he leaned over and handed Norman’s second phone back to him.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, shut up and let me see’em.”

He retrieved the phone and leaned back and closer to me as he began to go through the pictures.

“It was like a 10-minute service, how the hell did you managed to take like a 100 pictures?”

Norman had finally found a picture he wanted to use and I sat back in my seat and watch as he edited the picture of the two of us exchanging rings. Once he was done it was a black and white picture with little emoticon hearts in different colors all around.

_So this really happened today November 24 th 2015… Lots of love Mr. and Mrs. Reedus _

He sent out a mass text to pretty much his entire private phone book, including Helena, Sean, Steven, Alanna, Balthazar and so many more that I hadn’t even met yet.

“Add this number too.”

Before he pressed send I gave him my phone and gave him the number to Helen. He simply nodded and added the number.

“She’s not going to like this, is she?”

“She’ll probably kill us both, yes… The one thing she kept telling during our last session was to really take my time to think things through before acting.”

“Yeah, that really worked out well.”

Andy chuckled.

“When did you get back together? Not even 24 hours ago, right? That’s fucking insane, you just got married!”

Andy continued and at the same time Norman’s phone started beeping nonstop with incoming texts from his closest friends and family and it never really stopped. He excused himself for the bathroom after a while and I saw him pick up his ringing phone as he vanished around a corner. He returned a lot sooner then I had expected and he was still on the phone.

“She wants to talk to you.”

He held out his phone to me and I saw the word ‘Mom’ on it. At that moment, the whole Vegas thing didn’t seem like the smartest thing we could have done. She had been yelling at Norman for not letting her be part of this and now she wanted to talk to me and I hesitated before grabbing the phone.  

“Mrs. Reedus, hi.”

“London… I hope you enjoyed making out with my son.”

I closed my eyes as I felt myself wanting to crawl out of my own skin for a second at the older woman’s words. I never thought about the fact that Norman’s mother had actually witnessed the whole thing, although it was just over the small screen on Mingus’s phone.  

“Yes, ma’am I did.”

“And you both thought it was a good idea to go to Vegas without ether me or his sister?”

“Well… When you put it like that…“

“I’m messing with you, London, forgive me. I just wanted to congratulate you. I’m very happy for the both of you. I know my son, London, I know he made the right decision.”

“Oh…. Thank you. I’m sorry this happened a little quick…”

“A little quick? Honey, this had to be the quickest marriage in the history for this family. Just make it last.”

“Of course.”

“There’s something you could do for me though, seeing as you robe me the opportunity to be with my son on his wedding day.”

“Anything, Mrs. Reedus.”

“Dance with him.”

“Sorry?”

 “Well, have you had your wedding dance yet?”

“No but… “

“Well, in that case, I want to see you dance with my son within the next 10 minutes.”

My mind went a little blank after her request. I didn’t know what to replay at all. It didn’t seem like a hard thing to do but it just caught me completely off guard.

“I’m waiting, London.”

She said suddenly and I could just imagine her amused smile on the other line of the phone. I turned to him for some help and he looked just as nervous as I felt.

“She wants us to dance.”

I put my hand over the speaker. I could see both Andy and Mingus crack up at the other end of the table.

“Dance?”

“Yeah, like right now.”

“What…?”

“Come on, Norman, you can dance.”

“Fine… I’ll be right back”

He left the table again and I could hear her speak at the other line of the phone again.

“Sorry, Mrs. Reedus, what was that?”

“I said I would like to talk to my grandson and I want you to make sure Leslie is part of this as well.”

“Of course. Hold on… Call your aunt now so that both of them can be part of this, ok?”

I handed over the phone to the teenage across the table. He rolled his eyes at me, but smiled. Andy actually started laughing. In the background I could hear Mingus start a conversation with his grandmother but I turned to Andy.

“What’s so damn funny?”

“You’re nervous.”

“She’s an intimidating woman, even at 2000 miles apart.”

“You should’ve thought about that before you decided to run away and get married.”

“Easy for you to say. You weren’t all wrapped up in that bed…”

I cut off before I could finish the sentence, realizing the last second that Mingus was actually seated right next to him and although he was on the phone, I know he would be listening.

“Oh, honey, if sex is all it takes, where the hell is this going to end?”

“Shut the fuck up, Andy… Besides, what else could happen? We’re already married.”

“I guess that’s true.”

His eyes wandered away from me and when I turned to see what had caught his attention, I found the surroundings disappear again. It was just him, no one else, around. He had a gorgeous and little shy, smile on his face when he walked up to me.

“Want to dance, Mrs. Reedus?”

A little too hastily and eagerly I grabbed his hand. I think Andy giggled a little behind us and I could hear the restaurant go quite, but they were just bystanders, not important. My focus was all on the man in front of me, leading me towards a small open space only steps ahead from our table. I felt, rather than saw, Mingus and Andy stand to join us. The song that started to play was so familiar and perfect that I had to swallow back tears. We hadn’t even talked about a song, an our-song, but “Thinking out loud” by Ed Sheeran was a song that I had been playing frequently in Georgia. He pulled me close, grabbing one of my hands in his and wrapped the other around my waist. His hand gently caressed the naked part of my back and I leaned up for a second to kiss him. It was probably the best four minutes of my entire life, being closely wrapped in his arms, not taking our eyes of each other once. I didn’t want to let him go as the song faded away, but applause suddenly erupted and I got a bit confused at first. It had really felt like we were the only once there.  His hands were on my face then, leaning down to kiss me and although there were people around, I reached up and tangled my hands in his hair, kissing him long and passionate. For the first time ever, he was the one ending it, pulling away and placing a kiss on my forehead.

“Thank you for the dance, Mrs. Reedus.”

“Thank you, Mr. Reedus. I loved the song.”

“Yeah, I figured you would. It’s a good song. You realize this will become headline news tomorrow?”

“I don’t care. The world needs to know you’re taken.”

“Is that so, Mrs. Reedus?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Because the world need to know you’re taken too. You’re too goddamn beautiful and rich for your own good.”  

“Really? Well, in that case are we done being social? Cause I would really love to get you out of those cloths and I’m not sure I can stop myself much longer.”

“Wouldn’t that be something, huh? These poor people would be scared for life, seems not fare to put them through that.”

“Exactly my thought. See you upstairs.”

I reached up on my toes for a second and kissed him and before he could really react to it, I walked away. I felt him follow every step I took towards the exit and the stair to the second landing. Once I reached the open doors that would take me out of the restaurant I turned and looked back at him. He was still standing where I had left him, an absolute gorgeous smile on his face and it cracked up in a laugh when I blow him a kiss.


	27. Whore

She was really mine. For real. I had never thought I do be a married man, never really felt the need for it to happen either. But marrying London had felt like the most obvious thing to do when she was back with me again. The thought hadn’t honestly crossed my mind while she was away but once I held her in my arms again it felt like the next step to take. And since I’m

not that good at thinking things through before actually opening my mouth to speak the request came before I could stop it.

Seeing her walk towards me knowing she would be saying ‘I do’ made me want to start skipping up and down. Seeing her dressed up, not giving a fuck about show of her scars to the rest of the world anymore made all the time apart worth it. She was healing and although I hated that it had to happen by spending time apart, I started the healing process alongside her the moment she was back.

_Sean: You’re absolute insane brother!_

_Norman: Right back at ya! Were you ever going to tell me you went to see London?_

_Sean: Not unless you asked me…_

_Norman: I really should kick your ass!_

_Sean: You could try ;)_

_Norman: I guess I really should say thank you. Whatever you said to her seemed to have done the trick_

_Sean: I had to do something dude. How are you?_

_Norman: Just got married to the most beautiful creature on the planet, what do you think?_

_Sean: We’re going to have to agree to disagree on that one bro_

_Norman: Why did you go to Boston to talk to her?_

_Sean: Cause you needed her to come back so I went to talk to her. I know you would never ask for help but I couldn’t just stand aside and watch you being all miserable like that. I love you Reedus_

_Norman: She said you told her to get her shit together, yelled at her and called her names…_

_Sean: And I would do it again if it meant you would be ok_

_Norman: Thank you bro. I’m really ok. More then ok and I really should go and spend my wedding night with my wife… which is insane to actually write_

_Sean: Congratulations Norman. You’re a lucky man and I’m really happy for you. Give my love to YOUR WIFE from me_

_Norman: Fuck it’s weird!_

_Sean. Weird is good Norm_

_Norman: Yeah… Love you!_

_Sean: Love you 2_

The texts from Sean kept coming while I made my way through the corridors towards our suite. Finally I turned it off, not wanting anything to disturb us, and let myself inside the softly lit room. She was standing with her back to me by the big windows leading out to the balcony. Her head was slightly raised and I knew she was watching the moon and the stars outside on the black sky. Her arms were wrapped around herself and she had freed her long hair from the braids she had had earlier. The dress was draped over the armrest of the sofa and the only clothing she was still wearing where white panties. She lowered her gaze from the sky and looked at me through the reflection in the window and I gasped quietly when the intense desire in her eyes followed every little move I made as I began to undress.

A playful little smirked spread over her lips when I was finally without cloths and I walked up to stand behind her. She bit her lip lightly and closed her eyes when I placed a hand on her shoulder and let the other swipe her hair away from her back. She shivered lightly when I began tracing the tattoo on her back with the tips of my fingers. A soft moan escaped her and she dropped her arms to the side of her body when I moments later began kissing the side of her neck and shoulder. One arm sneaked its way around her waist and gently exploring her belly, her ribs and finally landing on her perfect breasts. Her nipples hardened at once under my touch and she dropped her head to my shoulder for support. Her hand grabbed hold of the back of my head and she gasped when my other hand found its way inside her. I had her panting and squirming under my touch within seconds and she had to support herself against the window with one hand when she fell over the edge, yelling my name for the first but far from last time that night.

                                            ----------------------------------------

After staying of the grid for 12 hours my curiosity finally got the better of me and I turned my phone back on after spending the first hours of late morning awake with London. She came back from the bathroom when I asked her to pick up my phone on the way.

“Where’s it?”

She asked, looking around the bedroom.

“Hmm… I don’t know.”

I confessed.

“Maybe still in my jeans.”

“Then where’s your jeans?”

“Out there I guess.”

I nodded towards the living room and she turned at once and I watched her naked body vanish through the door. A second later I heard her call out that she had found it and she was back moments later. All thoughts about checking the damn phone flu out the window when she came crawling back into bed though.

“Hey!”

She called out in surprise when I wrestled her to her back and attacked her with caressing hands and kissing lips.

“I thought you wanted to check your phone…Dear God…!”

Her protest ended in a soft moan when my tongue found her special spot under her ear.

“You’re going to have to put some cloths on then. You can’t expect me to behave when you’re walking around naked and sexy as hell.”

“It’s not that I’m complaining here or anything but I really need some breakfast right now, baby.”

She said and grabbed my head in both hands and forced me to look at her. My hands stilled on her hip and I sighed, making her chuckle.

“Fine.”

She knew the subject of food would always be a sure way to make me change my plans and it did this time too. I kissed her once more before sitting back up and she followed, grabbing her own phone in the process. While I started up my own, I heard her call the reception to order some breakfast and have them call Andy and Mingus to ask them to join us once breakfast was ready.

I had over 50 text messages and 25 missed calls when I fired up the phone again, making me felt extremely thankful and humble towards my amazing friends and family. Every last one of the messages were from people wanting to congratulate me on our wedding. Sure, many were shocked and very confused but it all ended on a happy note.

_Steven: Oh my fucking God! Are you kidding me man?! That’s awesome! I’m so happy for you guys, you deserve every bit of happiness. Congratulations ♥_

_Mike: Always knew you were crazy man but this is taking it to the next fucking level. Still nothing less then I had expected… Congrats to you both. Love you!_

_Helena: Mingus just called me… You’re absolute insane Norman you know that? I’m happy for you. I really am and I’m looking forward to finally met London in person. Call me whenever you feel you’ve the time. Are you guys flying back to New York? Either way I would appreciate if you would send Mingus back here whenever he’s ready to leave. He has school to attended to_

“What?”

She must have noticed the slight change in my mood when I read Helena’s text. The words seemed friendly enough but it still made me feel annoyed. The mother of my child always had a tendency to forget I had Mingus best interstress at heart just as much as she did. I knew I lacked a certain control of my impulses but as far as I was concerned it never hurt Mingus whenever I got some crazy idea and wanted him to join me.

“Nothing. I just have to call Helena. But it can wait.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah.”

“I hope this whole thing didn’t.... You know, mess things up between you.”

“Na, don’t worry about it. She just needs some time to adjust to my insane ideas, it usually takes her a day or two.”

“This was pretty insane, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah. You don’t regret this do you?”

She put her phone down and looked up at me. Quickly she moved forwards me and kneeled between my legs and kissed me.

“No, Norman. Not at all. Not for a second.”

“Mrs. Reedus.”

She beamed when I spoke and it put an even bigger smile on my face. I put my hand on her face and she leaned in to kiss my palm.

“Do you?”

“You’re kidding right? Of course not, babe.”

“Good, now that’s out of the way, what the fuck are we going to do about this? I mean this is going to go fucking crazy, right?”

She sat back and crossed her legs, pulling on a sweater in the process.

“It’s already crazy.”

I said after going through the first google hits for “Norman Reedus weeding”. There were already hundreds of hits and there were pictures from every major tabloid in the country as well as overseas. There even seemed to be a video of our first dance together. It didn’t really surprise me, I had seen phones everywhere. What surprised me was how I felt about it. I had always been a very private person and with London it had been easy because we actually had to keep our relationship a secret from the outside world but the secret was finally out and I knew there was no way to stop it. And I didn’t want to either, I was done hiding what I felt for her from the rest of the world. I wanted to be able to love her and not care about who saw us or who I was pissing off. Because people would be pissed and she would be the target of much hatred from “fans.” I never could justify people who claimed to be fans but still hated on every female that came close to me. It didn’t add up for me. The majority of fans didn’t care about who was dating, they simply liked my work, which was all I ever wanted really. But there were always some that took it a little too far. I didn’t even have to go to the second set of comments to find the first extremely offensive words about her.

“It’s just so fucking tiring that people can’t just mind their own business.”

I told her and changed to a different website in hope to find some more friendly comments. There were quite a few congratulations but somehow it always seemed the negative comments stood out.

_Whore_

_Bitch_

_Gold digger_

“I really don’t care what people say about me.”

“I know but they still shouldn’t comment on stuff they know nothing about… Fuck, it’s really everywhere. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea, huh?”

“Come on, Norm don’t get cold feet now. It would’ve come out sooner or later anyway, you know that.”

“I know… Yeah, sorry. I just… Yeah, you’re right. I do not regret this, Lo I guess I just didn’t think this through and that it would be such a big deal.”

“Are we living in the same solar system? Everything you do is a big deal, Norman. How do you want to do this though? Make some sort of conformation or what? Just wait it out?”

“We really don’t need to confirm anything do we? It’s already all over the place. I could post something in twitter and Instagram… Listen, are you sure you want to do this all the way? There’s no going back once we make this public.”

“I love you, Norman and I think we’ve been hiding enough, don’t you? I know you really don’t like this and that you want to keep your private life private and we will but I don’t want to hide behind some fucking walls anymore, I’ve done that enough.”  

“I love you too.”

I took her hands and kissed them both, lingering on her left ring finger and twisted the platinum ring there. I nodded and turned on the camera on my phone, snapping a picture of our entwined fingers and the rings.

“Any suggestions?”

I asked as I opened up Instagram. I changed my mind when I opened up the gallery and the picture after the one I had just taken was from the night before when she had been standing by the window. Her face had been in profile when I took it and I wasn’t sure she had been aware of me taking the picture. You could see the gorgeous tattoo that I loved and I decided to share a picture that was probably even more personal than the rings.  

“It’s all up to you, baby.”

She replayed so that was what I did.

_I’m going to be extremely personal for the first time on social media…Let me introduce you to Mrs. London Reedus. As of last night, she made me the happiest man on the planet by saying ‘I do’. For the past 7 months this beautiful, amazing and absolute badass woman has shown me what it really means to love another human being. She has made me reevaluate so much in life and made me a better person by simply loving me unconditionally. A huge thank you to everyone who has send their love and congrats our way. To all the haters, stop hating and come join us on the other side instead. It’s such an amazing place to be and gives so much more back. Be kind to one another. An extra huge thank you and tones of hugs and kisses to the two beautiful souls that shared this special night with us ♥_

“Dad?”

Mingus called out from the living room seconds after I pressed post and London answered the teenager before I could. He came into the bedroom with Andy right behind him, scanning his phone.

“That really is personal, dad.”

“Yeah….”

“What did you do?”

Andy asked as both of the newly arrived guests took a seat in the bed after London moved back into my lap to give them a little more space.

“I just posted a thing online.”

I replayed and handed him my phone so he could read it for himself. Behind them I could hear the hotel staff move about and I guess they were setting up the dinner table for breakfast. London seemed to have the same idea as me though and she called out to them before I could about bringing the food into the bedroom. When Andy handed me back my phone I noticed his eyes had gone slightly glossy.

“Come on, bro since when did you become so sentimental?”

“Shut up…! You’re going to have to live with this sentimental side for quiet some time.”

“So you’re saying you’re going to start crying just by seeing us together again?”

“Yes, Lo that’s what I’m saying and you better fucking suck it up!”

Andy leaned over and kissed London hard on the forehead. She giggled, which made all three of us grin like little kids. I knew I hadn’t been the only one missing her like hell and both Mingus and Andy was making it pretty obvious with their constant demonstration of affection towards her.       

“You’re sure sharing this is the best idea?”

Andy started collecting breakfast from the service cart and handed out plates to all of us while he started asking questions.

“It doesn’t matter, it’s already out there anyway and it will only be a day two more before our marriage license is out there too. It’s public records.”

“Yeah, ok I guess it doesn’t matter. It will be crazy either way. You’re ready for this, London?”

“Yes. I’m fine, Andy. It will be alright. I’ve never cared about what other people think of me, I wasn’t planning on starting now.”

“I know you’re one touch cat, Lo but that’s usually easier said than done. There’s already some serious hate coming your way.”

“How would you know? You don’t even know how to start an iPhone.”

“Mingus told me, he read some of the articles and comments this morning. Just be careful, Lo. We just got you back, I can’t have you running away again.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Andy I promise. I’m still going to continue with therapy. It’s been really good, it’s helped a lot. I wouldn’t be here unless I knew I was ready to stay. I’m done running and hiding.”

“Can we talk now then?”

Mingus asked, his mouth full of eggs. London looked at him in a mixture of confusion and disapproval.

“Sure, Mingus we can talk but it will be a lot of easier if you didn’t do it with your mouth stuffed with food.”

Mingus gave a big swallow.

“Sorry… I really just want to know that you’re ok.”

She halted with her toast in midair and gaped at the teenager. Her eyes began to tear up and she reached out a hand and caressed my sons face.

“God, I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“And I’m really ok, Mingus. Thank you. I mean it’s not really been a walk in the park but it’s been really good. I know I fucked up, ok? And I’m sorry. I’m really sorry, Mingus. I know I hurt you and your dad and everyone but… I’m going to try to make everything right again but I’m going to need help to do it.”

“Well, I’d say you’re making a mends right now, Lo.”

“I’m trying, Andy I really am.”

“I know, honey… So what really happened?  Besides the therapy I mean? That attorney that came to see you in the hospital? Lisa? Did she help you?”

“Yeah. She’s the one who made the first appointment with Helen. I spent the first couple of days with Lisa just going through all the paper work and shit.”

“You’re really a billionaire…? It doesn’t matter, I’m just… curious.”

“I’m not as much of a billionaire as my parents were but I’ll managed until my time’s up.”

“So what did you do with the money?”

“I donated my dad’s half to different organizations and hospitals, that sort of thing.”

“And the other half?”

“It’s in Lisa’s hands right now. She knows what to do with these kinds of money. It’s not going to change anything. Well, besides that fact that I can buy my own cloths from now on.”

She said and nudge me lightly in the ribs.

“Hey, I’m counting on joined accounts, seeing as we’re married and all.”

“Whatever you want, babe. As long as it doesn’t get weird that I actually have more money than you, I don’t care.”

“I don’t care about the money, I hope you know that. I’m just surprised you didn’t tell me about this.”

“You never asked! And it never mattered and it never will.”

“But it’s an insane amount of money!”

“Mingus, if you want to know I’ll give you the damn number.”

“I do!”

“Fine… I think I’m right behind the guy that owns H&M.”

“Meaning?”

“20 billion. For now. It’s going to be less for every year I’m still alive.”

“What the hell do you do with that kind of money? I mean, you could probably buy a fucking island in the Caribbean, your own plane and everything, right?” 

“Slow down, cowboy. Let’s not get carried away with this, ok? If you want to buy an island in the Caribbean you’ll have to look into yourself, Mingus.”

“Are you serious?”

“He’s not buying a fucking island!”

I protested and made both Mingus and London look around at me. London grinned at me while Mingus just looked shocked.

“I was fucking kidding. Damnit, chill! Of course he can’t buy an island in the Caribbean, I was thinking two. One for him and one for us.”

She managed to keep a straight face for about 2 seconds before both her and Mingus broke down in hysterical laughter.  


	28. Helena

Dad and London was nowhere to be seen when we let ourselves into the apartment a few minutes after schedule. The absent of both of them made me hyper alert at once and I slammed the front door way harder then was normal, making mom wipe around to me.

“What the hell was that?”

“Sorry. Dropped the door.”

“Dropped the door…? We said 7, right? Norman?”

“Hey, mom…?”

We moved into the apartment and I was already looking for even the smallest of signs that they were up to something they shouldn’t get caught doing. I could hear London giggle quietly from the direction of the bedroom and seconds later the door opened and they came stumbling out.

“Hi!”

Dad beamed at both of us and dragged London behind him. She managed to put on a little more serious face a lot quicker than dad but it was pretty amazing to see her so full of joy. She had changed so much but the thing that mattered most was still the same, she really loved my dad. I knew I would be extremely lucky if I found someone who looked at me the way she looked at him.

“Hi.”

The awkward moment when my parents just looked at each other and mom glanced over at London lasted to everyone’s relief only for a second. Not letting go of her, dad moved forward and gave mom a one-armed hug and kissed her. He moved on to me quickly and it was like he tried to break my bones when hugging me.  

“Dad, come on! You’re crushing me.”

“Sorry. How are you doing?”

“I’m good. Seems you guys are too.”

I couldn’t stop myself from winking just a little in London’s direction. Dad laughed but London simply rolled her eyes at me.

“Yeah, so I’m really glad you could come over. I know it’s a long time coming and that you should’ve gotten to meet each other a lot sooner but… Well, Helena this is London. London, Helena.”

I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous about them finally meeting. Mom had seen her of course at the hospital but since London hadn’t been conscious at the time they hadn’t officially meet. Mom had kept her distance from London at the hospital but I wasn’t really sure why. We had been avoiding the topic and when suggesting this dinner I had expected her to agree but maybe not by jumping by joy. She smiled at London however and shook her hand when she offered it.

“Congratulations on your wedding. Mingus showed me the pictures he took, you looked absolutely stunning.”

“Thank you.”

London still wasn’t use to other people’s complements, she really didn’t see herself clearly and she blushed and looked away when mom spoke to her.

“He has learned taking photos from a pro, your photography is stunning too.”

“Thank you.”

“What are we having? It smells really great.”

I continued after the first set of compliments had been shared, helping them with moving on a little easier. London even gave me a small thankful nod that was meant for my eyes only when she walked past me, placed a hand on my chest for a second, and continued to the kitchen to check on the dinner.

“Salmon.”

London quickly busied herself in the kitchen and dad quickly engaged mom in a conversation about our plans for the holidays. It was a pretty smart move to give London some space and I was once again amazed how well they knew each other. Words weren’t even needed, he could simply look at her and knew what she needed.

“Do you need any help?”

She looked up from the stove and nodded her head towards the counter and the bowl of vegies lying there. I began cleaning and cutting it up while she kept moving behind me back and forth.

“You ok?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

She asked, keeping her voice just as low as mine so we wouldn’t draw too much attention to our own conversation.

“You seem nervous.”

“I just don’t know your mom yet and I’m not sure where I’ve got her, you know what I mean?”

“She’s usually pretty nice.”

“But?”

“I’m sorry, Lo but I’m kinda in the dark her too… She’s been avoiding talking about you. I wouldn’t worry about it though, she just needs time to get to know you and get use to this. She’s the more realistic one of my parents, needs a little more time.”

“We should get along fine then.”

She chuckled lightly as she passed me. Quickly I spun around and caught her arm and she halted in front of me.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Mingus.”

She hugged me tightly and I kissed the side of her head, keeping her close to me for a little longer then she probably had expected. I noticed the other conversation in the room had died out and I looked up and found both of them glancing at us.

“Would you like to celebrate Christmas with us, London? We have this family tradition to go out and eat on Christmas eve, it would be great if you could join us.”

London looked at dad first, as though she needed some kind of confirmation that she had actually heard it right. He responded with an encouraging smile.

“Hmm… I… Thank you. I just don’t want to intrude. It’s your thing, I’m don’t want to mess up your traditions.”

“You’re part of this family now, London. You wouldn’t be messing anything up or intrude. I truly want you to join us. I know we don’t know each other but I’d like to start. So do you need a hand with anything?”

London blinked a few times at my mother before nodding with a small smile.

“I guess you could lay the table. Sorry I didn’t have time to finish everything.”

“I got a feeling you’re actually to blame for this, dad.”

I defended London and glared in dad’s direction. He blushed slightly and gave a quiet snigger, glancing over at his wife.

“He is actually.”

London confessed and returned the same quiet snigger.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, everything’s my fault. Let’s just set the damn table so we can eat, I’m starving.”

“Somethings never change.”

 I saw mom and London share a knowing look between them and my heart felt a little bit lighter. They could probably get along although I was pretty sure it would take some time. I finished putting the dinner together with London while mom and dad lay the table and within minutes we were all seated to eat.

London was very quiet during our dinner. She listened mostly and gave short comments whenever she felt the need to but she had never been much of a talker. Getting to know London had been an amazing adventure but it hadn’t been easy. I know it would be even harder for mom to get to know her. London knew she had to make things work with me and although she was very different after all that therapy, I was pretty sure mom had her work cut out for her. And the worst part was that I wasn’t even sure mom really wanted to get to know her or if she was just being polite. I had tried making conversations about her but mom always avoided the subject and I was confused to why she did.

When it had been just the three of us over the summer they hadn’t been able to keep their hands off of each other but when mom was around, London at least seemed reluctant to be intimate with my dad. He tried a few times to kiss her but she turned away every time and I could tell it was making dad very frustrated. I had a feeling he would snap sooner or later and it happened when mom conveniently went to the bathroom after we had finished desert.

“I suggest you give in the next time he wants to kiss you, or he might strangle you.”

I leaned in close to London and quickly whispered in her ear as he dad finally finished in the kitchen and headed straight for the pair of us on the couch. London looked up just in time for her to see dad ran his hands through his hair and let out a long sigh both of us knew too well. She got about 2 seconds’ heads-up before dad simply bent down and grabbed her face in his hands and kissed her hard. She tried but failed to pull away when mom walked back into the living room.

“Will you stop being so damn anxious? She won’t bite your head off for kissing me.”

“Sure about that?”

Mom asked, making both of them turn to look at her. I knew she was just kidding and dad did too, which was why he simply rolled his eyes at her. But London didn’t know my mom yet and she tensed and prayed away dad’s hands from her face.

“Come on, Helena play nice.”

He looked at mom over his shoulder before moving into the couch and grabbed London around the waist and lifted her into his lap.

“Yeah, sorry. It’s really ok, London.”

Mom nudge me in the side and I made room for her in the armchair. I watched London stop her attempt in leaving dads embrace and looked over at mom.  

“I’m really happy for you both, London and I don’t mind seeing the two of you together. You don’t have to hold it in because I’m here. You’re newlyweds, you shouldn’t hold back. I know he doesn’t want to.”

“It’s just that… I don’t know you. I like to get to know you but it feels a little…”

“Weird?”

Mom asked, wrapping her arms around me and hugged me tightly.

“Yeah.”

My head kept wiping back and forth between my mother and the couple on the couch. I tried to transfer my own thoughts to London, that it really was ok and I was glad to see that she calmed down when she looked at me. I nodded to London and she finally loosen up a little and she snuggled closer to dad.  

“It’s been a really long time since we split so there’s no reason for you to worry about that.”

“You’re just so goddamn beautiful and there’s so much history with you guys and this is still so new to me. I know I’ve already messed things up and I don’t want to make it worse.”

“You haven’t messed things up, London.”

“Was it the bad lying that drove the two of you together…?”

London was very quick to see through my mom’s very bad attempt to make her feel better. Both my parents were terrible lairs and London could tell that at once, she was very quick at calling out mom’s bullshit. I chuckled quietly and was still amazed that she could be just a little badass after all.  

“It’ll be a lot easier to get to know each other if we skip the lies. I know I’ve fucked up and I know you blame me and you should. I blame me.”

“Alright, all the bullshit put aside… Yes, you fucked up but the main difference is that I know you really didn’t have anything to do with it. You didn’t ask to be born into a family of psychopaths. You don’t choose who you share your DNA with. And you don’t choose who you fall in love with either. I mean, yeah I would be lying if I said I haven’t been worried about where this was going. You’ve a fucked up family, London but it doesn’t mean you’re fucked up. I don’t know all the twists and turns this relationship has been taken since you guys first met or what you’ve been through and I don’t need to know. All I need to know now is that you love these two dorks just as much as I do.”

“Aww, you still love me? That’s so cute, Helena.”

Dad smirked at mom and laughed.

“Shut up…! You know I’ll always love you, it’s not the same as before but it’s not going to change.”

“I know. I love you too.”

“I still need to get use to the fact that you actually got married though. He was the one to propose, right?”

 “Yes.”

“Did you even think it through before you actually asked?”

“Since when have I ever done that?”

Dad said, laughing and pulled London even closer to himself. She turned and looked at him, smiling and I couldn’t wait to find someone who looked at me that same way she looked at my dad, cause when I did, I knew I was done looking for the rest of my life.


	29. Family traditions

Christmas had always held a special place in my heart since I was a kid. It had been the time of year where everything was as normal as it could be in our family. My father never celebrated Christmas with the rest of us, he always went away and mom would take me and Dallas to Vail for a week. It was a welcome relief for all of us I think to spend time without dad and Christmas had been always been the peaceful holiday it was suppose to be even for me. For the first time in years though, I had a family to celebrate the holidays with again and I had decided to go all in.

Christmas in New York was pretty magical and when it even began to snow in mid-December it became a winter wonderland. Most people despised the snow and the trouble it was costing but I shared the excitement about the snow with Mingus at least. I ended up picking me up from school a week before Christmas and we geared up for a snowball fight in Central Park.

“I’m never going to choose any kind of work that makes me a target for the paparazzi.”

Mingus nodded his head out the window of the small café we had taken refuge to when darkness had making it impossible to stay in Central Park. I turned around and spotted 3 photographers on the other side of the street, taking pictures of us. I sighed and turned back to look at him.

“I’m sorry, Mingus. Do you want to go?”

“No, it’s fine.”

He handed me half his brownie and in returned I gave him half my pecan pie. It was the same routine we always had whenever we went out to eat together.

“Just let me know and we’ll go.”

“It’s not like I’m not use to it. It’s the same with mom sometime, not as much as when I’m with you or dad but still. I’m use to it. How are you doing, Lo?”

“I’m good, Mingus. It’s really good. How are you? How’s school?”

“Fine, glad the holiday’s coming up, I need a break.”

“It’s the last day tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah… Could we go away somewhere? You and dad and me? Fuck all Christmas presents and just go somewhere instead.”

“Where do you want to go?”

“I don’t care, just away.”

“Ok. I’ll talk to your dad. What about your mom?”

“Do you honestly want her to come too?”

“If you want to that’s fine with me.”

“No, just you and dad. I’m going away with mom next year so it would be nice to just go away with the two of you.”

I looked over at the teenager and felt a warmth spread through my entire body. The boy in front of me was such an amazing human being and gave me so much joy. We had been laughing so much during our time the in the park that both of us had doubled over in pain.

“How’s the meetings with Helen going?”

“Good. We had a video conference yesterday. Your dad was there too. I think he needed it.”

“Yeah, I think so too. He’s been through a lot.”

“I know.”

“I really think it’s good that you keep talking to her. It helps. Right?”

“Yeah, it does. Brings a lot of shit up though…”

“Dad said you’re having nightmares.”

“Sometimes. It’s worse when we don’t sleep together.”

“And since has that ever happened since you got back here?”

“Not more then a night or two thankfully.”

I confessed, making Mingus smirk and me to roll my eyes back at him. When he simply laughed I took the more violent approach and slapped his hand. I knew it would only make him laugh even more and I was right.

“Lo, I don’t even have to live with your guys to know your sexlife is still crazy.”

“Oh, shut it, Mingus!”

                                            -----------------------------------

_Norman Reedus’s son Mingus, 16, spent yesterday in a Central Park with his zombie killing father’s new wife billionaire London Richardson. The pair was not there to simply take a stroll in the snow covered park though, no they were both armed to the teeth and ready to take each other down in a snowball fight. The teenager was the winner after an hour-long fight, although the new Mrs. Reedus didn’t seem to agree as the pair left for a nearby café to warm up. Mingus seems to get along just fine with his knew stepmom and the pair shared both hugs and kisses while laughing their way though brownies and pecan pie. Come Christmas eve London has been Mrs. Norman Reedus for a month. It was in November the couple shocked the world with their Las Vegas wedding after keeping their relationship secret from the rest of the world for more than six months. Norman Reedus took to social media to defend his wife and confirm the wedding the day after the ceremony but since then Mr. and Mrs. Reedus has been keeping quiet about their love affair. It seems it’s going to be a very happy Christmas for the new little family with lots of time to play and love, judging by what our photographers captured on camera._

Our snowball fight made front page news the next morning and all though I should be use to being headline news, this article was special. It took me a while to figure out why I was smiling like a damn fool when everything else had just made me pissed. It was the fact that it included Mingus and seeing the laughing pictures of the young man never failed to make me smile.

“Lo…? London!”

Norman’s hand was waving in front of my eyes for a few second before I realized he was asking for my attention. I tore my eyes away from the paper in my hands and looked up at him. He leaned over to me and handed me a cup of coffee.

“Sorry, what?”

“Nothing.”

He said, grinning as he looked from the paper and back at me.

“Glad to see there’re some pictures in there that actually make you smile.”

“Your son kinda has that effect on me.”

“He said it had an awesome time yesterday… Thank you for doing this for him.”

“Trust me, it was just as much for me as for him. I had a blast trying to bring him down.”

“He won though, right?”

“He cheated!”

“He would never cheat!”

“He cheated and he got help from two younger kids. I was outnumbered!”

“Whatever… I’m glad you guys had a good time.”

“We’re a family, that’s what we do. Right?”

He stopped making breakfast and looked up at me, tears beginning to build up in his eyes but I wasn’t really sure why. Suddenly he reached over the counter and grabbed me by the neck and shoved me into a hard kiss.

“Yes, we are. We’re one messed up little family. You and me and Mingus.”  

                                            ----------------------------

I had given her free reins about decorating the apartment for Christmas, but I had never expected to walk inside an amazing winter wonderland after leaving her alone a few days before the holidays. I had been over in L.A., catching up with some friends, including Sean. I knew she loved Christmas, but I thought I had walked inside the wrong apartment when I got home Wednesday morning. Mingus and her were decorating a huge tree, wearing matching America flag onesies.

“How the hell did you get that inside? That’s one big ass tree!”

 “Home delivery has gotten a whole other meaning the past couple of days. How was L.A?”

She walked up and hugged me before kissing me. We had only been away from each other for 3 days but it was too much. I had missed her like crazy. I could see Mingus rolling his eyes at us when we starting making out, but it was with a smile on his face.

“How are you?”

“Great, dad. How are you?”

“It’s good to be home. When did you get here?”

“Yesterday. We were out shopping pretty much the entire day yesterday.”

“Yeah, I know I said you had free reins, but damn, baby this is….”

“Too much…?”

“Unexpected. It’s absolutely amazing, I feel like a stepped inside Disney World or something.”

“No.”

She stopped me when I turned to put an ornament in the tree.

“What?”

“You need to change first. We’re starting our own Christmas traditions.”

“Matching onesies, decorating the tree is our family tradition?”

“Yes.”

They spoke together, making my happy cup over flood and I couldn’t stop smiling at them.

“I don’t have the same looking…”

“Yes you do. We bought them yesterday, yours is on the bed.”

“Ok.”

When I had finally been approved by both of them after changing, we decorated the tree together. It took most of the morning because it was such a big tree but it also took so long because I couldn’t really keep my hands to myself. Mingus complained both once and twice when I made London drop her ornaments because I attacked her with hugs and kisses when she least expected it.  

“Come here. Picture time.”

I could hear both of them sigh when we were finally done with the tree and I collected a camera and my phone.

“No, no complaining. We need a family picture. It’s our first Christmas together.”

For being pretty reluctant to taking pictures at first, they quickly got into it and we ended up spending an hour taking picture around the tree. One ended up being our Christmas card on Instagram to all the fans. 

 

“This is by far the most liked picture I’ve ever gotten.”

As night fell and she joined me in bed, I showed her the picture.

“Wow, more than half a million, not bad…Feeling good now, huh?”

“Hell yeah…! Thank you for all this, it really is beautiful.”

“I did it for me mostly, but you’re welcome. How’s Sean?”

“Good. I told him we would visit soon, he really wants to get to know you.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“I got you something. I was going to wait until Christmas but I really can’t so…”

I leaned over the edge of the bed and collected the bag I had left on the bedside table and handed her a blue book with a white ribbon tied around it. She sat up before taking it to her lap, looking at me with a mixture of confusion and curiosity.

“What’s this?”

“It’s you… You know I always hated that you didn’t have any photo albums growing up or happy memories from being a kid so I figured I could help making some.”

“You did a scrapbook?”

“Something like that.”

“Wow…That’s our very first conversation. You saved all the texts?”

“Of course.”

Her eyes scanned the first pages, reading the first couple of text messages we had sent to each other back in March. She didn’t even know it but I had taken a picture of her the very first day she had been in the apartment. She watched the picture of herself crawled up on the barstool by the kitchen counter with a mixture of confusion and wonder.

“You took my picture? I never noticed…”

“That was kinda the point.”

“I look terrified. How did you even have the guts to let me stay in the first place?”

“I knew from the beginning that I could change your life. I had to save you.”

“My knight in shinny armor.”

“I like to believe that.”

“It’s been like a fairytale…”

I had not only included pictures, but a lot of the things she had said or we had talked about or texted took up a big place on pretty much every page of the book. So much she had said or done had stuck with me and so much of what she had said meant so much to the both of us, it had changed so much. “It’s been like a fucking fairytale”, was the words she had used the first time she had left. And although it didn’t bring any happy memories whatsoever for ether of us, it meant a lot. It was part of what had gotten us to the point we were at, at this very moment. Sean had asked if I really wanted to remind her of all the bad stuff as well but I had explained that we both needed to be reminded of the bad times now and then to realize how far we had come.

“I'm gonna choose to look at all your scares as one step closer to what we have right now. Without them you wouldn't be here and you wouldn't be the same person as you are now." 

She spoke the words I had spoken the first time we had had sex. When she looked up from the picture of her naked body, she had tears in her eyes.

“You made me a better person. You said that I was the strong one but I always said that it was really you that were the strong one, that I was still learning to crawl. You made me crawl, you taught me what life was really about. No one else can take credit for that, it was always just you that saved me.”

Tears where falling down her face when she leaned in to kiss me softly. I tried to speak but I couldn’t get a word out. She wiped her tears with the back of her hand before returning to the book in her lap and as she kept looked through the pages she was still crying quietly. The entire lyrics of our wedding song were attached to the last page along with 50 somewhat small pictures of the two of us doing what we did best; kissing. 

“Merry Christmas, London.”

“Merry Christmas, Norman.”

She said before closing the book and placing it on the nightstand. When she kissed me I could taste the salty tears on her lips but I knew that they were happy tears. She was happy. I had made her happy. And it had all started with stealing a bag…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END :) 
> 
> thank you for reading. not my best work, actually a story i wrote a couple of years ago and tried to improve a little, but still, had fun writting it.


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